Successful fathers in court?

[Rocknrolla]

First post on here so be kind guys

The title is self explanatory, have any dads/your partners took the mother of their child to court for access and had a successful/right outcome?

My close friend is an absolute brilliant dad and all round one of life’s good guys.
He has just recently split from his ex who now seems to think she holds all the cards in regards to their child. So far she his granting him every other weekend, Friday to Sunday but stipulates the child is home by 12pm Sunday. The child is 6 and starts to get distressed/anxious around 6pm Saturday evening asking how many hours they have left together, getting down because they clearly don’t want to go home, it tarnishes their time together because my friend has to constantly reinforce they have lots of time left and not to worry.
The mother is obviously still in love with my friend and doing this to be controlling and hateful, I’m not here to call her names but she isn’t the best mother and I myself know who I’d rather have bringing my child up.
My friend has convinced himself he will get nowhere in court because the courts never go against the mothers, he thinks they won’t grant anymore than what he has which is every other weekend as stated, he’s also quite confident when the child is of age to chose he will chose to live with his dad full time.
I’ve tried to explain if he has some kind of order in place they would surely be equal and she wouldn’t be able to dictate on the last minute I need the child back at such a time etc etc. I can also clearly imagine her changing the goal posts out of spite if my friend ever moved on and met anybody else, not him introducing the child to somebody new, her just stopping contact all together out of spite because she knows he’s moved on. I personally would rather have something set in stone about rights when i can see my child than live under a cloud of uncertainty depending on what mood the mother is in, how is that fair?
I have tried to do a bit of research online to show him but the outcomes don’t seem to look great for fathers.

 

[Kandy floss]

No personal experience but used to work in a family department in a solicitors and just finished my LPC including an optional family module.

Honestly in the majority of cases I saw in work, the court was ruling against the mother’s wishes and granting more contact as the father had asked for.

The time wouldn’t necessarily be equal as I think that does really depend on the individual case and circumstances, but your friend can definitely request more contact. If your friend is worried about the things you’ve mentioned possibly happening in the future, just having the current arrangement in a formal court order can be beneficial.

 

[tskiry56]

From my own personal experience and from the female perspective, family court isnt a nice experience and it is also very costly and lengthy process.
Courts are of the understanding that fathers do indeed have rights but they consider the childs needs and welfare first.
My son only sees his dad for 24 hours over night once a fortnight, this for me is enough access. ( My ex didn't see my son for over a year due to dv)
Every father is different and if there is no concerns for the childs welfare I dont see why the courts would not allow your friend more access.
I think your friend will be advised to do mediation before going to court. It will be a lot easier if its amicable resolved and worked out together.

 

[bottie1000]

This hasn't happened to me personally but to my husbands cousin . His wife was the one who left him, and took their little girl and she moved back into her parents home. She denied him access, and he had to go through courts to get a court order which would only allow for visitation at a contact centre, she played a lot of games, refused mediation and accused him off all sorts , so for a period of time before the divorce was finalised he didn't see his daughter regularly for nearly 7 months. However, he lawyered up and the case went to a family court where the truth was laid bare. In the end he got 45% custody of his daughter, he wanted 50/50 but he's happy with it considering she only wanted him to have one overnight every other weekend.

However, the family courts are long and expensive process, as is often used as a last resort when mediation just isn't working. My husbands cousin lost 10s of thousands trying to get his daughter back, and whilst it was worth every penny the process was soul destroying.

 

[tskiry56]

From my own personal experience and from the female perspective, family court isnt a nice experience and it is also very costly and lengthy process.
Courts are of the understanding that fathers do indeed have rights but they consider the childs needs and welfare first.
My son only sees his dad for 24 hours over night once a fortnight, this for me is enough access. ( My ex didn't see my son for over a year due to dv)
Every father is different and if there is no concerns for the childs welfare I dont see why the courts would not allow your friend more access.
I think your friend will be advised to do mediation before going to court. It will be a lot easier if its amicable resolved and worked out together.

