Son said he’s nothing in common with me

[ChipsAhoy]

Like a dagger to my heart my eldest son who’s 12 said he’s nothing in common with me. This came out following a chat about the way he’s been speaking to me lately. Our relationship dynamic has changed which I totally get as he is changing and getting older.

although I feel like there is a wall betweenus at the minute. Everything seems to be a fight or an argument. This really hurt and I know he didn’t say it to hurt me he was just expressing how he is feeling which is so important. Lockdown is also in the mix too he would be going to the cinema with his mates and doing fun stuff so I know this plays a part.
I’m a single mum of three boys working full time and studying on the side.
I’m really trying my best but I just feel like the worst parent

 

[Rockin' Robin]

One possibl answer is that he is becoming a teenager, with all the mixed emotions that come with it. When I was in my early teens, I went through a phase of not speaking to my Mum. It lasted about four months, I wanted to become independent even though I was still very young. From the way you discribe it, it does sound like a similar phase he is going through. He is wanting to assert his independence. Be there for him, if and when he wants to communicate.

 

[Chicken_soup]

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling at the minute, I can only imagine how difficult that must be to hear coming from your son.

I think as you've mentioned, lockdown has affected us all and for your son, who as you say, is used to going out and seeing his friends, he may just be feeling a bit done with the situation like many, and this might be why you have been arguing more lately?
I think you may find that his mood changes for the better once he is able to get back out and do fun things. I know personally I have snapped at family members during lockdown and said things I certainly didn't mean, and that has just been my frustration bubbling to the surface.
As hard as it is I would try and not take your son's comment to heart, perhaps you could try and engage in his hobbies but as I mentioned this may just be him expressing his frustration at lockdown and lack of contact with his friends.
I hope I've helped even a bit! Best of luck

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Try not to take it to heart.
My 11 year old told me she would rather live on the streets than with me at one point in lockdown. I bet he regrets it.

 

[Apple In My Pie]

I really don't mean this in a horrible way but, I sort of think he might be right BUT in a very black and white way. Hear me out here, does he play games, Fortnite, Super Mario, stuff like that? Because that's the first thing I thought of when I read your post - he's probably feeling like he has no one to really sound off to about his hobbies, and perhaps doesn't feel like you understand or want to hear about that sort of stuff, 'cos you're his mum! It's a very black and white way of thinking though and I bet it hurt to hear
But please please please don't think this makes you a bad parent or that your son dislikes you. It sounds to me as though lockdown has gotten to him and he's frustrated. As a previous poster said try not to take it to heart, he's only young and probably hormonal as well and just said it in the heat of the moment rather than genuinely meaning what he was saying. Also he's at that funny age, when you're on the cusp of independence and your parents are embarrassing and oh you know EVERYTHING and you're right all the time - heightened by a pandemic.

Perhaps you could try and find a hobby for you two to do together, cooking, lego, even something simple like a boxset on Netflix you could get in to?

 

[Deepsigh2018]

I wouldn't take it to heart I have a 12 year old son too and a single parent to 2 boys and we don't have a lot in common apart from loving marvel and supernatural shows and thats ok I like the fact he has his own personality away from me sometimes he tries to explain about his games, anime etc to me and I pretend I'm interested lol. My son has also started to become moody and occasionally rude to me too. I put it down to hormones

 

[Cack Slumrow]

You are not supposed to have anything in common, he is a 12 year old boy, and you are his mum not his mate. Expressing his feelings is one thing, being rude and disrespectful whilst doing so is something different, and does need to be addressed.

 

[laughing]

They do this.

And again at about 15.

It's them growing up, hormones, just being a teenager.

It's sorts itself out. Just be there for him.

 

[Fizzwhizz2020]

I don’t think many teens have anything in common with their parents. He’s likely just expressing himself and you’re the punching bag. He’s probably just a frustrated teenager as he can’t go out and do what he normally would. Plus the raging hormones won’t help. Don’t take it to heart. Just be there and continue being the awesome pre t that you are. It’s just teenagers in an unprecedented situation x

 

[Pinkblush]

I didn't have anything in common with my mum at that age but i don't think kids and adults are supposed to.
Not having things in common doesn't justify rudeness or disrespectful behaviour though. It's common for teens and pre teens to become moody and withdrawn with the onset of puberty kicking in but they just need reminding that there's no excuse for disrespectful behaviour.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

Your son is that age unfortunately. My nephew is the same with my sister, he is 12 too and they have had a rough year of it. I don't think him being home and my sister trying to home school has helped. Try not to take it to heart what he said, he won't have meant it badly or to hurt you. I remember being young and saying things I didn't mean.x

 

[Platypusfattypus]

Ah it's hard isn't it. It's lovely to see them growing up but man it hurts to see them become so independant. My older two are 15 and 13, and have their own likes and see their friends more (pre lockdown) but we try and have a family night once a week where we watch a film, play computer games, board games, have takeaway etc. Everyone joins in. My eldest is now spending more time with us. We always enjoyed planning family days out pre covid too, and can't wait to start that again.