Mumsnet #37 Wipe down my cucumber and sanitise my Hovis, I need to get my dicks in a row!

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Errr???


To want this man to leave our garden?
0 replies


KeenNavyKoala · Today 22:11
2 days ago a man set up a tent in our garden. We went out in the morning and then we got home later he was just there in the garden with his tent up, he claims he got in to our garden by climbing over a neighbours fence and then our fence. He is refusing to leave and the police won't do anything because they say that trespassing is a civil matter. How we get rid of him? We don't want this man in our garden. I don't understand why the police can't make him leave, they just said they couldn't as trespassing is apparently a civil matter. The man doesn't spend the whole day in our garden but his tent is there all day, he comes in and out of the garden by climbing over both our fence and a neighbours fence. He claims that he is homeless and doesn't have anywhere to live but this doesn't mean that he can just stay in our garden. He has made a mess as well, all around is tent is just rubbish (cans, bottles, glass, crisp packets etc) that he has left there. We have no Idea how to get rid of him because we thought that the police would make him leave. The man is saying that even if we just get rid of his tent when he's not here then he will just get a new tent and come back anyway. I'm livid and so is DH but we don't know what we can do, the man is also threatening to call the police if we try to make him leave as well so I think he would call for the police for criminal damage or something like that if we were to just get rid of his tent. It is meaning that the the kids can't go in the garden either because this man is here and won't leave, we are all at the end of our tether with him and it's only been 2 days but we don't know what we can do to get him to leave. AIBU to want this man to leave our garden? He is also threatening legal action if we try to force him to leave in any way or if we try to move his tent.

The man obviously is on the spectrum, or probably has early onset dementia.

Make him a cup of tea and do his washing for him.

 

[Girl#7]

The man obviously is on the spectrum, or probably has early onset dementia.

Make him a cup of tea and do his washing for him.

Yeah, of course, that's absolutely the proper and humane thing to do.

But, errmm, wouldn't that involve leaving the house and, ermmm, engaging with someone to whom I am not related??

Disclaimer: I'm NC with 95% of those with whom I'm related.

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Screenshotting this to send to my 12 year old daughter to let her know she will one day miss the days of me dragging a brush through her rats tails every morning (and giving her a cheeky accidental wallop on the head with the brush when she tries to pull away).

YOU STRIKE YOUR CHILD!

<faints>

<rings social services>

<is too shocked to speak>

 

[OhFFS]

That means she only has sex on bin day.

On Pluto...

 

[TheMiceInTheShed]

Yeah, of course, that's absolutely the proper and humane thing to do.

But, errmm, wouldn't that involve leaving the house and, ermmm, engaging with someone to whom I am not related??

Disclaimer: I'm NC with 95% of those with whom I'm related.

But, errmm, wouldn't that involve leaving the house and, ermmm, engaging with someone to whom I am not related??

How thoughtless of me.

Should have suggested that you pack up your entire household (avec pets) hand him the keys, wish him well and LTB.

You can move in with one of the 5% of your blood relatives that you are still on resentful arguing terms with.

 

[girlinbrum]

This man should only date mumsnetters....

 

[ShopTilYouSlop]

This man should only date mumsnetters....

Aw, a negger. I didn't think they still existed in the wild, thought they went extinct around 1998. They certainly should have.

 

[Brandshinynew]

This man should only date mumsnetters....

I bet it was a massive salad as well.
I hope she enjoyed every last bit of it.

 

[Samf2020]

This man should only date mumsnetters....

She dodged a bullet there.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

This man should only date mumsnetters....

Well she had a lucky escape. If you must write like twerp at least shorten words correctly. You're 'pose to have butterflies and tit. Knob end.
Imagine going on a date with someone who thought you should be so jittered by his company you couldn't finish a meal, not even a side salad.

 

[sistersofpercy]

I don’t know whether to laugh heartily at this one or put my head in my hands in despair.

 

[bread-pitt]

This man should only date mumsnetters....

“I just feel like you’d be overweight in the future”. I’d reply with “I just feel like you’re going to be single from now on. At least I can buy bigger clothes”.
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I don’t know whether to laugh heartily at this one or put my head in my hands in despair.

I solved that problem by only flying first class. Can’t she just do that? Tilt de tête, rire de tinkle…

 

[Miss Begotten]

View attachment 2903685

I don’t know whether to laugh heartily at this one or put my head in my hands in despair.

WTF is a mother’s apron? Is it another name for one of their 19th century peasant outfits?

 

[Iamonlyhereforthetea]

I see our favourite poster who monopolises all the TV threads is at it again, chastising someone who accidentally put a spoiler on a thread. That poster immediately apologised as it was a genuine mistake apparently and got it removed but that wasn’t enough

Someone has actually called out her rudeness for once and said she makes the threads very unfriendly to post on which I agree with

 

[Sunlifeover50]

WTF is a mother’s apron? Is it another name for one of their 19th century peasant outfits?

It’s that bag of skin some ladies get after having a baby.

 

[Samf2020]

View attachment 2903685

I don’t know whether to laugh heartily at this one or put my head in my hands in despair.

I read the first few on that and most were fine, dont worry you will be fine.
One said she would phone the airline to ask so she wouldnt be turned away from the flight.
I left at that point as Im sure a teeny tiny would turn up and even though she is a size newborn she still feels cramped on long flights.

 

[Codiaeum]

MNetter would have a meltdown - I'm getting a new washing machine delivered today. BY PEOPLE. Most certainly a man. I've naturally already hidden all of my laundry - of which there is plenty, given that the old machine gave up the ghost, but of course, this particular man might just be the one that is into worn undies. Should I hide behind the sofa? Given how teeny-tiny I am I might just fit, however the issue is that I can't see from there whether he will maybe decide to look for the laundry bin in a room completely away from where the machine is going and I might not be able to catch him in time to stop him taking a tit. What do I do?

 

[Serene Serena]

MNetter would have a meltdown - I'm getting a new washing machine delivered today. BY PEOPLE. Most certainly a man. I've naturally already hidden all of my laundry - of which there is plenty, given that the old machine gave up the ghost, but of course, this particular man might just be the one that is into worn undies. Should I hide behind the sofa? Given how teeny-tiny I am I might just fit, however the issue is that I can't see from there whether he will maybe decide to look for the laundry bin in a room completely away from where the machine is going and I might not be able to catch him in time to stop him taking a tit. What do I do?

Can’t your housekeeper deal with it? That’s what I’d do.

HTH

 

[Geetbo]

What is a “washing machine?” Surely you send your washing out?

 

[Serene Serena]

My lodger has stolen some expensive foundation is shaping up to be a superb multi-thread saga, with actresses being suggested to play the role of CF lodger and wet lettuce OP, and text messages being composed to send to the thief.
The foundation was in a box of odds and ends in the kitchen, the lodger left it opened in the bathroom and the packaging in full view - doesn't sound like the actions of a thief to me, more like someone who has thought it wasn't wanted, particularly as the OP divulges that her partner gets the stuff cheap or free. Then she drops in the bombshell that she thinks her lodger might have stolen some kitchen tongs and a colander as well Riveting stuff.