Brummy Mummy #14 Better give Emma Conway a like or she’ll smash your face in!

[MrsBriggs]

I’m staying on Tattle but I shan’t be commenting as I’m being intimidated by Stephen. I have mentioned this privately to a member but as it’s carrying on I felt I should make it public.
Emma, if you’re tuning in, which I’m sure you are, yes - I made comments on this forum in response to things you have said or done - as have lots of people. You have decided to put your daily life on view to everyone so you have to expect such things. If I have offended you, it wasn’t intentional - most of my comments were amusing ones - & it certainly hasn’t had an impact on your popularity. However, at no point have I hassled you directly in the road or acted in a threatening way. Further to this you have also accessed my private details which is totally out of order regarding Data Protection.
We both have to live in the same road so let this be an end to the matter on both sides.
I would ask that you remind your husband of these points & kindly ask him to stop giving me death stares through my window.
If any other incidents do occur, I shall be forced to take action.

 

[Nadurath]

I mean, in fairness babs does pick me up when I’m down. I only have to look at her Insta or YT and I think “it could be worse, you could be this prick”.

 

[Nadurath]

My name is Emma Conway, but you can call me babs,
I’m an influencer darling, I’ll take anything I can grab,
People just don’t realise how hard I have to slave,
But making people laugh helps me enjoy a meagre wage,
I sniff my children nightly, it is my biggest joy,
My husband though is pointless, he’s just my whipping boy,
My kids appeared on porn sites, oh how we all lolled,
But if I see a comment I don’t like, I cry that I’m being trolled,
I used to be a teacher, Islam was my jam,
You may not even know it, but I’m the biggest deal in Birmingham!

 

[Sweetard]

There was an old lady called Brummy

Who had caesarean shelf tummy

Was obsessed with Rae Dunn

And pretended to run

And knew Disney’s the way to make money



Poor Mickey, a downtrodden bore

Was expected to do every chore

Lady Muck lived the dream

Drank hot cock, watched the screen

Yet she still wanted him to do more

 

[Daisydunn15]

Well of course it would be poems, the woman couldn't compose a real sentence if her life depended on it so she couldn't write a novel.
It won't be real poetry, it'll be the kind a 7 year old would write.

Poem 1 - sleep deprivation
My baby likes to cry
I don't know why
I'll keep him in my bed
My husband can get demoted to toddler instead

Poem 2 - school run
Sometimes it rains
It causes me pain
I have to go and collect my kids
I wish I could just get rid
Or get dear Mickey to collect then
If he doesn't I'll smash his face in

Poem 3 - managing finances
We don't make much money
Some people think it's funny
How we go on 10 holidays a year
The answer is very clear
Just learn to fucking save
Like me and my slave
Oops I mean husband

 

[MrsBriggs]

Hang on a minute - you can’t just write 77 poems to order! Perhaps you could have a stab (oops - hope she doesn’t get any ideas....) at an autobiography but poetry!! Really?? It’s an insult to our talented artists out there.
Perhaps she’ll be Brum’s next Poet Laureate -

NO.75 STOOL PASSING
I went to the loo
I did a poo.

By Emma Conway, aged 42.33333

 

[Noseybugger]

New thread title suggestion: BrummyMummy - smashing the Amazon chart one minute and Mickey’s face the next

 

[Mommom]

How embarrassing

 

[Naysayer]

Wow, I totally missed this! I don't suppose anyone knows on which thread/page it's on her threads so I can nosy please? Thanks!

Hiya, just having a nose on this thread after the poetry book announcement Anyway, the review Mrs meldrum left for herself is still there! It's a review for the daddy and me book under the name of Lucy. Just click on Lucy and it links straight to Rebecca meldrums profile
As I'm on this thread, here is my poem
I wrinkle my nose and wear frumpy clothes
I'm never out of bed and my marriage is dead
I've knackered my back and have a droopy wrack
I love both my kids except Ethan.

 

[MrsBriggs]

Good morning all.
Ok, I’ve been awake for most of the night trying to get my head around the whole Stalker Stephen business.
Whilst lying there in my winceyette nightie, listening to the dulcet tones of my husband’s deep, rumbling snores, I actually put myself in BM’s shoes (leather ones, I might add - my hobbit feet can’t abide synthetic materials) & realised that talking about hiding behind trees & perching on sharp twigs, high up in the air, may have appeared stalkerish.
Obviously, I wasn’t hiding behind a tree & as for climbing one - I can barely walk up the stairs without my joints creaking & moaning.
The truth of the matter is, I was probably at work as I juggle 2 jobs & do a bit of voluntary stuff as well - like a lot of people do.
Now, I’m sure BM isn’t stupid & wouldn’t even imagine that I was doing these things but it could have made her feel that she was being watched. I know she serves her daily life on a plate for us all to taste but perceiving there’s a nosey neighbour up the road probably made things a little uncomfortable for her???
So (and I promise I’ll shut up then) I will continue to comment but I won’t be mentioning anything to do with her whereabouts in this road.
By the way - none of this justifies how it was dealt with & I’m praying that we have no more ‘situations’ later today.
Warning : Helen Steiner Rice moment approaching - just wanted to thank you all for your kind words & support. You’re a great bunch. Have a lovely Monday X

 

[Ruby’s mum]

There was a mummy called Emma
Who gave this Tattler a dilemma,
Her writing’s so shite,
Read her book? I might.
Nah, I’d rather give myself an enema!

