Adjusting to living with partner — help!

[Cloak]

Hello! Okay, this is meant to be fairly lighthearted as I’m not sure I’m ready to delve into what this says about me as a person but I’ve moved in with my boyfriend and already just wondering how TF I am going to cope!

How did everyone adjust to suddenly having someone’s stuff everywhere and having to compromise on everything! It’s REALLY annoying me having someone sniffing around everything I’m doing, I’m so independent and it’s going to be a real adjustment

we both work from home and he never eats throughout the day, just drinks endless teas and coffees. And every time I ask whether he wants anything for lunch he says no. But then when I’ve made something (eg a tuna salad or avocado toast) he comes bounding over and asking WHATS THAT? And then helps himself. I can’t help but feel ripples of rage course through my body! Like, whyyyy not just eat breakfast and lunch if you’re hungry? Instead of caffeinating your way through to dinner? When we eat dinner he’s so hungry he just sits over his plate and shovels it in and then it’s over in five seconds. Which then makes me feel like we’re not having a nice relaxing evening catching up over dinner, it’s like it’s feeding time at the pig farm.

Deeeeeep breaths!! Help? I know I’m not the most relaxed carefree person and I so WISH I could be that girl who is just really chill about everything but, I’m not! I basically don’t like sharing my food unless I know in advance I’m preparing it for two

Please share similar stories to make me feel better and let’s not delve into my sharing issues as I’m not quite ready for that haha

 

[WilmaHun]

Sounds like he needs to compromise as well as you. Have you spoken to him about it? I think moving in with someone is all about compromise, but that only works if it comes from both ways!

As someone who also doesn't like to share food, I can imagine how bloody annoying this must be for you.

 

[TJ90]

Yeh I couldn’t get past the food thing, that definitely needs to be discussed.
It does take time to adjust, you get to no someone so much more once you live together. I’m quite an independent person and my partner didn’t get that at first but we’re used to each other’s ways now, it just takes time

 

[blossombloss]

I'm laughing because I went through this adjustment period when I moved in with my partner. I honestly was like, please I need to move out (in my head obs) because it was so annoying. Just like you I'm not a carefree person and I'm quite independent, so I'm just like why are you around me all the time??????
What I will say is you will not always feel this way, it's an adjustment and new situations always throw up little issues that need to be ironed out. So do not be hard on yourself, a lot of people feel this way!

As for the lunch thing, could you make extra of what you have and when he bounds over to touch yours just point him to his plate? I think that may get the message across and not have to resort to you being like "keep your hands off my food," unless of course you're happy saying that!

I have so many stories I could tell about me and my boyfriend because girl living with these guys is anger inducing lol. Dishes left for days, dishes not washed properly, clothes everywhere, constantly peering over my shoulder when I'm using my phone or laptop and not cz he's psycho but because he just wants to be near me and is interested in what I'm doing. And I'm just there like, can I have peace?? I live with you so please let me breathe. I also find living with someone is a huge adjustment because when you stay over when you have your own place, you know you're going there to spend time with them. But when you move in together you still naturally want to do your life and it's not like every moment you're in the flat together is time you want to spend together. So that transition is always fun! But yeah compromise is the way, and honestly somethings become less bothersome to you over time!

 

[Pixipoppy]

Oh my god are we living with the same person?! Mine is exactly the same. Won’t eat all day, then I’ll offer to make him something which he says no to... then he is sniffing around my food! Just eat like a normal person then maybe you wouldn’t be constantly after my food?! Or the worst is I’ll be halfway through cooking and he’ll come in and say “oooh is there enough for me? I’m starving”.... THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH FOR YOU IF YOU’D SAID YOU WANTED SOME WHEN I ASKED YOU. Argh! Then you know what just to save an argument I give myself a tiny portion just so he can have some! If I don’t I just get guilt tripped and he will look at my food with sad fake puppy dog eyes. Drives me mad. Wish I could give you some advice but we’ve been living together 4 years and it’s always been like this

 

[Saddlesoap]

I think it's important to know that it can be an adjustment period living with a bloke. It's not easy, trying to combine two ways of living.

