The advice thread for random problems #5

chickhicks86 said:

I need to book some train tickets for early next year - is there a sweet spot when they are cheapest?

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I don't think so, although they do say the earlier you book the cheaper it is. If it is worth it look into a rail card, can save you money if you can get one. I saved £180 on my trip up north buy buying a £30 rail card (so technically £150 saving)

What is the easiest way to book hotel rooms for a work trip? There's 10x of us so will need 10x individual rooms but booking dot com thinks a 5 bedroom apartment will suffice as it assumes couples...
I'm looking at airbnb as well which is easier but my boss wants some hotels thrown in the mix too - the problem is, we've left it pretty close to the event so the cheaper hotels have been snapped up and the rest are around £9k for everyone we want .

Was on the train today for 5 hours, it's 2 hours later an I feel like am still sitting on it moving even though am sitting still, is this motion sickness? or something else? an what's the best thing to use to rid the feeling? It's still a few hours till a suitable bedtime

StrawberryBanana90 said:

What is the easiest way to book hotel rooms for a work trip? There's 10x of us so will need 10x individual rooms but booking dot com thinks a 5 bedroom apartment will suffice as it assumes couples...
I'm looking at airbnb as well which is easier but my boss wants some hotels thrown in the mix too - the problem is, we've left it pretty close to the event so the cheaper hotels have been snapped up and the rest are around £9k for everyone we want .

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What about two apartments? I would even contact the apartment building and see if they’d do a deal for renting two

Snippysnips said:

Hmm it's tricky if she's being smart by using the words "entrusted" an hasn't just outright said it's yours, am not sure how it works but I'd imagine there's some sort of time limit on it like if it's been over a year then surely she can't suddenly have claims to the cat again or be entitled to any news of said cat

How old is it? If it's getting on I know it sounds cruel an nasty but could you say it's passed on?

I'd still do what clickbait said an just really limited the messages, even take a few days to reply an say you are just busy an keep them short, I hope she eventually leaves you alone, it must be incredible annoying an frustrating that she keeps at you

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That's the tricky thing, the microchip has my details on (not hers) but legally I don't know where I stand - and I'm not exactly keen to pay a lawyer (although I'm sure they'd have a right laugh). He's 15 so plausibly I could say he's gone to kitty heaven, although if it somehow backfired I'd be royally screwed!

It is just so frustrating. Sorry to moan (and feel free not to read) but the cat actually 'moved in' to mine because he was so miserable at hers - badly fed, bullied by her other cats, he came in through my garden. He was actually living at mine for two years before I found out he was owned - she hadn't even microchipped him (I put a flyer through local postboxes as he hadn't turned up for a few days and I was worried, she'd shut him in due to cold weather). I must have gone round to hers 5, 6 times in total. We weren't friends. We never were. We've never been for a meal or even a coffee. She came round once - she'd got a new cat, not socialised it, and one she already owned (another one!) fought with it so much that cat had moved into mine too and wouldn't go home for six weeks. When she moved homes she realised he was miserable at hers and SHE suggested I keep him - which I did.

Now her narrative is that she heartbreakingly gave up a cat she loved so much to a very very dear friend who promised to send her constant updates for the rest of his life.

didisaythatoutloudoops said:

Now her narrative is that she heartbreakingly gave up a cat she loved so much to a very very dear friend who promised to send her constant updates for the rest of his life.

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Definitely sounds likes she's trying to keep you in contact through emotions, I've always believed if you truly love animals you find a way to keep them an not give them up, if it wasn't that well looked after an then given up then she clearly wasn't "heartbroken" over given it up, it's more like she wants the cat without the responsibilities of owning the cat, I hope you can find a way to eventually go no contact with her

didisaythatoutloudoops said:

the microchip has my details on (not hers)

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That is definitely good to prove ownership, but I assume you've paid for everything as well? Food, vet, playthings, etc and can prove that? If so, nobody will put your legal ownership in doubt. I would ignore her comments, but do prepare a folder with copies of receipts and a print out of the microchip data in case she ever calls the coppers.

See also here where someone had the same question:

I'd agree with the PP's and just don't engage with her. She sounds like she's got MH issues, especially with the cats and not caring for them properly. Whatever you say or do is never going to be right - so why try.

