Sugar Babies

[Scorpihoe]

To be honest as long as she’s legal and not harming anyone, does it really matter? Your personal opinions on sugar babies shouldn’t get in the way, because she is your friend.

I doubt she would take it kindly if you go and “talk sense into her” over speculation

I would just act normal unless she comes to you personally and asks for help

 

[judgejohndeed]

I’m not sure why you’d want to ‘advise against’ something you think she has already started doing tbh. It seems like if she wanted your advice or opinion beforehand she would’ve asked for it, so the fact she didn’t pretty much indicates she doesn’t want your opinions on this occasion. Also if she hasn’t told you herself that she’s doing this then a) it might not even be true or b) it could be true and she hasn’t told you so maybe didn’t actually want you to know at all...

 

[Base2019]

I’d be mentioning it for the pure reason I’d want the scoop this topic really intrigues me for some reason? Would also want to know she’s safe

 

[Apple In My Pie]

Well if I was her and my friends came up to me all concerned about what I was doing in my life (based on hearsay from others!), I’d tell them to fuck off tbh It’s none of your business, she’s an adult, she‘s chosen to do this and presumably knows the risks/knows that people will judge (otherwise why keep quiet) and honestly I don’t think you can bring it up without sounding judgmental or a bit patronising.

It’d be a different story I think, though, if she was coming to see you and had offered this information up to you.

I understand it from a friendly perspective in that you may be concerned for her safety but honestly this isn’t something for you to tackle

 

[judgejohndeed]

I really do just have her best interests at heart

I'm sure this is true, however personally the way you put in the poll 'talk some sense into her' I thought was quite judgemental. If you're going to approach her about it, I would go the opposite way. This is not something she's told you about, perhaps she is already fearing the judgement and that's why she hasn't told you? If you're really just looking out for her, it cannot be about 'changing her mind' 'talking some sense into her' etc - you have to be prepared for her to say 'thanks, I considered all that and I'm doing it anyway' which is her choice.

 

[1001aspen]

From what you’ve written, you’re coming across as very judgemental - if I were her, I wouldn’t tell you to be honest. It’s coming across very much you’re worried about how you also may be viewed being associated with her also.

If she is doing this, how do you know she isn’t being safe? Most sex workers and those with arrangements do have contacts who are available during their working times incase anything does happen, most often other SWers or sugar babies. From the way she hasn’t come out with it straight away leads me to believe she has her head screwed on and will be taking steps to ensure her own safety. If she is being contacted directly with offers, which sounds like what she is alluding to, I would say she is using a profile online such as Seeking Arrangement.

I think you’re best keeping out of it and allowing her to be open if or when she chooses to. However, if you do want her to be open and honest with you, I would lay off the judgement and be understanding for her reasoning as to why she may have decided to do this.

 

[Platformcrocs]

I'd stay out of it unless she comes to you for help or support with changing her situation. Until that happens then she likely won't take well to someone trying to "talk sense into her". The best thing to do is be there for her as a friend when she's ready, but until then it's not your problem to fix.

 

[jarv]

I think you just need to stay out of it and if she wants to talk about it more then she will. It's not illegal and hopefully she's mindful of her safety and wellbeing. You just don't know what reasons she might have for doing it, and trying to talk her out of it could damage the friendship. All you can do is support her if she needs it.

 

[Snoopingsnoopy]

I'd be worried too. I've nothing against the idea but some men are absolute dogs. I think she's given you enough info there that you can ask her outright if that's what she's doing. It does sound like she's drip feeding you information to see how you might take it. All you do is be there for her and safety plan with her, maybe get her to text one of you the name and location she is going to just in case.

Yeah I completely agree with this as I know and respect its her choice but I fear the potential men have when especially when they are a complete stranger to us. Also its 99% likely a random person who found her online which again leads me to believe he could also be cat fishing her into believing he is wealthy when he's not etc. The list is endless.

I'm sure this is true, however personally the way you put in the poll 'talk some sense into her' I thought was quite judgemental. If you're going to approach her about it, I would go the opposite way. This is not something she's told you about, perhaps she is already fearing the judgement and that's why she hasn't told you? If you're really just looking out for her, it cannot be about 'changing her mind' 'talking some sense into her' etc - you have to be prepared for her to say 'thanks, I considered all that and I'm doing it anyway' which is her choice.

I probably should have phrased that better as that statement probably was coming from a judgemental mindset on my behalf purely as its just something I wouldn't consider doing myself - but again I can't exactly inflict my judgement onto someone else opinion on the matter.

I will deffo be using this advice forum more often! I probably would have been more assertive about my thoughts on the matter if I had listened to my intuition however I'm just going to let her know if she is going to follow this through that there are safe ways to do it by informing me where she will be meeting him and maybe sending her location so she feels safe while with him and I know that she is too.

 

[Alexaj]

I'm quite a direct person so if it was my friend I'd come right out and ask her. If she's been talking around meeting older men and linking it to money/gifts she's hardly keeping it top secret is she? It's not as if you've been reading her diary.

I find it really concerning tbh, and that's mainly due to the safety aspect. Same as if your friend was having a lot of one night stands. In an ideal world it's her body, her choice and she shouldn't be judged for it, but we don't live in an ideal world. If God forbid anything happened to her (she got raped, assaulted) would she be comfortable enough to go to the police knowing that she's been meeting randoms off the internet? People can be judgemental.

