Are you happy?

[rainbowlemon]

I think Lana Del Ray sums it up for me well:

"Don't ask if I'm happy, you know that I'm not
But, at best, I can say I'm not sad
'Cause hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have "

At the moment I'm honestly just struggling and I'm tired of the constant heaviness of my depression which I've had since I was 14. I just go from one suicidal crisis to another. I didn't think I would live beyond 26 (I'm almost 30 now). I've spent years and ££££ on therapy but I can't really say it was worth it to be honest.

I know I have a lot to be grateful for but I can't feel it.

 

[isabellalovescats]

I think I am extremely burnt out and have lost faith in people and also lost the burning passion I used to have for my career just two or so years ago. I have chronic social anxiety and depression plus BPD so I don't know if I should or could even expect complete happiness, whatever that means. I want to be able to have more moments of happiness though, without depending too much on other people.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I find it difficult to answer this question - because: what IS happiness?

I feel that if happiness is dependent on external factors than are we truly happy? Wouldn't we always be anxious, fearing to lose this thing?

For example: A job and a house can be lost, a soulmate can fall out of love or leave/die, health can be lost, a child can fall ill or die or simply be very difficult, friends can leave, our looks/beauty can go, etc etc.

For me, happiness is similar to wisdom: it is something that has been acquired, that is a skill almost, that is not dependant on anyone or anything but resides inside of us.

Sorry - this might be non-sensical.

 

[Saddlesoap]

Gosh I'm so sorry so many of you are feeling rubbish.

I guess happiness is immeasurable. One person's happiness is not the same as another's

For example, I don't have/won't have kids. I am ok with it (but no, it's not what I expected), but some wouldn't be able to settle for that.

Overall for me; I am married to my best friend, who I nearly lost twice to cancer (the doctor's didn't expect him to live), I live comfortably in a nice house, have a job I enjoy and am very good at.

ETA; I wound love more money, more time off, not to have to think about accessible options all the time. But we do and that's that.

 

[Penguin86]

Never

 

[Moolo]

I would say no. I have a good job and I'm married to my soulmate but I suffer badly with anxiety, and have been going through infertility for a long time now (and some other health issues).

All I really want is my own child (or the chance to adopt) and I feel that this may not happen - even more so now I'm rapidly going towards 40 and time is running out.

I do feel like if I could fulfil that part of my life, I could be happy - sometimes I wonder why I cant just be pleased with what I have as I'm luckier than most but most days I just feel empty, sad and anxious. Covid has made everything so much worse and I feel like im sitting in some pretty dark clouds at the moment.

In a month or so I'm due to come into some money from work and whilst it'll make my life 100x easier I cant even be excited about that - it's like there is nothing to be excited about because what's the point if I cant have children.

I think writing this post I didnt realise quite how unhappy I was - I have therapy tomorrow thank god so I will be discussing this as it's really made me think out loud.

For everyone else having a tough time - thoughts with you - let's hope things get easier soon!

 

[WilmaHun]

I've sat here for ages trying to describe whether I'm happy or not, it's tough to put into words. I have days where I feel happy, I laugh, have fun and feel good but there's always things in the back of my mind which drag me down. I feel selfish saying that I'm miserable, because I have a loving partner, a nice home, a stable job, family etc, there's people far worse off than me so I feel like I don't deserve to say it, but I cry more than I'd like to admit. I have a lot going on at the moment which contributes to being sad, but those are all things which I know will get better. Deep down I'm not happy in myself, I have no confidence, I hate the way I look and sometimes I hate the person that I am. These are things I can't easily change, but I feel like I'd be far happier if I could.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

No. Not at all.

I'm turning 30 next year and due to the housing crisis, I doubt I'll ever get a mortgage at this rate. I still live at home with my parents and my boyfriend is the same. We are both underpaid for the work that we do. My boyfriend wants to rent, but I don't want to throw away €2k a month to a landlord as that will further cripple our chances at saving for a mortgage. I really want to get married, have kids and all that but I grow more and more doubtful that will ever happen either. I already live with generalised anxiety disorder, but this whole situation is making me feel so depressed and sick that I honestly can't sit and think about it for too long without crying.

And look, this isn't all for lack of trying. I need to stay in my current job position to get at least 3 years experience before I can think about moving on to a better paid role in a different firm. Most firms demand at least 3 years minimum experience so I'm really doing my best (I currently have 2 years experience). My partner is starting college part time in September to work towards a better role with better pay. We're both putting away a minimum of €800 each in savings each month.

We're doing our best, but honestly.. it's all just getting to the stage where I'm wondering what IS the point anymore.

Getting a mortgage and buying a house isn’t the be all and end all of life. It’s perfectly acceptable to rent your home. You cannot put your entire life on hold for the sake of getting a mortgage. If you and your boyfriend want to live together, build a life together, get married and start a family there is nothing stopping you from doing that. Nothing. You do not have to have a mortgage to do any of those things and you do not have to have a mortgage to be happy or have a good life.
lots of people have wonderful, happy lives living in a rented home. Don’t let your live pass you buy for the sake of a mortgage! Please!

