What should I do - job dilemma

[BWinter]

I’m currently in a bit of a dilemma and as I don’t really have anyone in real life to speak to, I thought I’d ask you Tattlers.

For various reasons I want to relocate back to where I grew up and where my family live. Jobs in my industry in that area are very few and far between, however I have found one and was offered it on Friday. They are happy for me to start remotely while I find somewhere local to live.

It’s a brand new role that involves taking on a lot of duties and responsibilities from the owner so he can get on with the main function of the business.

However, when I handed in my notice my current bosses have said they want to keep me and would be happy for me to work remotely on a permanent basis.

I’m now torn.

NEW JOB POSITIVES:

• New challenge
• Will meet new colleagues who are based nearby (although it’s a small business)

NEW JOB NEGATIVES:

• From the three interviews I’ve had with my potential new boss, he seems demanding (as you might expect from someone who has built up his own very successful business). As such, I anticipate it will be a very steep learning curve and it will be hard to meet his expectations. I’m not good with dealing with criticism and I’m worried there will be a lot of that.
• About 60% of the job is kinda new responsibilities and I don’t know if I’ll be any good at them
• Six month probation so if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be pretty stuck.
• Slightly lower salary (6%)
• Need to find somewhere to live locally within next few months

STICKING WITH CURRENT JOB POSITIVES:

• Know what I’m doing and good at it
• Am part way through some projects so would see them through
• Job security
• No timetable to moving
• Potential for pay rise in next couple of months.

STICKING WITH CURRENT JOB NEGATIVES:

• A few niggles about how things are run, but on the whole OK
• A bit of a concern about what it’ll be like once everyone else is back in the office and I’m remote, but I think it’ll be ok.
• I’d feel really bad about turning new boss down as he’s picked me

Other things to note:

• I have depression and so not especially strong mentally.
• I’m quite hesitant to change and the thought of taking this new job has actually got me quite stressed. I don’t have the best judgement (nothing disastrous, just maybe not the best with hindsight).
• There’s no partner or kids to consider, it’s just me.

Any advice wise Tattlers?

 

[Definitelyme]

Not a huge amount of wisdom here, but the way you’ve laid that out is just superb

One thing I would say is - if you weren’t moving, would you have been happy to stay in your current job? Or would you have been looking elsewhere in the near future?

 

[bolimepipi]

honestly, i'll speak from my own experience with changing jobs, as i think we're quite similar, i don't deal with stress or criticism well either, have mental health struggles, am quite nervous about change and so on
i would stick to your old job if you like it, are able to do it remotely and it's paid better
the only reason you were looking for a new job anyway was because you thought you couldn't do the old one when you move, right?
and you really didn't list that many positives for accepting the new one! if your boss was demanding on job interviews, imagine later
also, based on how nicely you categorized this here i'm sure they'd accept you for any job anywhere so you don't have to worry

 

[judgejohndeed]

I would stick with your old job but also request this ‘permanent remote working’ as an amendment to your contract so they can’t back out later.

 

[BWinter]

Not a huge amount of wisdom here, but the way you’ve laid that out is just superb

One thing I would say is - if you weren’t moving, would you have been happy to stay in your current job? Or would you have been looking elsewhere in the near future?

Lol, thank you. Would it surprise you to know I work in comms and marketing lol

I knew I forgot to mention something - no, I don’t think I would be looking elsewhere.

honestly, i'll speak from my own experience with changing jobs, as i think we're quite similar, i don't deal with stress or criticism well either, have mental health struggles, am quite nervous about change and so on
i would stick to your old job if you like it, are able to do it remotely and it's paid better
the only reason you were looking for a new job anyway was because you thought you couldn't do the old one when you move, right?
and you really didn't list that many positives for accepting the new one! if your boss was demanding on job interviews, imagine later
also, based on how nicely you categorized this here i'm sure they'd accept you for any job anywhere so you don't have to worry

Thank you. You’re right. It’s telling that I can’t think of many positives to the new role. The people might be nice I guess, this could be an amazing opportunity, but I won’t know until I start. I just worry that I won’t be able to handle the difficult “finding my feet” stage, especially as it’s lockdown blah blah blah.

