Stress of being a mum to a year 11

[Caffeine Fiend]

I cant offer much advice as my kids are slightly younger but just to say that there is more than one way to go places in life.

I went to uni straight out of school and dropped out quickly. In hindsight I had absolutely no idea what I wanted to do in life and picked a course that sounded good to me but was incredibly boring and not something I was able to find any interest in.

In contrast I have friends who left school and straight into employment and now have PHDs and actually lecture themselves now.

You sound like an amazing parent, dont doubt yourself xx

 

[Rxt156]

It is great that you are caring and clearly interested in your down future (I’m a teacher and can confirm loads of parents can’t be arsed ‍). There is only so much you can do for your son without literally walking him to the revision sessions and shutting him in . It sounds like you’re doing plenty! It’s a stressful time for kids as there’s loads of pressure on them for GCSEs but in reality it’s not the end of the world. As long as he has plans for when he leaves college/apprenticeship etc then he will be fine he is lucky to have your support, I hope he appreciates it

 

[Kaylarina]

I don't have any children in year 11 but I didn't want to read and run! Does your son know what he wants to do in college or have a ballpark area he is looking at? I think its ridiculous they put all this emphasis on GCSE exams to get into college/a levels - I don't think I use much of what I studied at in my GCSEs (and I'm a doctor!)

P.S. You're not doing anything wrong - give yourself a break!

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

I’m not sure if I’m taking too much on or if anyone else feels the same about being mum to a child in year 11. I work full time and also have a second self employed job.
I have a child in year 11 who doesn’t find school the easiest of things. Predicted marks and mock results weren’t great. I’m doing everything I can to try to help him revise and prepare, and have even hired private maths and English tutors to help him.
we’ve been to open evenings for college, trying to work out the best course for college, the best college for him etc, there seems to be umpteen parents evenings this year and I feel like all of this is getting on top of me and it isn’t even me sitting the exams! I feel responsible to ensure my child is getting all of the support and help I can possibly give as well as trying to work full time and then some, run a house and do everything else in between. Today I feel so stressed with it all. What am I doing wrong? Has anyone else felt this way?
---
I would like to add I am not one of those mums who puts pressure on their kids. I’m simply wanting to help him because he has struggled to keep up all through school. If I left him to his own devices and offered no support and help and he failed, I’d feel so bad. So I just wanted to make it clear I’m not one of those mums who expects straight As - 4 grade 4s with maths and English would really please us!

 

[Suzesnooze]

My son is also in Year 11. Remember they lost a lot of schooling due to covid. He was in Year 8 when covid started and it feels like he went from Year 8 to Year 11 in the blink of an eye.

He has planned what he wants to do at College and needs to get certain grades and he's not academically gifted but I've explained that he can only do the best he can and if he doesn't get the grades he can just choose something else to do at College. He's currently doing his mocks but isn't very well so is panicking he'll do badly, so I explained that it's the proper exams in May/June that matter and again, all he can do is try his best.

I doubt my son will pass English and Maths but if he doesn't they keep re-taking them at College, so I'm sure he'll pass eventually.

I have a child who is academically gifted and two who aren't. It was the academically gifted one that caused me the most stress as they put too much pressure on themselves and are a perfectionist and would panic if they didn't get an A in everything!

Try not to get yourself stressed out over it. I have a lot of the Teachers messaging me about work my son is behind on etc and Teachers getting in touch for me to encourage him to attend after school and weekend revision sessions. When I went to the last Parents Evening I said he can only do so much and I feel it's a lot of pressure on him attending school during the day then having to stay most nights after school and go in on a weekend. He has been ill on and off for a month and I'm sure it's the stress of school and revision and not getting enough rest so I just re-iterate to him we will be proud of him no matter what.

 

[Suzesnooze]

Thank you! It’s a bit much to expect them in on weekends! Our school is pushing for revision sessions after school and lunchtimes but short of me turning up at the school and forcing them to attend, I can only tell them to go! I’ll be glad when it’s all over! It’s not good when it’s making your son ill I’m sure things weren’t this intense when I was at school?! We were just told to revise and get on with it!

It definitely seems stricter nowadays. They don’t allow revision at home either when it’s the proper exams. We were allowed to stay at home and just go in for the exams but I remember not revising!

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

That’s so kind of you, thank you. Best of luck to your son as well.
Mocks at my sons school are all last years papers, they did mini mocks before Christmas and full mocks after. Hopefully a realistic indication of how they will do? School put a massive amount of pressure on them & eventually it catches up.
Camhs have been pretty useless , they said that because he’s not a danger to himself or others he doesn’t meet their criteria for therapy. The gp gave us a link which allowed us to self refer for group therapy cbt which is online. Realty disappointing especially when your child is struggling so much in front of you & there’s no actual support.