I don't really understand why you eat when he's hungry? What about when you're hungry? My husband and I have a 'teatime', which is generally 630, unless I'm working late. Maybe start with that? Whose cooking the evening meal? If it's you, could you say you want a time to plan for, so you can prepare the meal.

i agree with one of the other posters, make some extra food at lunch time, so it's there if he wants it. I would jokingly jab mine with my folk if I wanted his hands off my food

 

[xoxo GG]

My partner is exactly the same with food. I just make double, if he doesn’t want it, then I just class it as leftovers and I’ll take it to work or eat it the next day. I don’t find it annoying anymore, but that’s probably because every meal is shared by my crotch goblin. I make him go through with me and we make a meal plan for the week, days we’re at home together, what we could have, if he doesn’t like whatever I fancy having then he can pick something else to have.

Have you asked him why he doesn’t prepare himself any meals if he’s hungry? Is it a case of he can’t decide what to have, isn’t great at cooking etc.

It’s a big change moving in together. Annoying habits creep out, differences in attitude etc. We found what worked for us is deciding everything in advance, even down to household chores. We pretty much split everything equally now even down to bedtimes for our toddler. You just have to find your flow I think (or you decide that you absolutely cannot bare to live with them )

 

[CrimeJunkie]

I found it SO hard adjusting to living with my boyfriend! To the point I rang my mum crying at 25 years old to say I was moving back home It's a big change and totally normal to feel the way that you do. My one piece of advice would to be pick your battles, I could moan at mine all day every day about annoying things he does around the house but sometimes it's just not worth the agro

 

[Cloak]

Haha, thank you so much for all your responses. I've had a good laugh reading these! And I feel less alone!

I think he's getting the hint –– today I asked him if he wanted avocado, he said no. Then when he started eyeing mine up later he jokingly said, "Oh, I should've said yes, shouldn't I?" but he looked afraid, like I was going to bite his head off I may have been a bit grouchy when I had a go at him for eating my lunch yesterday...

Anyway, today I announced that I want us to have a sit-down dinner some nights and take our time to actually catch up and have a nice evening, rather than just rush our way through it, and we ended up laughing about it. I'm sure he'll end up driving me bezerk again shortly but for now we're good!

Have you asked him why he doesn’t prepare himself any meals if he’s hungry? Is it a case of he can’t decide what to have, isn’t great at cooking etc.

He said it's cos he "doesn't need it"! But I think it's a kind of laziness/lack of interest in health, maybe? He eats tit a lot of the time so definitely isn't doing it for 'fasting' purposes, I think he just can't be arsed. I can't identify with that, I need to eat or I get hangry.

Oh my god are we living with the same person?! Mine is exactly the same. Won’t eat all day, then I’ll offer to make him something which he says no to... then he is sniffing around my food! Just eat like a normal person then maybe you wouldn’t be constantly after my food?! Or the worst is I’ll be halfway through cooking and he’ll come in and say “oooh is there enough for me? I’m starving”.... THERE WOULD HAVE BEEN ENOUGH FOR YOU IF YOU’D SAID YOU WANTED SOME WHEN I ASKED YOU. Argh! Then you know what just to save an argument I give myself a tiny portion just so he can have some! If I don’t I just get guilt tripped and he will look at my food with sad fake puppy dog eyes. Drives me mad. Wish I could give you some advice but we’ve been living together 4 years and it’s always been like this

Hahaha, oh god! There's no hope for me I wish I had enough self-control to give myself a tiny portion but I'm just like nah, I want this! You will have to suffer!!

I'm laughing because I went through this adjustment period when I moved in with my partner. I honestly was like, please I need to move out (in my head obs) because it was so annoying. Just like you I'm not a carefree person and I'm quite independent, so I'm just like why are you around me all the time??????
What I will say is you will not always feel this way, it's an adjustment and new situations always throw up little issues that need to be ironed out. So do not be hard on yourself, a lot of people feel this way!

As for the lunch thing, could you make extra of what you have and when he bounds over to touch yours just point him to his plate? I think that may get the message across and not have to resort to you being like "keep your hands off my food," unless of course you're happy saying that!

I have so many stories I could tell about me and my boyfriend because girl living with these guys is anger inducing lol. Dishes left for days, dishes not washed properly, clothes everywhere, constantly peering over my shoulder when I'm using my phone or laptop and not cz he's psycho but because he just wants to be near me and is interested in what I'm doing. And I'm just there like, can I have peace?? I live with you so please let me breathe. I also find living with someone is a huge adjustment because when you stay over when you have your own place, you know you're going there to spend time with them. But when you move in together you still naturally want to do your life and it's not like every moment you're in the flat together is time you want to spend together. So that transition is always fun! But yeah compromise is the way, and honestly somethings become less bothersome to you over time!

