Being harassed

[lurkingaround123]

In May last year, I met a guy in a swimming pool in a hotel I was staying in. I was single, just been ghosted by the guy I was dating so I thought why not have a bit of fun whilst I'm here. We ended up speaking daily, visiting each other every few weeks and it was fun and casual at the time, I was still using dating apps. We were two polar opposites of each other, which I was fully aware of and then after we'd met up about 5 times, we were texting one day in September and I just had an epiphany and realised this wasn't what I wanted. I tried to politely tell him I was no longer interested in seeing him. This ended up with him going insane at me down the phone, not taking no for an answer and going round and round in circles about making it work, I need to stop making problems, I do this that and the other bad stuff so its evened out now and lets carry on seeing each other. I was on holiday whilst this was all happening so I politely and sternly told him I have said how I feel, accept it and leave me alone now because it was ruining my trip. I blocked his number, then I started receiving a bombardment of no caller id phone calls. I answered and said just stop it now because I am on holiday, I will unblock you, text whatever it is you want to say and then leave me alone. I got this big novel sent over full of the exact same drivel from the day before. I replied and told him what I said still stands and blocked him.

When I first got home from holiday I was getting around 50 no caller id calls a day from him, sometimes more sometimes less. He'd do it at 16:10 because he knew I finished work then, and would carry on in to the evening. This carried on for about 4/5 weeks I think. I tried doing the thing where you block unknown numbers from being able to call you, but it was blocking other important calls from companies which I needed to answer so it wasn't feasible. I called the police which took a lot because I have had bad experiences in the past with them, and got laughed at on the phone, and told 'if it is no caller id how do you know its him' so I put it down. They called back and took some information, and they had him on file for another crime I knew he had dodgy things going on, hence why I wasn't interested in him. I reported it all, but there wasn't enough evidence to do anything really, so it'd be my word against his, but more importantly it would put me in danger and really isn't an option.

So the first wave of calls happened from Oct-Nov. He took a couple of weeks off, then I started getting loads of no caller id calls around Christmastime, which I ignored completely. (In the meanwhile I met someone and we became official in January) In late January I got another set of no caller id calls, I decided to call him back and said stop contacting this number. He was saying 'how have you been, I've done xyz to better myself, can we get back to how we were, I will always be here for you' I just said I am fine, don't contact me ever again, delete my number and you need to move on. I told him his lack of respect for me and my boundaries is disgusting. My tone was sharp I was really not doing anything to make him feel like he should try again, he agreed to piss off.
I sporadically get no caller id calls, usually at the weekend and I don't usually answer.

I got a no caller id call AGAIN yesterday whilst me and my boyfriend were in the supermarket and answered it. It was him again. He was saying are you free to talk and I was saying sternly what do you want. We both said that at each other on repeat and because I wasn't cooperating with him he said 'aah I'm not gonna try and talk to you when you're like this' and put the phone down. In my opinion insinuating he's gonna try and call me again.

My bf knows about him and what he does, but I don't think he knows I have a boyfriend, unless he's found a way to check my Instagram (he's blocked there too) but I hardly post anything so I'm not usually someone you'd find out a lot about on Insta. He's clearly someone who has no respect for women, so I am wondering is it worth unblocking him, sending a text and saying 'I am in a relationship now, it is time for you to move on and delete this number' or something along those lines because men like that respect the man who they've never met a lot more than they ever do the woman. Or will that cause more drama, do I even have anything to lose at this point?

Ideally I don't want to change my number because I have lost 2 close relatives over the past few years and I don't want to wipe them from my phone really, I can't contact the police because it will put me in danger.

I know its a bit ridiculous asking for advice but ruling out the two best options, but has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? What would you do in this situation? Is telling him I'm with someone now going to help. I have no idea I'm just at a complete loss. I don't ever think about him, until the calls come through so the fact he's sat there obsessing over me constantly is so weird and depressing

 

[WhatABore]