With hindsight (and I am bloody kicking myself about this) I should have just asked my current work if I could go remote but for various reasons I didn’t think they would.

I feel like an absolute witch if I turn the job offer down, like I’m massively letting him down as he thought he’d solved his issue. But I can’t let my guilt force me in to it can I?

I would stick with your old job but also request this ‘permanent remote working’ as an amendment to your contract so they can’t back out later.

Very sensible advice, thanks.

 

[Definitelyme]

Lol, thank you. Would it surprise you to know I work in comms and marketing lol

I knew I forgot to mention something - no, I don’t think I would be looking elsewhere.


Thank you. You’re right. It’s telling that I can’t think of many positives to the new role. The people might be nice I guess, this could be an amazing opportunity, but I won’t know until I start. I just worry that I won’t be able to handle the difficult “finding my feet” stage, especially as it’s lockdown blah blah blah.

With hindsight (and I am bloody kicking myself about this) I should have just asked my current work if I could go remote but for various reasons I didn’t think they would.

I feel like an absolute witch if I turn the job offer down, like I’m massively letting him down as he thought he’d solved his issue. But I can’t let my guilt force me in to it can I?

I am the worst for letting guilt get in the way. Just tell him due to an unforeseen change in your circumstances you are no longer able to accept the job. Just make sure your current job is secure first!

 

[Raininvain]

Stick with the old job, I honestly don't think its the best time for new jobs or moving. I'd keep an open mind though and if your still not 100% happy move on when this current tit show is over.

 

[chandlercheesecake]

Keep your old job, I'd say! X

 

[BWinter]

@Definitelyme I just feel so bad for wasting his time, but at the same time, it would be crazy to potentially put myself in a situation that’ll have a negative impact on my mental health to keep someone else happy. The ration part of my brain KNOWS this, but I feel so guilty. I’m a massive people pleaser and hate putting other people out.

Stick with the old job, I honestly don't think its the best time for new jobs or moving. I'd keep an open mind though and if your still not 100% happy move on when this current tit show is over.

Thank you.

Keep your old job, I'd say! X

Thank you.

 

[Ab235]

I’m currently in a bit of a dilemma and as I don’t really have anyone in real life to speak to, I thought I’d ask you Tattlers.

For various reasons I want to relocate back to where I grew up and where my family live. Jobs in my industry in that area are very few and far between, however I have found one and was offered it on Friday. They are happy for me to start remotely while I find somewhere local to live.

It’s a brand new role that involves taking on a lot of duties and responsibilities from the owner so he can get on with the main function of the business.

However, when I handed in my notice my current bosses have said they want to keep me and would be happy for me to work remotely on a permanent basis.

I’m now torn.

NEW JOB POSITIVES:

• New challenge
• Will meet new colleagues who are based nearby (although it’s a small business)

NEW JOB NEGATIVES:

• From the three interviews I’ve had with my potential new boss, he seems demanding (as you might expect from someone who has built up his own very successful business). As such, I anticipate it will be a very steep learning curve and it will be hard to meet his expectations. I’m not good with dealing with criticism and I’m worried there will be a lot of that.
• About 60% of the job is kinda new responsibilities and I don’t know if I’ll be any good at them
• Six month probation so if it doesn’t work out, I’ll be pretty stuck.
• Slightly lower salary (6%)
• Need to find somewhere to live locally within next few months

STICKING WITH CURRENT JOB POSITIVES:

• Know what I’m doing and good at it
• Am part way through some projects so would see them through
• Job security
• No timetable to moving
• Potential for pay rise in next couple of months.