Oh god my ex used to constantly want to do exactly what I was doing and it used to drive me MAD! We couldn't just chill in the same room, one of us reading and one watching tv. He'd be constantly checking to see whether I was watching the tv or whether I wanted to watch x, I was just like oh my god please let me just do my own thing! I actually think a way I like to spend quality time is just both relaxing, in the same room, but totally independently doing whatever we want. Ahh. Bliss.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

We had a friend move in with his girlfriend in lockdown. They lasted a week

 

[Greencatfysh]

I’m laughing too about the food thing! We both WFH together too and I’ve always had an early-ish lunch between 12-1, and would NEVER skip it. If he’s on a call between 12-1 and I make myself lunch he comes down and looks sooo offended that I haven’t made him a portion. It’s like - we can still eat separately and function as different humans! He’s currently making me dinner though so luckily the good outweighs the annoying usually!

 

[JoeBloggs]

I found the first year with my husband hell. We lived in a tiny flat in a strange city. We argued a lot, we needed more space.

Talk to each other, explain your issues and worries instead of letting them fester.

 

[Cloak]

Ughhh he’s just informed me that, “you do realise I’ll eat all of your chocolate if you just leave it in that cupboard?”

I’ve bought low sugar chocolate from Boots, why can’t he just not eat it?! I literally said, can you not even help yourself? And he said no, he simply can’t help himself, he’ll plough through it all, and I’ll just have to get used to it.

It’s like 3 bars of chocolate and some little wafers, it was four things for six quid lol. I like to keep stuff like that in the cupboards. Why can’t he just NOT EAT IT?! Seriously! He’s a grown man?

I’m going to KILL HIM!

 

[The Devils Arse]

Ughhh he’s just informed me that, “you do realise I’ll eat all of your chocolate if you just leave it in that cupboard?”

I’ve bought low sugar chocolate from Boots, why can’t he just not eat it?! I literally said, can you not even help yourself? And he said no, he simply can’t help himself, he’ll plough through it all, and I’ll just have to get used to it.

It’s like 3 bars of chocolate and some little wafers, it was four things for six quid lol. I like to keep stuff like that in the cupboards. Why can’t he just NOT EAT IT?! Seriously! He’s a grown man?

I’m going to KILL HIM!

Wait until you get a whiff of the toxic, lingering odours from the bathroom. Usually when you are planing to have a nice relaxing bath.

 

[Lulu Goss]

Wait until you get a whiff of the toxic, lingering odours from the bathroom. Usually when you are planing to have a nice relaxing bath.

I’ve lived with mine for 4 years now - I STILL have to remind him to open up a window/close the door. And yes, always before I’m about to go and brush my teeth/have a bath!

 

[Definitelyme]

I’ve been married for 10 years and still find my husband hard to live with

 

[Benson101]

Wait until you're 30 years in.....the noise he makes when he eats makes me want to rip his head off!

 

[WilmaHun]

It's actually reassuring to read through all these and see that I'm not alone in finding my partner to be utterly infuriating at times . I have genuinely looked at him at times and thought to myself "why are you so bleeping annoying". It's good to know others feel the same about their partner too

 

[Nicolac]

Ughhh he’s just informed me that, “you do realise I’ll eat all of your chocolate if you just leave it in that cupboard?”

I’ve bought low sugar chocolate from Boots, why can’t he just not eat it?! I literally said, can you not even help yourself? And he said no, he simply can’t help himself, he’ll plough through it all, and I’ll just have to get used to it.

It’s like 3 bars of chocolate and some little wafers, it was four things for six quid lol. I like to keep stuff like that in the cupboards. Why can’t he just NOT EAT IT?! Seriously! He’s a grown man?

I’m going to KILL HIM!

In fairness this actually sounds super obnoxious and I wouldn’t put up woth it, haha.

We just have very clear boundaries. We each have our own fridge shelf and cupboard space, and then the rest are for sharing. If he wants a chocolate that is in my space he has to ask for it and I may or may not share it, as I’ve normally worked out exactly how many I need throughout the week.

 

[coconochanel]

Regarding the food like others have said just make more then if he comes for your food just say there's more in the kitchen.