Your manager is an arse.I would appreciate some perspective.
I posted about how I joined a new team a few months ago. A few days ago, I was asked to do a presentation in front of 70 people. My manager knows I’d never done this and public speaking terrifies me. Fast forward, I do the presentation and the manager wasn’t in attendance.
All good. People apparently loved it. At around 5.30pm when I’m about to log off, I get a ping from my manager asking me to talk. I dial in and they go on a tangent about how some people did not like that I didn’t have my camera on! They said it wasn’t good, that I should have had my camera on and the team culture is one of collaboration.
Your industry seems quite cut throat
I explained that my camera was on and if it appeared off when I shared my screen, I apologize but I’m pretty adamant I had it on. Then she goes on a tangent saying she doesn’t want an apology and that she wants to know why my camera is occasionally off (during weekly team meetings with roughly 100 people on and where I’m not a speaker!) I said it’s for personal reasons and I shouldn’t give such justification. Then she goes on a tangent about how she’s not asking for justification. What? You just asked me ‘why’.
Anyways, I apologize, say it was an oversight (even though I 100% had my camera on and maybe turned it off for a second to drink water) and she kept going on a tangent.
At that point, I had enough and I started crying which she quickly gathered and she says ‘this is not a formal reprimand that will go in your performance record, if that’s what you think’ . I go silent because my anxiety went through the roof and she ends the call.
Fast forward, the following day, I log in, no trace of her asking me even as much as an ‘are you OK’. Nothing. I got an email asking for a deck, nothing else.
I was honestly so happy with my presentation and some people even asked me to join their project with leadership as a result of it. She tore it all apart right after. I’ve been feeling distraught ever since because I’ve been in the industry for 8 years, had disagreements with managers, but never cried in front of one and this one pushed me to tears over something so petty.
I‘m genuinely contemplating resigning next week without any other job lined up because I’ve never seen this my entire career and God knows my previous team was awful.
BIB - You don't have to do that though.Thank you so much for the kind words & support. I really don’t have anyone to talk to about this, so it means a lot
Honestly, how many times did I attend a presentation and couldn’t even recollect the face afterwards of the presenter because the focus is on the presentation, not the speaker.
It’s really sad because I’m always going to link this huge personal milestone with her drama.
I agree that I’ve had my fair share of grief with this company. Changing teams just
caused me to go from one issue to another. I’m not interested in this company anymore.
Previous posters have given great advice so all I’ll add is something I’ve said before. I worked in a horrendous environment about 20 years ago and got a new job. Once everything was signed and sealed I made a point of telling a bullying bitch from hell to fuck off on my last day. The euphoria I felt was off the charts. I strongly recommend this.Thank you so much for the kind words & support. I really don’t have anyone to talk to about this, so it means a lot
Honestly, how many times did I attend a presentation and couldn’t even recollect the face afterwards of the presenter because the focus is on the presentation, not the speaker.
It’s really sad because I’m always going to link this huge personal milestone with her drama.
I agree that I’ve had my fair share of grief with this company. Changing teams just
caused me to go from one issue to another. I’m not interested in this company anymore.
Oh I would so love to have done that. The bullying bastard I worked with went onwards and upwards. When it was announced he was leaving (he was no longer my manager at this point) I took pleasure in not once congratulating him or asking him about the new job, like I would have done with anyone else.Previous posters have given great advice so all I’ll add is something I’ve said before. I worked in a horrendous environment about 20 years ago and got a new job. Once everything was signed and sealed I made a point of telling a bullying bitch from hell to fuck off on my last day. The euphoria I felt was off the charts. I strongly recommend this.
Sorry you had to go through this @TheGlossy.I would appreciate some perspective.
I posted about how I joined a new team a few months ago. A few days ago, I was asked to do a presentation in front of 70 people. My manager knows I’d never done this and public speaking terrifies me. Fast forward, I do the presentation and the manager wasn’t in attendance.
All good. People apparently loved it. At around 5.30pm when I’m about to log off, I get a ping from my manager asking me to talk. I dial in and they go on a tangent about how some people did not like that I didn’t have my camera on! They said it wasn’t good, that I should have had my camera on and the team culture is one of collaboration.
I explained that my camera was on and if it appeared off when I shared my screen, I apologize but I’m pretty adamant I had it on. Then she goes on a tangent saying she doesn’t want an apology and that she wants to know why my camera is occasionally off (during weekly team meetings with roughly 100 people on and where I’m not a speaker!) I said it’s for personal reasons and I shouldn’t give such justification. Then she goes on a tangent about how she’s not asking for justification. What? You just asked me ‘why’.
Anyways, I apologize, say it was an oversight (even though I 100% had my camera on and maybe turned it off for a second to drink water) and she kept going on a tangent.
At that point, I had enough and I started crying which she quickly gathered and she says ‘this is not a formal reprimand that will go in your performance record, if that’s what you think’ . I go silent because my anxiety went through the roof and she ends the call.
Fast forward, the following day, I log in, no trace of her asking me even as much as an ‘are you OK’. Nothing. I got an email asking for a deck, nothing else.
