Anxiety around christmas support thread - financial, family situations etc.

[Dandylion1]

Is anyone else worried about Christmas this year? My money situation has changed so I can’t buy my children a lot and it’s making me really worry, I know it’s not about the gifts but I don’t want them to feel let down. I feel like a failure to be honest

 

[SavetheDrama]

I promise you that your children will not remember less gifts under the tree when they think back of their childhood Christmases. They’ll think of family time and being together. My family went through peaks and valleys with money during my childhood but I didn’t really notice that at the time, and now that I am an adult all I remember is that they did their absolute best for me every single day, and I am filled with gratitude. You’re not a failure, you’re a parent doing their best
It’s been a tough couple of years but things will turn around.

 

[Happy Lady]

I'm going to provide a few suggestions that I've used over the years, and hopefully some may prove helpful.

If your kids need new clothes, buy them now but wrap them up for Xmas. My daughter is now in her thirties but tells me that she always looked forward to opening her clothes parcel, especially if there was a new nightie or slippers.

Kids like to be occupied so a game is worthwhile, then later in the day the family can all get together and join in playing the game. As has been said before, it's about enjoyment and making happy memories.

For older teens and adults, Boots have the three for two offer on a great selection of gifts from cheaper to more expensive stuff. Gift sets, smellies, electrical items, even gardening and cooking presents. Use the Boots Advantage Card and get even more off.

Black Friday usually have great offers too. I love visiting Outlets as they give even bigger discounts.

Chocolates - from 99p selection boxes to large bars or boxes of chocolates are starting to be reduced already.

Yankee Candles tend to be welcome and with such a big selection from the smaller ones to the huge ones, as well as the gift sets, there's plenty to suit whatever you can afford.

Try looking in B&M or The Range. Picture frames, gardening or household gifts galore to chose from.

Write a list and don't panic about money. I was once terribly overdrawn so just bought the odd gift each week leading up to Xmas then it didn't seem too bad. And remember, nobody knows when you've bought their present in a sale, they won't even think about it.

Hope this helps.

 

[Kim Mild]

So I’m fortunate in the sense that I only have one child and my one child is the only child in the wider family so not a lot of children to buy for, however my fellas family expects gifts off us, and there’s a few of them. His mum, an auntie, two (adult) cousins and their partners - and they don’t want like little presents they usually have requirements of fancy brands and stuff and it fucks me off.
My partner isn’t working and this will be the second Christmas in a row that I pay for it all and I find myself thinking fucking hell how am I gonna do it all alone AGAIN.

I hate adults who demand lots of specific presents, they should buy stuff themselves if they want it that much. I would be just buying something generic and affordable, if that .

 

[monga]

Merry Christmas to everyone except my supposed loving bf, who thought it okay to hit me then boot me in the stomach. I wish Christmas was over already. Its full of happy expectations.... And I'm definitely not full of anything happy.

Give yourself and your kids ( if you have any) the best present and get out of there people that love you don’t treat you like that x

Domestic abuse: how to get help

Find out how to get help if you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse.

www.gov.uk

 

[dancingqueen5678]

I have two ends of this spectrum as I was someone who was piled with stuff from my mum so she would look good but had a very poor dad (they were split) so got very minimal from him. To be brutally honest, I remember my dad's presents a lot more than my mums. 1. Cause there was less of them (usually around 5 things) and 2. because they were things I genuinely wanted. If I asked for a specific CD for example, he'd get me a t-shirt or calendar by that artist. He put more thought into it whereas my mum just threw presents at me completely ignoring what I actually wanted and most of which I didn't like or want (I'll give a small example, she'd buy me bath sets with bombs, bubble bath etc but I had really awful eczema so it sat in the wardrobe until next christmas when she'd use it as a gift for someone else or a raffle and shout at me for not using it). We never actually did anything either. We'd open presents, eat and then go to my nan's for more presents. I hated it as I didn't get on well with my family and really disliked being carted around everywhere.

What I'm getting at is, they are not going to remember everything you bought them. You're better off getting them the stuff they really want and actually putting the effort into spending time with them cause that is what they will remember! Don't be so hard on yourself and I'm sure you're not the only parent worrying about it this year

 

[Oohthedrama]

Is anyone else worried about Christmas this year? My money situation has changed so I can’t buy my children a lot and it’s making me really worry, I know it’s not about the gifts but I don’t want them to feel let down. I feel like a failure to be honest

Hope it’s ok to edit the title so as to be more specific,
I think this could be a really useful thread for a lot of users in the next few weeks

remember Christmas is one day, it’s just one day, it might not be exactly what you hoped for this year but you are clearly a brilliant mum if you’re worried, your kids will be fine (how old are they?) Stop being so hard on yourself because come January the gifts are always forgotten anyway, enjoy the day in other ways and know things will get better

 

[Caffeine Fiend]

Not much to add that hasnt already been said but last year with Covid I really wanted to make Christmas special for my kids.

