Can anybody offer me advice , my child has had nothing to do with his birth dad for over ten years he was only present in his life for 1 year , he is on the birth certificate. My child wants to change his surname , but I’m finding it difficult as every solicitor I have rang (iv only rang 3 tbf) all say I need his consent as he is on the birth certificate, but he is uncontactable , I have tried to contact his cousin to get his address but they will not give me it , so where can I go from here as all solicitors say I need an address to be able to issue papers to him . I would appreciate any advice from anybody who has ever been in my shoes . I have never been too bothered about the surname as I just see him as my son , now he is old enough to understand it’s him who has asked to change it and wants to be known as my surname to be the same as the rest of our family. Thankyou!
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
My friend tried to do this with her daughter, basically the same situation as you and she wasn’t able to without the dads consent. He actually gave consent to it after a few years so she got it changed properly in the end. You can change it at schools to your surname so that’s what shes known as to friends, this is was my friend done but it was never legal so she had her fathers surname for legal documents etc.
How is he uncontactable do you know where he lives or any family members know where he is?
Thankyou I have asked school and they have said they aren’t able to have a “known as” name anymore , uncontactable as in we have not spoken for ten years , have no idea where he lives , no nothing of his family anymore or where they live , the only family member I have been able to contact is his cousin over Facebook to ask to be put into contact and ask for his address , which they have asked him and he’s refused to give his cousin his address to give to me , he has never paid and I have never chased theough CSA I presume he thinks I’m going to come after him for CSA that’s why he isn’t willing to give me his address ! X
Thankyou do you have any experience in this? How difficult is it ? X
I’d check out hiring a private investigator to get the address. It’s probably quite a straightforward job, might not cost a lot. He’s not in hiding.
Shame you can’t outsource it here. Seeing how clever Tattlers track down stuff about influencers, I reckon someone could get the address for you in about 30 seconds
Shame you can’t outsource it here. Seeing how clever Tattlers track down stuff about influencers, I reckon someone could get the address for you in about 30 seconds
If you can’t get consent and don’t know where he is you need to apply to the court for a specific issue order. While you’re there you could also ask for parental responsibility to be discharged, if he’s not interested then you shouldn’t be beholden to essentially a sperm donor.
My father was similar to your sons and I changed my name when I was around the same age. I didn’t get permission to change my name as I had no contact but I was known as my mother’s name through school so not sure if this made a difference. I think I had to prove that I was known as this name. I had to stand in front of judge and state why I was changing etc was quite scary at a young age but was pretty straight forward from what I remember. They gave me a letter which got sent away with my passport application so that I could have my new name on it and now I use my mother’s name for everything without any issues
I work in a solicitors who deal with family stuff - although I don't have much dealings in that area myself so my knowledge is somewhat limited. I know in some divorce cases (appreciate this isn't a divorce, but bear with me...) we've used what's known as a "process server" which is essentially somebody who tracks down information about a person. There is a fee involved but it can be done. We tend to give full name, name of any relatives we know of, any previous addresses or employers and they're often really good at finding someone's whereabouts!
Perhaps you could seek a 30 minute free consultation with a solicitor and ask if this is something they'd be able to do for you. If you could track him down that way at least then a solicitor could write to him explaining your intentions are merely to gain consent to change your child's name. Good luck.
Perhaps you could seek a 30 minute free consultation with a solicitor and ask if this is something they'd be able to do for you. If you could track him down that way at least then a solicitor could write to him explaining your intentions are merely to gain consent to change your child's name. Good luck.
Thankyou for everybody for your replies so basically, his cousin has contacted him and said Iv been asking .. he will not give me an address, but I have his mobile number , he is staying won’t sign a thing ?! Which is mad .. never paid a penny .. please could anybody give me anymore advice xx
I think in this situation you would need to apply to the Family Courts then. I believe he would be sent a copy of the application and a chance yo reply , as well as attend a hearing where a judge would decide. I am no expert but I cannot see why they would not side with you. He doesn't give a tit and seems to be doing this just to make things hard for you . Good luck x
I changed my son's surname when he was 4, before he started school. He had automatically started calling himself by my surname so I didn't want him confused once he got to school. I had no idea where his dad was living at the time, had had no contact for a couple of years and didn't have his phone number. His family members had also all moved from the homes I knew so I had no way of contacting him. He had also paid no maintenance or sent cards at xmas/birthdays.
I applied for a deed poll with a statement detailing the above which was accepted. This was accepted by almost everyone, doctors, nursery, child benefit etc. The only place that wouldn't accept it was the passport office, they wanted a letter from his dad agreeing to it. So now my son's passport is in his birth name and when he is 16 he will need to apply for his own deed poll then he can get a passport with my surname.
I appreciate this won't help you now as you've made contact but just wanted to share my experience
I applied for a deed poll with a statement detailing the above which was accepted. This was accepted by almost everyone, doctors, nursery, child benefit etc. The only place that wouldn't accept it was the passport office, they wanted a letter from his dad agreeing to it. So now my son's passport is in his birth name and when he is 16 he will need to apply for his own deed poll then he can get a passport with my surname.