 

[Bobby Chariot]

This might sound daft but I have been kind of happy during lockdown, I don't really like people & was fine avoiding them.
I was diagnosed with depression over 20 years ago & had some tough times with it, still do.
Unhappy childhood, parents split, drank til I passed out often in my teens/20's/30's. I never 'stuck in' in school & have had a few different jobs since I was 16, but never felt truly happy in them, I even ran a Bar despite not enjoying listening to people
Have been with my partner 30 years now, she infuriates me at times, as I probably do her. A lot of my problems stem from childhood, an unhappy home unfortunately affects you for life.
Our dog & going outdoors & sitting in nature makes me/us happy.
Take care all

 

[Lara98]

I finally feel happy for the first time in a while, I was in a deep depression in my teens after being diagnosed with a condition meaning I wouldn't be able to carry a child - the one thing I wanted more than anything in life, I was heartbroken at 16 being told this. I've grown up with many health conditions where I'm not necessarily "normal" looking and I was very anxious and self conscious growing up. Now in the last 2 years, I'm finally feeling confident and happy and like I've found a "purpose". Don't get me wrong some days are still tough and I have moment where I think what's the point, but I'm no longer waking up wanting to be gone. I make the most of the little things, even if to others it seems like nothing - to me it seems like something after what I've been through growing up. I hope one day my health is stable, some things are irreversible but I hope to manage them, I hope to fulfill my career dreams and have a stable income. I don't know if I want to get married but I do hope regardless that I have the same positive relationships I have now with friends and family.

I finally feel proud and like I deserve to be happy and I think we all do no matter what we've been through! Keep your heads held high

 

[blackmasque]

Not even a little bit. And due to the specific contributing factors and their nature, I know it's only going to continue to get worse from here on out. I don't see myself ever being able to live a happy or even just content/fulfilled life.

 

[Sally1993]

I went from a highly stressful graduate level job, down to a more simple admin job.

I have never been happier and more chilled in my entire life.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

Happiness is an emotional state and not a static destination, feeling happy/content will ebb & flow naturally in the same way that all other emotions should. I don’t believe that anyone ever feels 100% happy all day, every day. I am happy and content with myself and my life as a general overview of my situation yes but within that there are of course day to day issues/problems/struggles that make me unhappy/stressed/worried etc

 

[jaymie]

Yes and no.

My contract ended so now I am unemployed, have been searching and interviewing and so sick of the process. When I wake up in the morning, I am so dread of what I have to do, ie. the same process, the thought of me getting a job and ultimately the big fat rejection.

Was asked recently what is the book that I read that changed my life in an interview. I was thinking to myself, because of job hunt, I seems to can't let my brain settle down. Job Hunting is always at the back of my mind.

I do feel grateful that I have a loving husband and two dogs that love me dearly (well, I hope!)

 

[Mamacita]

Sometimes I feel like I am, sometimes I feel I'm not. Not sure if anyone is always truly happy, I'm just trying to accept that sometimes in life I'll feel sad or stressed or annoyed and that doesn't mean my life is shit, it's just a normal part of life I guess.

 

[judgejohndeed]

This is an interesting thread, I have a question for the people who said no...would more money make you happier? I don't mean for material things but money can help cant it?

For me, I would say more money is what is making me unhappy! I changed career so that I would be better paid, now I don't have the time to enjoy it or do anything with it because I am literally always working. The grass isn't always greener I think.

 

[LennyBriscoe]

On a day to day basis I’m not unhappy but when I stop and think about it, I am. I can’t believe this is it. I have a lot to be grateful for but I’ve had a lot of sadness in my life so I’m waiting for the next thing to go wrong.

I am on anti-depressants and the one before this was Lithium. I specifically told the Psychiatrist that I have weight issues but he still put me on those and led me to believe we were running out of options. He retires and I am listened to and put on a tablet that helps so much but doesn’t have associated weight gain. But the previous Psychiatrist has fed into the ever-present feeling that I’m not worth help and I don’t deserve happiness.

I find life pretty hard sometimes but I always get a laugh on Tattle!

 

[orla1989]

I’m not happy no. The last time I was at my happiest was when I was 13. I’m now 31. I’ve had a lot of knock backs that would make anyone down, also a lot of my family do suffer with depression so I def have it I say

I think social media has a lot to answer for too.... it seems people have never been so depressed in their lives as they are now.

Excellent question.

 

[Amyx1518]

Not really. I’m 29, single mum of 2.5 years to my now 9 year old daughter. She’s got problems of her own and it’s a tough slog parenting her. Im overweight, riddled with anxiety and depression and have zero control of money. On the plus side i have a new car (new to me, it’s a 14 plate) a job with the nhs I’m proud of, and my health is generally good. I think I might’ve met a good man, that remains to be seen. Im hoping the future will be better than the past.

 

[FakeSmile]

Getting a mortgage and buying a house isn’t the be all and end all of life. It’s perfectly acceptable to rent your home. You cannot put your entire life on hold for the sake of getting a mortgage. If you and your boyfriend want to live together, build a life together, get married and start a family there is nothing stopping you from doing that. Nothing. You do not have to have a mortgage to do any of those things and you do not have to have a mortgage to be happy or have a good life.
lots of people have wonderful, happy lives living in a rented home. Don’t let your live pass you buy for the sake of a mortgage! Please!

I agree with this - I have rented with my husband for the last 6 years and whilst we are no where near having a deposit for our own house, we have built a lovely life together which is in no way affected because we don’t own our home.