Autism concerns

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I don’t have a child with ASD, but I did work with children and babies.

I wouldn’t be concerned just yet, nothing that you’ve said above sounds worrying or sounds like an indicator for ASD. This is one of the reasons why they do wait until they are older to start diagnosing, because some of the behaviours (speech ect) can change with age and what may seem like a concern at 18 months, can quickly change by the time they’re 3.

as above, keep reading books, communicating constantly, pointing things out. Always explain what you’re about to do, “I’m going to pick you up now so that we can change your nappy” “im taking your nappy off now because you’ve done a wee” “I’m going to get your snack now, it’s crackers and grapes”. Just really basic, no need for baby talk like “doggy ducky” ect, just speak to them normally and they will soon pick it up.

 

[bubbadabut]

Your child sounds like all 4 of mine. None of them have ASD but all 4 of them are still under ENT and they've all had grommets. All 4 of them went through a toe-walking phase, it passed. All 4 of them were very explorative, into everything, but their speech was really delayed. Went through Speech & Language with my first son but they weren't much help. The only things that helped were the grommets and starting nursery. My daughter has just turned three and she's only just started speaking in sentences (but it's still hard for anyone other than me to understand her). It was a real struggle to potty train any of them. It's good that you are being seen, he sounds like a happy 18 month old to me. My only advice would be not to over-observe and over-analyse. Just let him be and see how things go.

 

[J-Dog]

My son was diagnosed ASD at 5. Similar to what @ChloChlo said above, I was noticing a real lack of lots of the ‘positives’ you listed. So that sounds reassuring! Go with your gut though, if something feels off the definitely discuss with professionals and check it out. I understand the rationale for not assessing at a very young age but the diagnosis process can be slow so getting the ball rolling early might be a good idea.

 

[Crb250]

My daughter is 2 years 2 months and did a lot of similar things to your son at that age. The toe walking was a phase for her, she did it constantly but hasn't done it since she was around 21 months, I'm on a Facebook group with babies born in the same month as my daughter and they all assured me their child was also toe walking for a while.
My daughter didn't speak much until around 19 months and then her speech just exploded. There's a common speech explosion around 18 months so you'll probably find he starts saying a lot more words soon. Keep reading lots of books to him, narrating everything and flash cards are also a great way for them to learn words. My daughter never stops talking now.
My daughter never really pointed much either but as long as they are getting your attention, even by whinging or moaning at the 'item' then they are communicating with you. Nothing you're worried about sounds like ASD to me, just sounds like normal toddler behaviour. So I'd try not to worry. I think this is why they don't usually assess for ASD until after the age of 2 because so many of the behaviours are normal for 1-2 year olds.

 

[Whaaaaat]

Thank you.

it was very much as though he was in his own little bubble away from us.

A few people have said this and he doesn’t seem this way. He’s very interactive with us, likes us to play with him and brings us books to read to him and pictures to show him.

I just have this little niggle, but in all honesty I don’t have a huge amount of experience with autism and everything you google comes up with autism so it could be something or nothing.

 

[SunshineSally]

Keep an eye on his speech. My 7 year old has a speech and language disorder known as DLD and, if anything, it has taught me that early intervention is key.

 

[Whaaaaat]

Hi! I’m actually a Speech and Language Therapist and part of my job is doing Autism assessments. I just wanted to reassure you that nothing you said in your original post would be a red flag for me in terms of autism, and in fact I wouldn’t even be overly concerned about a language delay. There’s such a huge variation in what’s “typical” and in my experience boys especially can be slower to develop expressive language. I also generally see boys be late to speak and then all of a sudden speak in sentences - I have nothing to back that up but I’ve seen lots of it! Your wee man sounds very typical to me but feel free to message me if you have any questions!

Thank you so much. I really appreciate it

 

[Lollipop2123]

I'm not medically trained in any way but based on my own knowledge of having a child a similar age and being around children a lot, none of this sounds like any cause for concern at all but it's good to speak to someone who knows their stuff x

 

[Whaaaaat]

The one thing I am noticing is that the people who are sharing their experience of ASD (thank you so much, I really appreciate it), none of them sound like my son.

He’s so in tune with me and his dad, me especially. Very affectionate, comes to us for reassurance if he’s scared/upset, too curious about the world around him and is into everything, he doesn’t have any repetitive play, if he plays with a car for example he’ll push it around or push it for me to push back to him - never plays with wheels or lines stuff up, his name response is good, he really interacts with us, he has stranger anxiety but I would say it’s excessive and he just runs to me.

