Those of us who are grieving.

[Kim Mild]

I thought it might be a good idea to have a general thread for those of us who are grieving someone who is no longer with us. This could be due to bereavement or other circumstances, like if someone is not in our life anymore.

I usually find it therapeutic to post on here , and easier to express my feelings than in real life .

 

[HumptyDumptyLou]

My 87 year old father died a week ago and I’m struggling with many things. We weren’t close and he and my mother moved back to the country they were born in a few years ago, and I couldn’t go to the funeral even if I could afford it because of work commitments.
I watched the memorial service online and it was nice to see extended family talk about him including my brother who also lives over there, but it was jarring to hear everyone say lovely things about him when my experience with him in the last 20 years was the complete opposite. Even my ex-husband, who hates my parents and alienated me from them to the point my parents wanted to write me out of their will after they moved back home, is now saying nice things about him.
As well as my father’s death, the week before I had to put the love of my life, a 14 year old cavalier King Charles spaniel, to sleep because he was old and frail and I’ve cried more for him than my father.
On top of that I feel like I’m grieving the loss of a very good friend; we were close until she moved to an area 90 minutes away and I’ve tried keeping in touch by messaging and calling her but she rarely returns calls or messages. I let her know about my dad yesterday and haven’t heard from her and that hurts more because I feel lonely and miss our friendship. I have other friends but this person just got me; we’re both introverts and have similar interests, kids the same age, horrible former husbands; there was a lot in our friendship and I’m sad that things have changed but don’t really know why. Of course I think it’s because I’m a crap person who’s too needy which I don’t think is necessarily true but those self thoughts just stick with me.
For anyone who’s read all of that, thank you and sorry for trauma dumping but I appreciate the opportunity to write this out because I feel like I can’t say all of this to anyone else in my life right now.

 

[Sabbie]

Hey Humpty. I hear you. My 87 year old father died last November and I also am dealing with very odd grief for a number of reasons since I did not speak to him for the last thirty years. I am deeply sorry about the loss of your dog. I too lost my 15 year old dog last March and grieve her much more than any person in my life. Just wanted to say you are heard and I’m sorry you are going through so much tit.

 

[Turmeric123]

My 87 year old father died a week ago and I’m struggling with many things. We weren’t close and he and my mother moved back to the country they were born in a few years ago, and I couldn’t go to the funeral even if I could afford it because of work commitments.
I watched the memorial service online and it was nice to see extended family talk about him including my brother who also lives over there, but it was jarring to hear everyone say lovely things about him when my experience with him in the last 20 years was the complete opposite. Even my ex-husband, who hates my parents and alienated me from them to the point my parents wanted to write me out of their will after they moved back home, is now saying nice things about him.
As well as my father’s death, the week before I had to put the love of my life, a 14 year old cavalier King Charles spaniel, to sleep because he was old and frail and I’ve cried more for him than my father.
On top of that I feel like I’m grieving the loss of a very good friend; we were close until she moved to an area 90 minutes away and I’ve tried keeping in touch by messaging and calling her but she rarely returns calls or messages. I let her know about my dad yesterday and haven’t heard from her and that hurts more because I feel lonely and miss our friendship. I have other friends but this person just got me; we’re both introverts and have similar interests, kids the same age, horrible former husbands; there was a lot in our friendship and I’m sad that things have changed but don’t really know why. Of course I think it’s because I’m a crap person who’s too needy which I don’t think is necessarily true but those self thoughts just stick with me.
For anyone who’s read all of that, thank you and sorry for trauma dumping but I appreciate the opportunity to write this out because I feel like I can’t say all of this to anyone else in my life right now.

Sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad almost a year ago and a lot of what you posted could be me talking- my dad was younger but we were estranged- I wasn't even acknowledged by most people at the funeral all because my parents broke up when I was 8.
Sorry to hear about your doggie cavs are such loveable friendly yet silly dogs I had one for 10 years who had no manners but would hug me when she was bold
Take care of yourself and be kind to yourself- he was your dad we only get one and it tough when they pass especially when not close x
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Hey Humpty. I hear you. My 87 year old father died last November and I also am dealing with very odd grief for a number of reasons since I did not speak to him for the last thirty years. I am deeply sorry about the loss of your dog. I too lost my 15 year old dog last March and grieve her much more than any person in my life. Just wanted to say you are heard and I’m sorry you are going through so much tit.

Message above is also for you. Take care of yourself and hope we can all help each other xxx

 

[Kim Mild]

The anniversary of my dad's death has just been . I don't think I grieved properly at the time. I had a newborn and then the pandemic happened not long after his funeral. My mother died a few years before, so I have no living parents. That is a weird feeling, it was totally different even having one surviving parent.

I think it affects me more now than it did then .

 

[Donnavanessa]

Thank you for starting this thread. Grieving is a hard, hard journey. I lost my dear Dad last year and I miss him so terribly. In 2 weeks time we have to attend a coroner’s inquest into his treatment by the NHS. I feel sick with anxiety at having to go over his passing again. It has helped me to write this down.
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My thoughts and good wishes to all who are going through loss.

 

[Sabbie]

Grief is so weird, isn't it? You can feel fine one minute and then it can completely consume you and break you down in a split second, and then your whole world feels like it's falling down.

I'm so sorry that have lost both your parents in such a short time, @Kim Mild. Having a newborn without their maternal grandparents must feel hard too.

Sorry you lost your dad with extra difficult circumstances @Donnavanessa. I can only imagine the stress of going through an inquest. I hope it gives you some answers and peace.

