SH (trigger warning)

[l2mhb0]

I posted this in the advice thread too but I didn’t know which one it counted as? I think I’ll let admin decide and see whatever place it belongs

I’ve been self-harming for about 5 years now. I hate how my scars look. But I can’t stop. I’ve been to therapy and that helped but I did therapy through college, and now at uni I don’t know where I can get therapy as I can’t afford to pay.

I try to talk to people about it but I’m so scared of being judged. My family knew about 2 years ago but they don’t know anymore, as my sister has mental health issues too and they focus on her instead.

I don’t drink or go clubbing so I feel like opening up about my SH will alienate me more and people will think of me as ‘sad’, I just feel really alone, especially through lockdown.

Dont really know what I’m looking for on here, just if anyone’s been through the same thing and how you’ve been able to get out of this horrible habit?

 

[TicketyTock]

I have no advice but I couldn’t just read and run , I really pray you find the help you need

 

[skvallertant]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk.

I know you said you have therapy before, but there are lots of different kinds, some specifically for self-harm. Are you in the UK? If so, I will link some free services that you might be able to access.

 

[VomitCulture]

Speak to your gp and they can refer you for therapy.

You should have a student guidance/Health and well being team at your uni too. Speak to them and they may be able to arrange some counselling or provide you advice on what resources are available to you.

 

[btw]

I’m sorry your going through this I can’t offer much more advice then what others have suggested. However, I watch a lovely girl on YouTube called “marieroseeee”, she does videos on mental health including self harm such as ways to discuss your self harm with others. You may find some comfort in being able to relate to someone and you may find some ways to cope or talk about your mental health from Marie’s experience.
I hope this is somewhat helpful xx

 

[GlitteryKitten]

I'm so sorry you're going through this

I've been through it myself and I know how hard it can be. My inbox is always open if you want a chat or even just a rant xx

 

[l2mhb0]

I have no advice but I couldn’t just read and run , I really pray you find the help you need

Thank you, it means so much that you even clicked.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Feel free to DM me if you want to talk.

I know you said you have therapy before, but there are lots of different kinds, some specifically for self-harm. Are you in the UK? If so, I will link some free services that you might be able to access.

Thank you so much I am in the UK, I have heard that waiting times are extremely long especially after lockdown, so I didn’t really want to bother. But thank you for offering me your time

Speak to your gp and they can refer you for therapy.

You should have a student guidance/Health and well being team at your uni too. Speak to them and they may be able to arrange some counselling or provide you advice on what resources are available to you.

I will look into it through my uni, thank you

I’m sorry your going through this I can’t offer much more advice then what others have suggested. However, I watch a lovely girl on YouTube called “marieroseeee”, she does videos on mental health including self harm such as ways to discuss your self harm with others. You may find some comfort in being able to relate to someone and you may find some ways to cope or talk about your mental health from Marie’s experience.
I hope this is somewhat helpful xx

I hadn’t heard of her before, I went and watched some of her videos like you suggested and I’m shocked at how I’m not actually alone. Thank you, you are brilliant xx

 

[Gembo]

Have you ever heard of DBT Distress Tolerance? I have some experience with this through a course I did with the NHS. It could be worth having a read, it is designed to help you get through the overwhelming urge to harm until it passes. I do understand what you are going through, I hope that you are able to get some help, there are long waiting times on the NHS but it’s worth going to see your dr and telling them about the self harm. Wishing you all the best xx

 

[ChloChlo]

I was a prolific self harmer up until my mid 20s. I have scars on what could have been flawless arms. Scars which I have had to fib to my children, all children! Who ask how I got them, then sadly as my eldest is now 14, he is fully aware of what they are.

I feel everyones journey of stopping the cycle and very often, addiction of self harm will be different. So I can only share my experience as oppose to advise, as I found the coping strategies often suggested such as tapping of elastic bands and drawing on oneself with red biro as nothing but a heap of bullshit. I found seeing my mother slowly die of a cancerous brain tumour made me greatful fo have a healthy body. I often visited the ward where she was given palliative care, people were dying, fighting for their lives, young and old. The fear in some of these peoples eyes and my mums eyes never left me. It is an expression that cannot be recreated and have never seen since. These people would have done anything for my healthy body and there I was destroying mine out of my own free will, how selfish, selfish, selfish of me. I practiced gratitude. I found gratitude practices to be very effective for my self harm TBH.

