Can’t buy myself anything

[Georgie1988]

I really need to know if I’m alone with this or how I get past it,but I simply cannot buy myself anything at all. I look at clothes and think ooo that’s nice,but it won’t suit me,or oh I’d best not I can’t really afford it. I literally have 2 pairs of leggings,3 tops and a couple of summer dresses. I have no bras and 6 pairs of knickers!! If my daughter,who’s now 18 and working,wanted something I know I’d get her it,so why oh why can’t I buy things for myself? I hate how I look and my self confidence is at zero,I feel like I don’t deserve anything. It stops me having a life though as I think I can’t do that I’ve got nothing to wear. I don’t know how to change it. Social media doesn’t help but I can’t steer myself away and my husbands ex is very well off and always looks lovely I don’t know what to do

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I really need to know if I’m alone with this or how I get past it,but I simply cannot buy myself anything at all. I look at clothes and think ooo that’s nice,but it won’t suit me,or oh I’d best not I can’t really afford it. I literally have 2 pairs of leggings,3 tops and a couple of summer dresses. I have no bras and 6 pairs of knickers!! If my daughter,who’s now 18 and working,wanted something I know I’d get her it,so why oh why can’t I buy things for myself? I hate how I look and my self confidence is at zero,I feel like I don’t deserve anything. It stops me having a life though as I think I can’t do that I’ve got nothing to wear. I don’t know how to change it. Social media doesn’t help but I can’t steer myself away and my husbands ex is very well off and always looks lovely I don’t know what to do

How long has this been an issue? Is it the spending money part that you can’t get past? Or buying clothing particularly? Are you ok buying food or toiletries or anything else for yourself?
this will 100% stem from an incident or something that’s happened in the past.

Why not try something small. But a few pairs of knickers? Nothing fancy - just a few pairs of basic pants - even get them from Tesco or something so it’s not within a clothes shop environment? Have you tried online shopping?

 

[Georgie1988]

How long has this been an issue? Is it the spending money part that you can’t get past? Or buying clothing particularly? Are you ok buying food or toiletries or anything else for yourself?
this will 100% stem from an incident or something that’s happened in the past.

Why not try something small. But a few pairs of knickers? Nothing fancy - just a few pairs of basic pants - even get them from Tesco or something so it’s not within a clothes shop environment? Have you tried online shopping?

Thank you so much for replying. I was a single mum for the first 6 years of my daughters life and put her first constantly as I should and her biological dad gave me no help whatsoever so it was a struggle. I am fine buying other bits like toiletries etc and can happily buy nice things for the house,it’s just stuff for me..clothes,jewellery etc. just can’t seem to do it yet feel a mess,I know I need stuff! My first husband was very selfish and would just use our money to buy for himself,my husband had a wife who would never let him spend on himself or do anything so I feel guilty I think if I buy myself anything. Even though my husband does buy for himself and does things he enjoys I feel like I shouldn’t because it makes me look selfish. I always put him and my daughter first. Thank you for your advice,maybe starting small will help…

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Thank you so much for replying. I was a single mum for the first 6 years of my daughters life and put her first constantly as I should and her biological dad gave me no help whatsoever so it was a struggle. I am fine buying other bits like toiletries etc and can happily buy nice things for the house,it’s just stuff for me..clothes,jewellery etc. just can’t seem to do it yet feel a mess,I know I need stuff! My first husband was very selfish and would just use our money to buy for himself,my husband had a wife who would never let him spend on himself or do anything so I feel guilty I think if I buy myself anything. Even though my husband does buy for himself and does things he enjoys I feel like I shouldn’t because it makes me look selfish. I always put him and my daughter first. Thank you for your advice,maybe starting small will help…

Yeah I think you just need to start popping some bits in your trolley in the supermarket. A few bits of underwear, maybe a tshirt or leggings. Just to
Start with. Try to remember, clothes are as essential as food or anything else. You shouldn’t ever feel the way you are feeling about this.

 

[maltybiscuit]

I couldn’t read and not post - I’ve felt this way in the past too. I’ve no advice but please know you aren’t alone, and you absolutely deserve nice things.

 

[hello20202021]

I couldn’t read and not post - I’ve felt this way in the past too. I’ve no advice but please know you aren’t alone, and you absolutely deserve nice things.