We rescued a dog once, my uncle found him advertised in a shop window notice! He was 8, horribly overweight and his coat not clipped like it needed to be, had health issues that hadn't been treated, and they made out that they were broken hearted that they were emigrating and it would be too stressful for the dog to go abroad..... They came to the house to see where we lived, and took all of our details like address and phone number. The dog was left that day by them and we never heard from them again. Funny thing was he came in the door, sniffed all the rooms, found my middle daughters bed, curled up on it and that's where he slept for the next 5 years - he never pined for them at all. I'd rehome my kids and old man before I rehomed my dogs

I think people who rehome do get too much hate and probably puts people off when it likely will make things better... I'd rather an animal be rehomed than live in a house where it's not wanted and maybe not cared for properly. It's better for the quality of life of the animal as well as probably the owner. Especially if the owner does the work in finding them a new good home I don't see an issue with it. Also maybe they do love them but decide their lifestyle isn't a really what the animal needs so rehoming would give them a better life

Former_Antelopee said:

I think people who rehome do get too much hate and probably puts people off when it likely will make things better... I'd rather an animal be rehomed than live in a house where it's not wanted and maybe not cared for properly. It's better for the quality of life of the animal as well as probably the owner. Especially if the owner does the work in finding them a new good home I don't see an issue with it. Also maybe they do love them but decide their lifestyle isn't a really what the animal needs so rehoming would give them a better life

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Yeah I do agree but some people re-home for reasons like we're moving so can't be bothered taking the pet or kids get bored with it etc. People should really have a good think about getting a pet in the first place, especially when they buy one from a breeder.
I know someone who got one type of pet, kids got bored with it in a couple weeks and they decided to get a puppy instead. Got one of the dangerous breeds which clearly wasnt good with small kids so rehomed the dog too after a few weeks. They shouldnt be allowed to get any more pets imo.

I genuinely don't know how people can have a pet and it being a 'loved family member' and then just get rid of it. I could never.

I know there are a lot of situations with difficult changes in circumstances and that's understandable.

tomato_paste said:

That is definitely good to prove ownership, but I assume you've paid for everything as well? Food, vet, playthings, etc and can prove that? If so, nobody will put your legal ownership in doubt. I would ignore her comments, but do prepare a folder with copies of receipts and a print out of the microchip data in case she ever calls the coppers.

See also here where someone had the same question:

https://www.justanswer.co.uk/law/o3gba-i-ve-question-ownership-cat-given.html

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I agree totally with you - who is paying for keeping the cat alive…. she is not contributing- she rehomed cat- looks straightforward-
re the messages @didisaythatoutloudoops if it is on whatsapp just archive her chat - she can message all she likes but you don’t have to look at it unless you choose- I am putting a bit of space between myself and someone and her message could be sitting there for a week before I think to look you don’t need to answer to her - and if she moans about no reply I would reply with something vague - maybe - distracted& busy with family stuff - all fine with cat

Mamacita said:

Yeah I do agree but some people re-home for reasons like we're moving so can't be bothered taking the pet or kids get bored with it etc. People should really have a good think about getting a pet in the first place, especially when they buy one from a breeder.
I know someone who got one type of pet, kids got bored with it in a couple weeks and they decided to get a puppy instead. Got one of the dangerous breeds which clearly wasnt good with small kids so rehomed the dog too after a few weeks. They shouldnt be allowed to get any more pets imo.

I genuinely don't know how people can have a pet and it being a 'loved family member' and then just get rid of it. I could never.

I know there are a lot of situations with difficult changes in circumstances and that's understandable.

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I guess sometimes the best thing for the animal is rehoming it so isn't that showing love for the animal finding it a better more suitable home than keeping it just because you love it?

Former_Antelopee said:

I guess sometimes the best thing for the animal is rehoming it so isn't that showing love for the animal finding it a better more suitable home than keeping it just because you love it?

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For sure but why then get a second pet without thinking it through again

Hi loves 🫶 I can’t think of a better place to ask this question as I don’t have many friends. I guess I’m looking for people to tell me it’s okay (when it’s probably not.
Here’s my dilemma. I was with my (now ex) boyfriend for almost 5 years. Things had been rocky for about 6 months and I knew I had to end it but we had a holiday together so I thought I’d stick it out until then, who knows, it could be a phase. Anyways, I went away on a girls holiday and ended up sleeping with a guy. I then came off the trip and ended it with my partner less than 3 days later… if someone were to ask me “have you ever cheated?” What would you say? Technically I mean I did but, there were circumstances… I ended for other reasons very quickly after and was going to anyways. The night with this guy was absolutely not planned nor did I think in a million years I’d do it. Idk i guess I’m looking for some help with now dating life… thank you 🫶

smooth_operator33 said:

Hi loves 🫶 I can’t think of a better place to ask this question as I don’t have many friends. I guess I’m looking for people to tell me it’s okay (when it’s probably not.
Here’s my dilemma. I was with my (now ex) boyfriend for almost 5 years. Things had been rocky for about 6 months and I knew I had to end it but we had a holiday together so I thought I’d stick it out until then, who knows, it could be a phase. Anyways, I went away on a girls holiday and ended up sleeping with a guy. I then came off the trip and ended it with my partner less than 3 days later… if someone were to ask me “have you ever cheated?” What would you say? Technically I mean I did but, there were circumstances… I ended for other reasons very quickly after and was going to anyways. The night with this guy was absolutely not planned nor did I think in a million years I’d do it. Idk i guess I’m looking for some help with now dating life… thank you 🫶

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I’d say no because A) It’s no ones business what I do B) I don’t have to explain my actions to anyone
and C) I want a quiet life and “confessing” would stir up drama

smooth_operator33 said:

Hi loves 🫶 I can’t think of a better place to ask this question as I don’t have many friends. I guess I’m looking for people to tell me it’s okay (when it’s probably not.
Here’s my dilemma. I was with my (now ex) boyfriend for almost 5 years. Things had been rocky for about 6 months and I knew I had to end it but we had a holiday together so I thought I’d stick it out until then, who knows, it could be a phase. Anyways, I went away on a girls holiday and ended up sleeping with a guy. I then came off the trip and ended it with my partner less than 3 days later… if someone were to ask me “have you ever cheated?” What would you say? Technically I mean I did but, there were circumstances… I ended for other reasons very quickly after and was going to anyways. The night with this guy was absolutely not planned nor did I think in a million years I’d do it. Idk i guess I’m looking for some help with now dating life… thank you 🫶

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I mean, yes you've technically cheated. However, it is up to you how much information you feel comfortable giving someone.

In terms of dating, there's a fab dating thread on here if you wanna take a look

Thank(space)you said:

I mean, yes you've technically cheated. However, it is up to you how much information you feel comfortable giving someone.

In terms of dating, there's a fab dating thread on here if you wanna take a look

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Oooh thank you, I’ll definitely take a look. I appreciate your honesty too

smooth_operator33 said:

Hi loves 🫶 I can’t think of a better place to ask this question as I don’t have many friends. I guess I’m looking for people to tell me it’s okay (when it’s probably not.
Here’s my dilemma. I was with my (now ex) boyfriend for almost 5 years. Things had been rocky for about 6 months and I knew I had to end it but we had a holiday together so I thought I’d stick it out until then, who knows, it could be a phase. Anyways, I went away on a girls holiday and ended up sleeping with a guy. I then came off the trip and ended it with my partner less than 3 days later… if someone were to ask me “have you ever cheated?” What would you say? Technically I mean I did but, there were circumstances… I ended for other reasons very quickly after and was going to anyways. The night with this guy was absolutely not planned nor did I think in a million years I’d do it. Idk i guess I’m looking for some help with now dating life… thank you 🫶

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I’d want to know if I was dating somebody. But it’s not something you need to disclose on the first date or even the second.
I feel honesty is the best policy

smooth_operator33 said:

Hi loves 🫶 I can’t think of a better place to ask this question as I don’t have many friends. I guess I’m looking for people to tell me it’s okay (when it’s probably not.
Here’s my dilemma. I was with my (now ex) boyfriend for almost 5 years. Things had been rocky for about 6 months and I knew I had to end it but we had a holiday together so I thought I’d stick it out until then, who knows, it could be a phase. Anyways, I went away on a girls holiday and ended up sleeping with a guy. I then came off the trip and ended it with my partner less than 3 days later… if someone were to ask me “have you ever cheated?” What would you say? Technically I mean I did but, there were circumstances… I ended for other reasons very quickly after and was going to anyways. The night with this guy was absolutely not planned nor did I think in a million years I’d do it. Idk i guess I’m looking for some help with now dating life… thank you 🫶

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Yes you definitely cheated but I wouldn’t disclose this. Good luck with the dating

I’ve had an appointment today I’ve waited 5mths for to be asked why I was even there (gallstone attack in March, hospital admission, put on waiting list in April to see a specialist after an ultrasound scan for an urgent appointment!) so apparently it’s my decision whether I need my gallbladder removing, the specialist didn’t even look at my scan, told me I need an MRI & sent me on my way literally could of had the conversion over the phone instead of me booking time off work & travelling to the hospital, the stones are quite big according to my scan & google & one is in the opening to my gallbladder, I really don’t know what the timescale is for an MRI, I’m at a loss on what to do?! I just feel so angry that he didn’t ask if had family history for instance & the fact I waited so long to be seen to basically not be told anything really & to make the decision myself without telling me if I would be better off without my gallbladder, how it will affect my health etc….