 

[birdiefly246]

I have been in recovery for self harm for about 2 years now, I developed it badly because of CPTSD. Firstly, I'm so sorry you're suffering or in pain. Second thing, I don't know what your trigger is, mine was intense anger towards myself (I won't go into more details for obvious reasons). I personally found that knowing what my trigger was really helped me.


Mind have some links about charities etc in your area that may offer free therapy

How to find therapy or counselling

We can point you in the right direction to find free or low-cost therapy.

www.mind.org.uk

Hope it eases for you soon and you can DM if you feel like you need to talk to someone who understands it

I was a prolific self harmer up until my mid 20s. I have scars on what could have been flawless arms. Scars which I have had to fib to my children, all children! Who ask how I got them, then sadly as my eldest is now 14, he is fully aware of what they are.

I feel everyones journey of stopping the cycle and very often, addiction of self harm will be different. So I can only share my experience as oppose to advise, as I found the coping strategies often suggested such as tapping of elastic bands and drawing on oneself with red biro as nothing but a heap of bullshit. I found seeing my mother slowly die of a cancerous brain tumour made me greatful fo have a healthy body. I often visited the ward where she was given palliative care, people were dying, fighting for their lives, young and old. The fear in some of these peoples eyes and my mums eyes never left me. It is an expression that cannot be recreated and have never seen since. These people would have done anything for my healthy body and there I was destroying mine out of my own free will, how selfish, selfish, selfish of me. I practiced gratitude. I found gratitude practices to be very effective for my self harm TBH.

heart goes out to you and your mum

I found I stopped for a similar reason. Mine was more because I had MH issues because of the abuse that I suffered as a child. For me hurting myself meant the abusers were winning. That's how I stopped the self harm and the anorexia. Loving myself and my body and doing right by it was the biggest F*** you I could give to those that hurt me.

 

[Isa Drennan]

Distress tolerance skills! DBT therapy can be hard to access but order the Marsha linehan workskills book on Amazon (around £10)

If you don’t mind me asking which part of the UK are you from? Mental health services vary largely depending on the nation, which is the only reason I’m asking to see if certain accessible services are available to you

I believe we all self harm to regulate our emotions in some way (e.g drinking/taking risks such as crossing the road or comfort eating) but it’s about finding coping strategies that work for you. Some common with patients I work with include: creating a safety plan with a sensory box including items to comfort you e.g sentimental photos, lavender spray, stress balls and chocolate or bath bombs

Self harm is very personal, harm reduction is the principle you’re best focusing on rather than total elimination! Finding ways with less physical implications to give you a physical response to elicit the emotional pain is key, some examples include putting PVA glue (subutex) on where you want to harm then peeling it off, this works well if you crave the picking sensation, if you require seeing liquid to feel a release you can add in fake blood to “mimic” the physical sensation without risk of infection etc.

Pinging elastic bands or bobbles off where you want to self harm can also be effective, running your wrists under cold water helps as it gives a temporary nerve numbing sensation, without the lasting physical nerve damage you’d get from other methods! Drawing on arms/legs with red ink is another method. Patients I’ve worked with who no longer self harm frequently report piercings/tattoos as a positive way of curbing urges, it’s a permanent reminder of how they’ve previously dealt with overwhelming urges to harm themselves

Mindfulness works for some people but it’s about tailoring the mindfulness to what you can realistically do depending on your distress! Mindfulness can be as simple as going for a walk whilst paying attention to the weather rather than your thoughts, even if it’s just a walk around the block it’s about focusing on the here and now e.g the weather, the animals you see and the noises, if you can’t do a big 5k walk that’s fine but whatever works best for you! Mindfulness can be using a scented radox in a bath to focus on the smells, waiting for the distressing thoughts to pass and focusing on your senses, for some it’s not useful but tailoring mindfulness to suit you does work very well!