In May last year, I met a guy in a swimming pool in a hotel I was staying in. I was single, just been ghosted by the guy I was dating so I thought why not have a bit of fun whilst I'm here. We ended up speaking daily, visiting each other every few weeks and it was fun and casual at the time, I was still using dating apps. We were two polar opposites of each other, which I was fully aware of and then after we'd met up about 5 times, we were texting one day in September and I just had an epiphany and realised this wasn't what I wanted. I tried to politely tell him I was no longer interested in seeing him. This ended up with him going insane at me down the phone, not taking no for an answer and going round and round in circles about making it work, I need to stop making problems, I do this that and the other bad stuff so its evened out now and lets carry on seeing each other. I was on holiday whilst this was all happening so I politely and sternly told him I have said how I feel, accept it and leave me alone now because it was ruining my trip. I blocked his number, then I started receiving a bombardment of no caller id phone calls. I answered and said just stop it now because I am on holiday, I will unblock you, text whatever it is you want to say and then leave me alone. I got this big novel sent over full of the exact same drivel from the day before. I replied and told him what I said still stands and blocked him.

When I first got home from holiday I was getting around 50 no caller id calls a day from him, sometimes more sometimes less. He'd do it at 16:10 because he knew I finished work then, and would carry on in to the evening. This carried on for about 4/5 weeks I think. I tried doing the thing where you block unknown numbers from being able to call you, but it was blocking other important calls from companies which I needed to answer so it wasn't feasible. I called the police which took a lot because I have had bad experiences in the past with them, and got laughed at on the phone, and told 'if it is no caller id how do you know its him' so I put it down. They called back and took some information, and they had him on file for another crime I knew he had dodgy things going on, hence why I wasn't interested in him. I reported it all, but there wasn't enough evidence to do anything really, so it'd be my word against his, but more importantly it would put me in danger and really isn't an option.

So the first wave of calls happened from Oct-Nov. He took a couple of weeks off, then I started getting loads of no caller id calls around Christmastime, which I ignored completely. (In the meanwhile I met someone and we became official in January) In late January I got another set of no caller id calls, I decided to call him back and said stop contacting this number. He was saying 'how have you been, I've done xyz to better myself, can we get back to how we were, I will always be here for you' I just said I am fine, don't contact me ever again, delete my number and you need to move on. I told him his lack of respect for me and my boundaries is disgusting. My tone was sharp I was really not doing anything to make him feel like he should try again, he agreed to piss off.
I sporadically get no caller id calls, usually at the weekend and I don't usually answer.

I got a no caller id call AGAIN yesterday whilst me and my boyfriend were in the supermarket and answered it. It was him again. He was saying are you free to talk and I was saying sternly what do you want. We both said that at each other on repeat and because I wasn't cooperating with him he said 'aah I'm not gonna try and talk to you when you're like this' and put the phone down. In my opinion insinuating he's gonna try and call me again.

My bf knows about him and what he does, but I don't think he knows I have a boyfriend, unless he's found a way to check my Instagram (he's blocked there too) but I hardly post anything so I'm not usually someone you'd find out a lot about on Insta. He's clearly someone who has no respect for women, so I am wondering is it worth unblocking him, sending a text and saying 'I am in a relationship now, it is time for you to move on and delete this number' or something along those lines because men like that respect the man who they've never met a lot more than they ever do the woman. Or will that cause more drama, do I even have anything to lose at this point?

Ideally I don't want to change my number because I have lost 2 close relatives over the past few years and I don't want to wipe them from my phone really, I can't contact the police because it will put me in danger.

I know its a bit ridiculous asking for advice but ruling out the two best options, but has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? What would you do in this situation? Is telling him I'm with someone now going to help. I have no idea I'm just at a complete loss. I don't ever think about him, until the calls come through so the fact he's sat there obsessing over me constantly is so weird and depressing

Every time you answer the call, it gives him more insentive to keep trying, because eventually, he gets to talk to you.
He clearly doesn't understand boundaries and I think changing your number would be your only option.
In what sense don't you want to wipe them from your phone?
Changing your number won't wipe their contacts ect

 

[lurkingaround123]

Every time you answer the call, it gives him more insentive to keep trying, because eventually, he gets to talk to you.
He clearly doesn't understand boundaries and I think changing your number would be your only option.
In what sense don't you want to wipe them from your phone?
Changing your number won't wipe their contacts ect

I am a massive technophobe, if I change my number will all the messages etc stay? It's also the link your phone has with all different companies like the bank etc so when you log on. I also know that whatsapp sends a message saying this person has changed their number, what if he gets that message too. I've only answered twice over the 8 months, I genuinely don't know how he can be this bothered

 

[WhatABore]

I am a massive technophobe, if I change my number will all the messages etc stay? It's also the link your phone has with all different companies like the bank etc so when you log on. I also know that whatsapp sends a message saying this person has changed their number, what if he gets that message too. I've only answered twice over the 8 months, I genuinely don't know how he can be this bothered

The messages should stay, yes as they're saved to your phone.
I've had second hand phones from family members with their messages still saved. Same as when you remove a sim, the messages still stay there.

