Being flirted with when already in a relationship...

[BettyCrocker]

A new male friend keeps saying he's really jealous of my boyfriend and that I'd make a perfect girlfriend.

It has started playing on my mind, because I am in a happy relationship with my boyfriend and would not cheat on him. But I can't stop thinking about how things could have played out with this male friend if I were single right now, because we have a good connection. I feel so guilty for even thinking about this though .

Does anyone have advice, or have been in a similar situation before?

this “new” friend ISNT friend! He quite clearly wants in your pants. Tell him to jog on.

 

[AnnaLee]

Some good advice here so far. The only thing I would add - even if you weren’t happy with your boyfriend and things were coming to a natural end, you do not want to get involved with your friend. A guy who will openly flirt with a woman who is in a relationship is not the kind of person you want to be with. If he does that with you, he will do it with other women.

 

[at-the-disco]

I think it's really disrespectful for him to be saying these things to you whilst you are in a relationship. Based off this he doesn't really sound like a good guy? it's not worth even fantasising over.

similar thing happened to me, happy in a relationship and the guy i was seeing before came back BEGGING for me to dump my bf and be with him instead. it rubbed me the wrong way because its hugely disrespectful and messing with your feelings.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Would you be happy with a new female friend flirting with your boyfriend?

This sounds like the start of cheating. He’s clearly turned your head and you’re flattered blah blah. Cut off contact or dump your boyfriend.

 

[Definitelyme]

A new male friend keeps saying he's really jealous of my boyfriend and that I'd make a perfect girlfriend.

It has started playing on my mind, because I am in a happy relationship with my boyfriend and would not cheat on him. But I can't stop thinking about how things could have played out with this male friend if I were single right now, because we have a good connection. I feel so guilty for even thinking about this though .

Does anyone have advice, or have been in a similar situation before?

My advice would be either to stop seeing this guy, if he is a new friend it’s not a huge loss, or tell him very clearly that it’s not gonna happen.

I think everyone is flattered by flirting, and it’s natural sometimes for you to daydream of scenarios with other people, even if totally content in your relationship.

But he isn’t being very fair to you by putting you in an awkward position (which you should also tell him)

 

[Babyyoda88]

In the past (people don’t say it so much to me anymore ) but I had a few men say this to me (one when I was at uni, one who was a relative of someone I went to school with, and one who went to school with my then boyfriend) and they were all slime balls. I don’t think a respectful guy would say that to a girl tbh and I wouldn’t trust them as far as I could throw them. But that’s just me x

 

[ClockworkDolly]

A new male friend keeps saying he's really jealous of my boyfriend and that I'd make a perfect girlfriend.

It has started playing on my mind, because I am in a happy relationship with my boyfriend and would not cheat on him. But I can't stop thinking about how things could have played out with this male friend if I were single right now, because we have a good connection. I feel so guilty for even thinking about this though .

Does anyone have advice, or have been in a similar situation before?

He is no friend of yours. He wants to shag you.

Stick to your fella, ditch this fake friend.

 

[Babyyoda88]

Some good advice here so far. The only thing I would add - even if you weren’t happy with your boyfriend and things were coming to a natural end, you do not want to get involved with your friend. A guy who will openly flirt with a woman who is in a relationship is not the kind of person you want to be with. If he does that with you, he will do it with other women.

To add on to this, some men like the chase of a woman in a relationship. They’ll befriend you but there’s only one intention in mind. So regardless of if you stick with your bf or not, as the above poster said, I would steer clear of this guy.

 

[Scorpihoe]

I would tell your boyfriend immediately. This guy doesn’t sound like a friend at all. If he was, he would respect your relationship

 

[Ohchristmastree]

I agree with all of the above, also, just to add I would also tell my boyfriend. I always think honesty is the best policy and even though nothing has happened or will happen, you don’t want it to come out in the future. Just my opinion

 

[Noseyposey101]

If you are happy with your fella, give the new guy a wide berth. The grass is greener where you water it.

 

[Missgobby124]

I feel like this is so typical of men. They always want what they can’t have and possibly you being in a relationship has made him think this way because suddenly you’re not as accessible. I don’t think you should even entertain it, if you’re content and happy with your boyfriend then you should focus on him and not pay any attention. Sometimes the grass isn’t greener on the other side, sometimes it’s just not worth it, in this case it isn’t worth it. You’d be hurting someone. If you’re not 100% about your boyfriend then leave him so he can find someone who won’t be tempted by others so easily

 

[Pinkblush]

Some people want what they can't have or like the excitement of what's not in their reach. You usually find with people like this as soon as they get you their interest wains slightly because the excitement has gone.

 

[mochibean]

Can I possibly jump on this thread & ask for some advice please?

I am currently in a similar(ish) situation.

