I’ve been feeling rubbish for a good few months now and generally just at the end of my tether. Been with my fella for over two years we’ve got a baby who was one in April. I did get pregnant quickly .. When we first got together he was loving attentive shouldn’t keep his hands off me put me first you know the score.. anyway as time has gone on, he barely pays me any attention we bicker quite a bit, I spend a lot of time crying he doesn’t seem to make me feel any better. He’s hardly ever at home due to work, he has two jobs but when he is here he may as well not be.. he sits downstairs drinking a lot whilst I’m in bed he often falls asleep on the sofa and doesn’t come to bed. He doesn’t clean up after himself he expects me to do the food shopping as well as go to work and look after OUR CHild. 97% of the time I sit at home on my own with our son. He puts his mum and sister first above me a lot of the time.. he never sees my side of the argument. I just can’t take it anymore I can’t cope with cleaning up after him he’s a lot older than me he isn’t a boy he’s a grown man for god sake and I feel like I have two children. I’m just looking for a bit of advice really. Part of me wants to walk away another part of me wants to stay but a bit of that part wants me to stay just because of our son.
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Sorry to hear you’re feeling like this, I bet lockdown hasn’t helped either!
Have you spoken to him about how you’re feeling?
I’ve been with my partner 8 years (no kids) and sometimes he gets very complacent. Similar with the not tidying up after himself, expecting me to do everything around the house, sitting on his phone for hours not really interacting or paying any attention to me.
I can openly be very fed up and upset with him but he still doesn’t really notice unless I make a point of telling him what’s upsetting me. I think men are generally just worse at communicating but maybe telling him how you’re feeling might help (if you haven’t already)?
Have you spoken to him about how you’re feeling?
I’ve been with my partner 8 years (no kids) and sometimes he gets very complacent. Similar with the not tidying up after himself, expecting me to do everything around the house, sitting on his phone for hours not really interacting or paying any attention to me.
I can openly be very fed up and upset with him but he still doesn’t really notice unless I make a point of telling him what’s upsetting me. I think men are generally just worse at communicating but maybe telling him how you’re feeling might help (if you haven’t already)?
Don’t ever stay for the sake of your child. Likelihood is your son will be perfectly happy either way. If he’s not present for you is he even present for your child? If he’s drinking now to avoid spending time together what happens in 5 years when life stresses get a bit more? Sit down, talk it through, maybe try once more but if it doesn’t change then I’d be walking away. Your happiness and your child’s happiness matter the most.
I have. Sometimes he says sorry other times he says I’m making a big deal out of nothing. But nothing changes we just go round in circles and it’s driving me crazy. I appreciate he works a lot as we need the money but a day off once week wouldn’t make much difference to the money coming in I don’t think.. he doesn’t have a work life balance it’s just work work work . And a lot of the time he chooses to play golf in his spare time which ducks me off. I know he’s entitled to his hobbies but he chooses that over me and our son a lot
There’s only so many times you can tell someone - and then you start to feel like their mum telling them how they should be behaving!
I agree with the previous poster. If you’re not happy and you’ve tried to make him see things from your point of view and nothing’s changed, then put yourself first and do what’s best for you x
Yeah definitely I hate nagging him. But I shouldn’t have to?? I know men don’t think like we do but I’ve always gone with the if he wanted to he would have frame of mind. It just makes me sad that things used to be really good and now I’m miserable
You need to leave him dont you?
Unfortunately it sounds like you didn’t really know each other properly when you fell pregnant and now you’re realising what he is really like...
he sounds like an a. He is using work as excuse to do nothing at home. How is he with your son? Does he take an active role? is he interested in being a parent?
My honest, gut feeling would be that you sit him down and calmly explain to him that you aren’t happy. Ask him to be honest - does he love you/does he see a future with you? Ask yourself those same questions about him. Don’t stay with him for your son - that’s not fair on any of you.
youve only been together a very short time - this isn’t what a happy, balanced, mature relationship is.
he sounds like an a. He is using work as excuse to do nothing at home. How is he with your son? Does he take an active role? is he interested in being a parent?
My honest, gut feeling would be that you sit him down and calmly explain to him that you aren’t happy. Ask him to be honest - does he love you/does he see a future with you? Ask yourself those same questions about him. Don’t stay with him for your son - that’s not fair on any of you.
youve only been together a very short time - this isn’t what a happy, balanced, mature relationship is.