@Turmeric123 So many of us go through a weird process of grief when we have estranged parents. It's nice to know we're not alone. Sadly.

 

[lozzapaloozza]

I miss my nan so much. I still can’t get over how she was completely healthy (or so we thought), ill for a few weeks and then she was gone I lost my mum in 2020 and my nan in 2022 and it makes me sad and scared that I’m the last generation left in a way. It hurts that neither of them will see me get married or see me have children. I feel lost without them

 

[rulebreaker101]

We lost my sister yesterday, she 37 to cancer. It’s so heartbreaking

 

[Rlaw1978]

I lost my mil 2 years ago (jan 21) step mum 1 (jan 22) year ago and my uncle, Jan of this year. I don’t even know the words to use to describe how massive the grief is for all of them.

 

[Donnavanessa]

I’m so very sorry for everyone’s losses.

I just wanted to pop back on as we’ve now had my dear Dad’s inquest. It was so upsetting going over everything over a year after his passing and, as expected, the verdict was accidental death.

The NHS had their legal expert present (which I’m told is normal). Ironically the (senior) person whose team would never return my calls or give me updates when my dad was alive sat there and had the audacity to say I could ring them after the inquest and they’d be happy to give me clarification. Errr no thanks - too little, too late so you can stick your faux concern. Made me so bloody angry.

On the other hand the Coroner was so lovely, kind and genuine and encouraged me to tell her about my Dad’s life. This meant the world to me and gave me comfort.

 

[BANRÍON]

hey everyone, not really sure what i'm doing here but my sister suggested I write my feelings somewhere and this is the only place i can find online that's anonymous.
As of 5 weeks ago, I've become a 22 year old widower with an 8 month old baby. I lost my best friend and partner of almost 8 years to postpartum depression and I didn't even know what PPD was until two months after our daughter was born. I'm very much struggling to cope from all angles, with grief, single parenthood, working, sleeping, eating, talking about how I'm feeling, over thinking questions my daughter will ask when shes older, thinking about the fact some day i'll have a teenage daughter with no Mummy to help guide her, im just totally out of my depth and spiralling. I guess I'm looking for some advice on how to cope with grief and the anger im feeling towards my partner for leaving us in this predicament.

 

[carriebooboo]

@BANRÍON I'm so sorry. What a difficult time this is for you. Despite the reputation, I've found this site to be incredibly supportive of fellow members so please do share and reach out whenever it's needed.

If you aren't already aware, you can self-refer for talking therapy on the NHS. They will do an initial assessment before deciding the next best course of action. I've just been offered grief counselling (not CBT). It's a 3-4 month wait in my area but it's something at least. You can self refer here: https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/ta...rapies-and-counselling/nhs-talking-therapies/

 

[Sabbie]

Oh, @BANRÍON yes, please reach out to your GP to get a referral for therapy asap. Maybe even the citizen advice will help you find some local help that you need. https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/
Huge hugs to you. Keep speaking to family, people around you and online and reach out for help.

 

[Celeste]

I know this is an old thread but just need a safe anonymous space. I lost my grandmother 2 months ago and feel like I'm losing my mind. The grief and physical pain from constantly forgetting and then remembering that she's gone is still taking my breath away multiple times a day and I genuinely don't know how anyone can survive feeling like this long-term. Please can someone tell me this is normal because I don't recognise who I am in these moments.

 

[Emperor]

I think and hope I've sent hearts to everyone so far. Losing my Mum is more than I can handle, and I can't imagine getting through the rest of my life without her. All I can say, without any strong belief right now, is that virtually everyone on the planet has felt like we all do now, and generally they get through it. I can only hope that's the case as I would do anything to be with her right now.

 

[Celeste]

I think and hope I've sent hearts to everyone so far. Losing my Mum is more than I can handle, and I can't imagine getting through the rest of my life without her. All I can say, without any strong belief right now, is that virtually everyone on the planet has felt like we all do now, and generally they get through it. I can only hope that's the case as I would do anything to be with her right now.

I'm with you. Let's hold onto that belief and trust that time really does help.

 

[princessmaire80]

Sending love to everyone going through any form of grief right now
It was my darling dad’s birthday Tuesday just gone. He would have been 82. He’s been gone for three years now- he passed five days after my wedding. I still can’t think of him without crying. Whilst time has made it easier I don’t think I’ll ever get over losing him. I was a real daddy’s girl, we were so close and I miss him so much

 

[CrimsonCountess]

Sending love to everyone
I've never experienced losing someone close to me before, but my husbands uncle died a few months ago. It was really sudden, he just died in his sleep and was only late 50's. We spent so much time with him, saw him most weeks for tea, every weekend we would meet up for a drink and a dog walk. He was just such a massive part of our lives, and I really can't get my head round the fact I'll never see him again. We had so many things planned and so many things we were all going to do together, and now it just seems so wrong that he's not here anymore

 

[Rlaw1978]

My grandma passed away three weeks ago now, I was very close to her and feel her loss. It’s made me consider where I live, which is 1hr & 1/2 from my family and where I grew up. Obviously I have a family of my own now and in general love where I live and wouldn’t change it. Husband has decent job, kids happy and settled in schools. I don’t think we are even in a position to move atm. However the loss is making me consider that I’m missing out on not living closer to my parents and other relatives. They can’t just pop round for a coffee, that kind of thing. We try out best to see each other regularly but I’m worried I will regret it later on.