A few weeks ago a man I was talking to before I met my partner popped back up to see how I was (unaware I was in a relationship). The thing is he had randomly been on my mind a lot before he messaged me. It’s kind of freaked me out a little because I feel like I’ve sort of spoken him back into my life. I was supposed to go on a date with him (5 years ago) but it never happened and I ended up meeting my current partner instead. I think I have always always wondered what would have been and just can’t shake this feeling. He has been respectful when I said I was with my partner and hasn’t messaged me again but I really just want to talk to him all the time. I know it’s a wild fantasy but does this not signify that I’m not truly happy? I love my partner so much and he makes me so happy. I just feel enormous guilt for having these feelings but what if I could be happier elsewhere?

Is it normal for women to fantasise about another life sometimes?

I've been with my partner 10 years, with a couple of breaks when we really needed it. I still have fantasies about other men, other lives, even sleeping with other men. I do think it's normal, as long as you don't act on it or cross any lines then it's just something in your mind. I have had these feelings come and go, about various different people. They're just crushes and fantasies, nothing more.

Only you know if you're truly happy. But it sounds like you really do love your partner and are very happy together.
I've never told my partner about these feelings, I actually just write things down (somewhere secret, for me I write in Japanese so nobody else understands lol) as it does help to let all my feelings out, or talk to a friend about how you're feeling.

You'd be surprised, out of all my friends every single one have had these types of feelings for another man. We're human and it's healthy to have feelings, and doubts about our futures.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I found in the past guys like this like the chase... Then they get bored. These situations never end well and the grass is never greener.

 

[Isa Drennan]

Anytime he says these things imagine your partner is right there! He sounds like a twat, I would speak to your partner honestly about the guy, cut your losses with the friendship or have a friendship where you maintain boundaries

It doesn’t sound like the “friend” has any respect at all for your relationship

 

[Milliehaha123]

Thank you for taking the time to respond to this it means a lot.

I think because he is the complete opposite of my partner it’s where the daydreaming is coming from. I know in reality it would never work out but just more concerned that I want this type of man instead. It’s hard to go in to too much detail but this man is older with a very good career, two houses (you know the rest). It’s very materialistic but I am the provider in my household and just wonder sometimes how nice it would be to share the responsibility’s or be with someone more ambitious. I love my partner but I feel more like his mother sometimes.



Thank you for this reply too. I completely agree and probably think I’m an absolute psychopath for ending an entire relationship over one conversation

ETA - not sure if this was for me or the OP but I’ll take the advice either way !!

I had this exact situation years ago. I chose to end my relationship because I honestly could not stop thinking about this other guy, imagining us having sex and our wonderful life together. It was a terrible decision, he ended up to be an absolute nightmare and I regretted everything. As others have said the grass is not always greener- you sound really happy with your partner and I think some fantasies are totally normal

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I agree.. He will like the challenge and then leave you high and dry.

 

[Milliehaha123]

Wow, you are very brave though! Did you ever consider going back to your old partner? Do you think you realised something was missing anyway after all of that?

It sounds exactly like how I’m feeling. I’m not even being dramatic but I dream about him every night (I’m not crazy I promise ). I just feel like my life is going nowhere and I’m stuck in this relationship. I went to therapy a few years ago and she said I am the sort of person who craves excitement/new things and this is definitely how I feel. I just want to date, have mind blowing sex and fall in love all over again. I know this always wears off though so I’ll probably never be happy.

It was an awful decision to make but I trusted my gut (which ended up to be wrong lol) but no I never felt like I should go back to original boyfriend. Although this literally just contradicts everything I’ve just said ^^ I thought that my feelings for this other guy symbolised a deeper unhappiness. I too was dreaming about him on a weekly basis, every time his name popped up in my phone I felt a sense of excitement, I wanted to message him all the small little things you’d usually share with your partner etc. It was awful and I felt evil but I also didn’t want to look back on my life 20 years on and have regrets. It ended up being a great decision as I met my partner (we’ve been together for 8 years) and I’ve never had the same feelings towards anyone. Occasionally I’ll see a handsome guy who I think or an old flames name pop up and I’ll wonder what happened to him but nothing like the same level of intensity I felt previously.

Now I am really going back on my original post () but what I would say is life is short. If you just want all the excitement and to have some banging sex I don’t think that would constitute a valid reason for a break up, relationships do get dusty and I think it’s natural to crave a shake up, but I think your wording ‘stuck in this relationship’ is pretty telling Life is too short to be with the wrong person. Good luck with your decision it’s not an easy one!!! X

 

[AutumnSpring]

Can I possibly jump on this thread & ask for some advice please?

I am currently in a similar(ish) situation.

A few weeks ago a man I was talking to before I met my partner popped back up to see how I was (unaware I was in a relationship). The thing is he had randomly been on my mind a lot before he messaged me. It’s kind of freaked me out a little because I feel like I’ve sort of spoken him back into my life. I was supposed to go on a date with him (5 years ago) but it never happened and I ended up meeting my current partner instead. I think I have always always wondered what would have been and just can’t shake this feeling. He has been respectful when I said I was with my partner and hasn’t messaged me again but I really just want to talk to him all the time. I know it’s a wild fantasy but does this not signify that I’m not truly happy? I love my partner so much and he makes me so happy. I just feel enormous guilt for having these feelings but what if I could be happier elsewhere?

Is it normal for women to fantasise about another life sometimes?