Thankyou. It sounds like I’m being selfish a bit but it’s just hard
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Your not being selfish.
Admitting you are struggling with grief is hard especially for males. And it is alot easier to tell a stranger how you feel etc.
Maybe he needs to have counselling.
Not selfish. It’s sounds a very difficult situation. Maybe typical man he’s burying his head in the sand? He needs you to give him a push either way I reckon - let’s work through this together or separately but something needs to change xx
I’ll add my two cents here too if it helps in any way.
Obviously losing a parent is awful and is something that will happen to us all one day. But he’s a parent himself and life goes on. He needs to either process his grief (alone or with help) or put up and shut up. You shouldn’t be playing a supporting role in your own life, you are a human being with needs of your own.
Also, easier said than done, but please don’t cling to the memories of the person he was hoping that he’ll change and it will all go back to how it was in the beginning. You’ll dream your life away, trust me I’ve been there. I spent months miserable, walking on eggshells, doing the most for little return and agonising over how I could fix it / what I did wrong and it only got worse.
Reading back this sounds quite matter of fact but I wish someone had said it to me and saved me some anguish, I hope it helps
Obviously losing a parent is awful and is something that will happen to us all one day. But he’s a parent himself and life goes on. He needs to either process his grief (alone or with help) or put up and shut up. You shouldn’t be playing a supporting role in your own life, you are a human being with needs of your own.
Also, easier said than done, but please don’t cling to the memories of the person he was hoping that he’ll change and it will all go back to how it was in the beginning. You’ll dream your life away, trust me I’ve been there. I spent months miserable, walking on eggshells, doing the most for little return and agonising over how I could fix it / what I did wrong and it only got worse.
Reading back this sounds quite matter of fact but I wish someone had said it to me and saved me some anguish, I hope it helps
I agree with everything you say!! Especially about being a parent himself. As sad as it is life doesn’t stop does it.I’ll add my two cents here too if it helps in any way.
Obviously losing a parent is awful and is something that will happen to us all one day. But he’s a parent himself and life goes on. He needs to either process his grief (alone or with help) or put up and shut up. You shouldn’t be playing a supporting role in your own life, you are a human being with needs of your own.
Also, easier said than done, but please don’t cling to the memories of the person he was hoping that he’ll change and it will all go back to how it was in the beginning. You’ll dream your life away, trust me I’ve been there. I spent months miserable, walking on eggshells, doing the most for little return and agonising over how I could fix it / what I did wrong and it only got worse.
Reading back this sounds quite matter of fact but I wish someone had said it to me and saved me some anguish, I hope it helps
I hope my reply doesn't come across as harsh but I really doubt a chat will change things, he seems set in his ways and if he doesn't listen to you now a chat isn't going to do anything I'm afraid.
He comes across like a manchild, does he add anything positive to your life? Is he making your life better in any way? I doubt it.
I reckon your life will be a million times better without having to clean up after him...! Why are you putting up with this behaviour?? Please remember this is teaching your child what relationships are like.
As I said I don't want to sound harsh and I understand he's been through a bereavement but he's not really treating you well is he? Don't you think you deserve better?
All the best and I hope it works out ok in the end.
He comes across like a manchild, does he add anything positive to your life? Is he making your life better in any way? I doubt it.
I reckon your life will be a million times better without having to clean up after him...! Why are you putting up with this behaviour?? Please remember this is teaching your child what relationships are like.
As I said I don't want to sound harsh and I understand he's been through a bereavement but he's not really treating you well is he? Don't you think you deserve better?
All the best and I hope it works out ok in the end.
I am gonna say this: if a man sees you cry, and doesn't do anything to make you feel better, he is not worth your time!
He might be depressed because he doesn't have the job he truly wants and he is coping just by drinking and being a slug. But even so, as a significant other and mother of his child, he should put you and your child above anyone else. Everything he does shows lack of respect for you or your work. Some men don't understand just how hard taking care of a baby or toddler is (he might have two jobs, but you literally have a 24/7 job as a mom).
He might be depressed because he doesn't have the job he truly wants and he is coping just by drinking and being a slug. But even so, as a significant other and mother of his child, he should put you and your child above anyone else. Everything he does shows lack of respect for you or your work. Some men don't understand just how hard taking care of a baby or toddler is (he might have two jobs, but you literally have a 24/7 job as a mom).
You are honestly superwoman!! Women who have full time jobs and take good care of their children, in my eyes are absolutely amazing!! A husband/boyfriend - especially father of your child - needs to be there as an equal partner (if he can't be an equal partner at least put in 30% of the work in the house - and that is the lowest I would go)!!And I also have a normal full time job too
I think 50/50 regarding housework/childcare etc unless they are in a coma or just passed away.
