Age gap in a relationship?

[Beckyboo85]

I’m 34 and my husband is 54. We have two young kids and so far our relationship has been fantastic. He is very young for his age and I am quite mature for mine I think. Our age has never been an issue and we are very well suited.
I guess as the years go on then things may change but at the time we got together it was a consideration - which I chose to accept and go with. I remember thinking about being happy, and time passing by. My friend passed away aged 38 suddenly and other people I have known have lost their husbands young - it just seemed my happiness shouldn’t be judged on what could happen in the future as no one knows when their time is going to be up.

I’m not naive enough to think I’ll probably have other things to put up with sooner than my friends who’s husbands are the same age; plus I’ll likely be a widow earlier. But, who is to say I will outlive him (I hope I do even though that sounds bad). I guess I won’t have the companionship into my elderly years with him as others will. That’s a long way off though yet.

I prefer to live in the here and now and enjoy what we have. All relationships are different I guess.

 

[prpkw]

25 years. Absolute time of my life, nobody else’s judgement matters.

 

[LavaFlake]

Me and my partner have a 14 year gap. I'm 28 he's 42. Been together 4 years and it works really well for both of us. He amazingly has no baggage as was in a partnership for early 30s where there were no kids. We both want the same things going forward and have same values humour etc so it works and think we're just about under the wire with regards to the gap. Wouldnt want it much bigger but I prefer someone who is more mature and has their head sorted.

 

[Happyvalley]

Could you extend further?

Yes sure, a main one was big difference in sex drive, he couldn’t be bothered as the relationship went on. Could be quite old fashioned in views and got more stuck in his ways, he used to treat me as if I was young and naive. These things may have been down to just a relationship breaking down but I definitely remember feeling at the time that age was a factor. I also wanted children, he said he was too old. But annoyingly went on to have two children with his next girlfriend who was a good few years younger than me!

 

[CherryAcid]

My biggest was 10 years but I would go up to 20, depends on the person really.
I know someone who is 21 who goes out with a 61 year old and i find that iffy, not morally or anything but more becasue they are at very different points in life at those ages.

 

[Lovegin]

When I was around 16,I used to spend a lot of time with my friends Aunt with my friend as well. The Aunt was in her 40s and had married a man 20 years plus older than her. Well, he ended up having strokes and loads of health problems, it threw them into financial difficulties. He was really abusive, vulgar and disgusting and thats putting it mildly.
She said to me people will say to you age doesnt matter in a relationship, when you hear that you think of me and yes it does.She eventually ran off with someone else and he went into a care home in the end. Its when they get older it matters, men generally dont live as long as women and do you want to be your partners full time carer if anything happens to them in your 40s?

Trouble is you could end up a carer in your 30s 40s to a husband your own age, My husband died when I was 31

 

[Doobots]

My dad and my step-mum have an age gap of 19 years. She was in her 20s when they got married and he was in his 40s. My dad looks young for his age and has always been a bit different to my friends' dads. I could never see him being with someone his own age when he started dating again. My step-mum is a bit of an older soul so they kind of met somewhere in the middle.

Anyway when I was single the idea of an age gap never bothered me but my husband is only a few months older than me. However if I were single again, I'd not date that much older. My dad is in his 60s now and is fit and healthy but the age gap shows more in their opinions on politics and what they want to do to pass the time. They seem happy enough but it's not for me. Should he get sick or ill in the next 10 to 15 years she'll be looking after an old man while still pretty young.

I think in your 20s or 30s the dashing older man is an attractive prospect. Less so when he's a pensioner and you're not.

 

[Umthalatha80]

You only found out his age after you married him?! Did he not have birthdays before you married?
[/QUOTE

How old were you when you got together?

You only found out his age after you married him?! Did he not have birthdays before you married?

