Wanting a child - struggles

[Youre a wizard Harry]

My situation is difficult but I can relate, I have that longing too. I’m 28, married and think of pretty much nothing else but my husband is insistent on waiting until we buy a house. Whilst I do think he is right (if we were to have a baby now, we would have to move somewhere bigger and the jump in rent would be huge, that combined with a lower income would mean we wouldn’t be able to save for a deposit). It doesn’t stop the longing
Sending love to you

 

[under the ivy]

I can relate. I turn 28 on Thursday and my long-term relationship ended last April - the person I thought I would be settling down with. I’ve always put my education/career first but I do have pangs of sadness/worry when I see these pregnancy announcements or someone pushing a pram even to wonder if that will ever be me. I know I’m still ‘young’ and I hope it happens one day. But the Covid pandemic also makes me worry to think about job security long term, financial pressures, meeting someone in the future! Messes with my head a bit. I also would love my own family as my family is quite small - I get worried I’ll lose my Mum/Nana and it’ll be just me & my brother!

Try not to get too wrapped up in your thoughts OP. I know lockdown doesn’t help but just think of the present rather than the what ifs

 

[Alexaj]

You can always freeze your eggs. It's pretty expensive but it takes a bit of the pressure off the:

I don’t want to have them at too old of an age due to complications and stuff

worry. And I read it's because of the quality of the eggs when you're older that creates the complications not your body per se.

 

[Tui]

I think how you feel is very understandable. I was in a slightly different position but can relate. I have been with my partner for 12 years but we had to wait until last year to try for a baby due to educational/professional/financial/medical reasons. For the last 3 years or so I was desperate for a baby and seeing people who had met their partners and married in the previous few years moving on and buying houses and having babies when my husband and I had to wait until the right time. Obviously I know this is different to your situation but can relate to that gnawing feeling that something is missing.

 

[ada-lovelace]

No I haven't but I will check her out - thank you! much love

Any life/baby updates prophecy girl?

 

[Tui]

Thanks guys! It’s definitely not something I want to do on my own whatsoever!! I just think at 30 I really should be close to having kids and I want at least two, I don’t want to have them at too old of an age due to complications and stuff

I am so glad other people understand! I think also now it’s hard to meet someone who will also want children, everyone now ha children and may not want more.

@under the ivy i am sorry to hear that I hope you are doing okay with the break up xx

You never know what’s around the corner and life doesn’t follow our plans - I intended to have my first at 27-28 but that sailed past

 

[Lumpfish]

Hello

I'm not sure what to post for the title and I'm not sure how to word this but..

Basically I've always wanted children but for the last two years it's come to a point where it's eating me up daily that I don't have children. I can't describe it, I am only 27 and I am also single so when I tell people they just say "You're still young/plenty of time" but it really breaks my heart, I feel like nobody understands.. it's not just me wanting them, I am so passionate and it's just making me so so sad. I struggle with mental health as it is and this just makes it so much worse

Every time I see a pregnancy announcement from people I know my heart shatters, the feeling is becoming so overwhelming.
I just don't know anyone who can relate to this, they just shrug it off because "my time will come" but it's more than that

Can anyone else relate? I know people have issues trying to conceive but does anyone else feel like me?

Totally relate to this! Do you follow @livsalone on insta? She felt the same as us and had the means to do it alone using a sperm donor and now has a healthy little boy

 

[Lovebugx]

A dear friend of mine who has struggled with miscarriages for the last 5 years , has just found out she's pregnant I'm so happy for her , but it also hurts in my heart.
I had a heart to heart with my boyfriend and he's agreed we can try but age is also a factor now , he's 43 and our lifestyle choices aren't always the best , I'll be 36 this year and I have PCOS but his agreeing to try has lifted me a bit

 

[Ls2991]

I don’t feel as strongly as you (as in it’s not all consuming) but I do understand how you feel, especially what you said about it not just being about a baby, but a family. I am nearly 29 and single and really do want a family in the not too distant future, but due to Covid meeting someone to do that in the conventional way seems so far fetched at the moment and it really is unsettling. I have stopped saying anything to friends about it, because like you they say there’s plenty of time etc but it has become a real concern in the last 6 months that due to the way the world is at the moment and for the foreseeable future, there is a REAL chance of it not happening.

 

[Whaaaaat]

I do think if this time next year I am not any closer I will be thinking about sperm donor, not sure how long I can keep being unhappy for

I can’t hugely relate to how you’re feeling as I wanted a baby but it never became all consuming. Then was lucky enough that when the time was “right” we fell pregnant very quickly.

BUT what I would say is - I would never plan to have a baby on your own.

Having a baby is by far the hardest thing I’ve ever done. And I have a very good support network especially pre-covid. However, you will find your friends without babies visit a few times when the baby is first born then go along with their not tied down lives. Your friends with babies understand, but are also exhausted. So unless you have a super supportive mum and dad, you’ll be on your own with no help and it’s bloody hard.

The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” didn’t get pulled out of thin air!

 

[bcat1998]

Can relate to this thread so much, before meeting my partner a few years ago I was looking into using a donor and going it alone. Then I met my partner and we seemed to be on the same page, but now I’m 2 and a half years down the line no further forward and he just keeps coming up with different reasons/excuses to push it back. While I’m here in the background desperately wanting a baby he is fine with waiting as he already has a child from a previous relationship. Have tried to explain to him you won’t understand me as you have what I am so so desperate for, it never seems to go in. I have struggled through watching my friends get married and pregnant and have babies and I feel I am left out and as much as I love my friends babies to death I feel intense jealousy still. I try so hard to push these feelings down but sometimes they are just too much and reality smacks me in the face

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Thank you for all your kind replies, for some reason I didn't get an alert I had any more of them!

I do know it's not the end of the world and I do think it's also because I'm just ready to settle down. Luckily none of my closest friends have young children, they're teenagers or they have none at all! Life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would!

I suppose it doesn't help looking at social media and being on my own and during lockdown it's hard not to look at it! I am going to try take up a hobby or something, maybe get a little kitten for some company and to look after!

 

[Serious_Susan]

I agree. I have two children and was sure i wasn't going to have a third. But it's like you say, something just flips and I've found myself obsessing over it. I guess it's nature saying, hey, you're young a fertile and your kids are growing up have another one. But life is just too complicated, there's work/ bills/ plans that all get in the way.

Covid has really put it into perspective for me, before I would've valued my career over taking the time out to have another baby. Whereas now I just want to grow our family and the career is a nice add on.

 

[NMK]

Hey hun! I had my daughter at 25 and she is now two, however we are struggling to conceive again. I would seriously suggest coming off social media or limiting the time spent on it. Since I have it honestly is as if something has switched in me, everytime I logged on another pregnancy announcement maybe because I want that again it hurts more when you see it! Also, what you see on social media isn’t real life! Those happy families doting dads mums looking like they’re living their best lives please remember it is fake 🤍🤍🤍🤍

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Totally relate to this! Do you follow @livsalone on insta? She felt the same as us and had the means to do it alone using a sperm donor and now has a healthy little boy

No I haven't but I will check her out - thank you! much love

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Thanks guys! It’s definitely not something I want to do on my own whatsoever!! I just think at 30 I really should be close to having kids and I want at least two, I don’t want to have them at too old of an age due to complications and stuff

I am so glad other people understand! I think also now it’s hard to meet someone who will also want children, everyone now ha children and may not want more.

@under the ivy i am sorry to hear that I hope you are doing okay with the break up xx