Composed that little masterpiece while walking the dog this morning, should manage another dozen by teatime. Book will be ready by the weekend guys.

 

[MrsBriggs]

Roving Reporter checking in.....

I think Mickey has gone to work - no car here.
She’s just come back in the car (school run?) - I spotted her from my secret hiding place in the park

 

[Noseybugger]

There once was an “old” Brummy knacker,
Who gyrated against a prawn cracker,
Poor Mickey deplored,
But he dared not to snore,
For he might get a punch in his smacker.

 

[Vodkawithcocacola]

Im going to sound ridiculously up myself here so I apologise but I feel the need to say (write) it to someone. As someone with a masters in English literature I assume I am a little painful (maybe boring and snobbish sounding sometimes?) to discuss the written word with so I tend to keep out of a lot of discussions. However the amount of people getting book deals etc just because they are insta/YouTube famous or whichever makes my soul very very sad.
Whilst it takes all sorts to make the world and the beauty of writing to me is it’s ability to take you to places and experiences you would never otherwise have and to meet people you may never otherwise meet I’m not really convinced that’s what happening here. Publishers are trying to become part of this relatively new world as that’s where fast and easy money is and that’s understandable but it’s just killing modern literature for me. It’s hard enough for books (electronic or paper) to be taken seriously these days let alone if they are being made complete soulless drivel written for a quick buck. People work for years to try and get their stuff to just be read by publishers.
To be fair I obviously haven’t read this poetry it could be incredibly clever and funny but if the captions are anything to go by..
Ok I feel better now I’ve gotten that out. Thank you guys

 

[MrsBriggs]

To be entirely honest with you all, I really wish I hadn’t started commenting on her as I never ever imagined she would retaliate in this way.
I don’t share friends with Ste so I’m assuming I was the result of a rigorous witch-hunt. I clearly ruffled a lot of feathers - perhaps because I’m far too close to home.
It has freaked me out & I’m also a bit sad about their reaction - 2 seemingly intelligent adults behaving in this way. NB. Emma hasn’t said a word or made any comments. It would appear Ste has been assigned this task so she can’t be implicated, I guess?
I shall retreat upstairs & lick my wounds, then dig out the ever faithful bullet proof vest, just in case......
Final thought for today: “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the (Ikea) kitchen!”

 

[Tattler 987]

Books for sale and p45 in the mail. What's babs to do? Is she gonna punch us too

 

[MrsBriggs]

Just hoping I get a ticket for her evening of poetry reading at the local Sizzler pub.
Can you imagine it - ambient lighting, an artistic atmosphere loaded with spellbinding nuances as she describes, in fluent verse, the poignant way that her beloved partner shoved a tampon up her fanjam.
I’ll have to stop now - filling up here....

 

[Sponfused]

Anyone else seen this published in the Daily Mail today?

Mummy blogger, 42, apologises after joking about domestic abuse


#

I still fail to understand how all of this is worth it for them. My husband would be mortified if there was a daily mail article published about our petty arguments about who is emptying the dryer, let alone all of the usual sledging and over sharing she does. It would be completely unacceptable for either one of us to threaten to smash the other person’s face in and we both have a pretty healthy sense of humour.

This “career” is just so absurd. You think you can profit off sharing every detail of your life with strangers on the internet and not experience any negative repercussions? How do they not realise how unhealthy it is to turn their mere existence into a business? Nobody likes being judged for how they live their life, hence why most of us don’t broadcast it on the internet for everyone to see and comment on. My work colleagues don’t know what I feed my kids for dinner, nor do they know my family’s sleeping arrangements and they certainly have never seen me dancing around half naked with a bag of prawn crackers. But if I did share all of this information and more, it would come as no surprise to me to be on the receiving end of a few strange looks in the lunchroom. So why do these entitled muppets think they would be any different?

I know they would like us to still believe they are the normal family next door, sharing boring tidbits from their life that we all find oh so relatable but normal people aren’t posting pictures of their kids in swimsuits to an audience of 100,000+ strangers. Normal people aren’t making enough money to go on multiple Disney holidays a year by laying in bed posting self depreciating videos on Instagram. I think the line between whatever these people have become and fame has become a lot less blurry. Do we think that Kim K’s “team” sit and monitor her comments section to ensure nothing upsets her? It’s time for these floggers to own their newfound notoriety and all of the benefits that come along with it (we all know it is no longer about making your audience smile ) or tap out now. I’m sure even your most loyal of followers are getting sick of the whole “troll” storyline by now.

And call off your husband already. I get that your boundaries have become a little messed up, but most people don’t like being watched while they are in the privacy of their homes. Strange, I know! What you guys are doing is weird and it is totally throwing off your famous author vibes. Unless you are in the middle of penning a poem about predatory behaviour and the dark consequences of living your life for YouTube content. In which case, carry on.

 

[EleanorRigby]

I feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t like Rae Dunn .

I don't get it either. It's like those signs people put in their kitchen "cook" or bedroom "sleep". Is it because they don't know what to do in the room otherwise? "I need a shit but none of the rooms say "crap" what should I do?"

 

[Lars Guinard]

I agree with Emma, if you put something on a social media platform and as a ‘character’ say you are going to do something then that should be allowed. It does not mean it is an actual representation of a person. It’s a character, as Emma said, it’s not an ‘impersonation’ of Emma herself.

I am sure Emma knows best when it comes to differentiating between a real person and a character, especially when used for the purpose of humour.

Here’s Mickey!