Twins - advice needed

[Flowergirl14]

It has all turned out amazing, thank you for asking @Pixifloss

She took the Meds, and now understands she was suffering from severe post natal depression.

She returned back to her apartment in October with the twins, has returned to her full time job (WFH).
Has a fantastic child minder, who lives in the same street.
She is now 51, and has amazing energy dealing with them.
I live an hour away, but try to visit them every 2/3 weeks at the weekend, I have a teenager at home.
The twins are adorable, easy tots too - very happy and and we all love them to bits.

It is really amazing how it has all turned out, last summer was very bleak.

It really is a very happy ending. x

 

[Flowergirl14]

My sister had twins earlier this year.
Always wanted a family, but never met the right man.
Very headstrong and never takes advice, but great at dishing it out.
Now cannot cope with 6 month old twins.
She is a single parent and aged 50.
She is now in a mother and baby mental home with them, thank you NHS; they have been great.
Spent 4.5 hours with her today.
She lives 2 hours drive away from me, so it is not like I can just pop in.
She now is thinking of giving them up for adoption.
I am in tears writing this.....

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

How awful for her to have to experience this, post partrum psychosis is an awful mental illness and if she's experiencing full blown mental illness and had little to no support for the last 6 months since having her babies then she maybe can't see an end to it all. Kids get easier, once she has proper medication and hopefully a support plan in place she will hopefully feel different and stronger. I'm so sorry, are you in a place to offer her somewhere to live with the babies? What kind of situation would she be leaving the mother and baby home to? I hope she gets better soon. Laura Lee dockrill wrote a book about her experience with PPS called what have I done. I hope your sister gets better soon, and if she is still set on adoption then it's up to her to make that decision but not while in this sort of state.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

It’s not the right time for her to be making such a drastic decision and I don’t think she should be allowed to go ahead with adoption when she is unwell.

Can family take care of the twins while she gets better?

 

[monga]

I'm sure being a first time parent at 50 is a big shock to the system let alone to twins .I agree with the poster above that said medication and support is what she needs I think if she gave them up while in this frame of mind she may regret it later ,a friend of mine has had to step in to help her sister out, after her last child was born she couldn't bond with him at all ,fell into a deep depression my friend has moved in to rear the kids while she gets help for her MH but it's a big ask and not an option for everyone . I hope things improve for her soon it's a very sad situation for you all.

 

[Kim Mild]

She will hopefully get the support she needs in the mother and baby unit. Like psychiatric support, and medication if applicable, but also practical support to look after the babies.

What a sad situation.

 

[swimming]

This breaks my heart, mostly because it’s semi relatable.

My son was born June 2021 and my husband went back on deployment just 8 days after the birth. I had a dreadful birthing experience and needed a transfusion afterwards.

My baby would scream and scream and scream sometimes up to 20 hours a day. He would choke on reflux if he laid flat, and just screamed. I had no support. My family are hard-faced and very much “get on with it” style.

One day in particular it was so bad, I was physically shaking and trembling because he would not stop screaming, doctors just kept telling me “it’s colic” and dismissed me. I was sat on the sofa with him on my chest thrashing around screaming (he was only 2 weeks old), and I could see my car keys on the side and for about a whole minute, I just wanted to put baby in his crib, and walk out the house, get in my car and drive away forever. I didn’t, obviously.

turns out baby had a severe milk allergy and silent reflux. He was put on prescription milk. And is doing ok now.

But I am still so triggered by it. I still cry myself to sleep some nights thinking about how bad it was in the beginning. And the fact no one helped me. I’m not ashamed to say there were times I wished I would just die in my sleep but then I imagined no one finding me for days, and baby being alone.

Basically, his screaming and the fact my birth experience was so bad, I was diagnosed with PND and handed tablets. Im still waiting for any type of birth reflection or “talking help”. Bad, isn’t it?

All im saying is, there can some times be medical reasons for women feeling this bad after birth. Huge shift in hormones, lack of emotional support from people they trust etc.

I’ve rambled on a bit, but I wish your sister every bit of luck, and stick by her. She will thank you for it x

 

[Redyellowgreen]

I'm so sorry to hear this about your sister.
Being a single parent it is hard but it gets easier it does ! I was a young single parent and then my 2nd was born 15 months after my first. I had undiagnosed pnd and refused to admit or get help and yes at times I thought it would be better to put my children up for adoption. But it was just my brain. I managed i got through the dark days , I looked for the good days.
You say she always wanted a family . So this is why I'm believing she really doesn't want to give them up.
I don't know what happens in mother and baby units how long does she get to stay there? Does she get to stay until she feels well enough to cope ? Would she move closer to you ? And you be able to help support her? What about friends close to her could they not help her out?

 

[Flowergirl14]

Thank you all for your interest. We are a very happy family now. I try to visit every 2nd weekend. The twins are adorable and so cute, but I return home exhausted after my visits! Love them to bits...

