Babs Fishy Frolics #33 TLDR
Previously on “The Babs show” she was off sharing her clam with the world and being delighted that her foof brought all the cats to the house. Her next holiday should be to Grimsby docks she’d fit right in, Ste might be able to catch himself a nice fisherman (I’ll refrain from jokes about the size of his rod).
Babs shared a photo of her bottomless (with laptop and pillow covering her fishy foof thankfully) with an email up, that I’m sure she knew the IC20 would zoom in on and features things we’ve previously discussed (charity mainly) that contains: a children’s charity, a book (possibly?), Fareshare and McDonald’s. She is as subtle as a brick. Still it could be a different ad for a Friday “Fillet O Fish Friday’s” with her and Ste under their manky blankets on the sofa possibly with a fan blowing on the table.
Babs is getting slightly obsessed with sticking her finger up at the IC20 with all the little hints she’s dropping into her stories and posts. Surely she shouldn’t give a shit what a bunch of internet strangers say? We only give constructive criticism, concern for her and the kids and a whole lot of sarcasm and jokes. Why are you so obsessed with us Babs? You can’t sit with us!
Slightly concerned about Babs sharing Erin’s lack of privacy in the bathroom with Ste walking in to fart while she’s showering and it (rightfully) causing WW3. No respect for her privacy and then Babs has to go an share it with even more people. Poor kid will be mortified. Still as long as Babs gets her interaction and ego fed she’s happy.
@DaysOfSpeed has cracked the “Monk” nickname Babs has from Ste, has to be short for “Monkfish” in reference to her fishy lower half and the wide open (frequently yawning) gurn she has on her face most of the time.
Babs is off out to spread the love, actually Covid, I mean spread the Covid, with her parents with a “BoJo” (Eat Out to Help Out scheme - for anyone who isn’t as hip as our Babs) lunch. She’s got her head so far in the sand about Brum’s new restrictions that she could give an ostrich a run for its money.
The whole idea of the “Eat Out to Help Out” scheme is passing Babs by like a plastic bag in the wind. She just sees it as a cheap lunch to make the most of rather than actually looking into why it’s happening and the fact that it’s actually better for restaurants to go on non scheme days as they earn more money off your meal to help recover from Covid closures. Still Babs needs to save some money to pay for her Primark splurges.
Sexy is Babs new favourite word, she knows how much it annoys everyone on here (hi Babs!) so uses it for anything and everything. I’m suggesting we just ignore it from now on and if we don’t give her a response she’ll get bored and move on. Also I cannot remember the last time I described anything as “sexy”, not even another person, maybe I need to get out more...
She bought new Tupperware online, someone alert the press!
Oh Christ, she’s looking at doing her own Halloween mug. We discussed this when she mentioned her Christmas mug plans and she’s obviously taken our idea and run with it. Why can’t she take some of our other ideas like taking a mental health break or stopping acting like a teenager? Maybe we should demand a % for our creative ideas as we’re doing more work than BTEC Paul (who is mopey his summer break is nearly over). She could always slap a picture of her face first thing in the morning from her pit of doom stories, print a witches hat over the top of her head and call it a day.
Touching on a more serious note here, Babs constant fatigue and slightly erratic emotions are concerning for her wellbeing and health. Despite her painting us as nasty trolls there is a worry about her looking after herself. She might be irritating as hell but at the end of the day no one wants to see anything really bad happen to her because she hasn’t had her physical or mental health looked after. So Babs go for a doctors appointment and a blood test please.
Resuming normal service now, Babs has made another complete bollocks of an #Ad for Starling Bank. Left the IC20 scratching their heads trying to decide if it’s an ad for scones, garden centers, credit cards or the actual bank. She’s wedged it in her stories between her morning pit of doom posts and her usual sexy plant shit. As well as a grid post that seems more like an argument about the right way to do jam and cream on scones (cream then jam, yes I know I’m agreeing with Babs but it’s the right way!). With her dodgy financial history and admissions of previous debt Babs is quite possibly one of the worst people to advertise financial services. Stick to your fajita Friday’s Babs.
The sexy new Tupperware has arrived! Much fanfare and Babs got so overexcited that she’s probably had to fan her foof again. The kids seem thoroughly unimpressed, although that’s probably their default response when she rams her phone in their faces on a daily basis “LOOOOOOOK! I’ve got a sexy new X/Y/Z!!!”
