Son asked not to return to nursery.

[truffletrot]

Hi all, my toddler turns 3 in January and this week he had two morning taster sessions in nursery (completely new territory for me - he’s my first). He does have a speech delay which I am in the process of organising speech therapy for but I explained to them that he won’t be able to tell them what he needs. The first day he was supposed to be there for 2 hours but this woman called me after an hour to pick him up. When I asked what’s wrong she said “well... he’s not upset he’s just not having fun. He’s been climbing things in the garden and he’s pushed everything off the craft table”. (They have an outside garden with really high walls to stop them getting out that he could never climb and then little smaller walls that he was climbing) When I picked him up she said “bring him for an hour instead of 2 tomorrow and we’ll see how we go”. I brought him in again the next morning and then when I picked him up the woman came outside and said “it’s probably best if he doesn’t come back before he’s been to more playgroups. He’s been climbing again when we went into the garden and he’s been pulling our aprons off” The staff were all wearing these flimsy plastic aprons. I explained that as he’s got a speech delay that he does pull you to something if he wants your help, that’s his way of asking for help. At this point in the conversation I realised there’s no point arguing as I don’t want him to go to this nursery now anyway - although it is a highly rated nursery chain. I am still quite upset really, he’s not even 3 years old yet and due to Covid all the soft plays have been shut so I don’t quite understand this woman’s expectations. He didn’t do anything terrible like hit or bite a child and probably pre-Covid I’d have been able to go in there to help him settle in a bit rather than ship him off at the door.


My question is - has anyone ever had a situation like this happen before with a nursery?



Thanks in advance xx

 

[Happy35]

No I have never known anything like this before, usually a nursery would be equipped to help speech delay and try to help their speech develop. If he is climbing and pulling things off the craft table then they should be telling him no etc.
I also don’t know how they can decide he wasn’t having fun in such a short period of time, surely they understand that children have to settle in first.
I would put a line under it and try another nursery, there are some amazing ones around.

 

[LittleMy]

It sounds to me like a fault with the nursery. My youngest son turned 3 in August and has just started nursery last week. He also has a bit of a speech delay himself and is being assessed for autism (his older brother also has speech delay and ASD). The nursery staff have been very accommodating, even although my youngest son is a pocket rocket and loves to run around and climb and get into things he shouldn’t. They’re still young at that age, like you said it’s not as though he’s hurting other children or anything like that. The staff need to give your child a chance, but in saying that, if I were you I’d probably want to try somewhere else because it’s not really a good first impression if they can’t even cope with what is essentially typical toddler behaviours. He’s two for Christ’s sake, what do they expect?

 

[1001 others]

I have a friend who had similar issues with her little boy at kindy. He too has speech delay and had been finding it hard fitting in for that reason (he's 3). The kindy teacher was constantly complaining about him and suggested that he go to counseling as "not talking at that age means something is seriously wrong" (! it does not; this kindy teacher was clearly very ignorant).

My friend ended up changing him to another kindy and although he hasn't changed, the teachers at this one are far more understanding of development, so the situation has changed for the better. It helps too that there is another little boy who he's friended who also has delayed speech. My friend is trying everything she can do to bring on her little boy's speech by enrolling him in music and playgroups, all to no avail; her doctor said not to push things - just to let him develop in his own time. He was also very late to learn to walk, so is obviously just a late bloomer.

I would consider going to a different nursery - you and your son do not need this stress.

 

[Happy Lady]

Does your child climb on furniture at home? I don't mean to sit on a chair, but tables, sofa backs, etc? If so, you could help him progress by telling him not to. Do you ever discipline your son and stop him doing anything? Please, please don't take this the wrong way, but some parents don't, and I'm just wondering whether the nursery staff asked him not to and he ignored them. He is still very young and needs guidance through play, so I'm surprised the nursery didn't explain more to you to help you understand their decision.

 

[BethanyGilbert]

Sounds like the didn’t even give him a fair shot poor boy.

 

[Tublet83]

Definitely look for another nursery, I would also be honest when viewing other nurseries and explain the issues you have had.

Speech delay or not children have been cooped up for months and unable to attend usual toddler activities and nursery should expect settling in is more challenging. I know my youngest has definitely experienced this and have been very honest and said it’s taken longer than usual given the circumstances.

Would be worth phoning the early years dept at your local council they will be able to advise which nurseries have more experience delaying with speech issues.