First off, I’m not in the UK and come from a culture where the older generation don’t celebrate their birthdays as prior to 1970 there were no official records kept. I feel I need to emphasise here that this wasn’t deception on his behalf, I genuinely never asked! Also, he may have been born in 1960 but officially it is 1962, his mother who had 12 children can’t remember

 

[Likkleone]

I think I win the chat? My ex was 20 years older than me

Saying it now does sound a bit weird. But he looks a lot younger and aside from that I have never met someone that is exactly like me on all levels. He was very active (more than me and I’m quite active), we’d go for adventures, we had the same outlook on life and constantly looked for ways to improve ourselves, he was open to new opinions and views. I’m also very ‘mature’ I’d say, I don’t drink and I’m a home body who just wants to be happy.

It took me a long time (while we were friends and deciding if we wanted to take it further) to really decide if I could commit to the life long journey with him (I.e would I want to care for him when he gets older) and the answer was yes, any day.

I’d be skeptical if a friend were in my position as I know it’s not the norm but we had beautiful times and experiences together.

 

[openbook1]

My husband is 12 years older than me. I am late 20s, it isn't a big deal. He doesn't look older, he looks young for his age. And I don't tend to think about it.

 

[rectangle]

he looks like a raisin.

Fuck sake

 

[ChloChlo]

My ex was 17 years older than me. I'm mid 30s he was early 50s. We didn't get on with each others friends. He was very much into staying in whereas I still liked going out a bit. He was set in his ways and had loads of baggage from previous relationships too. I'd never date with that bigger age gap again

Oh god, we couldn't stand eachothers friends.

All his friends were all these serious east end villain types and most were older than him as it was. Mine were a bit more laid back, girly.

At 33 I did shag an 18 year old and I realised then I could never go more than a couple of years younger. Rubbish, easily forgettable. Spoke about strains of weed and his car. Very unimpressive.

 

[Happyvalley]

My ex was 12 years older than me. Didn’t matter at all at first. Five years in it really started to show in various ways so I wouldn’t be in a relationship with that large gap again.

 

[Lindssdnil]

I’m 25 and currently talking to someone who is 12 years older and not sure if this is too much! He definitely doesn’t look his age and has no children which is a bonus to me!

 

[Gembo]

I was in a relationship with a guy 11 years older than me and it was always fine we got on great and I can honestly say I never thought about our age, we just were. My husband is about 18 months older than me & I also don’t think about it much, but sometimes I like that he’s a bit cooler than my ex but that’s probably just as much a personality thing as an age thing. But I have this really weird thing that I just don’t think I could go out with someone younger than me Ive no idea why I feel that way but it could be that I feel someone older than me is more responsible and I don’t want to be the responsible one I don’t know but I went on a date once with a guy exactly 2 months younger than me & it put me off!

 

[Cinders91]

24 year age gap here, 11 years together and one daughter between us.
And that's as much as I'll throw down

 

[Frenchie]

My ex was 12 years older than me. Didn’t matter at all at first. Five years in it really started to show in various ways so I wouldn’t be in a relationship with that large gap again.

I agree I had a 15 year age gap, your right at the beginning it’s ok but as time event on it showed, never again x

 

[Cookiecookie]

There was 17 and a half years between myself and my husband (I was 26 when we met). It wasn't something either of us was looking for at all, but just clicked straight away and that was it. He'd led a strange life, and needed a bit of stability, and I needed someone who would let me be me. The age gap didn't really come up. Only daft little things like he'd joined the army before I was born, made it seem real. He had a son, and we had a daughter.

I had him for 12 and half years until he died of cancer. It does mean that I'm a youngish widow, being 40 now, but there's never any guarantee about how long someone will live anyway if that's a worry for some people. Go for it if it feel right.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My partner is 16 years older and I met him when I was 23. Personally I like older men.
The only times when age gaps really bother me is when they look like your grandad or nan.
My friend married a guy 14 years older than her but because he works outside in the sun all day he looks like a raisin. And she is incredibly petite and baby faced. At 38 she can still pass for 25. So they look super creepy together

 

[caitlinbullen]

I’m 40 and husband is 51. Can’t say it’s ever made any difference in all honesty. Maybe just the era of music we’re into?! He starts talking about all the 80’s music he was into in his teens and I’m like “Erm yea I was still in nappies when that came out 🥱.”