I did find out my mum had turned the gate thing into a game and I asked her to stop so that seems to have eased off and now he closes the gate, claps and walks away.

He passes the MChat with a 2. But I’m aware all people with ASD present differently.

My friend who’s brother and nephew have ASD said she doesn’t think he is, thinks he’s too interactive with me and communicates his needs to well even without talking.

My MIL said my OH had a severe speech delay and was in speech Therapy for a long time.

I’ve made notes to take to his doctor and have taken videos of his positives and negatives so the doctor can see in case he doesn’t act his usual self in the appointment.

Knowing what he’s like he’ll walk into the appointment and start talking.

 

[NaeDebates]

Sorry i was having a bad day but i did not in any way mean to imply anything about you personally?
Yes r.e generalisations i did not mean to tar everyone with the same brush but i've had so many bad experiences that to be honest my sense of trust is very compromised.
Basically this includes social workers telling lies (basically writing on a report that my husband had called my son evil! He didn't i was there when he was interviewed at the time and he was also beeing treated for cancer at the time while i was worried sick caring for him and two little children).
We then made a complaint and my children were given full time nursery places as a gesture of good will (they are lucky we did not sue them but my husband was too ill.
Another time again with inept social workers (its the norm for assesment of needs and also to see if parents need additional support.
Do i invited the man inside my house he felt a bit off to me badically chastising me for being untidy but i let it pass even though he was a bit judgy.
Until yet another report this time it states that i sent my son to school in urine soaked trousers with matted hair.
Edit to add my son has sensory needs and at the time did not like his hair brushed or cut.
When we did he would scream but it was still fairly neat and tidy but naturally very curly.
Well i cried at that meeting (implied child neglect) and the people at the school know me and they were upset on my behalf.
I complained and found out that several others parents had a similar experience.
Another time i had a meeting with a child psychologist who stared at my son and myself as if we were aliens he also was restless used to pace around a lot and sometimes grabbed his crotch to withold urination.
She got exasperated and said with a bit of a sneer does he do that a lot?
This was not out of concern but because she clearly wanted to get through the session and i presume go home.
I made another appointment which i turned up too but she didn't and as requested did not bring my son.
Kept me waiting for two hours tried to make out that she had not made an appointment when evidence showed that she had.
When i tried to follow it up i was told she was on sick leave?
Several very bad experiences on maternity wards as well where after having a c section and finding it difficult to breast feed was laughed at by a maternity nurse for having small breasts you'll never feed him with those little things i was told? Thanks.
Also i was close to the nurses station and groups of them used to have a good old moan about me and my baby.
He was too heavy to pick up he cried a lot i was lazy (first time mum emergancy c section lost a lot of blood hello!)
It was so bad and bitchy that finally one of the senior members of staff shouted at them and basically gave them all a stern telling off.
So i was ill struggling spent most of time crying as did my baby great start to motherhood and great introduction to life for him.
No wonder i developed pnd?
Or another time when my son was around 3 and we also had serious concerns about his development when after taking him to the a and e department (he was showing signs of acute distress this is the same son i just mentioned my first born and also as mentioned his dad is sick) so i'm desperate as you would be if your son was lying down on the floor weeing everywhere and screaming?
So i blurt out whats wrong with him? (i fully accept this was not the best choice of words but i was stuck between a rock and a hard place) only to be told well actually whats wrong with you?
In other words your the problem and your the one making your child sick (he was later diagnosed as being aspergers.)
I have seen with my own eyes and through my own experience cruelty bullying gaslighting a failure to be held accountable lying avoidence of responsibility class prejudice and also hostility towards immigrants (my husband in other words).
All rife within every sector i have ever encountered as a parent.
Its shocked me upset me made my life a misery in some very difficult times made me doubt myself knocked my confidence made me cry triggered depression and shown lack of care and dusrespect towards both my husband and my children.
As for trying to get help/diagnosis a bit like trying to get blood out of a stone (thats another story)
I will say it again yes as a generalisation if you will but services that are meant to protect and support children (often vulnerable ones) are shockingly inept in this country have people within them of sadly very low emotional intelligence even if they do have bags of qualifications behind them?
There is a common assumption that if you are of a lower income social class and not smart or goodlooking or articulate enough then you are almost automatically presumed to be guilty and a bad parent?
It should not be like that but i'm afraid that it is if you employ people from a narrow range of backgrounds and basically without much life experience
I know in looking at autism we are looking at peoples brains but we are not all talking heads and the heart matters as does the persons intentions as does love.
As a fellow parent i am not trying to offend you i know how hard it can be to have special need children but why did no one have that same kind of consideration about me or my family?
Edit to add well some of them did eventually but i had to get to the point of near collapse/breakdown first.
So thats my point why leave it to the point that it becomes an emergancy?
I needed help as did my kids and we were literally pushed from pillar to post (literally at one point we all had to leave in case my husband got depiorted thanks tony blair for kicking out a father of one and a pregnant woman we got back but only after a lot of stress and appeals).
I think that you will appreciate that this country that is my birthplace does not feel home to me my children were not helped yntill we forced them (because the ss lied) we never felt welcomed (go back home) my husband was frequently told) we have all been in various ways dismissed patronised and demonised.
So actually if you want to know the truth i have precious little respect left for so called authority figures (who i used to trust) because i have seen their dark side.
They say smile and the world smiles with you cry and you cry alone i would ammend that to add that when you are down and struggling and feel like shit you also get treated like shit in return and yes even by people that should know better like doctors for example.
So i reiterate my point again all the smooth talking and saying the right thing and acting so superior and confident and yes having that much respected intellectual ability or technical knowledge does not matter that much.
When you offend or upset a cancer patient or traumatise a young mum who just wants what is best for her kids.
If you work within the system yourself you must have seen how insensitive and dehumanising it can be?
Yes there are some who are valiant and vigilant and work so hard (almost over compensate) to help and yes even to heal but i have to say they are a minority and they have to fight an uphill battle every day just to try and do rheir jobs and surely that cannot ve right?

