We are on the same boat, except my mum and sister DGAF about me , my husband or my children. I just call them because of my principles.If it wasn't for Tattle i really would only have parter, mum and sister and my children that i talk to regularly.
I have some lovely tattle friends on here but i always over share as sometimes is just nice to speak to other people that are not family. But then i worry that i am not on here to share my life woes with them as they are strangers and have not sign up for that.
But i think when you really don't have friends you do have a habit of attaching yourself to anyone who is nice to you. Even if it is a stranger.
My deepest sympathy to you @ChickenLicking
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I do that.I’m loving the inspirational posts about doing things alone
So much so, that I’ve decided the next time something is on at my local theatre that I want to see, I’m going alone.
OH would always come with me, and often does, but sometimes it’s clear that what we’re seeing isn’t his thing.
And I have acquaintances that I do social stuff with, but it’s such a headache when anything is being organised, and sometimes spending time with them doesn’t make me feel relaxed ( I think I’ve said this before, but the older we get, the more some of us engage in a peeing contest about what they’ve spent their OH’s money on - yes it is that bad)
So yes; I’m going to the theatre alone asap
I’ll report back when I’ve done it!
I took a decision some years ago that if it was a case of going alone, or missing something I wanted to see, because nobody else was available or interested or whatever, well then, I was going alone.
So I now quite regularly go to shows, or to the cinema on my own. Happy days.
been thinking about this today while reading through the thread and was thinking about the ridiculous things we'll put up with just to not be 'alone'. i'll nest this as it is quite graphic but until then i thought it was better to have tit 'friends' than no one at all - it really made me realise that's not the case at all.
i'm sure some of you will have been the same and been treated like a doormat or an idiot just for the sake of staying friends with people, unfortunately it always seems the case that nasty people have a million and one friends and actual nice people have nobody
so i had a friend, not that i was ever particularly into this person to begin with but whatever, as i said 'someone is better than nothing' was my attitude at the time. it started off with them making comments about my body, which isn't the most societally desirable body in the world but let it be known i was obviously well aware of this and anyone with half a brain cell wouldve been able to see i had an ED. whatever, that's just some people's sense of humour or banter, brushed it aside
i unfortunately was r worded by a mutual friend of the both of us. when i say that i mean fully like, the whole nine yards, not just a non consensual touching over clothes or something - not that the latter would excuse the behaviour im about to mention but perhaps she'd have seen it as easier to brush aside or whatever. a year or so after this happened, i confided in the friend about it (god only knows why). it started off with her bringing the person up in conversation, obviously this agenda is pushed these days of 'your triggers aren't other peoples responsibility' so i just took it. the final nail in the coffin was her saying to me that she'd matched with this person on tinder and wanted to have sex with him
whether she just 'forgot' or what i've no idea, but that was when i actually found some self respect and distanced myself from her.
sorry if this comes across as trauma dumping but i'm just thinking aloud really, never been able to share this with anyone before and as time elapses i realise how fucked up it is
i unfortunately was r worded by a mutual friend of the both of us. when i say that i mean fully like, the whole nine yards, not just a non consensual touching over clothes or something - not that the latter would excuse the behaviour im about to mention but perhaps she'd have seen it as easier to brush aside or whatever. a year or so after this happened, i confided in the friend about it (god only knows why). it started off with her bringing the person up in conversation, obviously this agenda is pushed these days of 'your triggers aren't other peoples responsibility' so i just took it. the final nail in the coffin was her saying to me that she'd matched with this person on tinder and wanted to have sex with him
whether she just 'forgot' or what i've no idea, but that was when i actually found some self respect and distanced myself from her.sorry if this comes across as trauma dumping but i'm just thinking aloud really, never been able to share this with anyone before and as time elapses i realise how fucked up it is
i'm sure some of you will have been the same and been treated like a doormat or an idiot just for the sake of staying friends with people, unfortunately it always seems the case that nasty people have a million and one friends and actual nice people have nobody
Thank you - I really appreciate that xWe all deserve better! I’d rather someone be honest and say they don’t want to meet up with me instead of I’ll try and fit you in in a couple of months. Like I’m some sort of pity project! No thanksI honestly don’t even think I’m gonna text back. I cba wasting my time on people because life is way too short!
