The son of a friend of mine had a baby 7 months ago, he's now split up with his partner and moved back in to my friends (his mum's home). It's now come to light that the son is under police and CPS investigation for injuring the baby, on purpose. He's currently allowed 30 minutes a week contact in a contact centre. The baby was bleeding under her tongue, was admitted to hospital by the GP, hospital staff were concerned so arranged other tests and found some rib fractures and bruising. I am disgusted and it's really upsetting. He's admitted causing the injuries when he was fed up of the baby crying. He's constantly telling my friend that his mental health isn't in a good place and that he wants to take an OD and end his life. My friend is standing by him. I feel like unintentionally, I've taken a massive step back from her. I don't know how to feel about it all. I don't know if I can support someone who supports someone who has done this to a baby, I understand that it's her son and we'll do anything for our children right, but that?! This is her grandchild. I'm so messed up in my own head about it, I don't know what to say when she messages me so I end up ignoring it and replying hours later but I just don't know if I can continue to support someone who supports this? What would you do in this situation?
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The fact that he has admitted it, should be commended. In my professional experience it is not that common for parents to own up to this, somewhat understandably, for fear of what they will lose. By admitting what he has done, the baby has presumably been able to stay living with it's mum (rather than been removed to another family to allow for many, many months of investigations), and the baby has been safeguarded from him. You don't know if this was a one off incident, if he snapped in the heat of the moment. It happens. He has admitted it and shown remorse. He is also suicidal. Poor mental health appears to be playing a role here, and that can be hugely complex. It is not so "black and white" as he has done wrong and should therefore be rejected by everyone.
Have you considered how your friend feels about what her son has done? She has potentially lost a relationship with her grandchild, and her son is now suicidal. She must be absolutely terrified that she could lose him too. Be careful of judging her, for her son's actions. She will be in pain. She will need your support. It's ok to tell her that you can't understand or support what he has done. I doubt she can either. But it sounds like she is going to need a friend who can be there, without judgment.
Have you considered how your friend feels about what her son has done? She has potentially lost a relationship with her grandchild, and her son is now suicidal. She must be absolutely terrified that she could lose him too. Be careful of judging her, for her son's actions. She will be in pain. She will need your support. It's ok to tell her that you can't understand or support what he has done. I doubt she can either. But it sounds like she is going to need a friend who can be there, without judgment.
Thank you for your response. I definitely needed someone to say all of this to make my mind more clear on it. I didn't want to be a bad friend and judge, I just felt it was a difficult situation to navigate. Baby is currently not in the care of mum either, she's in the care of the mum's mother and both are only allowed 30 minutes a week contact. It's a horrible situation.