1 traditional thing that does annoy me is the way womens title changes depending on their marital status, whereas a man just remains Mr.
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My lad's in this boat at the minute. His fiancee wants him to change his name to hers (she wants to keep hers for career reasons). But he wants to keep our family name, as he's the last in the line of descendants and the only one who will carry it on. So they are either going to have to double barrell it, or both stay as they are now, then argue again later about what surname any children will have
Sorry if this is personal but I'm interested as to why sex outside of marriage is okay for you when you have quite traditional views? Or is it a case of you're happy to have sex outside of marriage while in a relationship but one nighters and casual is a no go?
I actually agree with you on the last point. Not cause I'm traditional or anything, I don't see the issue with being engaged and not living together in that sense. I just find it really pointless. Maybe that's just how I view stages of relationships though. I feel like moving in together is the first step before you decide to commit the rest of your lives to each other.
it was normal for a marriage but so was a brides family paying for the wedding, so was the groom giving dowry's for a bride. times have changed
Just cause something was normal doesn't mean it has to be a thing now get me?Those of you with traditional views, I'm interested as to why you hold onto them and why do you think you have them?
Same with me on both issues.
Because it's how I was raised, I don't see why I should changed my values to fit modern day life, people now fall into the
"Anything Goes" culture which I don't subscribe to.
not personal at allSorry if this is personal but I'm interested as to why sex outside of marriage is okay for you when you have quite traditional views? Or is it a case of you're happy to have sex outside of marriage while in a relationship but one nighters and casual is a no go?
I actually agree with you on the last point. Not cause I'm traditional or anything, I don't see the issue with being engaged and not living together in that sense. I just find it really pointless. Maybe that's just how I view stages of relationships though. I feel like moving in together is the first step before you decide to commit the rest of your lives to each other.
it was normal for a marriage but so was a brides family paying for the wedding, so was the groom giving dowry's for a bride. times have changed
Those of you with traditional views, I'm interested as to why you hold onto them and why do you think you have them?
. personally I never have had, and never would have either a one night stand or casual sex. Iāve only slept with the person I am currently in a long term relationship with. If we ever did split up, I again would only sleep with someone I was serious about. I donāt shame or judge others if they choose to have casual sex but itās not something I want for myself xIt's funny cause I'm very much the same in that aspect. Casual sex is not for me. Don't get me wrong, I am very much a strong feminist and think women should do what they want (as long as it's consenual for everyone, within the confides of the law, and not being used to self medicate) but I wouldn't do it personally. I'm very much a prude though. It's probably the only "traditional" thing that I have. I wouldn't want to discuss my sex life outside of my relationship either (never had sex so not problem for menot personal at all
). Weird I know as I am very modern in every other aspectI also don't do casual sex, I knew a bloke at work who was constantly porking anything in a skirt, I decided that was not going to be me.
I did however bend the rule once for one girl I knew very well, she was a good friend and one night we had some fun, she even produced
a "Packet of three" saying you will need these. Had she wanted unprotected sex I wouldn't of done the deed, I never go in without one.
I did however bend the rule once for one girl I knew very well, she was a good friend and one night we had some fun, she even produced
a "Packet of three" saying you will need these. Had she wanted unprotected sex I wouldn't of done the deed, I never go in without one.
For everyone who only considers taking the man's name so that you have the same name, he could also take yours or you could combine them or pick a whole new name together.
I've seen some really nice combined names - Bell and Johnson became Belson etc, and also some lovely thoughtful new ones - two of my friends from work are now the Greens as they met in a friend's green landrover, their first house had a green front door, and their wedding was forest green themed! So nice.
I've seen some really nice combined names - Bell and Johnson became Belson etc, and also some lovely thoughtful new ones - two of my friends from work are now the Greens as they met in a friend's green landrover, their first house had a green front door, and their wedding was forest green themed! So nice.
