Alcoholism in a family member

[Northern northener]

I'm wondering if anyone would care to share their stories about this difficult subject as it's really hard to discuss this with friends.

My brother has been a huge drinker since the age of 16. He is now 58. He is the village drunk and I find it really shameful because he can be cruel, and does embarrassing things and has a 'reputation'. He's not a violent drunk, but a mean one and some of the things he has said to me have been awful.
Between us we are guessing at least 50 pints a week in the pub plus goodness knows how many cans at home or lunchtime drinks. He works full time but goes to the pub at the end of the day, has a few pints, evening meal, then back to the pub. Weekend he is wondering the village unable to find his way home. Wet patch and all .

He has no friends left as the few he had died from alcohol related diseases or they have distanced themselves as he gets quite rude and obnoxious. Only one pub in the area will serve him now, so he sits alone. He is on his third marriage and barely sees his daughter. When she was young she would visit her dad but would have to sit in the pub watching him slowly get drunk. He never did any fun stuff. She's an adult now and has issues of her own . I feel I have let her down. He is always skint and only visits our parents to borrow money he never pays back.

If I am honest I feel angry because of all the hurt he has caused people. And quite frankly it's embarrassing when stories filter back to me about his latest shenanigans. I tried to be a good auntie to my niece by protecting her the best I could but I could only do so much when she is not my child. E.g being told to drop her off at the pub...I feel guilty I didn't do more. Social services were aware but didn't do much. She comes to me as an adult and wants me to fix it but I can't and I don't always know what to say.

Will that amount of alcohol kill him? She has asked me that and I don't know. My sister said it's not enough to kill him as he's not a spirit drinker.

Anyone else gone through this?

 

[anotheronebitesthedust.1]

I'm wondering if anyone would care to share their stories about this difficult subject as it's really hard to discuss this with friends.

My brother has been a huge drinker since the age of 16. He is now 58. He is the village drunk and I find it really shameful because he can be cruel, and does embarrassing things and has a 'reputation'. He's not a violent drunk, but a mean one and some of the things he has said to me have been awful.
Between us we are guessing at least 50 pints a week in the pub plus goodness knows how many cans at home or lunchtime drinks. He works full time but goes to the pub at the end of the day, has a few pints, evening meal, then back to the pub. Weekend he is wondering the village unable to find his way home. Wet patch and all .

He has no friends left as the few he had died from alcohol related diseases or they have distanced themselves as he gets quite rude and obnoxious. Only one pub in the area will serve him now, so he sits alone. He is on his third marriage and barely sees his daughter. When she was young she would visit her dad but would have to sit in the pub watching him slowly get drunk. He never did any fun stuff. She's an adult now and has issues of her own . I feel I have let her down. He is always skint and only visits our parents to borrow money he never pays back.

If I am honest I feel angry because of all the hurt he has caused people. And quite frankly it's embarrassing when stories filter back to me about his latest shenanigans. I tried to be a good auntie to my niece by protecting her the best I could but I could only do so much when she is not my child. E.g being told to drop her off at the pub...I feel guilty I didn't do more. Social services were aware but didn't do much. She comes to me as an adult and wants me to fix it but I can't and I don't always know what to say.

Will that amount of alcohol kill him? She has asked me that and I don't know. My sister said it's not enough to kill him as he's not a spirit drinker.

Anyone else gone through this?

Sorry to hear this

Touching on the last comment regarding spirits , any type of alcohol if it’s drank in heavy consumption will put anybody at risk of liver cirrhosis

From a health point of view , once someone has liver cirrhosis , it can trigger off other health related issues such as portal hypertension in the liver where sometimes the pressure in the liver is too much so it causes the blood vessels in the oesophagus to be enlarged
Once these become enlarged and aren’t treated as scary as it sounds , they can and will burst from the pressure and people can bleed to death from it

 

[ElChanguito]

I am also dealing with this, my brother has been a hardcore alcoholic since he started drinking at 18, he’s now in his 40s. I’ve always found it strange because my parents barely drank and alcohol was never a big deal in our house, we weren’t banned from it and it was right there in the cupboard but none of us were ever bothered about it.

Then out of nowhere..boom he was a hardened alkie overnight. He pisses himself copiously every night and never bathes, never brushes his teeth, never washes hair or face. He reeks, you can literally smell him five minutes before he walks in.

God knows how, he still manages to to hold down a job and works full time. This now involves a 40 minutes journey which he drives each day, I pray sometimes he will be breathalysed.

His temper is terrible, he is just enraged with everyone and everything.

He has now been told he has got blood clots that could kill him. He has controlled his drinking for about two weeks now since he was told that, but he will relapse within days.

He behaved like this throughout my dads terminal illness and was no help to me whatsoever as I tried desperately to care for dad. He was in a puddle of his own piss when my dad was taken away in an ambulance. His behaviour regarding dads funeral was horrendous!

I’ve never told anyone any of this. It’s harder because I’m five years younger so how can I act like his parent?

bleeping dreadful illness!
---

I'm wondering if anyone would care to share their stories about this difficult subject as it's really hard to discuss this with friends.

My brother has been a huge drinker since the age of 16. He is now 58. He is the village drunk and I find it really shameful because he can be cruel, and does embarrassing things and has a 'reputation'. He's not a violent drunk, but a mean one and some of the things he has said to me have been awful.
Between us we are guessing at least 50 pints a week in the pub plus goodness knows how many cans at home or lunchtime drinks. He works full time but goes to the pub at the end of the day, has a few pints, evening meal, then back to the pub. Weekend he is wondering the village unable to find his way home. Wet patch and all .

He has no friends left as the few he had died from alcohol related diseases or they have distanced themselves as he gets quite rude and obnoxious. Only one pub in the area will serve him now, so he sits alone. He is on his third marriage and barely sees his daughter. When she was young she would visit her dad but would have to sit in the pub watching him slowly get drunk. He never did any fun stuff. She's an adult now and has issues of her own . I feel I have let her down. He is always skint and only visits our parents to borrow money he never pays back.

If I am honest I feel angry because of all the hurt he has caused people. And quite frankly it's embarrassing when stories filter back to me about his latest shenanigans. I tried to be a good auntie to my niece by protecting her the best I could but I could only do so much when she is not my child. E.g being told to drop her off at the pub...I feel guilty I didn't do more. Social services were aware but didn't do much. She comes to me as an adult and wants me to fix it but I can't and I don't always know what to say.

Will that amount of alcohol kill him? She has asked me that and I don't know. My sister said it's not enough to kill him as he's not a spirit drinker.

Anyone else gone through this?

I’ve just read your post in more detail, a lot of it is exactly the same as my brother. Working all day then straight in the pub, pops home for five minutes to then walk back to the pub. I’d guess mine drinks more than 50 pints a week I’d say at least ten a day plus the harder whiskeys and whatnot. I’ve also wondered how much us enough to kill him.

Is there any advice out there for us? Or is this something with an inevitable ending?