That must be so frustrating that they’re not supporting!! I hope the online support helps him. It’s a ridiculous amount of pressure on children! I get they’re important to an extent but when you think about it it’s like 8/9 subjects all at once that will be whirling around their minds. It’s enough to make anyone’s mental health suffer!

 

[Kaylarina]

Ahh that’s so sweet of you thank you!! Yes he wants to do an ICT based course at college which you need 4 grade 4s or above including maths and English Language to get on. He has been offered a place on the course providing he gets the results needed. His mock results from end of last year were really not brilliant and nor would they be enough for him to get on this course so we’re really trying to knuckle down with revision and hoping he manages the 4 grade 4s needed! There’s more mocks this week so will be interesting to see if there’s any improvement to the last ones. I don’t think a lot of kids at age 15/16 have the mental capacity for such pressure and really few even know what they want to do for a living. Most adults still dont! Part of me thinks should we be like america and kids leave school at 18. At least then there’s a couple more years to gain maturity and work out what they want to do with their lives x

Fingers crossed for him! I totally agree - so much pressure is but on 15/16 year olds for exams what don't mean much once you have A Levels/college courses! And they wonder why teenagers end up burnt out....

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

My son is also in Year 11. Remember they lost a lot of schooling due to covid. He was in Year 8 when covid started and it feels like he went from Year 8 to Year 11 in the blink of an eye.

He has planned what he wants to do at College and needs to get certain grades and he's not academically gifted but I've explained that he can only do the best he can and if he doesn't get the grades he can just choose something else to do at College. He's currently doing his mocks but isn't very well so is panicking he'll do badly, so I explained that it's the proper exams in May/June that matter and again, all he can do is try his best.

I doubt my son will pass English and Maths but if he doesn't they keep re-taking them at College, so I'm sure he'll pass eventually.

I have a child who is academically gifted and two who aren't. It was the academically gifted one that caused me the most stress as they put too much pressure on themselves and are a perfectionist and would panic if they didn't get an A in everything!

Try not to get yourself stressed out over it. I have a lot of the Teachers messaging me about work my son is behind on etc and Teachers getting in touch for me to encourage him to attend after school and weekend revision sessions. When I went to the last Parents Evening I said he can only do so much and I feel it's a lot of pressure on him attending school during the day then having to stay most nights after school and go in on a weekend. He has been ill on and off for a month and I'm sure it's the stress of school and revision and not getting enough rest so I just re-iterate to him we will be proud of him no matter what.

Thank you! It’s a bit much to expect them in on weekends! Our school is pushing for revision sessions after school and lunchtimes but short of me turning up at the school and forcing them to attend, I can only tell them to go! I’ll be glad when it’s all over! It’s not good when it’s making your son ill I’m sure things weren’t this intense when I was at school?! We were just told to revise and get on with it!

 

[Suzesnooze]

That’s so kind of you, thank you. Best of luck to your son as well.
Mocks at my sons school are all last years papers, they did mini mocks before Christmas and full mocks after. Hopefully a realistic indication of how they will do? School put a massive amount of pressure on them & eventually it catches up.
Camhs have been pretty useless , they said that because he’s not a danger to himself or others he doesn’t meet their criteria for therapy. The gp gave us a link which allowed us to self refer for group therapy cbt which is online. Realty disappointing especially when your child is struggling so much in front of you & there’s no actual support.

My teenage daughter was referred to Cahms for her anxiety/ocd. They were useless and only saw her twice. Gave her some coping mechanisms and then discharged her.

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

I have a year 11. His predicted grades are all over the place, two 9’s and 3/4’s in things like maths. He knows he will have to resit maths until he gets a 4 & is pretty accepting of it. Knows he’s not there just yet.
He knows what he wants do to career wise & fair idea of what courses after GCSEs. Problem with that is he’s put so much pressure on himself - academics don’t come easy to him- which has manifested itself in anxiety and ocd. The school have been very supportive and we have some input from camhs, but the waiting lists are such he will have finished exams before he gets an appointment. He’s joined the gym which seems to really help with his mood which is good.

Ahh I’m so sorry to hear your son has been so anxious about it all. It’s so much pressure on them isn’t it! I do try to remind my son that the results are not the be all and end all and they aren’t! They just do open more doors when they have those passes. No exam is more important than health. It’s a shame he cannot get the support from cahms before his exams. My son has more mocks this week so it will be interesting to see if there’s any improvement from last time. I have heard though this week that mocks are generally harder than the real exams. Not sure how true it is but hopefully our kids will find the real thing easier than the mocks. Massive good luck to your son!

 

[Suzesnooze]

Ahh bless him! I guess the only consolation is that it’s only for another 2/3 months! I’m the same, can’t wait for it to be all over and done with! Massive good luck to your son! All we can ask is their best isn’t it! X

Good luck to your son too and try not to get yourself stressed over it x

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

Ahh thank you all for your kind words! Yes I’m sure it will all work out in the end! We just want the best for our kids don’t we, I guess! Everywhere seems to need at least maths and English but I guess there’s always resits if need be. Keep everything crossed for us!