Every Saturday in December we had a family movie night, Id draw the curtains, light the candles, I got microwave popcorn and we all watched a Christmas movie. Not sure if you have a Netflix subscription but there are loads on there, we particularly liked The Christmas Chronicals (there are 2 of them)

Just last week my eldest said to me 'will we be doing the Christmas movie nights again' and it warmed my heart to know that it stuck out in their mind. If money stretches you can pick up usually christmas themed snacks cheaply. Like santa jelly sweets or whatever.

 

[Nora Fenn]

Is anyone else worried about Christmas this year? My money situation has changed so I can’t buy my children a lot and it’s making me really worry, I know it’s not about the gifts but I don’t want them to feel let down. I feel like a failure to be honest

There was one Christmas when I was a kid when my parents couldn’t afford lots of toys. We got a few board games, Operation, Connect 4 and Cluedo and we played as a family all day, went to my Grandparents for dinner, took Connect 4 with us and we were just so excited that the adults were playing with us It was my favourite Christmas, better than the ones where we got all the things on our list. It snowed that year too which made it even better Board games, movies, cosying up under a blanket to read Christmas books, these are the things children remember.

 

[Zenchick101]

Is anyone else worried about Christmas this year? My money situation has changed so I can’t buy my children a lot and it’s making me really worry, I know it’s not about the gifts but I don’t want them to feel let down. I feel like a failure to be honest

I second what the other poster said, as an adult now, the christmases I preffered are the ones where I was with my family as a whole or with the parent who actually took care of me and loved me not the one with the big christmas party.

 

[WilmaHun]

Is anyone else worried about Christmas this year? My money situation has changed so I can’t buy my children a lot and it’s making me really worry, I know it’s not about the gifts but I don’t want them to feel let down. I feel like a failure to be honest

You are absolutely not a failure, I'm sure your children will appreciate whatever you can do for them! My Nan every single Christmas used to do a "lucky dip" where she'd buy really little things, colouring pencils, note book, cheap toys out of the poundshop etc. She'd put a number on each gift and we'd pick a number out of a hat, and then you'd open the corresponding gift. It was so much fun and me and my brother used to enjoy doing the lucky dip more than we'd enjoy opening our actual presents We used to then trade lucky dip prizes at the end of the day if he got something I wanted etc. It didn't cost a lot and it was so much fun. Could you try something similar?

____

I am also worried about Christmas tbh. We've had an expensive year and our savings have been spent. I'm now thinking "shit, how am I gonna manage it?". I've got no children myself but I come from a large family where everyone buys for everyones children. I have a lot of cousins all with 2 children each. Plus my other halfs neices and nephews so it does get expensive. I don't know how I'm going to manage it, and on the other hand I also don't know how to simply say "no, I'm not doing it this year" because I'll feel guilty. It's playing on my mind a lot tbh.

 

[HoGi]

My stand out memories from Christmas as a child are new Pyjamas on Xmas eve (so we looked good in the photos mum took on Xmas morning), Xmas films with my sister, playing board games, mum waking up super early to cook the turkey, looking through the TV magazine and circling all the things we wanted to watch (and never getting to watch them as dad wanted to watch different things and we only had 1 TV but dad would fall asleep on the sofa after dinner so then we took over!), a box of chocolate biscuits, a tin of roses, turkey sandwiches in the evening and that's it! I honestly can't remember a single present. It was about family and a few treats we never normally had.

 

[watermelon sugar]

Yeah I am, I’m worried about a lot money wise, I just want my son to have a nice Christmas, luckily he’s still young so he won’t really have a clue what’s happening but I still want him to get a couple things. I have a big family and nieces and nephews and I want to get them nice things too. My Mum deserves the world and I want to get my boyfriend something nice too cos he deserves it as well. I worry about money constantly, I know the feeling you sound like a fab Mum to even be worried. I try and tell myself that the kids don’t remember that one day of the year and that’s all it is

 

[Moanyoldwoman]

I grew up poor. I remember some years we had a few presents and I remember one when we had to go to a friends for dinner and all we got was some knickers and we watched my mums friends open all their gifts and I remember feeling sad but I also remember my mum later that day crying and us consoling her saying it didn’t matter and you know what it really didn’t I just didn’t want my mum to be sad.

I did feel envious and jealous and sad sometimes that I never had the Christmases that other people had but I know that our Christmas dinner was a big deal to us, that we had fun making decorations, we still made a big effort and we did have good days.

I’m also in dire straits right now and because of the above I’ve not gone overboard but I have always made sure that they had decent pressies etc. mine are teens which means a lot of stuff is expensive and I do worry but I also have to remind myself that I’m doing my best. When they were younger I literally wrapped every single thing separately so even though they didn’t have loads it looked it to them!