I appreciate this won't help you now as you've made contact but just wanted to share my experience
Have you checked the electoral roll?
I say tell him if he doesnt sign it you will chase him for CSA
You've been given the correct advice above, but here is a little more detail. Presuming you live in England, you need to apply to the court for a Specific Issue Order to change the name. Change of Name Deeds will be worthless once he is older and needs a driving licence/passport etc, so a Court Order is the only route to do this formally. His dad will need to be served with the application (this means he needs to be sent a copy and told about the time, date and location of the hearing). You can tell the court that you only have his mobile number but they are likely to require you to find his address to serve him properly. This can be done by applying to the same Court for an Order from the Department of Work and Pensions to disclose his address for the purpose of serving him. Once served, he will be entitled to play a role in the proceedings if he wishes, but he doesn't have to. keep in mind, he could also make his own application to the court, for example for contact with your son, if he wanted. I don't think you say how old your son is. This is a relevant factor to any decision that the court will make.
The Court's overriding deciding factor, will be your son's welfare, and the impact of the change of name on that. Google the "welfare checklist" if you want to know what factors they will consider.
This is a really brief outline of the procedure/law and it would be a good idea for you to have half an hour of free legal advice before you go down this route, if you decide to do so. Going to court can sometimes risk 'opening a can of worms'. Also, I believe the Court system currently has a backlog of many months for private family applications (although this will vary from Court to Court) so don't expect this to be quick. You are probably looking at a good few months, especially if there is a delay in getting an address to serve him. If you can find this yourself, you will save a lot of time. Good luck!
The Court's overriding deciding factor, will be your son's welfare, and the impact of the change of name on that. Google the "welfare checklist" if you want to know what factors they will consider.
This is a really brief outline of the procedure/law and it would be a good idea for you to have half an hour of free legal advice before you go down this route, if you decide to do so. Going to court can sometimes risk 'opening a can of worms'. Also, I believe the Court system currently has a backlog of many months for private family applications (although this will vary from Court to Court) so don't expect this to be quick. You are probably looking at a good few months, especially if there is a delay in getting an address to serve him. If you can find this yourself, you will save a lot of time. Good luck!
There are loopholes I believe. If the father is absent or uncontactable you can add a note to the deed poll and also attach a statement of truth that you have exhausted options with regard to consent.
I had mine done at the UK Deed Poll Service (other suppliers are around but I can’t vouch for them as I haven’t used them)
My sons deed poll was accepted universally with the addition of the statement of truth.
I had mine done at the UK Deed Poll Service (other suppliers are around but I can’t vouch for them as I haven’t used them)
My sons deed poll was accepted universally with the addition of the statement of truth.
Just to add to the rest of responses, one factor that would be your favour in changing surname without consent of father if you do go to court is if your son expresses a wish to have the same surname as the other members of your family (not just you, unfortunately, it has to be siblings living in same house as him).
If he has siblings with a different surname, and he's the odd one out, it's looked on favourably in a SID order application if your son says he wants to have the same surname as everyone else in the house. It's a child welfare issue if he feels 'apart' and confused and different from his siblings in having a different surname to everyone else in the family. That's the only thing I know of that's been genuinely persuasive on applications when the father does not give consent, the child's own feelings in not having the same name as his brothers and sisters.
Focus around child welfare checklist and emotional impact on your son, and sense of confusion / feeling of separateness in having a different name.
They generally don't care if it's seen primarily as an issue between you and the father, and might not put much weight on if he's disappeared/not paying cm in terms of a name change application, however unfair that is.
If he has siblings with a different surname, and he's the odd one out, it's looked on favourably in a SID order application if your son says he wants to have the same surname as everyone else in the house. It's a child welfare issue if he feels 'apart' and confused and different from his siblings in having a different surname to everyone else in the family. That's the only thing I know of that's been genuinely persuasive on applications when the father does not give consent, the child's own feelings in not having the same name as his brothers and sisters.
Focus around child welfare checklist and emotional impact on your son, and sense of confusion / feeling of separateness in having a different name.
They generally don't care if it's seen primarily as an issue between you and the father, and might not put much weight on if he's disappeared/not paying cm in terms of a name change application, however unfair that is.
Last edited:
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but this is not correct. You cannot legally change a child's name without either the consent of both parents with parental responsibility, or a court order. Even the UK Deed Poll Service confirms this, here; https://www.changemyname.org.uk/changing-a-childs-name
If you want this change of name to be a legal name change, recognised by the Passport office, DVLA, and the state (once your child becomes an adult) then you need a Court Order or the Dad's consent. There is no loophole. Sorry to be a pedant. Also something to keep in mind; having a Deed Poll changing your son's name, without the Court Order, can cause complications once your child reaches adulthood. Not permanent, irreversible complications, but it can be a pain to resolve.