Sarah Everard

[lemonlime]

People will do and say anything just to justify the men's actions. Why was she out alone, why was she walking at night, why was she there, why was she wearing this, why did she speak to him, why did she smile, why did she exist... I am heartbroken that it now appears to be a murder. I've heard and read and protested against so many horrible things like this over the past few years, I feel like I and every woman around me has second hand trauma from only what we hear, let alone what we have experienced. And the feeling of helplessness... My heart goes out to her family. No punishment would be enough.

 

[HannahF]

When i was about 20 i was shopping in the next town to me as its a big town centre on my own. I noticed this guy starting to follow me but i was telling myself i was thinking it so to prove wrong i would walk in and out of shops to see if it was just a coincidence or deliberate. He approached me in the street and i just ignored him and walked fastly into John Lewis upto the first makeup counter and ducked behind it. Two female employees standing there looked at me weirdly thinking what on earth you doing and i pointed towards the shop floor and mouthed help me. The both instantly stood round me and called on another female employee over to hide me. One if them bent down to pretend she was looking for something and asked me if im was ok and what was wrong. I explained that this guy had been following me for the last 15 minutes and could of been for longer but only noticed when he was stood in River Island just staring at me. I gave a description and the lady said hes still in the store and to keep calm and asked if i was on my own or meeting someone. I explained i was on my own and she said just stay here for a while. She saw him leave and called over a manager who was a guy and explained the incident. He asked me if i drove into town or took a bus/train. I explained i was in one of the main car parks and gave them name and he said ok give me a minute and we will sort something. He came back with his coat on and walked me with the female employee to the car park, they stood with me while i paid and walked me right upto my car. I went home and cried to my mum and she took me into town the following weekend to personally thank the staff and said if it wasnt for you god knows.
Its been 10 years and ive never been back to that town on my own.

 

[luckyblue]

In the same boat as everyone here, I can’t stop thinking about this woman. I work very late nights in London usually, and sometimes pass through that area depending on my journey. I facetime someone every night that I’m working late as a precaution, and I always keep my keys between my knuckles. It’s always upsetting when something like this happens, but to hear that she took all the precautions people suggest and it still happened makes it much worse.
It’s hard to imagine what I’d do if someone flashed a police badge at me. On one hand, I’m suspicious of virtually any stranger who speaks to me when I’m alone at night, so I would question it. But I’d also be worried that I was legitimately being arrested or something and now resisting arrest by questioning it. How are we meant to know what to trust?

 

[lalalanded]

Davina is spot on.

You are in the wrong thread.

 

[GiftedNotFree]

The entire situation is devastating. At the level of this particular event / crime and at a wider level, for women all over the world and the endless shit and fear we all have to deal with, every fucking day. It’s an endless burden and how tragic for Sarah that her burden only came to an end when she had the misfortune of being in the same space at the same time as a devil.

I keep thinking of her parents. She was 33- young, yes, but “grown up”. Out of the house. Raised. Fully cooked. She and her parents lived through Sarah Payne, Holly and Jessica, Milly Dowler; to name a few. The relief in the knowledge that she had survived that age where it seemed like endless young girls were brutally murdered at the hands of deviant men only for her to die like this? Urgh. The details of “this” her family won’t even have knowledge of for a while yet.

It’s so desperately sad.

 

[Gembo]

It’s not just at night women don’t feel safe. I live quite rurally and like to go out for walks and there will sometimes be a car parked at the edge of the woods or a van that drives past a couple of times and I find myself lowering my music, making a note of the number plate, getting my phone ready to call my husband. I think it’s almost programmed into women to think of and be aware of these things and it just shouldn’t be the case my thoughts are with Sarah and her family.

 

[prinnygrace]

The thing is, ALL men get to experience the privilege that comes with being a man. They have never had to worry in the way we do. Women have a constant life long curfew, we cannot be on our own past a certain time. It’s terrifying.

 

[rlouisep9]

Not a criticism- but why is the uncle the spokesperson?

Maybe the parents are too distraught and he feels more able to speak coherently?