I can honestly say hand on heart although it did bother me somewhat when I was younger we still made efforts and as we got older and we were all working etc we would reminisce and laugh at our “poor christmases”. I’ve never needed therapy because I got only one or two presents. My dear mum is no longer here and I would go back in a heartbeat to our poor Christmas making decorations.

also, ask your kids what they got last year for Christmas. They won’t even remember lol but they will remember mum trying, mum dancing around the living room with you singing Christmas songs and games you played. Trust me

 

[Bunnyintheheadlights]

I've been honest with my children this year and said how tight things are, mine are 11, 15 and 16 and they've all said as long as we are all together it doesn't matter, I've bought small things throughout the year to wràp up so they have stuff under the tree, and would recommend doing that for next Christmas. I used to do elf on the shelf every year but my kids have now taken on the roll and try and out do each other which is hilarious especially having two teenagers just remember money doesn't buy you happiness, you can make it magical with nothing

 

[klarakluckbag]

I was reading this thread earlier and I just wanted to reiterate the point that so many have already made...it's honestly not about the amount of gifts, or the size of your budget. Most of us grow up without having everything we want, if we have parents who have our best interests at heart. Even if you are well-off, it's not responsible to just cater to your child's every whim, they need to know that you have to work and save for things that you want.

I grew up in a single parent household, and it's only as a grown-up, that I can appreciate how poor we were, and how my mum must have struggled. But I can't remember a "bad" Christmas. We always had food (not turkey, just chicken) and presents (not loads, but we always got something that we wanted). We had music and Christmas telly. We had lemonade and chocolate. We had a tree with homemade decorations, and paper chains that we had to lick and stick together which would take a whole evening to make (no internet in those days!)
I can remember going with my mum to my mates house and he had a huge pile of presents under his tree, I was so jealous. Yet he was always round at our house, his parents didn't get on, so I guess his Christmases weren't much fun, no matter how many presents he got.

My mum has a terminal illness, and although she's ok for now, we honestly don't know if it's our last Christmas together. No-one is saying it, but we're all thinking it. So there's a bit of pressure to get it right and to have a good time, even though none of us are really in the mood. It's a bit of a paradox, how do you have a good time, when it's a terrible time?

 

[Saddlesoap]

Don't have kids, so don't have this worry. However, as the others have said, genuinely what I remember from my own childhood is the day itself. I can pick out memories of things we did and some involve gifts, but mostly they don't. And honestly when I went back to school and talked about 'what did you get' by that point I couldn't remember a lot of them. Sounds bad now, but that's being a kid!

Plan to do something during the day to take the focus off the presents. Depends if you are restricted by visiting people, but get out for a walk, make a gingerbread house, create a scavenger hunt.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Maybe it's time to wind back the clock. Create your own family traditions. I remember every year making those paper chains. stop decorating to keep up with SM and get the kids to make the decrations. get the kids to each to make a food item for Christmas dinner

These are some of the things my daughter does.
Homemade gifts. Charity shop gifts, inventive gifts for under £5. Everyone has to choose an unusual book for a family member at the charity shop, homemade wrapping,

I volunteer at the homeless shelter and many people bring their children for a few hours. people drop in throughout the day I can't explain what it's like it's just lovely seeing the kids of all ages interacting with the homeless and the elderly and people who live on their own and just want company. So many pop into our local one for an hour or two.
Go to church on Christmas eve or Christmas morning, it's very child friendly. Try to play games rather than watch TV. be selective in what you do watch on TV. My children's dad always took them to the forest after dinner and they always moaned, but now they talk about it like it was the best thing ever

 

[Shutterbug99]

So I’m fortunate in the sense that I only have one child and my one child is the only child in the wider family so not a lot of children to buy for, however my fellas family expects gifts off us, and there’s a few of them. His mum, an auntie, two (adult) cousins and their partners - and they don’t want like little presents they usually have requirements of fancy brands and stuff and it fucks me off.
My partner isn’t working and this will be the second Christmas in a row that I pay for it all and I find myself thinking fucking hell how am I gonna do it all alone AGAIN.

I would have your partner explain that he's not doing gifts this year as he's not working. Or maybe suggest a Secret Santa so everyone gets a gift but you only have to buy one! Surely as adults they understand that he can't give expensive presents when he's not working. And you're expected to pay for the presents for his adult cousins? Nah. I would nip that in the bud!

I have a bunch of nieces and nephews to buy for and love the idea of a 'lucky dip' from @WilmaHun. I have tried to 'phase out' some of the nieces and nephews over the years (lol!) but everybody else keeps buying for them so it's not like I can be the only one to stop, you know? Anyway, I'm sick of buying plastic crap that just ends up thrown in the corner with the rest of their plastic crap. And all these kids seem to want is plastic crap. They have way too much plastic crap.

 

[Peaches_xox]

So I’m fortunate in the sense that I only have one child and my one child is the only child in the wider family so not a lot of children to buy for, however my fellas family expects gifts off us, and there’s a few of them. His mum, an auntie, two (adult) cousins and their partners - and they don’t want like little presents they usually have requirements of fancy brands and stuff and it fucks me off.
My partner isn’t working and this will be the second Christmas in a row that I pay for it all and I find myself thinking fucking hell how am I gonna do it all alone AGAIN.