I was honestly so happy with my presentation and some people even asked me to join their project with leadership as a result of it. She tore it all apart right after. I’ve been feeling distraught ever since because I’ve been in the industry for 8 years, had disagreements with managers, but never cried in front of one and this one pushed me to tears over something so petty.
I‘m genuinely contemplating resigning next week without any other job lined up because I’ve never seen this my entire career and God knows my previous team was awful.
So sorry to read this.I would appreciate some perspective.
I posted about how I joined a new team a few months ago. A few days ago, I was asked to do a presentation in front of 70 people. My manager knows I’d never done this and public speaking terrifies me. Fast forward, I do the presentation and the manager wasn’t in attendance.
All good. People apparently loved it. At around 5.30pm when I’m about to log off, I get a ping from my manager asking me to talk. I dial in and they go on a tangent about how some people did not like that I didn’t have my camera on! They said it wasn’t good, that I should have had my camera on and the team culture is one of collaboration.
I explained that my camera was on and if it appeared off when I shared my screen, I apologize but I’m pretty adamant I had it on. Then she goes on a tangent saying she doesn’t want an apology and that she wants to know why my camera is occasionally off (during weekly team meetings with roughly 100 people on and where I’m not a speaker!) I said it’s for personal reasons and I shouldn’t give such justification. Then she goes on a tangent about how she’s not asking for justification. What? You just asked me ‘why’.
Anyways, I apologize, say it was an oversight (even though I 100% had my camera on and maybe turned it off for a second to drink water) and she kept going on a tangent.
At that point, I had enough and I started crying which she quickly gathered and she says ‘this is not a formal reprimand that will go in your performance record, if that’s what you think’ . I go silent because my anxiety went through the roof and she ends the call.
Fast forward, the following day, I log in, no trace of her asking me even as much as an ‘are you OK’. Nothing. I got an email asking for a deck, nothing else.
I was honestly so happy with my presentation and some people even asked me to join their project with leadership as a result of it. She tore it all apart right after. I’ve been feeling distraught ever since because I’ve been in the industry for 8 years, had disagreements with managers, but never cried in front of one and this one pushed me to tears over something so petty.
I‘m genuinely contemplating resigning next week without any other job lined up because I’ve never seen this my entire career and God knows my previous team was awful.
She got jealousI would appreciate some perspective.
I posted about how I joined a new team a few months ago. A few days ago, I was asked to do a presentation in front of 70 people. My manager knows I’d never done this and public speaking terrifies me. Fast forward, I do the presentation and the manager wasn’t in attendance.
All good. People apparently loved it. At around 5.30pm when I’m about to log off, I get a ping from my manager asking me to talk. I dial in and they go on a tangent about how some people did not like that I didn’t have my camera on! They said it wasn’t good, that I should have had my camera on and the team culture is one of collaboration.
I explained that my camera was on and if it appeared off when I shared my screen, I apologize but I’m pretty adamant I had it on. Then she goes on a tangent saying she doesn’t want an apology and that she wants to know why my camera is occasionally off (during weekly team meetings with roughly 100 people on and where I’m not a speaker!) I said it’s for personal reasons and I shouldn’t give such justification. Then she goes on a tangent about how she’s not asking for justification. What? You just asked me ‘why’.
Anyways, I apologize, say it was an oversight (even though I 100% had my camera on and maybe turned it off for a second to drink water) and she kept going on a tangent.
At that point, I had enough and I started crying which she quickly gathered and she says ‘this is not a formal reprimand that will go in your performance record, if that’s what you think’ . I go silent because my anxiety went through the roof and she ends the call.
Fast forward, the following day, I log in, no trace of her asking me even as much as an ‘are you OK’. Nothing. I got an email asking for a deck, nothing else.
I was honestly so happy with my presentation and some people even asked me to join their project with leadership as a result of it. She tore it all apart right after. I’ve been feeling distraught ever since because I’ve been in the industry for 8 years, had disagreements with managers, but never cried in front of one and this one pushed me to tears over something so petty.
I‘m genuinely contemplating resigning next week without any other job lined up because I’ve never seen this my entire career and God knows my previous team was awful.
Nah trust me. She got very jealous of ur success with the presentation so she had to find a flaw and there were none so she invented one. People are jealous, they bring their negative energy to bring u down. You did so well it broke her. Believe me thats the truth. Thats how people are at workThank you so much for the kind words & support. I really don’t have anyone to talk to about this, so it means a lot
Honestly, how many times did I attend a presentation and couldn’t even recollect the face afterwards of the presenter because the focus is on the presentation, not the speaker.
It’s really sad because I’m always going to link this huge personal milestone with her drama.
I agree that I’ve had my fair share of grief with this company. Changing teams just
caused me to go from one issue to another. I’m not interested in this company anymore.
Good luck - it sounds like the best plan. I’ve been in similar situations and it’s not easy. You work hard to get a good reputation at work but that can be threatening to some people. I’m the least competitive person on the planet and anyone who gets to know me soon realises that, but I think sometimes if you move around a company and you’ve been ‘bigged up’ (for want of a better phrase …) or you get that positive feedback it can automatically put you at a disadvantage. Some people - especially those who have their own insecurities - will view you as a threat and will act towards you accordingly, no matter who you are or what you do.Thank you all for the kind adviceIt really means more than I can express.