See I always say this too. But because he works more than me he thinks I should do the majority. But I see it as I do most of the looking after our son so house work should be between us for sure!!! Not to mention there is food shopping and all our pets to feed. I also have a horse to look after
I feel like you are replying to your own questions here and giving yourself advice. You finally understand how much you actually do and that he is definitely not pulling his weight.See I always say this too. But because he works more than me he thinks I should do the majority. But I see it as I do most of the looking after our son so house work should be between us for sure!!! Not to mention there is food shopping and all our pets to feed. I also have a horse to look after
Life is too short to stay with a man who doesn't respect you!!!
My ex had the attitude that everything in the house was a womans job. Even though I worked fulltime from when my son was 4 months old. He also used to claim his job was more important and that he provided more this was far from the truth. If I didn't buy him the most expensive meat or a posh dinner he would be horrible to me.See I always say this too. But because he works more than me he thinks I should do the majority. But I see it as I do most of the looking after our son so house work should be between us for sure!!! Not to mention there is food shopping and all our pets to feed. I also have a horse to look after
What I'm trying to say is you should be working together to help each other. His attitude needs to change before he drives you away.
Well if it was me, I'd be long gone but I think you need to lay your cards on the table and tell him he either steps up or your off. No ifs and buts on his part saying you should do more. The deal is he does XYZ and tell him what tasks he needs to be doing and you'll review things in a week or so. He sounds very lazy and full of tit.See I always say this too. But because he works more than me he thinks I should do the majority. But I see it as I do most of the looking after our son so house work should be between us for sure!!! Not to mention there is food shopping and all our pets to feed. I also have a horse to look after
We can all say if we was in that situation we would go but I know how hard it is.
Having a child and living with someone makes you feel like you have to try harder for the relationship to work. I always had the impression I would be a failure if I become a single parent. My ex took away a lot of my confidence.
I couldn't leave my ex as it was my house and he would never leave. I always buckled to the emotional abuse.
It took me years to find the courage and the only reason I did was because I couldn't hide how he treated me anymore.
Sometimes you have to take a massive leap into the unknown and hope it works out.
3 years down the line I can happily say that walking to work with blood pouring down my head was the bravest thing I ever did.
It hasn't been easy but everyone needs to think of there own happiness and what you can see in the future because we only have one.
Hi guys, I’m looking for some advice really. I have been with my boyfriend 10 years and we have lived together for 3 of those. I think he’s a narcissist and a gaslighter but I am even questioning that as everything is confusing! We have a ‘nice’ life, we go on holidays, have a nice home etc but his behaviour and personality are making me see him in an unattractive light. If we have an argument, often he will call me a c**t or will tell me to stfu etc, is this normal when arguing? For people to be this aggressive? I have told him I don’t like the C word and he continues to use it, tells me to grow up as it’s just a word when I pull him on it etc. A few weeks ago our dog got out of the house, I was pulling him in by the collar and he was stood watching me at the door, he’s not always good with other dogs as he got attacked recently so I was panicking about getting him back inside. As I was pulling him in he slapped me round the head and when I asked him wtf he thought he was doing he said I was ‘hurting’ the dog and he wanted me to get off him (i wasn’t hurting him at all). He’s never hit me before and I think he was in shock that he did it himself tbh, I told him I was leaving as I couldn’t trust him not to do it again in the future and he started panicking saying what you’re leaving just because of that, you moved your head that’s why I caught you etc, said he was sorry that if it’s what I wanted he would buy me out etc. This is the first time he’s ever been scared about me leaving (probably because he was worried I’d tell people what he had done). Usually he tells me I have no where to go etc (I do, my family would have me in a heartbeat). Other things he has done for context is told me I should make more effort when inside, wear makeup etc, tells me I only make an effort when I go out. I asked why I’d wear makeup at home when I’m doing anything he said we both should always make effort etc. He never tells me what to wear or what I can do or where I can go but often falls out with me after a night out because I was too drunk etc. I think I know what the answers will be but I don’t know what I’m looking for really, just some clarity I suppose. Sorry for the rant! X
Leave him, get out and never go back. He hit you - once is enough. Don’t ever give him the opportunity to do it again. I don’t think it’s normal at all for him to call you a c*nt or to tell you to stfu.
You need to leave him now before he batters you senseless, hes working upto it and blamed you for him hitting you. Go to your parents and see a solictor on Monday about splitting the house/finances etc.X.
I think you know the answer to your own question. A man should never hit a woman. I think by asking for the reassurance you are aware of how wrong it is!
Having been in a dv relationship in the past I will never condone violence in a relationship. And it sounds like your relationship is going down that track.
I only found the courage to leave when I had to confront the truth.
Leave him. Go to your family who will look after you. This man is dangerous and you are worth so much more.