SEN parents

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veronica71

Ok a week into the new school year I’m already panicking at how we will get through another week let alone another whole school year and thought I can’t be the only one ….

Absolute shit show of a first school swimming lesson has led my husband to email the head which is his first time of getting involved in ten years of the school so will see what reaction that gets

and I am always very grateful that my kids have not had the friendships issues I know a lot of ther asd peers have but it does lead to party invites on a weekend when we really want to veg out but she doesn’t want to miss out so more stress ahead this afternoon.
 
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Rocknrolla

My child has just gone in to year 5 and has only been invited to one birthday party the whole duration of primary school. It’s tough x
 
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JTsFringe

My son is 14 and just gone into year 10. Hasnt done a full week since Easter and it was only this week the school admitted they could never meet his needs! I requested an emergency review to change placement so he can go to a smaller setting back in May, for the then SENCO to retire, and no one get in touch with me until 2nd week of back to school (September) and also tell me it will take so long, he probably won't get a new setting until mid year 11.... FUMING! My son has been struggling for years but because his attendance was fine (at a push) and because he doesnt have behavioural issues, no one batted an eyelid - its only now that he wont go in - everyone seems to give a shit!
 
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Rocknrolla

I really feel for you both, it’s so unfair how everything is a struggle and a fight. The school system isn’t set up for neurodiverse children, which is wrong in itself. I’m dreading mine going to high school
 

veronica71

If infuriates me that they let it get so bad before the will do anything when the damage then has to be undone which takes more work than providing the correct support to begin with
 
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JTsFringe

veronica71 said:
If infuriates me that they let it get so bad before the will do anything when the damage then has to be undone which takes more work than providing the correct support to begin with
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Infuriating... and the government's way of helping parents with children who cant go to school is by fining them and sending them to court... So backwards its a joke. Failed my kid from the off and then issuing fines and court notices like its my fault?! Nice. If I pull him out to home educate, he may never be able to go to a college that will fit his needs, or keep him in a school he refuses to go too where they know they cant meet his needs in the hopes that he eventually gets placement in a SEN school and can stay there till he's 19... I don't know what to do for the best. It's an absolute shambles.
 
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Littleelf

Glad to have found this thread... My 7 year old daughter awaiting ASD assessment has really struggled with getting back into school after the summer hols and it's been awful she had been doing so well just before they broke up after being moced into the SEN class from mainstream and being very close to premenemt exclusion. Then the summer hols came and everything went backwards.

I work from home so I bear the brunt of it all, all the terrible drop offs where she's kicking and screaming to get back out the class, all the phone calls from school because she's gone into meltdown and they can't calm her, all the suspensions from school for lashing out, all the meetings all the EHCP emails and forms. My metal health has really taken a kicking over the last 2 years, Not to mention my daughter who is struggling so much and we are doing everything we can to help me get what she needs we are fighting against a broken system and it's so draining
 

veronica71


sending you so much love - it is relentless and the system is totally broken because reading your story I should be surprised that its all so hard but its a story I hear daily from all the SEN parents I know - the system really is broken. And I've realised this week we are damned if we do and damned if we don't as SEN parents - if I get my child in and she has a good day then they think all the fuss I make about her anxiety and exhaustion is made up but if I don't get her in then its my parenting. It would be nice if people recognised the amount of holding things together us mums do - and some dads but its usually mums. Womans hour did a good programme last week about it so maybe its starting to be noticed. I hope you're week goes ok - it is still early days in the new term - I always joke we have about two good weeks in March once shes settled back in before we starting thinking about new teachers - so i'm looking forward to those!
 
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Rocknrolla

The actress from Eastenders her interview was very powerful, explained perfectly how I feel most days.
 

veronica71

Met the new head of our primary school today and promptly cried at her and now feel a twat. She was very nice but crying whenever there is any conflict/emotional situation has always been a huge issue of mine
 
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JTsFringe

veronica71 said:
Met the new head of our primary school today and promptly cried at her and now feel a twat. She was very nice but crying whenever there is any conflict/emotional situation has always been a huge issue of mine
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I think because you just want the best for your child and when you're frustrated yet passionate it can be hard to convey that without getting upset.
 
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Littleelf

veronica71 said:
Met the new head of our primary school today and promptly cried at her and now feel a twat. She was very nice but crying whenever there is any conflict/emotional situation has always been a huge issue of mine
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I've lost count of the amount of times I've cried at meetings, school drop offs ect sometimes they just stand and look at me like I've got 3 heads
My daughter was suspended for 2.5 days yesterday for lashing out at her 1:1 and another kid in the class. I burst into tears on the playground


Has anyone just deregistered and homeschooled instead? I'm starting to think any school environment at all is just not suitable for my daughter
 

veronica71

This is why I love talking to other SEN parents - the 'yep been there' is worth the weight in gold <3 I was known as the crier in my sons reception year but partly because neither child slept at that time as well as the stress. Now its the joy of perimenopause mixed with stress and sheer frustration.

Sorry your daughter is having rough time. I've not homeschooled - I would love to but its just not for us but I do think mainstream is really hard for our kids. Do you have any specialist schools near you?
 
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Littleelf

I'm not confident in my ability to homeschool her to be honest but I'd rather try to save her mental health than keep forcing her in when it causes her so much distress. I'm lucky that I work from home and only mornings so it's definitely doable for us. We don't have any primary near us however one is being built just down the road from us but won't open u til 2026 so that is an option for the future.

The difference in her when she's home is unbelievable. School sent us some work to do and she's done it happily, she even read to me out loud which is something she has refused to do for anyone for over 2 years
 
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JTsFringe

I did this with my oldest as a last resort but he actually likes learning.

I actually had a meeting today about my youngest and she said that the wait for SEN schools are through the roof because demand is so high. She said we could be waiting a very long time and that mainstream schools are trying to be more inclusive because of it...
 
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Littleelf

Yes I can totally believe that, there aren't many in our area either so id imagine the wait would be very long. A parent of a child in my daughters class who is non verbal was telling me the other day how she's having to go to court next week to get her son into a SEN school which he so desperately needs.

We are very lucky our mainstream school has a special SEN class with specialised teachers and extra support, everyone has been fantastic at the school and I can tell they really understand autism and genuinely care which from what ive heard from others is quite rare. However my daughter is still struggling terribly and I just think any school environment isn't going to work for her, honestly I'm willing to try anything for her to be happy
 
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Bingie

I’m not sure there are many such options at primary level but we moved my 12yo to an online school last Easter and it has been transformational. Lockdown learning was a disaster but this is completely different. She’s really motivated and happy (and relieved!) to be learning. The downside is the social side of things (or lack thereof) but in all other respects it’s been really positive.
 

veronica71

Littleelf said:
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The difference in her when she's home is unbelievable. School sent us some work to do and she's done it happily, she even read to me out loud which is something she has refused to do for anyone for over 2 years
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oh that definitely sounds doable ….mine won’t do anything at home and are definitely learn more at school than at home there’s just


not sure this message has got to them all yet
 
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