 

[tinkertailorsoldierspy]

It doesn't sound like they're very well equipt at all. Such a shame for your first experience, but it isn't typical of nurseries. Some will be much better equipped for all types of children whether they're shy, quiet, loud, boisterous, speech delayed. Children are all different after all.
I'd definitely leave and try a different one, one where they'll help to support him and meet his needs. They should be working with him to find out what he likes to do and what he enjoys doing and rolling with that.
I'm sure you'll have much more positive experiences in other settings

 

[Fairypop]

I would absolutely look for another nursery, try not to let this experience put you off of trying another one. It doesn’t sound like they’ve given him much chance to settle in at all, of course some children will take a little longer to play “properly” and interact, especially if he has a speech delay. If you look around other nurseries or make enquiries, I would probably ask them how they’ll help him to settle in and how they’ll support his speech delay. Good luck and I hope you have a much more positive experience elsewhere! X

 

[cosmo girl]

Sounds like the nursery just wants an easy life. One nursery doesn't fit all sadly. I would speak to your Health Visitor. They can help get you a place in pre-school to meet your sons needs. Also the HV can arrange speech therapy if needed. Your son might not need this. My daughter had speech therapy. Now she doesn't stop talking. Good luck X

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

That doesn’t sound usual practice at all. I used to work in nurseries when I worked in the early years and in one nursery in particular a lot of the children had speech delays, behavioural issues and other delays too. The nursery were brilliant at dealing with it and they didn’t bat an eyelid at most things and they saw it as a personal mission to help these children thrive, that’s how it should be.

in fact all of the nurseries I’ve worked in would never turn a child away because of what you’ve described. They aren’t a babysitting service, they are a children’s service and they should see themselves as that, they should see themselves as there to help children to thrive and grow, not a place to make easy money from placid children. How awful.

the only time I’ve ever seen a nursery suggest a child might not be able to stay was in my last nursery. This nursery had a few children with speech delays and behavioural issues, which they could handle, but sadly there was one little boy that bit. He would bite sometimes 4/5 times a day, both children and staff. Their policy was that if he left a mark he would have to be collected. It did get to point where they did say to mum that if they or she could not get the biting under control, then they’d have to look at asking him to leave. They never did ask him to leave, I think they just wanted to get mum to try and get help for him.

 

[truffletrot]

I just want to say a big THANK YOU for all your replies, it has really helped me to feel reassured that it wasn’t something that should have happened. I wrote that post at 3am cos I couldn’t sleep as I kept re-thinking about it! But you’ve all made me feel so much better.

 

[FlipFlop0706]

I just want to say a big THANK YOU for all your replies, it has really helped me to feel reassured that it wasn’t something that should have happened. I wrote that post at 3am cos I couldn’t sleep as I kept re-thinking about it! But you’ve all made me feel so much better.

Oh bless you! Nursery is quite clearly a rubbish one and your son is better off elsewhere! Honestly, if they can’t cope with that then they are useless! Go check out sone other nurseries and push through with the speech therapy. Also, might be handy to teach him some Makaton (sign language for kids) so he can communicate easier or check out a system called the Pictorial Exchange Communication System (PECS for short!) it’s primarily used for children with autism but it is AMAZING for helping little ones with speech delays communicate independently whilst supporting their language acquisition. Most decent nurseries will have experience of makaton or PECS at a basic level so use that to guide your decision in finding the right nursery for your little one. All the best x

 

[MrsJones83]

Wow, I’ve never experienced this in my 16 years of working in a nursery! It sounds like you’re both better off out of there!

To write him off after just 2 sessions is very sad. We all know that children have been missing out on lots of social and group activities because of Covid, and this needs a sympathetic approach!

I hope you’ll find a nursery that’s a much better fit for you family.

 

[taperjeangirl42]

This is in my area of work and if we asked children who climb and make a mess to not come back, we’d have no children left!! It is totally typical and normal behaviour for that age group. And also with the “not having fun” comment, I always find it takes a few weeks of being at nursery for a child to fully settle in before they start actually enjoying being at nursery and all the experiences that nursery offers. They might be children but they are people too! It takes us all a while to get used to a new place and settle in. Definitely look for a new nursery. You will find that once you find the right one it will help with his speech delay too. Being around peers does wonders for a child. Sending love.

 

[Lollipop2123]

My daughter doesn't climb on things at home but at nursery she turns feral! They are little kids for god's sake, they are going to climb and explore etc. Sounds like the nurserys fault to me. Don't beat yourself up xx

 

[Tree_]

Unless your son is Damien and your nursery have some kind of sixth sense then they just sound awful. I'd keep looking there will be a setting that your son loves and in turn love your son too. He's just an innocent little boy who was exploring.

 

[Begborrowsteal]

That is so crappy of them!

Both my kids had speech delays, and issues with their sounds. My eldest was non verbal until a term into school-nursery. They are meant to support their learning! I hope you find a different setting that suits you both much better Good luck with SALT as well x