Babs has been on the booze most of the afternoon by the look of it. Stories clearly addressing Tattle about “her NEED for positive affirmation”. Well good girl Babs, here’s your pat on the head, now maybe do something about all the real issues in your life.
It’s International Dog day so we were treated to a throwback of a younger Babs with a much younger Lucy who didn’t have quite as much burning hate in her eyes for Babs as she does now.
She’s watching “The Notebook” and yet again reminiscing about her ex’s. The fact that she actually has ex boyfriends is news to me, I was completely unaware up until this point about her past love life (sure if I lived under a rock). Ste got pissed off with her drunken warbling and snuck off to his bunk bed for a bit of peace and to look up who is active on Grindr for when he finally escapes. Still at least they were doing their bit to fight Covid and socially distancing in their living room, which is probably the only time Babs actually sticks to any recommendations.
Morning pit stories, supposedly both kids slept with her last night due to going back to school anxiety. Also likely her and Ste had a blazing row last night due to her love of discussing her ex’s and “ones that got away” and the kids are anxious about that. Babs is likely hungover so is having another pjs/home day. Still at least her pjs are slightly more presentable and less obvious as pjs (you’re welcome for the clothing advice Babs, now about those headbands...)
Babs has carefully created a plate of beige.... no wait, hang on, I see strawberries, there’s actual FRUIT on the plate, for the kids lunch. Plus a couple of Lindt balls which made everyone lose their shit and run around the house thanking their lucky stars for such a generous (and healthy) offering before falling at Babs feet and saying how much they adore her.
Because poor hardworking Babs has had such a long, busy day parenting by herself she was so glad of an “easy tea” of oven pizza. So more beige for the kids.
Change your dirty, disgusting, sweaty, skin filled, crumb covered bedding Babs. And stop scratching and picking at yourself, it’s a gross habit. If not I will have to come tape oven mitts to your hands. That is all.
Grab your masks and sanitizer, Babs has gone a whole day without going out to spread germs. The local Primark reported a loss of profits yesterday so she’s gone today to make up for it and buy more bastard hair bands. And the bags of stuff she’s dropped at the charity shop during “cleaning” *cough* packing *cough* ensures her viral mix will spread even further. Oh and Babs that’s a magazine rack not a plant holder. Not everything is designed to hold plants.
More adverts, this time NowTv has turned her and the family into a cartoon Smurf style with a giant Lucy. If Lucy was giant I can guarantee she’d either maul Babs to death or take a giant dump on her without a second thought and be thoroughly pleased with herself after. Also with another stupidly unreadable hashtag. How does she get this shit approved?
Hahaha Babs has made a story about wanting to turn the heating on, even though it’s August. Ohh Babs you are so funny, I’ve never heard of anyone considering turning the heating on in August before. Except you did this same thing last year. I know comedians repeat their best material but this is not your best material.
School starts back next week and Babs has had a few single mentions in her stories about the kids anxiety and how she’s a bit anxious and mixed feelings about it. She’d be better off being honest about it, opening up a discussion about how yes it’s scary and anxious for us all but there is a tiny bit of relief as home schooling sucked for most people. It’s not bad to feel a tiny bit of relief even with the anxiety about Covid, the kids are probably relieved to get out the house and back to friends even with the added school work. Everyone will have different feelings and Babs being honest for once and admitting her relief might make someone else feel less shitty for feeling the same. Besides we know soon it’ll be “rabid to pick them up” or “can’t wait to sniff them”.
The Friday night dance is a new low. Even for Babs. She’s done the WAP dance in “the girl’s” bedroom. Babs you are gyrating around the floor like a member of a drunk hen party shortly before closing time. However there has been a miracle, her messed up back, numb fanny and foot are healed in a way that enables her to gyrate around in a way no one should ever have to see her do. Christ knows how she’s explained the lyrics to Erin (who we suspect was filming and is probably wishing she could delete that memory from her brain). The world is not laughing with you anymore Babs, it’s laughing at you. You are desperate for attention and it appears will do anything to do it. i’m just grateful she’s not jumped on the “Only Fans” bandwagon to get her attention fix.