edit to add sorry for the typos and spelling mistakes i did not proof read as my post brought back some painful memories for me.

Also i'm sorry to rant but what i have written is the tip of an iceberg and i actually felt as a parent that actually why not tell it like it is?
Its been hell i tried to keep it as short as i could but people need to know that these kind of humiliating expwriences are unfortunately quite commonplace.
Sad to say but i'm sure there are plenty of others who for one way or another found themselves in a vulnerable position and who did not get either the care or compassion they deserved?
We all need to call this out i felt at the time i should have done more but i also felt taken by advantage and it hurt?
Why should we have to fight to (echo of survival of the fittest) get help or support for our children?
What kind of message does that send out to kids that life is a never ending battle?
Its wrong in my opinion and should not be justified?
Also people who are paid to help should do exactly that being the parent of autistic kids is hard enough why make it harder?

It sounds like you’ve had a really hard time and awful experience with lots of different professionals, I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope your husband is well now and your wee one is doing better. I think a lot of the time it’s not that the individual professionals lack empathy or emotional intelligence it’s that the services in this country have been so poorly funded for so long that they are a shambles. Staff are mostly (though not always I definitely agree you get bad eggs like anywhere) so completely demoralised bu the budget cuts, work load, ridiculous policy/target pressures from management that the only way to survive yourself is to detach yourself from it if that makes sense. I’ve seen really good professionals just “give up” and that’s not right. I definitely think instead of blaming professionals (I don’t mean you I mean society in general often blames the front line staff they can see) we all need to look at how we hold governments and NHS management to account - think about who you vote for, what they stand for, and make your voice heard as parents because honestly, they do not give a shit what the people working on the ground tell them It’s very disheartening!
Anyway, I hope things are looking better for your family now, and you don’t encounter people like that again!

My son was due to have the Ados assessment back in March which was obviously cancelled due to Covid. He is 5, we have recently had his school report through which is marked “significantly below average” in all categories. I’m really worried he isn’t getting the help he needs, we are currently home schooling and I can see how much he appears to have regressed.

I’m not sure where in the country you are but it would be worth going back to SaLT if they were the ones who referred him for ADOS and also asking the school or involve an Educational Psychologist so he’s getting the right support to access the curriculum at school. It’s been such a difficult year for kids, I really feel for them!

 

[Ninjacat]

Hope no-one minds me asking, as I know each child is different, but what aged did your ASD child talk. My 3.2 year old son is non verbal, we are waiting for an appointment with the community paediatricians to see what the next steps are to help him and get him assessed. Thanks

 

[Moe]

Your little one sounds like a very typical 18 month old. I don’t think there’s anything concerning there at all, from what you’ve told us. See what happens at the appointment and take it from there but I wouldn’t be too concerned

I agree and the OP has brought back so many memories. I loved the opening and closing of gates though not at the time. It would take us hours to get to the top of the road.
Anyone remember the box and wrapping paper would get more attention than the actual present.
The difference between 18 months and 2 years is amazing. Every six months they come on in leaps and bounds.