Really sorry about the loss of your husband @ChickenLicking
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This - 100% - I can't always spot the users and am very naive at times.been thinking about this today while reading through the thread and was thinking about the ridiculous things we'll put up with just to not be 'alone'. i'll nest this as it is quite graphic but until then i thought it was better to have tit 'friends' than no one at all - it really made me realise that's not the case at all.
so i had a friend, not that i was ever particularly into this person to begin with but whatever, as i said 'someone is better than nothing' was my attitude at the time. it started off with them making comments about my body, which isn't the most societally desirable body in the world but let it be known i was obviously well aware of this and anyone with half a brain cell wouldve been able to see i had an ED. whatever, that's just some people's sense of humour or banter, brushed it aside
i unfortunately was r worded by a mutual friend of the both of us. when i say that i mean fully like, the whole nine yards, not just a non consensual touching over clothes or something - not that the latter would excuse the behaviour im about to mention but perhaps she'd have seen it as easier to brush aside or whatever. a year or so after this happened, i confided in the friend about it (god only knows why). it started off with her bringing the person up in conversation, obviously this agenda is pushed these days of 'your triggers aren't other peoples responsibility' so i just took it. the final nail in the coffin was her saying to me that she'd matched with this person on tinder and wanted to have sex with him
sorry if this comes across as trauma dumping but i'm just thinking aloud really, never been able to share this with anyone before and as time elapses i realise how fucked up it is
i'm sure some of you will have been the same and been treated like a doormat or an idiot just for the sake of staying friends with people, unfortunately it always seems the case that nasty people have a million and one friends and actual nice people have nobody
Me too, although it's often more in theory than actually doing it( cost/ childcare reasons) .I do that.
I took a decision some years ago that if it was a case of going alone, or missing something I wanted to see, because nobody else was available or interested or whatever, well then, I was going alone.
So I now quite regularly go to shows, or to the cinema on my own. Happy days.
I've been fancying going for posh cocktails. Then I thought back to when I used to meet up and go to the pub . People were often late , and I'd be sitting alone with a drink for a bit anyway. Same with my ex who worked in a bar , and the one who was in a band. No one seemed to bat an eyelid about someone being alone in bar then.
Wow what a dick that friend was, you definitely deserved better from them. Glad you have distanced from them.been thinking about this today while reading through the thread and was thinking about the ridiculous things we'll put up with just to not be 'alone'. i'll nest this as it is quite graphic but until then i thought it was better to have tit 'friends' than no one at all - it really made me realise that's not the case at all.
so i had a friend, not that i was ever particularly into this person to begin with but whatever, as i said 'someone is better than nothing' was my attitude at the time. it started off with them making comments about my body, which isn't the most societally desirable body in the world but let it be known i was obviously well aware of this and anyone with half a brain cell wouldve been able to see i had an ED. whatever, that's just some people's sense of humour or banter, brushed it aside
i unfortunately was r worded by a mutual friend of the both of us. when i say that i mean fully like, the whole nine yards, not just a non consensual touching over clothes or something - not that the latter would excuse the behaviour im about to mention but perhaps she'd have seen it as easier to brush aside or whatever. a year or so after this happened, i confided in the friend about it (god only knows why). it started off with her bringing the person up in conversation, obviously this agenda is pushed these days of 'your triggers aren't other peoples responsibility' so i just took it. the final nail in the coffin was her saying to me that she'd matched with this person on tinder and wanted to have sex with him
sorry if this comes across as trauma dumping but i'm just thinking aloud really, never been able to share this with anyone before and as time elapses i realise how fucked up it is
i'm sure some of you will have been the same and been treated like a doormat or an idiot just for the sake of staying friends with people, unfortunately it always seems the case that nasty people have a million and one friends and actual nice people have nobody
Quoting myself, and at this point don't even care if I come across as a dick. Deleted whatsapp/all contact apps.