I've never had it come up to say somebody has changed their number.
But if you've got him blocked, he wouldn't get that anyway?

All those things are easily changed too. Otherwise nobody would ever be able to change their number.
But if the harassing from him is bothering you enough, it's worth a little hassle to change your number imo.

And I get it.
I've had issues with a guy in the past where he'd constantly create new social media's. In the end as I didn't reply, he tried telling me he was dying instead!

 

[Clickbait]

I take it that he doesn’t know where you live or enough detail to track you down in person? If you are scared for your safety you must make the police aware - they have a duty to take this seriously.

If it were me I would send a very direct text message to say that you feel that the constant phone calls when you have made clear you are not interested in pursuing any kind of relationship with him equate to harassment, are making you feel uncomfortable and they must stop.

If he takes no notice then I’d consider changing your number, annoying that you have to do that, but your ability to use your phone is being compromised by him and it would feel less stressy and intrusive to not have the worry about when he’s going to pop up next.

I wouldn’t tell him about the BF - in my experience that does not dissuade men like this from their goal: they either think you’re lying or carry on with their fairytale narrative that they can win you back, they are better for you than anyone else.

 

[lurkingaround123]

I take it that he doesn’t know where you live or enough detail to track you down in person? If you are scared for your safety you must make the police aware - they have a duty to take this seriously.

If it were me I would send a very direct text message to say that you feel that the constant phone calls when you have made clear you are not interested in pursuing any kind of relationship with him equate to harassment, are making you feel uncomfortable and they must stop.

If he takes no notice then I’d consider changing your number, annoying that you have to do that, but your ability to use your phone is being compromised by him and it would feel less stressy and intrusive to not have the worry about when he’s going to pop up next.

I wouldn’t tell him about the BF - in my experience that does not dissuade men like this from their goal: they either think you’re lying or carry on with their fairytale narrative that they can win you back, they are better for you than anyone else.

Luckily in the meantime I have moved house! Only things I worry about is the fact my boyfriend and I used to be neighbours, so I actually spend a lot of time within close proximity of my old front door, and as my bf knows about the situation I would have to completely confirm that if he was to ever show up, neither of us would engage. There is security around the building too and the doors require a fob to get in so hopefully he remembers that and doesn't bother. Also I'm counting on the fact he couldn't justify the cost of travelling London to Liverpool to show up somewhere I may or may not be. He did know I was in the process of buying a house so I hope he remembers that too.

I decided to not send the message because the thought of engaging in conversation with him was irritating me, and if its anything like last time it falls on deaf ears.
I have changed my number now and I think I've done it right. I think the weirdest thing to get my head around is that this guy I wasn't even with has spent 8 months of his life thinking about me after meeting me a handful of times.

And I get it.
I've had issues with a guy in the past where he'd constantly create new social media's. In the end as I didn't reply, he tried telling me he was dying instead!

It is disgusting how common it is isn't it! I don't know about you but the slightest inkling that someone didn't want to speak to me I'd be gone, the thought process they must have is bizarre

 

[candyland_]

Keep reporting it and change your number.

 

[lozzapaloozza]

In May last year, I met a guy in a swimming pool in a hotel I was staying in. I was single, just been ghosted by the guy I was dating so I thought why not have a bit of fun whilst I'm here. We ended up speaking daily, visiting each other every few weeks and it was fun and casual at the time, I was still using dating apps. We were two polar opposites of each other, which I was fully aware of and then after we'd met up about 5 times, we were texting one day in September and I just had an epiphany and realised this wasn't what I wanted. I tried to politely tell him I was no longer interested in seeing him. This ended up with him going insane at me down the phone, not taking no for an answer and going round and round in circles about making it work, I need to stop making problems, I do this that and the other bad stuff so its evened out now and lets carry on seeing each other. I was on holiday whilst this was all happening so I politely and sternly told him I have said how I feel, accept it and leave me alone now because it was ruining my trip. I blocked his number, then I started receiving a bombardment of no caller id phone calls. I answered and said just stop it now because I am on holiday, I will unblock you, text whatever it is you want to say and then leave me alone. I got this big novel sent over full of the exact same drivel from the day before. I replied and told him what I said still stands and blocked him.