I've just watched Promising Young Woman so this may have coloured my view a bit

 

[JoeBloggs]

Unless she comes to you or you think she is in danger leave it be. Be there for her is she needs it, quite a lot of the time being a sugar baby is about companionship rather than sex.

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

For what my opinion is worth, she’s an adult and can make her own choices. Might be worth talking to her about it so she knows she has a friend and if she is planning on meeting any of these men, she might then feel that she could let you know who and where from a safety aspect without being judged. It would be safer for her. But I think telling her not to do something isn’t really helpful, as she will do what she wants to do

 

[Snoopingsnoopy]

Just out of interest, what makes you think she is doing this? could it just be some mindless gossip or crossed wires?

On a few occasions she has mentioned older men asking her to meet personally. More recently she brought up how another older man (much older again) asked her to meet personally (in another country) in return of items. The way she brought it up to me I felt as if it was to see how I would react to such a situation which would then perhaps influence her own decisions, however I don't know. I really do just have her best interests at heart and would worry for her safety if she does go ahead with it. God forbid during this trip something wouldn't be slipped into their drink or whatever especially when it is an individual we know nothing about.

I also wonder how these men are contacting her?

Prior to this other friends had speculated she was a sugar baby or doing only fans secretly as she has began buying quite lavish items and going on lavish trips alone with no explanation as to where the money came from.

 

[Merpedy]

My concern is that were from a place where word would spread fast and to be honest I would just be worried about her safety if she were to meet with a strange man outside of where she lives. While she is of age she is still young and I would think her parents would be upset with me for knowing and keeping quite. While I understand and respect she is an adult who makes her own decisions I do feel maybe its important that I express my concern so its a tough subject

I feel like she would have considered the reaction of people in the area and her parents were they to find out, and that's probably why she's keeping it relatively private or not talking about it a whole lot

It could possibly be that she's doing this without having thought out the reaction from people, but does that really matter? Or is it better for you and her other friends to be there if something possibly goes wrong? Honestly, the subject seems hard to approach without appearing judgemental so I wouldn't bother trying to express concerns

I agree with wanting the scoop though, and that would allow you to know she's safe as @Base2019 said, but if she's not expressly saying that she does it or wants to share stuff then I wouldn't push it

 

[Platformcrocs]

Yeah I completely agree with this as I know and respect its her choice but I fear the potential men have when especially when they are a complete stranger to us. Also its 99% likely a random person who found her online which again leads me to believe he could also be cat fishing her into believing he is wealthy when he's not etc. The list is endless.


I probably should have phrased that better as that statement probably was coming from a judgemental mindset on my behalf purely as its just something I wouldn't consider doing myself - but again I can't exactly inflict my judgement onto someone else opinion on the matter.

I will deffo be using this advice forum more often! I probably would have been more assertive about my thoughts on the matter if I had listened to my intuition however I'm just going to let her know if she is going to follow this through that there are safe ways to do it by informing me where she will be meeting him and maybe sending her location so she feels safe while with him and I know that she is too.

You're totally right to be worried about her safety. I don't know how old she is (early 20s?) but some people think they're invincible and very naive. I can't get on board with sugar baby arrangements because they almost always involve younger women putting themselves into risky situations with men they don't know, so I'm glad she has friends who are looking out for her.

 

[watermelon sugar]

If I were you I'd mind my own business unless she actually came to you for help

 

[Eureka]

Just out of interest, what makes you think she is doing this? could it just be some mindless gossip or crossed wires?

 

[judgejohndeed]

I probably would have been more assertive about my thoughts on the matter if I had listened to my intuition however I'm just going to let her know if she is going to follow this through that there are safe ways to do it by informing me where she will be meeting him and maybe sending her location so she feels safe while with him and I know that she is too.

Yeah I would say what you really don't want to do is go in all guns blazing so she feels embarrassed and judged, and subsequently that she can't come to you if something does go wrong with it. Unfortunately the most you can do is let her know you're there for non-judgemental support. It will at least be safer if she can tell you where she is etc

 

[Snoopingsnoopy]

Thanks for the opinions!

She is of age so maybe its best I stay out of it.
She has also more or less told me she was offered money in return of personal interactions (no mention of sexual). This was said to me after speculation from others that she could potentially be one so now of course it leads me to believe its true and has happened without out knowledge too.
I don't want to give too much information for fear this would be stumbled across to be honest but I would rather post here annon rather than look for advice from people who know her. My concern is that were from a place where word would spread fast and to be honest I would just be worried about her safety if she were to meet with a strange man outside of where she lives. While she is of age she is still young and I would think her parents would be upset with me for knowing and keeping quite. While I understand and respect she is an adult who makes her own decisions I do feel maybe its important that I express my concern so its a tough subject

 

[thegirlscout]

Hi Tattlers,

What is our opinion on Sugar Babies?

A few friends speculate one of our click is a sugar baby. She is not the type to be too bothered if we advise against it however I feel like its up to us to talk sense into her.

Advice please?

I would first find out if she actually is one and then go from there. If she is one tell her your concerns and reassure her that you are all there if she needs to chat but if she’s of age there isn’t much you can do to persuade her out of it.