I also want to reiterate - you’re not alone. Currently also feeling like this way. You are not alone

 

[Snippysnips]

Would it help if you maybe put a little money away each week, nothing huge just little amounts an then at the end of the month you can use that as a way to buy, like tell yourself you put this away to treat yourself? Somtimes I don't think socal sites help, they constantly are full of people in the latest trends an most times it's not cheap outfits they are in

I have a small tub I put what I can each week into, mostly because there's times I just don't have any money what's so ever but I know if I need anything my little tub is there an if money isn't too bad then it's my treat money to go get somthing nice

 

[Daisymai]

Are you anxious about going out to places? Could you be subconsciously not buying things for yourself so you have an excuse not to go?

That may not be the case at all but I know I am guilty of putting up barriers so I thought I would put it out there.

Definitely agree with everyone else. Start small, treat yourself to a bra

 

[Georgie1988]

Are you anxious about going out to places? Could you be subconsciously not buying things for yourself so you have an excuse not to go?

That may not be the case at all but I know I am guilty of putting up barriers so I thought I would put it out there.

Definitely agree with everyone else. Start small, treat yourself to a bra

Yes!!!! I am very very anxious and I would far rather stay at home than socialise. When I try to talk to people I am constantly nervous,tripping on my words and thinking why are they even listening?!! I am scared to go out as don’t want to bump into people in my husbands family who don’t like me(they prefer his ex wife) and I go to pieces if his ex is around!! I have no confidence whatsoever,I’m one of those people who thinks everyone looks better than me has a better life than me etc,it’s so hard

Would it help if you maybe put a little money away each week, nothing huge just little amounts an then at the end of the month you can use that as a way to buy, like tell yourself you put this away to treat yourself? Somtimes I don't think socal sites help, they constantly are full of people in the latest trends an most times it's not cheap outfits they are in

I have a small tub I put what I can each week into, mostly because there's times I just don't have any money what's so ever but I know if I need anything my little tub is there an if money isn't too bad then it's my treat money to go get somthing nice

That’s a great idea thank you so much xxx

 

[Rodneytrotter]

I am the same except mine is related to my earing disorder e.g. 'that's a nice top I'll buy it when im thinner and deserve it'.

Are you happy to buy yourself other things for yourself such as beauty products or a tasty treat etc. Do you treat yourself anyway at all? Is this purely a clothes thing or a not wanting to spend money on yourself thing?

 

[Georgie1988]

I am the same except mine is related to my earing disorder e.g. 'that's a nice top I'll buy it when im thinner and deserve it'.

Are you happy to buy yourself other things for yourself such as beauty products or a tasty treat etc. Do you treat yourself anyway at all? Is this purely a clothes thing or a not wanting to spend money on yourself thing?

it’s clothes,well,anything for me so underwear,clothes,jewellery…I can buy things for the house. It’s how I must feel about myself I feel I don’t deserve to have anything that’s just for me

 

[candyland_]

I’ve felt similar before and a little bit like that at the moment to be honest so I booked in my eyebrows and lashes, got some more minutes for the sun beds and ordered some new make up. I’ll be having my hair and nails done soon too, making a skincare order and going clothes shopping.

Sometimes I feel like it’s because day to day I don’t want to ruin nice clothes so I leave them in wardrobes with the tags on but recently I’ve noticed it has stopped me wanting to do things because I didn’t feel like me. It doesn’t help that I have an almost teenager daughter that takes any make up/beauty items or she always wants something and that comes first.

 

[RR20]

I have felt this way for years since uni as I always wanted to save as much money as I could when I was a student so wouldn't buy myself new clothes and only bought the cheapest things I could find in the bargain shops. Primark do some nice basics for affordable prices and they have a wide colour range.

 

[bojobingo]

Oh I’ve read this and feel so sad - I went through a long period of time depriving myself and I know my mum still does this.

i think it stems from undervaluing ourselves, why by new bras when my boobs will still look crap? why get a new, top I’ll still feel fat ?… or I’ll try it on and feel worse because I finally spent money on myself and I don’t look/feel how I want to, it doesn’t magically fix my confidence issues.

Recently I’ve started to feel more confident, I started going to the gym, spending a bit of time on hair & makeup and now buying some bits that make me feel good … I started with a bra!

P.S I haven’t lost an inch or a lb at the gym but it has boosted my confidence so much.