When I first got home from holiday I was getting around 50 no caller id calls a day from him, sometimes more sometimes less. He'd do it at 16:10 because he knew I finished work then, and would carry on in to the evening. This carried on for about 4/5 weeks I think. I tried doing the thing where you block unknown numbers from being able to call you, but it was blocking other important calls from companies which I needed to answer so it wasn't feasible. I called the police which took a lot because I have had bad experiences in the past with them, and got laughed at on the phone, and told 'if it is no caller id how do you know its him' so I put it down. They called back and took some information, and they had him on file for another crime I knew he had dodgy things going on, hence why I wasn't interested in him. I reported it all, but there wasn't enough evidence to do anything really, so it'd be my word against his, but more importantly it would put me in danger and really isn't an option.

So the first wave of calls happened from Oct-Nov. He took a couple of weeks off, then I started getting loads of no caller id calls around Christmastime, which I ignored completely. (In the meanwhile I met someone and we became official in January) In late January I got another set of no caller id calls, I decided to call him back and said stop contacting this number. He was saying 'how have you been, I've done xyz to better myself, can we get back to how we were, I will always be here for you' I just said I am fine, don't contact me ever again, delete my number and you need to move on. I told him his lack of respect for me and my boundaries is disgusting. My tone was sharp I was really not doing anything to make him feel like he should try again, he agreed to piss off.
I sporadically get no caller id calls, usually at the weekend and I don't usually answer.

I got a no caller id call AGAIN yesterday whilst me and my boyfriend were in the supermarket and answered it. It was him again. He was saying are you free to talk and I was saying sternly what do you want. We both said that at each other on repeat and because I wasn't cooperating with him he said 'aah I'm not gonna try and talk to you when you're like this' and put the phone down. In my opinion insinuating he's gonna try and call me again.

My bf knows about him and what he does, but I don't think he knows I have a boyfriend, unless he's found a way to check my Instagram (he's blocked there too) but I hardly post anything so I'm not usually someone you'd find out a lot about on Insta. He's clearly someone who has no respect for women, so I am wondering is it worth unblocking him, sending a text and saying 'I am in a relationship now, it is time for you to move on and delete this number' or something along those lines because men like that respect the man who they've never met a lot more than they ever do the woman. Or will that cause more drama, do I even have anything to lose at this point?

Ideally I don't want to change my number because I have lost 2 close relatives over the past few years and I don't want to wipe them from my phone really, I can't contact the police because it will put me in danger.

I know its a bit ridiculous asking for advice but ruling out the two best options, but has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? What would you do in this situation? Is telling him I'm with someone now going to help. I have no idea I'm just at a complete loss. I don't ever think about him, until the calls come through so the fact he's sat there obsessing over me constantly is so weird and depressing

Omg this has happened to me too and I’m genuinely wondering if it’s the same person from what you’ve described I’m so sorry your going through this, he sounds obsessed

 

[Agent Cooper]

I’m quite sure you can change your number without losing your contacts and messages. Don’t answer his calls or texts, don’t communicate with him and he will eventually get bored of it. He probably wants closure so trying to talk to him will only fuel his obsession. So sorry you have to go through this, sounds so scary and unpleasant x

 

[gummy-bear]

I would text him to tell him that he is harassing you and that you will have to get the police involved if he continues. With that I would block him on everything, set all social media to private and get a new number. Providing you don’t factory re set your phone and just swap the sims it will keep everything on your phone- messages, photos etc.