Those who replied have partners etc. I literally have NOBODY. My birthday highlighted that. As has tonight.
Family friend, barely see, but her idea to go out tonight. Was reluctant then thought sod it.
BAILED ON ME. Brilliant.
Absolutely no bleeping point telling anyone because I get some false pity reply and no change. So I've deleted every app anyone can contact me on because makes no difference.
My Mum, my best mate, is dead. Her parents. Now dead. Remaining relatives, all 2 of them, limited contact as just not close.
"Friends" users, just want me around when it benefits them.
Not going to settle for someone to have someone around either. I do wonder why I bother keeping going sometimes. Is life supposed to be as isolating as this?
I didn't think I was a bad person. Evidently I am. Even emailed my gym asking to cancel because it's fake. People I see 45 mins a week and exchange brief chat. Feel no diff.
Nobody here wants you to settle just for a bit company. A lot of us are aware that the loneliest place is around other people, if we don't feel like we belong .
In terms of the gym , isn't it just lots of individuals who happen to be there at the same time? You pay for fees ,so you have every right to be there. We don't need people to go with us , to do things we enjoy, we can do things alone.
I often go out for walks on my own, children are all grown up now so a bit of empty nest syndrome. I've no partner but not looking for one either. Some of my friends have avoided me at times over the years, as a single parent doesn't quite fit with their couple-y plans.
One in particular would only meet up with her children once or twice a year and when we did go out for the day, her husband would call her when he deemed it time for them all to go home. Fast forward 20 years and she's going through a separation so suddenly wants me to drop all other weekend plans I may have, to spend time with her. I'm obviously very sorry about her situation but part of me feels like saying no sometimes, due to how I was made to feel for all those years when she could only spare me around 5 hours before hubby called her back home. I'm trying hard to be pleasant but sometimes its proving difficult! We've been friends for most of our lives but often it feels like it's her show when I do see her as she just wants to talk about her own difficulties but some of it is self inflicted. Why are friendships so challenging at midlife?!
One in particular would only meet up with her children once or twice a year and when we did go out for the day, her husband would call her when he deemed it time for them all to go home. Fast forward 20 years and she's going through a separation so suddenly wants me to drop all other weekend plans I may have, to spend time with her. I'm obviously very sorry about her situation but part of me feels like saying no sometimes, due to how I was made to feel for all those years when she could only spare me around 5 hours before hubby called her back home. I'm trying hard to be pleasant but sometimes its proving difficult! We've been friends for most of our lives but often it feels like it's her show when I do see her as she just wants to talk about her own difficulties but some of it is self inflicted. Why are friendships so challenging at midlife?!
I've just become really fed up with the one friend I have. She is good company and we regularly message each other. The only problem is that she is constantly late. I'm not talking 5/10 mins but it can be 45 minutes late and it will be 'oh sorry I just had to do X before I left'. Or 'there was a lot of traffic about'.
I’ve spoken to her about it and she'll say sorry but the behaviour never changes. I've tried to deal with it by not leaving until she says she has left but I'm still waiting around for a text. Or I'll sit down in the cafe with a coffee whilst waiting for her but I still end up feeling irritated and sitting in a cafe waiting when I could be doing something else.
The last time I was left waiting outside a coffee shop for her to arrive I must have looked like a right lemon and I just thought to myself I'm not doing this anymore. So I don't think I'll arrange to meet her again and I guess I now officially have no friends.
I’ve spoken to her about it and she'll say sorry but the behaviour never changes. I've tried to deal with it by not leaving until she says she has left but I'm still waiting around for a text. Or I'll sit down in the cafe with a coffee whilst waiting for her but I still end up feeling irritated and sitting in a cafe waiting when I could be doing something else.
The last time I was left waiting outside a coffee shop for her to arrive I must have looked like a right lemon and I just thought to myself I'm not doing this anymore. So I don't think I'll arrange to meet her again and I guess I now officially have no friends.
I have a friend who I meet for coffee, every two or three weeks.