Even “taking yourself on a date” e.g walking to grab a nice coffee and focusing on that rather than the distress, when you’re feeling distressed imagine how you’d speak to your younger self at 9/10 years old, most of the time you’ll find you’d comfort your younger self by being nurturing rather than self critical, this method also helps with self acceptance, imagine in a crisis you’re speaking to your younger self rather than current self and it may change your perception. Feel free to DM if you require support at anytime, I hope you take care of yourself and find a resolution to your distress

 

[Prinstress]

Have you ever heard of DBT Distress Tolerance? I have some experience with this through a course I did with the NHS. It could be worth having a read, it is designed to help you get through the overwhelming urge to harm until it passes. I do understand what you are going through, I hope that you are able to get some help, there are long waiting times on the NHS but it’s worth going to see your dr and telling them about the self harm. Wishing you all the best xx

Another high recommendation for Distress Tolerance Skills as part of Dialectic Behavioural therapy. I’m 16 months SH free after previously believing it would always be part of my life.

DBT in general has been amazing for me, it’s changed my whole life for the better.

You are totally not alone either

Edit: I personally self referred to the community mental health team as hadn’t had positive experiences with GP in the past regarding mental health, it was approximately 6 months from self referral to my first appointment, although appreciate lists may be longer due to this crazy year.

 

[l2mhb0]

I was a prolific self harmer up until my mid 20s. I have scars on what could have been flawless arms. Scars which I have had to fib to my children, all children! Who ask how I got them, then sadly as my eldest is now 14, he is fully aware of what they are.

I feel everyones journey of stopping the cycle and very often, addiction of self harm will be different. So I can only share my experience as oppose to advise, as I found the coping strategies often suggested such as tapping of elastic bands and drawing on oneself with red biro as nothing but a heap of bullshit. I found seeing my mother slowly die of a cancerous brain tumour made me greatful fo have a healthy body. I often visited the ward where she was given palliative care, people were dying, fighting for their lives, young and old. The fear in some of these peoples eyes and my mums eyes never left me. It is an expression that cannot be recreated and have never seen since. These people would have done anything for my healthy body and there I was destroying mine out of my own free will, how selfish, selfish, selfish of me. I practiced gratitude. I found gratitude practices to be very effective for my self harm TBH.

wow... thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry to hear about your mum, but I am also amazed to hear how many years recovery you are. I didn’t even think of that. I used to have such a beautiful body, wore bikinis everywhere and now I am so ashamed I don’t even wear shorts or anything above the knee. I often worry about what I’ll say to my children in the future, how do you feel knowing that your eldest knows exactly what they are now? If you don’t mind me asking

I have been in recovery for self harm for about 2 years now, I developed it badly because of CPTSD. Firstly, I'm so sorry you're suffering or in pain. Second thing, I don't know what your trigger is, mine was intense anger towards myself (I won't go into more details for obvious reasons). I personally found that knowing what my trigger was really helped me.


Mind have some links about charities etc in your area that may offer free therapy

How to find therapy or counselling

We can point you in the right direction to find free or low-cost therapy.

www.mind.org.uk

Hope it eases for you soon and you can DM if you feel like you need to talk to someone who understands it



heart goes out to you and your mum

I found I stopped for a similar reason. Mine was more because I had MH issues because of the abuse that I suffered as a child. For me hurting myself meant the abusers were winning. That's how I stopped the self harm and the anorexia. Loving myself and my body and doing right by it was the biggest F*** you I could give to those that hurt me.

there are some amazing women out there and I believe I’ve just found some on this thread. There are so many reasons to stop hurting yourself but in the moment it’s so hard to remind yourself of them and most importantly, believe them. It’s amazing you’re 2 years in recovery, I hope to be as strong as you some day! Thank you for your advice

Distress tolerance skills! DBT therapy can be hard to access but order the Marsha linehan workskills book on Amazon (around £10)