 

[lurkingaround123]

Omg this has happened to me too and I’m genuinely wondering if it’s the same person from what you’ve described I’m so sorry your going through this, he sounds obsessed

a young lad who lives right in the centre of London, no real education, flits round from job to job, first name begins with A

it’s absolutely insane, I’m sure we’ve all been there where things have ended when we didn’t expect and it doesn’t feel nice but go out with your mates, treat yourself, work on you then come back better

 

[Snippysnips]

Would it be worth letting the BF answer an have him act as if this guy has the wrong number? I used to have a guy do this to me as well an one day it was actually my cousin when he was over that answered, told him he must have the wrong number as he knew no one of that name he was asking for

Most numbers aren't really retired anymore, when you get a new one then the old usually goes to someone else, my old phone numbers still work an I could phone them if I wanted to but obviously it would be someone else answering

 

[BettyCrockerr]

In May last year, I met a guy in a swimming pool in a hotel I was staying in. I was single, just been ghosted by the guy I was dating so I thought why not have a bit of fun whilst I'm here. We ended up speaking daily, visiting each other every few weeks and it was fun and casual at the time, I was still using dating apps. We were two polar opposites of each other, which I was fully aware of and then after we'd met up about 5 times, we were texting one day in September and I just had an epiphany and realised this wasn't what I wanted. I tried to politely tell him I was no longer interested in seeing him. This ended up with him going insane at me down the phone, not taking no for an answer and going round and round in circles about making it work, I need to stop making problems, I do this that and the other bad stuff so its evened out now and lets carry on seeing each other. I was on holiday whilst this was all happening so I politely and sternly told him I have said how I feel, accept it and leave me alone now because it was ruining my trip. I blocked his number, then I started receiving a bombardment of no caller id phone calls. I answered and said just stop it now because I am on holiday, I will unblock you, text whatever it is you want to say and then leave me alone. I got this big novel sent over full of the exact same drivel from the day before. I replied and told him what I said still stands and blocked him.

When I first got home from holiday I was getting around 50 no caller id calls a day from him, sometimes more sometimes less. He'd do it at 16:10 because he knew I finished work then, and would carry on in to the evening. This carried on for about 4/5 weeks I think. I tried doing the thing where you block unknown numbers from being able to call you, but it was blocking other important calls from companies which I needed to answer so it wasn't feasible. I called the police which took a lot because I have had bad experiences in the past with them, and got laughed at on the phone, and told 'if it is no caller id how do you know its him' so I put it down. They called back and took some information, and they had him on file for another crime I knew he had dodgy things going on, hence why I wasn't interested in him. I reported it all, but there wasn't enough evidence to do anything really, so it'd be my word against his, but more importantly it would put me in danger and really isn't an option.

So the first wave of calls happened from Oct-Nov. He took a couple of weeks off, then I started getting loads of no caller id calls around Christmastime, which I ignored completely. (In the meanwhile I met someone and we became official in January) In late January I got another set of no caller id calls, I decided to call him back and said stop contacting this number. He was saying 'how have you been, I've done xyz to better myself, can we get back to how we were, I will always be here for you' I just said I am fine, don't contact me ever again, delete my number and you need to move on. I told him his lack of respect for me and my boundaries is disgusting. My tone was sharp I was really not doing anything to make him feel like he should try again, he agreed to piss off.
I sporadically get no caller id calls, usually at the weekend and I don't usually answer.

I got a no caller id call AGAIN yesterday whilst me and my boyfriend were in the supermarket and answered it. It was him again. He was saying are you free to talk and I was saying sternly what do you want. We both said that at each other on repeat and because I wasn't cooperating with him he said 'aah I'm not gonna try and talk to you when you're like this' and put the phone down. In my opinion insinuating he's gonna try and call me again.

My bf knows about him and what he does, but I don't think he knows I have a boyfriend, unless he's found a way to check my Instagram (he's blocked there too) but I hardly post anything so I'm not usually someone you'd find out a lot about on Insta. He's clearly someone who has no respect for women, so I am wondering is it worth unblocking him, sending a text and saying 'I am in a relationship now, it is time for you to move on and delete this number' or something along those lines because men like that respect the man who they've never met a lot more than they ever do the woman. Or will that cause more drama, do I even have anything to lose at this point?

Ideally I don't want to change my number because I have lost 2 close relatives over the past few years and I don't want to wipe them from my phone really, I can't contact the police because it will put me in danger.

