Should I be single? How?

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Amyb97

I’ve been in a long term relationship for 4 years... I’m 24. I live with my partner. Over the last 6 months I’ve been beginning to seriously think about if I want a live with him forever.

I’m at the point where I’m young enough to meet someone else..: I want children.

But I’m worried about making the wrong decision to end it. I’m also worried because I’ve centered my life around him and his friends to the point I don’t know what I would have without him.

How do I know if it’s worth working on or not? I see him as my best friend but I don’t know if there’s anything more there anymore. I don’t enjoy the sex
 
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LolitaBlah

Girrrrl.. take it from someone who have been there... If you're asking all these questions... you are already out of the relationship.

Don't waste your precious time.
 
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yankydoo

LolitaBlah said:
Girrrrl.. take it from someone who have been there... If you're asking all these questions... you are already out of the relationship.

Don't waste your precious time.
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I second this. As soon as you get these thoughts it's usually the end. Sounds like you have outgrown the relationship.

It will be hard to end it but I think you will feel relieved once it's done and you can move on.

Good luck.
 
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Thelife&times

Agree with the other replies here.

How do you think he would feel if you read this post to him? I don’t think he would want to be in a relationship knowing it was of convenience either!

You’re right, you are at a good age to to start again with somebody else. It would be great if you could still be friends after too...good luck with whatever you choose do.
 
Reactions: 6
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Amyb97

yankydoo said:
I second this. As soon as you get these thoughts it's usually the end. Sounds like you have outgrown the relationship.

It will be hard to end it but I think you will feel relieved once it's done and you can move on.

Good luck.
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It’s very hard as I feel like he knows me the best out of everyone. But also he doesn’t know me that well because I feel the way I do
 

Barbie2020

Yes! If you’re not happy and don’t think there is a way of it changing/ you don’t love him then get out. You’re only early 20s and got loads of life in front of you.

I was 22 when my 3 year relationship ended but he dumped me I was gutted but only because I didn’t know anything else. We had the same friends so obvious that was awkward. I met someone else about a year and half later, we clicked and it was true love. We get married in 3 months yeh it’s not always easy no matter what relationship you’re in but if we ever argue or have had a rough patch we want to work it out cos we are in it for the long haul.

Life is so short and you deserve to be happy!
 
Reactions: 8
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Amyb97

Thank you! I used to think I was in it for the long haul now I’m not sure
 
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WilmaHun

I think it's so easy to stay with somebody just because of the routine and it's what you're used to. Change can be scary, especially if you share friendship groups etc. But ultimately, what's important is your happiness. There's no point keeping yourself in an unhappy situation just because of the unknown. In some ways, it would be easier if you'd had a massive row, or found someone else etc, because at least then you'd have a reason to leave but that's still not a reason to stay. Don't sit around waiting for something to happen to give you an excuse to go, you've got to put your happiness first.

The first thing I would do is have an open and frank discussion with him about how you feel. Ask him how he feels. It's better to be honest. Once you've spoken to him, you'll have a much clearer picture of how he feels and how he sees the relationship progressing. At the end of the day though, if you really don't feel happy and you're questioning it, then you know what you have to do. You say he's your best friend, so being honest and open with him will be the best way to help you maintain that friendship, even if the relationship has to come to an end. You don't have to lose him completely.
 
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Amyb97

This is the hardest part that there is no real reason... it’s just the way I feel. Thank you for your advice
 
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ClockworkDolly

You are still very young to settle down with someone. There's a whole world out there to explore and if you are having these thoughts now, then maybe you should call time on your relationship. I think life has become too cosy, too samey for you.

Maybe you don't have the confidence to go it alone, but just think of all the opportunities out there waiting for you to grab them. It will boost your confidence enormously if you can grab them by yourself, without relying on him to buffer you.

Go for it.
 
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Amyb97

You are so right and the second paragraph does kind of sum up how I feel perhaps. It is cosy and samey which might be ok if I was older. I think he would be perfect 10 years later.
 
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LolitaBlah

Amyb97 said:
It’s very hard as I feel like he knows me the best out of everyone. But also he doesn’t know me that well because I feel the way I do
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I know exactly what you mean and I've been there. You think there won't be anyone else.. no one will get you like he does.. but does he really?
Are you afraid of the unknown? because let me tell you.. there will be someone else, if u give him the time to understand you he will....

But dear... don't you even start looking for someone else before you find yourself... see that inspirational crap and quotes on instagram about how you won't find happiness with someone else until you're happy alone? well that shit is TRUE!

Take time for yourself to know you! travel (whenever that will be possible again), go to clubs, help in charities, go to singing clubs, help in an elderly house, join a book club, whatever YOU like, get a cat! get a dog, get a fish lol ... don't be defined by the man in your relationship that shit is dangerous! take it from me
 
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Amyb97

Love this! Also I know it sounds like fluff but I do need to find myself. I’m one of those people pleasers that agrees with everyone else’s opinion . I kinda suck!
 
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LaurieLaurie

Could it just be because of how mundane life has been over the past twelve months? What about planning date nights and little trips? Spending time with others so that your time together is more fun and appreciated.

I would always make sure I was 1000% certain because sometimes you can’t go back once the decision has been made.
 
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CosmicCreepers

Life is too short to feel unhappy. My friend is in a relationship and is absolutely miserable. I've told her so many times to leave him, hes no good for her at all. But she said she has gotten so used to talking to him everyday she can't let go. I said to her this is no way to live, you need to feel fulfilled and happy.
 
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Amyb97

I’ve tried date nights unfortunately. It would be easy to stay. Because it is fine.
 
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poollounger

I was in the exact same position last summer. Was with my ex for 4 years since I was 17, we were living together but I was so bored of the relationship and couldn't see myself with him forever. There was nothing explicitly wrong with him or us, he treated me well, it was cosy and we were generally happy but I just had this feeling I knew it wasn't for me anymore. It was such a hard decision because I kept thinking this is the kind of relationship I'd want in my 30s and he'd be a great partner to have kids with etc. - but you can't base a relationship off of things that might happen in the future, or because you think you won't find something better.

It sounds like you know what you need to do and I wouldn't waste any more time. I felt really guilty when I broke up with my ex as he was a great guy but it helped to remember that he deserves to be happy and with someone who loves him completely without doubts, and you can't offer him that. Good luck!
 
Reactions: 2
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Amyb97

Do you mind me asking how the break up went? I don’t want to hurt him. I know ultimately I will, but the best at way to do it x
 

disneys

I think if you are having these doubts it’s probably time to end things

I’ve been with my husband for nearly 11 years and have never had these thoughts about him , so it’s definitely not usual .. it sounds like you’ve outgrown the relationship and 24 is a great age to realise that

good luck with it all xx
 
Reactions: 4
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Amyb97

Thank you xx
 
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