Please dont stay because of your child. I made that mistake.
Tell him how you feel and give him the ultimatum and if he dont change you know your answer.
He genuinely is a good dad most of the time. And we had an falling out yesterday and I said do you want me to pack my bags I’ll go back to my parents and he said no he doesn’t. But it was very half hearted I don’t expect he would fight too hard to stop me
what do you want? Stop thinking about him for a minute and think about what you want. Do you love him? Like, really, genuinely can’t live without him love him? Do you see a future with him? Do you enjoy his company? Does he make you smile? Do you want to be with him and grow old with him? Think about it. what do you want? How do you feel??
In that case I think you need to make the decision for him. Pack your bags, go to your mums.
If he fights he fights, if he doesn’t, well then.
But to be honest, I had an ex (no kids) who worked all the time and then chose to spend days off with his friends rather than me. We drifted apart and whilst it sucked to begin with it was the right choice in the end.
Your child is one, so won’t know any different when they’re older if you left him now. If you stayed and there was animosity your child could well remember that.
If he fights he fights, if he doesn’t, well then.
But to be honest, I had an ex (no kids) who worked all the time and then chose to spend days off with his friends rather than me. We drifted apart and whilst it sucked to begin with it was the right choice in the end.
Your child is one, so won’t know any different when they’re older if you left him now. If you stayed and there was animosity your child could well remember that.
Thankyou for your advice. I will sit him down and tell him how I feel no messing or beating around the bush. And then if it doesn’t make a difference my bags will be packed 
Maybe just go and stay with your parents for a bit and see if it makes a difference or if he puts any effort in to getting you back? I did this once with my husband (although we weren't married at the time but had 2 kids) and it did the trick. Sometimes they need a kick up the a and to realise they're taking you for granted.
Sorry you are having such a hard time, I would agree with other posters who have said to have a proper sit down heart to heart with him, asap, explaining things need to change and how and why
allow a bit of time, if things don’t start getting better, leave, if there’s any significant relapses, leave, this should still be the honeymoon period for you’s - two years is no time at all, if it weren’t for the fact that you have a baby with him I’d be saying the relationship is dead in the water and to move on and don’t look back, but I think it’s worth a try at salvaging things because there is a baby involved, if he will commit to making changes
I think you need to set yourself a time period, maybe 6 months or so, and if you still feel like this then just spilt up as your little one deserves a happy mum,
Congratulations on the baby my little one turned 1 in April too
allow a bit of time, if things don’t start getting better, leave, if there’s any significant relapses, leave, this should still be the honeymoon period for you’s - two years is no time at all, if it weren’t for the fact that you have a baby with him I’d be saying the relationship is dead in the water and to move on and don’t look back, but I think it’s worth a try at salvaging things because there is a baby involved, if he will commit to making changes
I think you need to set yourself a time period, maybe 6 months or so, and if you still feel like this then just spilt up as your little one deserves a happy mum,
Congratulations on the baby my little one turned 1 in April too
It is hard because at the beginning he was amazing , and then his dad passed away it absolutely broke him and then he was never the same again. So I do kind of keep that into consideration but the other parts I don’t always think I should have to put up with I always try to tell him there is more to life than working but all he comes back with is we need the money. There is nothing worse than being in a relationship and feeling alone
I see you mentioned about his dad passing away. I'm not trying to excuse bad behaviours but it may be beneficial for him to speak with someone about that if he is struggling? I have had depression in the past and it did make me act very differently and it changed how I felt about my relationship at the time.
I met my husband 3 months after his dad died. He used to get some very down moments but couldn’t talk about his feelings so I used to think it was something I had done.
Maybe he’s working more as that keeps his mind off his dad?
Just sit him down and explain how you feel and ask him to open up to you.
His dad passed away two years ago and for the first year he was miserable but wouldn’t go and see anyone. I’ve never lost a parent so I don’t know how it feels. It is the only thing That happened and changed him. Sometimes I feel he resents me that my dad is still alive and well
as sad as it was it wasn’t my fault so it does make me upset he took it out on me quite a bit. But people grieve in different ways
This 100%. Sounds like he’s not coping and using work as a distraction. Hope you get through this x