I know its a bit ridiculous asking for advice but ruling out the two best options, but has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? What would you do in this situation? Is telling him I'm with someone now going to help. I have no idea I'm just at a complete loss. I don't ever think about him, until the calls come through so the fact he's sat there obsessing over me constantly is so weird and depressing

You HAVE to change your number. And you have to lock down all of your social media accounts - make absolutely everything private, get rid of any contacts you don’t 100% genuinely know in real life. Keep a diary of everything- every call, the content of the conversation etc. speak to the police again and tell them you need it to be taken seriously. Go in with call logs - you can obtain these from your phone provider etc.

 

[lurkingaround123]

Thank you everyone, I have changed my number and everything has stayed on my phone how I wanted it to. I want to go to the police but for some reason a chunk of the malicious calls are missing on my phone history. I have a mate who works for Apple who I've asked if theres a way to get them back, if there is I will pass the information on to the police again.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Thank you everyone, I have changed my number and everything has stayed on my phone how I wanted it to. I want to go to the police but for some reason a chunk of the malicious calls are missing on my phone history. I have a mate who works for Apple who I've asked if theres a way to get them back, if there is I will pass the information on to the police again.

Contact your phone provider (EE/Vodaphone/O2 etc) and ask for a log of all incoming calls.

 

[Snippysnips]

Thank you everyone, I have changed my number and everything has stayed on my phone how I wanted it to. I want to go to the police but for some reason a chunk of the malicious calls are missing on my phone history. I have a mate who works for Apple who I've asked if theres a way to get them back, if there is I will pass the information on to the police again.

Your phone provider should be able to get a history of calls an maybe even deleted texts, I'd definitely contact them as well, they might even be able to help you with information the police may need an advice you on things

 

[lurkingaround123]

Your phone provider should be able to get a history of calls an maybe even deleted texts, I'd definitely contact them as well, they might even be able to help you with information the police may need an advice you on things

I gave my provider a ring just before and they said they can't give me a log of all my incoming calls but they can give it to the police, makes no sense really does it but such is the UK justice system. I rang the police and told them the previous crime reference number, said its been happening again but I can't provide them evidence due to the above reason and she said I'll get a call back to discuss with an officer.

My bf and I are going to London quite soon, and I have been a few times since the stalking started, I know its a big place and we're very unlikely to see this maniac but at the same time it feels weird to be going right by there.

 

[Snippysnips]

I gave my provider a ring just before and they said they can't give me a log of all my incoming calls but they can give it to the police, makes no sense really does it but such is the UK justice system. I rang the police and told them the previous crime reference number, said its been happening again but I can't provide them evidence due to the above reason and she said I'll get a call back to discuss with an officer.

My bf and I are going to London quite soon, and I have been a few times since the stalking started, I know its a big place and we're very unlikely to see this maniac but at the same time it feels weird to be going right by there.

Yeah unfortunately they only really give the information to the police, we had the same issue a few years back when someone stole from my dad's amazon account, they bought somthing from his account an had it delivered someplace, we asked for information from amazon an they wouldn't give anything but provided it for the police an it was sorted

It can be such a slow process but I hope you manage to get it sorted, I guess the next step would be restraining orders, if he has a crime record then they have his details an should be able to get it dealt with

Ah no way, am going to London in 2 weeks, my very first time going, am sure you will be fine, its a massive place, the clown that was bothering me actually lives in the next town an we have never seen one another so I can't see you bumping into him

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I gave my provider a ring just before and they said they can't give me a log of all my incoming calls but they can give it to the police, makes no sense really does it but such is the UK justice system. I rang the police and told them the previous crime reference number, said its been happening again but I can't provide them evidence due to the above reason and she said I'll get a call back to discuss with an officer.

My bf and I are going to London quite soon, and I have been a few times since the stalking started, I know its a big place and we're very unlikely to see this maniac but at the same time it feels weird to be going right by there.

Don’t put any information about your upcoming trip to London on social media, don’t tag yourself in places. Keep it private. He’s only going to know you are there if you provide the information.

 

[lurkingaround123]

Don’t put any information about your upcoming trip to London on social media, don’t tag yourself in places. Keep it private. He’s only going to know you are there if you provide the information.

True, I don't really use social media as it is, I need to keep telling myself of the millions of people in London, it is unlikely I'd bump in to him, and he is very unlikely to be doing the things we have planned for our trip or anywhere near the places we are going