My husband did just out of curtesy I think (I had no idea until after and thought it was sweet as my husband it not one for tradition!), my dad laughed and basically told him to take me they had know each other a long time and it wouldnāt have changed anything.
they had know each other a long time and it wouldnāt have changed anything.I think it's just a respect thing. My brother in law asked both my mum and dad before proposing to my sister. Daughters are generally more protected in families and the father daughter relationship is often a special one. Even the most independent women I know have fathers or brothers that look out for them. If they had said no it wouldnt have made a difference, but it's just a nice sign of respect to the family you're marrying into. I think it's more about having their blessing rather than their permission these days.
Obviously it varys from one family to another but people shouldn't be judged or looked down on just because they like certain traditions. Respect in peoples values should work both ways. I find it quite shocking (and shines a light on our society at the moment) that people seem to think if you have one traditional view you should have them all. This people being put in boxes has to stop. You can like different elements of different view points and form you're own overall opinion.
Obviously it varys from one family to another but people shouldn't be judged or looked down on just because they like certain traditions. Respect in peoples values should work both ways. I find it quite shocking (and shines a light on our society at the moment) that people seem to think if you have one traditional view you should have them all. This people being put in boxes has to stop. You can like different elements of different view points and form you're own overall opinion.
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I will say though, I think if the person you're asking has kids that aren't yours (i.e you're going to be step parent), asking the kids permission is very respectful
I would agree with this 100% over asking a parent.
I personally don't like the idea of asking permission as I don't think it's relevant any more. My husband didn't ask my dad. I liked that I could tell my parents the happy news myself rather than them knowing before me.
We talked about marriage and decided together to get engaged and start planning, although my husband did buy an engagement ring and surprise me with it so that was sort of a proposal even though we'd already made the decision.
Tbh I don't really see the point of engagement rings either. I don't wear it any more - I took it off when I had our baby a couple of years ago and found it was more comfortable to just wear my plain wedding band so haven't put the engagement ring back on since. So if we were doing it now we'd probably not bother with that either.
My dad walked down the aisle with me but mainly because I didn't want to walk down on my own with everyone looking at me! We didn't like the idea of traditional speeches so we just thanked everyone for coming ourselves and kept it really simple.
I took my husband's name because I preferred his surname. If I'd have preferred my own I'd probably have kept it. I like that we have the same name now that we have children. I didn't like the idea of double barrelling as our names didn't fit well together but I really like the idea of creating a new name for your family that someone mentioned though, I hasn't thought about that.
We talked about marriage and decided together to get engaged and start planning, although my husband did buy an engagement ring and surprise me with it so that was sort of a proposal even though we'd already made the decision.
Tbh I don't really see the point of engagement rings either. I don't wear it any more - I took it off when I had our baby a couple of years ago and found it was more comfortable to just wear my plain wedding band so haven't put the engagement ring back on since. So if we were doing it now we'd probably not bother with that either.
My dad walked down the aisle with me but mainly because I didn't want to walk down on my own with everyone looking at me! We didn't like the idea of traditional speeches so we just thanked everyone for coming ourselves and kept it really simple.
I took my husband's name because I preferred his surname. If I'd have preferred my own I'd probably have kept it. I like that we have the same name now that we have children. I didn't like the idea of double barrelling as our names didn't fit well together but I really like the idea of creating a new name for your family that someone mentioned though, I hasn't thought about that.
Talking about names here has just me made remember something. As I've already mentioned here, I didn't change my name when I got married so for arguments sake we'll just say that I'm Ms Smith and my husband is Mr Jones.
Anyway, about 6 years ago now a stray cat began hanging around our garden. Started showing up on a regular basis and eventually just sort of moved herself in. Now my husband swore he hated cats, but as I speak, she's on his knee on the sofa!
