What makes a happy marriage?

[Nebbymoo]

So as the title says really. What makes a happy marriage in your opinion?

After years of abuse with a previous partner I vowed I would never get married, (although the whole meeting a man and being welcomed into his family as a new member was a dream). Then I met a man who instantly became my best friend and we got married within a few months of meeting. Although our marriage/relationship is solid our family consists of the people who live in our house. My husbands family from day one had me down as a gold digger (although he has a crap job and no money so no idea where that's come from ). Non of his family came to our wedding aside from his mum and they've basically cut him off like he doesnt exist.

It hurts me to say it but I think that the relationship between him and his family is now beyond repair. But it leads me thinking about what others would say is the perfect marriage.
Is there even such a thing?
Also I'f you could change anything about your marriage or go back and do things differently what would they be and why?
Would you have any advice for your younger/older self?

 

[legitquestions]

That’s such a heartbreaker in a way. It would be great if they were accepting of you. However, you are with this person, not his family. If you and him are happy that’s all that matters. Also you should be his priority

 

[JoeBloggs]

My husband has limited contact with his family. For us marriage has had its ups and downs. But I would say, understanding and sometimes just letting things be. We used to argue a lot but now we can’t be bothered and agree to let things just be in some cases. We give each other time and then have time together.

I realise I haven’t really answered your post. I don’t think I’d change much about our marriage. Perhaps argue less and deal with my husbands issues (Depression and alcohol) sooner but he wasn’t ready.

I would also say, pick your battles. Some are not worth the effort.

 

[reCAPTCHA]

1. A shared vision for the life you want to make together. Reviewing it regularly.
2. Similar values
3. Respect for each other and your differences.
4. Retaining some interests/friendships etc. that are ‘away’ from each other
5. The ability to laugh together. Passion might not last- you need friendship too.
6. An acceptance that you WILL both duck up at points. Forgiveness.
7. A good sized dick and the skills to know what to do with it

 

[Smellycat18]

I would say liking each other and being able to laugh together goes a long way to making a happy marriage. I know it sounds basic but the amount of people I know, especially once kids come along, who sound like they hate each other is incredible.

Being able to talk to each other - and listen to the other person, even/ especially if you feel like being defensive,is also key.

I also think knowing yourself, so that when something is bothering you, you can tell if it’s your spouse who’s bugging you, or it’s your own tit that’s being triggered.

I don’t think it really matters if you get in with his family/vice versa as, unless you were close knit, how much time are you going to be spending with them anyway? I don’t see much of my in-laws at all which suits me just fine

Finally, remembering that every day you’re both making a choice to be there, to stay together and that you always have the option to go if you feel it’s run its course. I find that thought quite liberating, in a strange way.

Those are my thoughts anyway

 

[HumphreyB]

I think it varies for people.

An acceptance there will be bumps in the road, a desire to put the other person first at times, shared values/interests but also a life outside of each other. Being supportive, having fun, understanding each other.

I dont think there is a perfect marriage because I think everyones vision of what that is would be different. To me my marriage is perfectly imperfect to me but id bet someone else would think otherwise. Once you both turn up every day and make a choice to be there for each other your onto something.

 

[If i told you …]

My marriage is a happy one and here I my thoughts on why :-

1. Mutual respect for each other
2. We get on
3. Our own roles. He cooks and shops. I clean and organise us
4. We laugh and talk a lot
5. Give and take in equal measure
6. Separate bedrooms
7. Thoughtfulness to each other
8. Tell one another everything

 

[Milliehaha123]

My marriage is a happy one and here I my thoughts on why :-

1. Mutual respect for each other
2. We get on
3. Our own roles. He cooks and shops. I clean and organise us
4. We laugh and talk a lot
5. Give and take in equal measure
6. Separate bedrooms
7. Thoughtfulness to each other
8. Tell one another everything

Separate bedrooms is an interesting one - I’ve never thought of sleeping apart from my partner. Why do you think this works?

 

[Pixipoppy]

My marriage is a happy one and here I my thoughts on why :-

1. Mutual respect for each other
2. We get on
3. Our own roles. He cooks and shops. I clean and organise us
4. We laugh and talk a lot
5. Give and take in equal measure
6. Separate bedrooms
7. Thoughtfulness to each other
8. Tell one another everything

Separate bedrooms - I do agree in a way, myself and my partner have very different sleeping patterns/styles. I always get a much better sleep when I’m not sharing a bed with him if we had a bigger place I think I’d definitely consider having separate bedrooms!

 

[If i told you …]

Separate bedrooms is an interesting one - I’ve never thought of sleeping apart from my partner. Why do you think this works?

maybe because we both have terrible night’s sleep. He stays up until 1-2 in the morning and is a rather large man, who snores a lot and quite loudly. I go to bed at about 11.30 and I suffer some effects of the menopause plus I love my own bed. I can be a starfish and move around at will

 

[GamerLlama87]

I love the idea of separate bedrooms.. I wish it was more 'the norm'! My boyfriend snores like a rhino and I'm an incredibly light sleeper who likes to sprawl across the bed, so to me it just feels daft that we share a bed sometimes

 

[Kim Mild]

I agree with pick your battles. Things that upset / annoy you probably aren't intentional. Don't make issues out of non- issues. Remember you most likely annoy/ upset them too.

Accept someone for who they are, rather than make an issue of what they aren't. ( obviously don't put up with crap because ' that's just the way they are')

I don't think there is a perfect marriage/ relationship. I think a lot of it is down to tolerance of each other , basically.

 

[Libbylulu]

Another yes to separate bedrooms. I’m such a light sleeper due to the menopause and he snores. It prevents bickering and overwhelming tiredness. Works for us