 

[SunshineSally]

Hi there, thanks for this info. I'll read up on that as well. He has a lot of other autism traits which is why we have gone down this route but have struggled to get to this point tbh I asked for him to see an SLT when he was about 2 and his referral wasn't accepted even with zero speech glad your son is doing well now

They are very closely intertwined - my son was under ASD assessment as well. You have to, being brutally honest, kick up a stink and demand a referral. We were fobbed off in the early days and, looking back, I wish that I was much tougher. In the end, we went private and haven't looked back.

 

[Talensandtruths]

I work in ASD and from what you’ve said nothing immediately jumps out to me either.

The way he walks could be a number of things, having flat feet/tight/loose hamstrings etc. Although the thing with his hand makes me think he could be hypermobile (flexible joints) so walking on his toes/crossing his fingers is comfortable and may just be a bit of a quirk too!

Good luck & hope you find some answers/reassurance

 

[PurplePop20]

I would ask your health visitor for an ASQ-SE assessment. But they would only probs refer you to a community paed which by the sounds of it you have the referral already. From what you have written it all sounds reassuring though. Speech and Language dont really focus on how many words they say but more the understanding of language, attention and play (look up tree of language online).

 

[LittleMy]

My son regressed from his first words around 12 months, to nothing, and then he started saying words again after his 2nd birthday when he started nursery and speech therapy. He is 5 and still delayed, but could talk the hind legs off a donkey now.

 

[NaeDebates]

I just realised I never gave an update.

We had our appointment with my sons consultant and he said in his experience he didn’t see autism. His view was that he had a speech delay that he believed would resolve itself but he referred us to speech therapy as he said there was quite a long wait list so wanted to get us on that.

He said he would have discharged us if I hadn’t raised autism concerns so he said he would see us again in 4 months for another review as he will be 2 then so we should have a more clear picture.

But he said while he was interacting with my son he gave excellent eye contact, pointed to things when asked, waved bye bye and he felt he had good receptive language. He did the MChat while we were there and my son scored a 0 which he said was a good indication it’s not autism.

Since then he has come on quite a lot. He has approximately 15-20 words now and seems to be like a sponge at the minute learning new things every day.

So I’m hoping that it was just a speech delay but I guess it’s just a wait and see long term. Either way he’s a delight and I wouldn’t change him for the world.

Thanks for all your help.

Hi! I’m actually a Speech and Language Therapist and part of my job is doing Autism assessments. I just wanted to reassure you that nothing you said in your original post would be a red flag for me in terms of autism, and in fact I wouldn’t even be overly concerned about a language delay. There’s such a huge variation in what’s “typical” and in my experience boys especially can be slower to develop expressive language. I also generally see boys be late to speak and then all of a sudden speak in sentences - I have nothing to back that up but I’ve seen lots of it! Your wee man sounds very typical to me but feel free to message me if you have any questions!

 

[Tree_]

Sounds like a normal 18 month old to me. X

 

[Ninjacat]

Mine was non verbal then and isn't ASD. Lack of speech doesn't always point towards ASD. My son has DLD which is far more common that ASD but not very well known. My experience is that early intervention is key so kick up a fuss with your hv and ask to be referred to SaLT

Hi there, thanks for this info. I'll read up on that as well. He has a lot of other autism traits which is why we have gone down this route but have struggled to get to this point tbh I asked for him to see an SLT when he was about 2 and his referral wasn't accepted even with zero speech glad your son is doing well now

 

[Trixabellee9393]

Thank you everyone for your input. We’re quite lucky because he already has a consultant paediatrician that he sees every 6 months (due to issues he had as a baby), so I feel pleased we’re already past the first hurdle of having to see a paediatrician.

I think I’ll bring up my concerns but if he says he’s not worried and we’ll review in 6 months I’ll take that for now and see where he is in 6 months.

I don’t have much experience with kids, I’m the youngest of all my cousins etc so I’m not really sure what to expect at what age. And all my friends kids are girls and all super chatty from being tiny!

Sounds like a normal 18month old to me I work with autistic children and have a education degree so hopefully that reassures you? if he’s a bit more shy/ reserved that’s just his personality he sounds fine to me x