I agree with you all. I had the time to ponder over what happened and I realize she had the intent of deflating me at some point because she made a few strange comments during the week that I didn’t think much of in the moment but I realize they could have been warning signs:
- Monday, her own manager told her she highly valued me (and that must have struck a cord for her). Then she pinged me asking me what I said in the meeting with her manager that impressed said manager.
- Tuesday, her other two reports in the team kept complimenting me over some matter and she said to me ‘seems you’ve been showered with compliments lately’.
- Wednesday, she made a comment saying ‘the strategy is to not stand next to TheGlossy because we don’t want to look bad’ (in response to someone complimenting me about something). Who says that even says that to a direct report even as a joke?
Then Thursday was the culmination when she lectured me after that presentation which I believe was the cherry on top for her.
I’m not an attention seeker. I’m just me and it seems to be a problem for her. Something is clearly not right there and I’m done having to shrink myself to make sure I don’t shine in case the manager doesn’t like it. Been there, done that. This is the clear red flag and this time I’m seeing it for what it is. I think I’m past the stage where I will tolerate this nonsense, especially after all I went through last year. I’ll start polishing my CV and look elsewhere.
Sounds very similar to my old manager. I said I wanted to progress in my then current role and change the bonus structure of the company (I was in the work forum). Half an hour after saying that I was pulled into a meeting with my manager and threatened to be put on a PIP.Thank you all for the kind adviceIt really means more than I can express.
I agree with you all. I had the time to ponder over what happened and I realize she had the intent of deflating me at some point because she made a few strange comments during the week that I didn’t think much of in the moment but I realize they could have been warning signs:
- Monday, her own manager told her she highly valued me (and that must have struck a cord for her). Then she pinged me asking me what I said in the meeting with her manager that impressed said manager.
- Tuesday, her other two reports in the team kept complimenting me over some matter and she said to me ‘seems you’ve been showered with compliments lately’.
- Wednesday, she made a comment saying ‘the strategy is to not stand next to TheGlossy because we don’t want to look bad’ (in response to someone complimenting me about something). Who says that even says that to a direct report even as a joke?
Then Thursday was the culmination when she lectured me after that presentation which I believe was the cherry on top for her.
I’m not an attention seeker. I’m just me and it seems to be a problem for her. Something is clearly not right there and I’m done having to shrink myself to make sure I don’t shine in case the manager doesn’t like it. Been there, done that. This is the clear red flag and this time I’m seeing it for what it is. I think I’m past the stage where I will tolerate this nonsense, especially after all I went through last year. I’ll start polishing my CV and look elsewhere.
Have a read of this - it might be helpful in choosing your next roleThank you all for the kind adviceIt really means more than I can express.
I agree with you all. I had the time to ponder over what happened and I realize she had the intent of deflating me at some point because she made a few strange comments during the week that I didn’t think much of in the moment but I realize they could have been warning signs:
- Monday, her own manager told her she highly valued me (and that must have struck a cord for her). Then she pinged me asking me what I said in the meeting with her manager that impressed said manager.
- Tuesday, her other two reports in the team kept complimenting me over some matter and she said to me ‘seems you’ve been showered with compliments lately’.
- Wednesday, she made a comment saying ‘the strategy is to not stand next to TheGlossy because we don’t want to look bad’ (in response to someone complimenting me about something). Who says that even says that to a direct report even as a joke?
Then Thursday was the culmination when she lectured me after that presentation which I believe was the cherry on top for her.
I’m not an attention seeker. I’m just me and it seems to be a problem for her. Something is clearly not right there and I’m done having to shrink myself to make sure I don’t shine in case the manager doesn’t like it. Been there, done that. This is the clear red flag and this time I’m seeing it for what it is. I think I’m past the stage where I will tolerate this nonsense, especially after all I went through last year. I’ll start polishing my CV and look elsewhere.
We use Teams and I hate it when someone does that and then the ‘Suchabody is typing a message …’ notification stays visible for aaaages. You wonder if they’re sending you an advance copy of their memoirs or if they’ve started typing a message and got distracted. Whatever it is, it’s very distracting to see.When someone sends you an IM just saying "Hi Heidi". Nothing about what they want! I messaged back around 30 mins later saying "Hi Mary" and nothing back.
I think you need to keep a diary of her emails, etc.I don’t know if I’m being overly negative or reading too much into this, but:
This morning the manager sent me an email the importance of some random ‘relationship cultivating’ training and how I need to take it because learning how to build relationships will help me with ‘my current role and overall career.’
I mean I have a decade experience in the industry including client facing experience. I don’t see the relevance of this training at this point of my career. I’ll take it to make sure I meet her requirements but I find it odd she’s sending me this after the ridiculous lecture.
She’s making it sound as though I’ve no interpersonal skills and need training or am the ‘bad seed’ in the team. She has access to my past feedbacks from prior role in the company and it’s 100% not the case. I think she’s just adding more fuel to the fire.
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