If you don’t mind me asking which part of the UK are you from? Mental health services vary largely depending on the nation, which is the only reason I’m asking to see if certain accessible services are available to you

I believe we all self harm to regulate our emotions in some way (e.g drinking/taking risks such as crossing the road or comfort eating) but it’s about finding coping strategies that work for you. Some common with patients I work with include: creating a safety plan with a sensory box including items to comfort you e.g sentimental photos, lavender spray, stress balls and chocolate or bath bombs

Self harm is very personal, harm reduction is the principle you’re best focusing on rather than total elimination! Finding ways with less physical implications to give you a physical response to elicit the emotional pain is key, some examples include putting PVA glue (subutex) on where you want to harm then peeling it off, this works well if you crave the picking sensation, if you require seeing liquid to feel a release you can add in fake blood to “mimic” the physical sensation without risk of infection etc.

Pinging elastic bands or bobbles off where you want to self harm can also be effective, running your wrists under cold water helps as it gives a temporary nerve numbing sensation, without the lasting physical nerve damage you’d get from other methods! Drawing on arms/legs with red ink is another method. Patients I’ve worked with who no longer self harm frequently report piercings/tattoos as a positive way of curbing urges, it’s a permanent reminder of how they’ve previously dealt with overwhelming urges to harm themselves

Mindfulness works for some people but it’s about tailoring the mindfulness to what you can realistically do depending on your distress! Mindfulness can be as simple as going for a walk whilst paying attention to the weather rather than your thoughts, even if it’s just a walk around the block it’s about focusing on the here and now e.g the weather, the animals you see and the noises, if you can’t do a big 5k walk that’s fine but whatever works best for you! Mindfulness can be using a scented radox in a bath to focus on the smells, waiting for the distressing thoughts to pass and focusing on your senses, for some it’s not useful but tailoring mindfulness to suit you does work very well!

Even “taking yourself on a date” e.g walking to grab a nice coffee and focusing on that rather than the distress, when you’re feeling distressed imagine how you’d speak to your younger self at 9/10 years old, most of the time you’ll find you’d comfort your younger self by being nurturing rather than self critical, this method also helps with self acceptance, imagine in a crisis you’re speaking to your younger self rather than current self and it may change your perception. Feel free to DM if you require support at anytime, I hope you take care of yourself and find a resolution to your distress

Another amazing woman on this thread. I’m going to save this answer to my notes and refer back to it when I next go shopping to see if I can buy myself some bits to help when I feel myself urging. I’ve never heard so many good suggestions and ideas. Thank you, you are amazing. I do live in the UK but sometimes when I was having therapy the last time, I felt like once a week wasn’t enough, and found that an hour wasn’t enough. I think I’m just so eager to learn how to cope on my own as I’m quite independent which can be my downfall sometimes. I will definitely check out that book. Thank you millions again, and thank you for the work that you do

Have you ever heard of DBT Distress Tolerance? I have some experience with this through a course I did with the NHS. It could be worth having a read, it is designed to help you get through the overwhelming urge to harm until it passes. I do understand what you are going through, I hope that you are able to get some help, there are long waiting times on the NHS but it’s worth going to see your dr and telling them about the self harm. Wishing you all the best xx

i havent heard about it until this thread, but it seems like something I should definitely research. Thank you for your support, and I will go and visit my GP. This thread was the little push I needed so thank you xx

Another high recommendation for Distress Tolerance Skills as part of Dialectic Behavioural therapy. I’m 16 months SH free after previously believing it would always be part of my life.

DBT in general has been amazing for me, it’s changed my whole life for the better.

You are totally not alone either

Edit: I personally self referred to the community mental health team as hadn’t had positive experiences with GP in the past regarding mental health, it was approximately 6 months from self referral to my first appointment, although appreciate lists may be longer due to this crazy year.

I am so proud of you and I hope I can be as amazing as you one day. I am totally in the state of mind of SH will always be in my life, but also wanting nothing to do with it ever again. Thank you for your recommendation and I will definitely look into it