When she'd been hanging around for about 6 weeks and it got to the 'think she's ours now' stage, I took her to the vet and had her checked for a chip (not chipped) and spayed (not spayed either and the vet said unlikely to be vaccinated) So as I was the one who'd brought her to the vet, she was registered as 'Tiger Smith'
A few weeks later my husband was chatting to a friend of ours who'd always had cats and she said we should really have her insured just in case. My husband rang up about it and had to give his name and the vets name (they contact the vet to check if she is chipped, spayed and vaccinated as he'd said yes on the questionnaire when they'd asked him)
So the insurance company contacted the vet and rang my husband back with one little problem, because the cat didn't have his surname they couldn't discuss insuring her with him. They told him he'd either have to get me to ring them or else they could double barrel her to 'Tiger Smith Jones'
My husband said that as I didn't double barrel my own name, I was highly unlikely to double barrel the cat!
I rang them the next day and so she's officially 'Tiger Smith'. She's got her human mother's surname.
Anyway, about 6 years ago now a stray cat began hanging around our garden. Started showing up on a regular basis and eventually just sort of moved herself in. Now my husband swore he hated cats, but as I speak, she's on his knee on the sofa!
When she'd been hanging around for about 6 weeks and it got to the 'think she's ours now' stage, I took her to the vet and had her checked for a chip (not chipped) and spayed (not spayed either and the vet said unlikely to be vaccinated) So as I was the one who'd brought her to the vet, she was registered as 'Tiger Smith'
A few weeks later my husband was chatting to a friend of ours who'd always had cats and she said we should really have her insured just in case. My husband rang up about it and had to give his name and the vets name (they contact the vet to check if she is chipped, spayed and vaccinated as he'd said yes on the questionnaire when they'd asked him)
So the insurance company contacted the vet and rang my husband back with one little problem, because the cat didn't have his surname they couldn't discuss insuring her with him. They told him he'd either have to get me to ring them or else they could double barrel her to 'Tiger Smith Jones'
My husband said that as I didn't double barrel my own name, I was highly unlikely to double barrel the cat!
I rang them the next day and so she's officially 'Tiger Smith'. She's got her human mother's surname.
Outdated and unnecessary imo. I was surprised when my husband told me that he had in fact asked my Dad. I was absolutely howling when he relayed my Dadās response āAre you sure? Sheās really spoilt.ā Flaming cheek 
My fiancƩ never asked my parents for permission. Not that he was nervous or didn't want too. My parents are not strict or Conservative and couldn't quiet honestly care. Not in a mean sense but it's just that it's not that big of a deal. We'll get married eventually but it's not rushed and I'm not close to my family anyways so I wouldn't care if they were happy or not.
Another odd one out here 
19 years ago my dh would never have dreamt of proposing to me without asking dad first and to be honest, if my dad had a problem I really would have questioned why as maybe he was seeing something I hadn't? It was absolutely a sign of respect to my dad and I wouldn't have dreamt of getting married without him giving me away either. I do live in the depths of the Highlands though so not a very progressive place 19 years ago but each to their own and hopefully all of your other halves know you all well enough to know whether it will matter or not to you and act accordingly - after all, the knowing you well enough is the bit that matters
19 years ago my dh would never have dreamt of proposing to me without asking dad first and to be honest, if my dad had a problem I really would have questioned why as maybe he was seeing something I hadn't? It was absolutely a sign of respect to my dad and I wouldn't have dreamt of getting married without him giving me away either. I do live in the depths of the Highlands though so not a very progressive place 19 years ago but each to their own and hopefully all of your other halves know you all well enough to know whether it will matter or not to you and act accordingly - after all, the knowing you well enough is the bit that mattersI'm have 3 sisters and apparently my dad said well, that's one down, 2 to goOutdated and unnecessary imo. I was surprised when my husband told me that he had in fact asked my Dad. I was absolutely howling when he relayed my Dadās response āAre you sure? Sheās really spoilt.ā Flaming cheek
not personal at all
I use to be the same as you . I didn't sleep with anyone until i was in my early 20's which is old in modern terms. I had a bad first time experience and an even worse second and third.
I wasn't in a relationship with all but was seeing two of them and dating for over two months. Sometimes we cannot predict how things turn out and we can only hope things go well. It is always hard to know when to sleep with a person.