I just wanted to add the court process is a very draining process not just financially but emotionally. There was no other way for me to resolve this as I have an indefinite restraining order against my ex. I have no contact with him atall.
I really would think of the children first.
Many parents do share a child 50/50 but is that fair on a child.

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

It’s a misconception that courts always side with the mother, courts do what is best for the child, the whole courts always side with mothers thing stems from bitter unfit fathers not getting what they want and not understanding why in my experience. Unless there are welfare concerns I see no reason why your friend wouldn’t be allowed more access to his child, but your friend will have to put the work in to persue a case get a lawyer etc. It won’t be a pleasant experience but it sounds like it’s necessary in your friends case.

edit: Avoid Fathers for Justice they are an incredibly toxic organisation.

 

[JoeBloggs]

My father in law spent years in court trying to get access for his kids (my husbands half brother and sister). Their mother, his ex wife, spends most of her time entertaining different men to the point her daughter walked in on them in the shower. The daughter said to the court she wanted to live with her dad but at 9 they court did not take this into consideration. He got every other weekend and every Wednesday night. He wanted full custody, one other factor was that he wasn't in proper accommodation (don't want to say too much) and I think this was an issue, the mother had a 3 bed council house. I have always said the mother only wanted the kids to keep her house, she couldn't wait to upgrade from a 2 to 3 bed when the kids needed separate rooms. She was convinced she'd get a new build and she got moved to a pretty rough area instead, sorry I digress. Neither parents worked and relied on the state completely.

It was a very long battle with my husband having to attend to give supporting statements, I don't think it did the kids any good and the daughter moved in with her dad at 13/14. She has since moved out and is living with a friend (she's 15).

 

[Farticus]

As a father going through this, I can say it is very unjust. I have a long road behind me and a long one ahead. Courts seem blind to obvious manipulation and greed. I have spend 35k +, given hard evidence of lies she has told under oath yet still cannot get a proper outcome. Unfortunately, the best advice I would give anyone is be cold and give nothing until you are ordered to, and get a solicitor who is prepared to fight dirty because that's what family court is, a dirty business where anything can be said to discredit you, proof or not. I left 2 children I adore, house I paid for and a car just to get out of the situation I was in. I kept paying money across even though I wasn't seeing the children, have documented evidence of over 40k I gave her over 2 years, all in bank transfers, yet she decided to claim she fears me, had to give no proof, there was no evidence of any violence or threats, and all the communication I was making was asking to 1. See our children and 2. Discuss it amicably or at least go to mediation. She declined all that and now I would say almost 80k that could have been used for the children is lining solicitors pockets.

 

[Emsie]

Just because you give her money doesn't mean that she isn't scared of you. You don't give her money you pay for your children.

 

[SunshineDreamer]

I’ve worked with CPS for many years (albeit not in family law) and in a neutral book of law each parent should be looked at as neutral unless there are safe guarding issues. That being said, it doesn’t always go that way.

I think there is a common misconception some time that shared custody means at 50/50 split of the child’s time between parents.

Have they been to mediation? If not, that would probably be a wise place to start. My friend who works in family law always advises her clients to ask for more than they way (for example, if they want every Friday and Saturday, ask for every Thursday - Sunday).

At 6 they will listen to the child’s views but is a bit young to have an actual say on where they live.

My best advice would be to keep it clean. Getting into name calling etc is never going to look favourable and note down everything. Every time the child gets distressed at leaving the father, for how long and what happens etc, but if they can keep it out of court (although I would still advise to have any document ratified by a solicitor for the best interests of both parents) it really is the best outcome.

 

[Emsie]

I worked in family law in a previous lifetime and it will always be what is best for the child. The child may get distressed leaving their father and equally might get distressed leaving their mother on a Friday evening. It may be better for the child to go home on Sunday afternoon to start getting ready for school, doing homework, spending time with other siblings etc. Each case is judged case by case and there isn't any set rules.
Attacking each other for parenting isn't going to get either party anywhere.
Mediation is now a must before any child court proceedings.
The time each parent spends with their child will be balanced with school, other siblings and other responsibilities.
Eg your time with your child might fall on the day of their swimming lesson. You would be expected to take your time alongside the swimming lesson, you shouldn't expect extra time because you've had to take your child swimming and therefore not spent actual time with them.
The court aren't interested in petty squabbles unless there is a risk of harm for the child and remember a judges idea of harm is going to be far removed from yours given that they see the worst cases of abuse. You can Google the welfare checklist (if it's still called that) good luck.