It always feel a bit like an obligatory meet up on her part anyway; like the 30 or 40 minutes we spend together means she’s made the effort.
I know I bore her; most times I don’t ever get to finish what I’m telling her before she launches off on a story she’s told me several times already.
I’ve resolved not to share anything of any importance going forward, because it just makes me feel a bit miserable that what I’ve got to say is so unimportant.
But yes, also the lateness. The waiting outside the coffee shop for ages every single time.
Oh, and she’ll always spend half the time replying to text messages on her phone!
Does anyone have any advice on how to stop being awkward around people. My problem is that I see people and think that they're better then me so I get painfully shy and can't be myself, I'm a completely different person if I'm comfortable around people but most people make me a nervous wreck
Yeah, I've a friend/ex-colleague who makes me feel a bit tit at times by doing the whole cutting you off mid-sentence. It's usually so she can ask what I've been watching on Netflix, so it's not as if it's for anything important. We no longer work together and since then, I've noticed definite slights towards me. Most recently, she eyed up some new jeans I had on then said "Oh" in a really insulting way before adding that I should've sized down as they make me look bigger than I really am. I'm currently on a diet but finding it difficult due to menopause
She has also been caught out telling lies, which I hate. She left for a different job, but recently bumped into a work colleague and told them she had left as the pay increase was huge. I know for a fact that's a lie as she told me she took a pay cut for the new job! I just don't know if I can be bothered anymore. I've also heard from someone else that she said she left due to a falling out with me, this is also untrue.
She sounds a dreamYeah, I've a friend/ex-colleague who makes me feel a bit tit at times by doing the whole cutting you off mid-sentence. It's usually so she can ask what I've been watching on Netflix, so it's not as if it's for anything important. We no longer work together and since then, I've noticed definite slights towards me. Most recently, she eyed up some new jeans I had on then said "Oh" in a really insulting way before adding that I should've sized down as they make me look bigger than I really am. I'm currently on a diet but finding it difficult due to menopause
She has also been caught out telling lies, which I hate. She left for a different job, but recently bumped into a work colleague and told them she had left as the pay increase was huge. I know for a fact that's a lie as she told me she took a pay cut for the new job! I just don't know if I can be bothered anymore. I've also heard from someone else that she said she left due to a falling out with me, this is also untrue.
Honestly, people are just unbelievable sometimes!!Quite high maintenance, yes. Now I can see why some people in the office used to avoid her! Time to cut ties a bit I reckon xShe sounds a dream
Your stories resonate so much with me. The cutting off mid-sentence in particular is so typical- I had a friend who did that all the time, I don’t think in the years we’d known each other I ever got to finish what I was saying without being interrupted. Or an ex-friend who started taking 3-4 weeks to respond to a simple message about arrange meet ups etc. and when we finally arranged going for a simple coffee, she’d turn up late because of needing to drop off stuff at the recycling (!).
Re feeling less awkward around people- one thing that always makes me feel at ease and more calm is switching to observing people in social situations. Just reminding myself that most people are just as nervous and worried about how they appear and focusing on noticing how other people behave somehow takes away the pressure.
Re feeling less awkward around people- one thing that always makes me feel at ease and more calm is switching to observing people in social situations. Just reminding myself that most people are just as nervous and worried about how they appear and focusing on noticing how other people behave somehow takes away the pressure.
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Take out the "a bit".
Life is too short to have anyone toxic around making you feel lonelier than being on your own, as I've found this past week.
Day 1 of whatsapp deletion & only one person (@Thank(space)you legend) has actually reached out to me. I've told these people until I'm blue in the face how I feel and nothing changes...it never will...so time also for me sadly to cut ties. May aswell be alone, alone vs alone chasing people
Do you mean you've deleted contacts or you've deleted the WhatsApp app. I'm so sorry that you are alone
Deleted whatsapp completely. Gone, goodbye.Do you mean you've deleted contacts or you've deleted the WhatsApp app. I'm so sorry that you are alone
May aswell get used to it seeing as this be life now