STICKING WITH CURRENT JOB NEGATIVES:

• A few niggles about how things are run, but on the whole OK
• A bit of a concern about what it’ll be like once everyone else is back in the office and I’m remote, but I think it’ll be ok.
• I’d feel really bad about turning new boss down as he’s picked me

Other things to note:

• I have depression and so not especially strong mentally.
• I’m quite hesitant to change and the thought of taking this new job has actually got me quite stressed. I don’t have the best judgement (nothing disastrous, just maybe not the best with hindsight).
• There’s no partner or kids to consider, it’s just me.

Any advice wise Tattlers?

I think you should stick to your guns and go for the new job. You don't grow unless you take on new responsibilities and I think although less salary smaller firms tend to value staff more. Good luck whatever u decide

 

[WilmaHun]

Judging solely off the pros/cons I would say definitely stick to your old job. The negatives you do have there don't seem too bad in the grand scheme of things - and I don't think that letting the potential new boss down should be a negative to stay. First and foremost comes your happiness!

 

[CatCafe234]

One of my biggest career regrets has been taking a job where I felt very uncomfortable at the interview. The people interviewing me were my bosses, and the whole process set alarm bells ringing about how challenging they’d be to work with. I was offered the job and felt that I couldn’t say no, so I took the job and it was the most miserable year of my working life. That’s not to say that’ll be the case here but if you do have doubts, it might be sensible to really think about whether this is the opportunity you want right now, and whether you can work closely with your potential boss.

I would also say, don’t underestimate how difficult it is to start in a new job right now. I’ve recently switched jobs within the same organisation and it’s been an unexpectedly difficult experience. I never realised how much you just rely on being around people in a new role, and being able to just turn to the person at the next desk with a quick question. It’s been really hard work, especially trying to maintain a positive outlook and keep motivated whilst you’re at home on your own. My mental health has taken a bit of a knock and whilst I needed to make the move, I probably should have thought about how much more difficult the pandemic and remote working makes this.

 

[Gertrude]

If your current boss is happy for you work remotely permanently, could you remain working there, but still move back to your hometown? If so, that would be a fantastic option.

 

[Ticktickmeh]

Peiple turn offers down all the time. It happens for all sorts of reasons. Its your life. You have to makethe decision that is best for you and not so.e potential new employer.

Like tge others have saod. Stick to your old job. If you are happy and only looked because you are looking to relocate, they obvs love you to offer you this. And i am sure you can still catch up with your colleagues from time to time plus in 5 years time you might loom to relocate away from the fam and back to where you are now or somewhere else entirely

Follow your heart. Forget everyone else (aka new or old boss)

 

[Hope77]

I made a move once to a role that seemed like progression/a challenge but i did have a bad feeling deep down about the boss. Turns out I was right and it was awful. I think you should listen to your instincts, that's definitely what I learnt from it.
So I think the fact the negatives outweigh the positives and your mental health, I'd stick with your current job.

 

[Lauz666]

Stick with old job

 

[TheScarletgirl]

I went to an interview about three years ago. I got a bad feeling about the place and the interview was the boss talking about herself for almost an hour .

I didn't get the job but i did meet someone who worked there who said what an awful place it was ....

Maybe stick to your job ,it doesn't sound that bad.

 

[Meh]

If you have a gut feeling they are going to be a handful then steer clear I would say. You’re clearly valued by your current work for them to offer perm remote working. Personally, I’d get that written into my contract and stick where o am.

I agree that starting a new role when WFH and everyone is in isolation will make the experience more stressful. I’ve had a new boss come in internally and that’s been weird as we’ve not had a chat face to face. I do think that personal connection is necessary. If you’re overall happy in your role, can still relocate snd keep a higher salary. I’d be staying out for the time being as it’s a fairly shaky market to be taking a 6 month probationary job.

 

[Welsh1]

I think the fact you only state 2 positives to the new job role speaks volumes, stick with the old one.

 

[caterday28]

Sticking with the old job sounds preferable by what you've said.