 

[tskiry56]

In

I worked in family law in a previous lifetime and it will always be what is best for the child. The child may get distressed leaving their father and equally might get distressed leaving their mother on a Friday evening. It may be better for the child to go home on Sunday afternoon to start getting ready for school, doing homework, spending time with other siblings etc. Each case is judged case by case and there isn't any set rules.
Attacking each other for parenting isn't going to get either party anywhere.
Mediation is now a must before any child court proceedings.
The time each parent spends with their child will be balanced with school, other siblings and other responsibilities.
Eg your time with your child might fall on the day of their swimming lesson. You would be expected to take your time alongside the swimming lesson, you shouldn't expect extra time because you've had to take your child swimming and therefore not spent actual time with them.
The court aren't interested in petty squabbles unless there is a risk of harm for the child and remember a judges idea of harm is going to be far removed from yours given that they see the worst cases of abuse. You can Google the welfare checklist (if it's still called that) good luck.

i disagree with this mediation was never considered for me and in certain circumstances it shouldn’t even be thought of.
I think I posted previously in this post. My son who is now almost 7 only sees his dad once a fortnight overnight which equates to 24 hours. Courts look at all cases differently and the impact it will have on a child and what the child has also been through.

 

[Emsie]

In

i disagree with this mediation was never considered for me and in certain circumstances it shouldn’t even be thought of.
I think I posted previously in this post. My son who is now almost 7 only sees his dad once a fortnight overnight which equates to 24 hours. Courts look at all cases differently and the impact it will have on a child and what the child has also been through.

Sorry, you are right in abuse cases mediation won't be used if it will cause the users harm. Hope you and your lad are okay x

 

[tskiry56]

Sorry, you are right in abuse cases mediation won't be used if it will cause the users harm. Hope you and your lad are okay x

Thank you we are now! But anyone going through family court will know how draining it is and how it can impact on your mental health. No one warns you what a long and awful process it is.

 

[Oohthedrama]

Thank you we are now! But anyone going through family court will know how draining it is and how it can impact on your mental health. No one warns you what a long and awful process it is.

or how hard it is on the kids.
Even if you think you’re protecting them from it, you’re not

 

[tskiry56]

or how hard it is on the kids.
Even if you think you’re protecting them from it, you’re not

It definitely is hard on children.. although I guess depends on there age and what they are aware of. It’s a vicious circle of trying to do what’s right. Getting courts involved should be a last resort.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My brother has full custody of their child. The mum walked out at 18months and wanted nothing to do with the child. But my brother forced her (with the help from her mum) to see him every other wkend.
Come to about the age of 5 and all of a sudden she wanted him. My brother was scared as her family is loaded and he only managed to make ends meet. On top of that she started lying anout things as well. My brother kept all emails texts etc
They advised his son to see a therapist because of everything going on.
But judges aren’t stupid. The judge basically called her a liar in court and my brother kept full custody with her getting him every other wkend and most holidays.
She was supposed to pay maintenance but has not paid a penny! Not even school clothes or anything! And these people are multi-millionnaires. Anyway my brother doesn’t want to rock the boat and never slags the mum down because he just wants what’s best for his kid.
So don’t believe when they say it’s always in the mums favour. They do listen to kids and the courts aren’t stupid

 

[MissyAnon]

Speaking from experience, I can assure you that he will most likely get what he asks for. They will send someone from cafcas to speak to the child too, to find out his wishes.

 

[tskiry56]

Speaking from experience, I can assure you that he will most likely get what he asks for. They will send someone from cafcas to speak to the child too, to find out his wishes.

My ex never got what he wanted but then I also never got what I wanted which was no overnight stays. My ex wanted 50/50 access he has 24 hours once a fortnight.
I would not trust cafcas at all.