 

[Suzesnooze]

Yes 15 year old me was more interested in spending time with my boyfriend than revising! My son has said he doesn’t mind going to the lunchtime revision sessions but says he doesn’t want to go to the after school ones I do get it, it’s not what I’d want to do either but I am definitely encouraging him to go. Might have to think of some sort of “bribe” to make him go

Tell him to think himself lucky as some kids have to stay after school and go in on a weekend! I know at the weekend ones at my sons school the Teachers provide a few snacks for the kids. It's a 3 hour session 9.30 am - 12.30 pm so he doesn't even get much of a lie in!

He's my last one at school and tbh, I can't wait to be done with school and parents evenings etc!

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

Good luck to your son too and try not to get yourself stressed over it x

Thank you! I’ll try xx

 

[Hinchhater1442]

I’m one of those ‘GCSE’s are all bollocks anyway’ people. No one has ever asked to see my results. I also know many people who didn’t meet the requirements for their college courses, but still got accepted anyway, although I know you can’t rely on that.
I’m a bit academic so I didn’t struggle too badly, but I did get to the point I chose to prioritise subjects. I don’t know how many kids take these days but we had about 7/8 subjects worth of exams to take. If it’s the same for your son maybe try take some pressure off by saying look, essentially forget these subjects(not maths and English, but perhaps 2 he’s less good at?) - that he doesn’t ‘need’ the grades anyway. No idea if that makes sense, but mentally it helped me when trying to choose what I needed to revise and split my time!

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

I don't have any children in year 11 but I didn't want to read and run! Does your son know what he wants to do in college or have a ballpark area he is looking at? I think its ridiculous they put all this emphasis on GCSE exams to get into college/a levels - I don't think I use much of what I studied at in my GCSEs (and I'm a doctor!)

P.S. You're not doing anything wrong - give yourself a break!

Ahh that’s so sweet of you thank you!! Yes he wants to do an ICT based course at college which you need 4 grade 4s or above including maths and English Language to get on. He has been offered a place on the course providing he gets the results needed. His mock results from end of last year were really not brilliant and nor would they be enough for him to get on this course so we’re really trying to knuckle down with revision and hoping he manages the 4 grade 4s needed! There’s more mocks this week so will be interesting to see if there’s any improvement to the last ones. I don’t think a lot of kids at age 15/16 have the mental capacity for such pressure and really few even know what they want to do for a living. Most adults still dont! Part of me thinks should we be like america and kids leave school at 18. At least then there’s a couple more years to gain maturity and work out what they want to do with their lives x

 

[Rlaw1978]

I have a year 11. His predicted grades are all over the place, two 9’s and 3/4’s in things like maths. He knows he will have to resit maths until he gets a 4 & is pretty accepting of it. Knows he’s not there just yet.
He knows what he wants do to career wise & fair idea of what courses after GCSEs. Problem with that is he’s put so much pressure on himself - academics don’t come easy to him- which has manifested itself in anxiety and ocd. The school have been very supportive and we have some input from camhs, but the waiting lists are such he will have finished exams before he gets an appointment. He’s joined the gym which seems to really help with his mood which is good.

 

[This Is Not An Ad]

Tell him to think himself lucky as some kids have to stay after school and go in on a weekend! I know at the weekend ones at my sons school the Teachers provide a few snacks for the kids. It's a 3 hour session 9.30 am - 12.30 pm so he doesn't even get much of a lie in!

He's my last one at school and tbh, I can't wait to be done with school and parents evenings etc!

Ahh bless him! I guess the only consolation is that it’s only for another 2/3 months! I’m the same, can’t wait for it to be all over and done with! Massive good luck to your son! All we can ask is their best isn’t it! X

 

[Rlaw1978]

Ahh I’m so sorry to hear your son has been so anxious about it all. It’s so much pressure on them isn’t it! I do try to remind my son that the results are not the be all and end all and they aren’t! They just do open more doors when they have those passes. No exam is more important than health. It’s a shame he cannot get the support from cahms before his exams. My son has more mocks this week so it will be interesting to see if there’s any improvement from last time. I have heard though this week that mocks are generally harder than the real exams. Not sure how true it is but hopefully our kids will find the real thing easier than the mocks. Massive good luck to your son!

That’s so kind of you, thank you. Best of luck to your son as well.
Mocks at my sons school are all last years papers, they did mini mocks before Christmas and full mocks after. Hopefully a realistic indication of how they will do? School put a massive amount of pressure on them & eventually it catches up.
Camhs have been pretty useless , they said that because he’s not a danger to himself or others he doesn’t meet their criteria for therapy. The gp gave us a link which allowed us to self refer for group therapy cbt which is online. Realty disappointing especially when your child is struggling so much in front of you & there’s no actual support.