 

[Saddlesoap]

My sister had twins earlier this year.
Always wanted a family, but never met the right man.
Very headstrong and never takes advice, but great at dishing it out.
Now cannot cope with 6 month old twins.
She is a single parent and aged 50.
She is now in a mother and baby mental home with them, thank you NHS; they have been great.
Spent 4.5 hours with her today.
She lives 2 hours drive away from me, so it is not like I can just pop in.
She now is thinking of giving them up for adoption.
I am in tears writing this.....

Gosh how very very sad. All I can think is that those twins could make some people who long to be parents very happy. x

 

[Pixifloss]

Thank you all for your advice. It is heartbreaking. I am attached to them. Just had a 5 hour round journey to see them all. My heart is breaking! X


No dad. Headstrong and did IVF at 50!


Thank you all for the book ideas, appreciate them!

How are things now. Has she improved any?

 

[Oohthedrama]

At the moment,
take it hour by hour, she’s in the best place (although “mental home” is an awful term to use)
this will be her decision, but she’s in no state to make any decisions.

hopefully whats best for the kids will come first and she’ll get all the support and advice she needs,
but make sure there is a family member involved with her case/treatment,
speaking as her advocate, and make it known you’re involved in their lives and she won’t be alone (if that is the case) don’t let anyone make decisions for her while she lacks capacity.

twins are fucking difficult.
One newborn is bad, twins is a war zone, but it does get easier with them. In a few months time things could be so different for her and her family.

best of luck to you all.

 

[grumpycat]

I’m so sorry to hear about your sister. The first few months of parenting are really, really hard let alone with two and as a single parent.

I don’t know much about adoption but a friend of a friend has done it. It’s really not an easy process. So, please take a little reassurance that she can’t just hand them to someone else forever. It takes quite a while from the experience I’ve heard about to ensure everything is ok etc. I hope your sister gets some help, medication and support in order for her to make feel better and come to a decision not clouded by mental health. You’re a wonderful sister for trying to help her.

 

[Pixifloss]

It has all turned out amazing, thank you for asking @Pixifloss

She took the Meds, and now understands she was suffering from severe post natal depression.

She returned back to her apartment in October with the twins, has returned to her full time job (WFH).
Has a fantastic child minder, who lives in the same street.
She is now 51, and has amazing energy dealing with them.
I live an hour away, but try to visit them every 2/3 weeks at the weekend, I have a teenager at home.
The twins are adorable, easy tots too - very happy and and we all love them to bits.

It is really amazing how it has all turned out, last summer was very bleak.

It really is a very happy ending. x

That is absolutely amazing to hear. I’m so delighted for her, the twins and your family. Such a positive outcome. Really chuffed for all xxx

 

[Rxt156]

Glad it all turned out ok. Thanks for coming back to tell us.

 

[Flowergirl14]

Thank you all for your advice. It is heartbreaking. I am attached to them. Just had a 5 hour round journey to see them all. My heart is breaking! X

she's in the best place for her and the babies right now. Theres a book i read receently called "something to live for" by Laura Canty, it's worth a read it may give you a insight to how your sister is feeling. is the baby daddy around at all?

I hope your okay, it cant be easy seeing some one you love and care for in this situation

No dad. Headstrong and did IVF at 50!

Thank you all for your advice. It is heartbreaking. I am attached to them. Just had a 5 hour round journey to see them all. My heart is breaking! X


No dad. Headstrong and did IVF at 50!

Thank you all for the book ideas, appreciate them!

 

[whoareyouu]

It has all turned out amazing, thank you for asking @Pixifloss

She took the Meds, and now understands she was suffering from severe post natal depression.

She returned back to her apartment in October with the twins, has returned to her full time job (WFH).
Has a fantastic child minder, who lives in the same street.
She is now 51, and has amazing energy dealing with them.
I live an hour away, but try to visit them every 2/3 weeks at the weekend, I have a teenager at home.
The twins are adorable, easy tots too - very happy and and we all love them to bits.

It is really amazing how it has all turned out, last summer was very bleak.

It really is a very happy ending. x

Aw this is amazing! So glad to hear it’s all turned out well! X

 

[justheretoread99]

As awful as it sounds, she’s in the best place if she’s receiving psychiatric care, so hopefully it brings some comfort to you and the rest of your family.

Don’t be afraid to reach out for support for yourself as well. Although you aren’t experiencing what she’s feeling, this is obviously impacting you too.

Just be an open ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on for her at the moment. That’s the most you can do at present whilst she’s in hospital/a unit.

Look after yourself too

 

[Peaches_xox]

I’m sure the mother and baby unit won’t allow her to make such a drastic decision whilst she’s still in their care! Just be there for her as much as you can and I really hope things get better

 

[sassylash]

My sister had twins earlier this year.
Always wanted a family, but never met the right man.
Very headstrong and never takes advice, but great at dishing it out.
Now cannot cope with 6 month old twins.
She is a single parent and aged 50.
She is now in a mother and baby mental home with them, thank you NHS; they have been great.
Spent 4.5 hours with her today.
She lives 2 hours drive away from me, so it is not like I can just pop in.
She now is thinking of giving them up for adoption.
I am in tears writing this.....

i hope everything works out for the best! sending love and light