Babs, liar liar, hideous granny pants on fire. She’s tried to change the very well known “Ste changed my tampon” to “Ste passed me a tampon”. All in order to seek approval from Rosie Ramsey because most of her other friends have ditched her due to her batshit antics. However the IC20s memory, fib finding skills and screenshot ability is superb, I see a bathroom tantrum (or she might mix it up given that she’s trying to prove they are supposedly not moving) this weekend.
Babs is going to be very tired today, her and BTEC Paul had a late night ensuring her fragile ego didn’t get damaged by any negative, aka truthful, comments on her drunken floor twerking. Let’s hope Paul’s parents remember to give him his afternoon nap otherwise he’ll be all overtired and grumpy by bath time.
Your narcissism is showing there Babs, might want to adjust before the Babettes wonder why the fuck you are making the sad, untimely passing of a very talented and clearly incredibly brave actor from a horrible disease about you and your family. Where is the expression of sadness for those who were his family and friends? For those who knew him best and supported him? Instead it’s all about how much your family love his films and how you are the same age so it makes you realise your own mortality.
Ste and Babs have been together for 17 years. He deserves a medal and a divorce. He has put his slenderman fingers into action and made Babs a lovely collage of their family time during lockdown. Never mind that she hated lockdown, homeschooling and was very vocal about it, despite their lockdown being incredibly easy compared to so many others (Thank you all keyworkers, you are amazing), and their lockdown also featured a trip to DLP. Of course Babs will try and sell it as a fond memory to the world and persuade the Babettes that it was a lovely family time even though it was just so hard for her, spoiler - it wasn’t hard. Also who the hell uses Excel to make a collage?! Perhaps Ste should give a masterclass to share his “skills”.
Bloody hell, she’s doing an activity with the kids that doesn’t involve a tv or a Switch. They’re tie-dying which will no doubt give us a glorious outfit from Babs. Please please tie-dye a jumpsuit and wear it out, I could really do with a good laugh.
Babs is fully on the defensive over #tampongate and Ste using Excel to “make” that collage today. Supposedly we’ve made Ste sad. Tonight I’ll be getting out my tiny violin in honour of his tiny bits to play a song to honour his sadness. She’s used her stories to show Ste making a small collage of Gary Barlow photos to prove she wasn’t fibbing. And she has gotten angry at being told she is a liar because of #tampongate in the comments of her posts and accused one account of keeping making more accounts just to comment on her periods and excel. You do know there’s more than one of us who thinks you are a liar and master manipulator right Babs?
With the amount of history Babs tries to rearrange I’m expecting her to declare that dinosaurs still walk the earth any minute now.
During her little angry outburst trying to defend herself from the “lies” Babs has basically admitted that she reads Tattle (which we knew anyway) as “they have been going on all morning”. Babs why can’t you take our good advice instead of acting like a right dick just to prove a point?!
Ste has requested no fish fingers tonight, he obviously isn’t keen on taking his slenderman fingers down there even if it is their anniversary. Also it’s highly likely it’s Babs attempt at a nod to Tattle/joke at our expense. Sadly she’s missed the mark somewhat, better luck next time!
Edit: also sorry if Thursday’s is pretty brief/not as funny, I had the kind of day that if it had happened to Babs she would have not only tantrumed in every room in the house and garden but she would have taken the show on the road and tantrummed in the street outside and the park she shuffles to.
so Emma and your ‘ team ‘ and your followers who like to throw #bekind like it’s glitter at a preschool - let’s clear a couple of things up seeing as how you can say a load of bollocks and I didn’t get to reply : I’m absolutely not obsessed with you, and I neve said you’re a crap mom -like honestly, the Cadbury’s corn flake cake bite things I’m scoffing currently - HIGHLY obsessed with though and perhaps YOURE projecting !
I've had to cry & prove to so many shop managers that I have twins to be allowed 2X packs of limited items. I escaped domestic abuse and have solely raised twins on my own during a pandemic. And the woman who's had two holidays and laid on her sofa watching housewives of God knows where MOANED the entire time and is now gaslighting her followers saying no she didn't? Lol 
Welcome xxx
. I'm going to sniff everyone to say thank you and boast to you lot about how my family is better. than. yours. And my achievements are the. only. achievements. that matter
the cancelled adventures bit...they still got two bloody holidays during this time!!
I'm bendin' my "bad" back