 

[Bitofthebubbly]

100% and like I said further up, we're not just talking about the serious shit like murder etc. It's all the "little" stuff too. I would hazard a guess that a majority of men have made a woman feel uncomfortable at some point in their lives.

Most women I know have had experiences where they have been made to feel uncomfortable by men in some way. From something relatively small to almost being raped, to actually being raped. It’s really shocking when you sit and think about it. How can it be a minority of men when the majority of women have experienced this? Again I’m not saying all men, but it has to be more than a minority.

It’s time we stopped telling women how to behave and started telling men instead. Teach boys about boundaries and consent instead of brushing bad behaviour off as “boys being boys” because that’s where it starts imo. Society as a whole needs to start condemning behaviours that often get laughed or brushed off. Sorry going off on a bit of a tangent here but I’m so angry for Sarah and her family. How many years have women had to put up with this bullshit? How many lives lost before something more is done? Enough is enough.

I have great respect for the police but I don’t think I’ll ever trust a male police officer after this.

 

[AlanBanan]

Donald Glover had a great dark joke on men during a stand up routine, it was something like

“Men have all the crazy ex girlfriends stories because the women who have crazy ex boyfriends are now dead”

 

[petitspois]

This makes me so angry. That poor woman woman did 'everything right' but even if she was sashaying down the road in a bikini she should have been safe. Men wear what the hell they want and would never be attacked, groped, followed or cat-called by a woman.
The standard reaction in the press seems to be to expect women to batten down the hatches even further on curtailing their behaviour when no one ever seems to collectively say 'what the actual fuck is going on when 50% of our country's population are, with good reason, scared to be out'.

Every woman has a tale to tell of something that has happened to them so it's far far more men than a tiny minority.

 

[Jawge]

https://www.archive.is/oldest/https...erard-no-reason-demonise-half-population.html

Janet is right. Not all us men are bad. It doesn't matter about race, age, sex or anything else. Each group has good and bad people. Men murder men. This case has been horrible and her family and friends will live with it on their minds forever. I can't imagine their grief and it's being played out in public. He's a creepy perv who's not going to see light of day ever again as well as being a murderer.

Of course we all know that 'all men aren't bad', but how the fuck are we supposed to know which ones *are* bad?

If I gave you a bag of Maltesers and told you that one was poisoned would you eat them?

Also, every single woman (and girl) I know has a story about been harrassed/threatened or worse by a man....so we know it isn't *all* of you. But it is a fucking huge amount of you!

 

[Gembo]

It makes me sick to think people wouldn’t be questioning it if she’d been out jogging as opposed to the fact she had been to a friends house in lockdown. Even if she’d just been out shoplifting it doesn’t bloody matter, she was walking along a main road at 9 at night to get home, and she was taken and killed we believe by a serving policeman. Honestly

 

[Tippingpoint23]

I have been thinking a lot about this, when I was at school for half a term all the girls in my year did self defence. The boys didn’t they did regular PE. During these classes we were taught what to do if attacked and grabbed in multiple different ways, ways to protect yourself like keeping hairspray next to the bed or in your bag, ways to throw people off by making your presence known whilst walking etc. The boys were not told how to make women feel comfortable, how to keep an eye out for women who are being followed, how to protect women. They were allowed to kick a ball around. Why is this the norm? Why are we teaching 14 year old girls how to protect themselves but not 14 year old boys how to not make women feel uncomfortable?

 

[Mascaragirl]

You just don’t know, and I think it’s highly irrelevant if they were in her bubble or not. Her friends were the last people she would of seen in person, and probably had a nice evening or conversation ( whatever the circumstances in her being at a friends ) bubble or not. Her last few hours on earth. I hope they were filled with happy moments and that’s all I care about, not whether it was breaking lockdown or not.

 

[Clojo92]

Davina is spot on.

How is it fear mongering when women are telling their own stories?

 

[Gym&Tonic]

I’m so sick of hearing “not all men” and “women can do terrible things too!”. We know this, but the statistics speak for themselves, women are murdered by men disproportionately more than men are murdered by women. Both are awful of course, that goes without saying, but for once can we just focus on addressing male violence rather than trying to ignore it and pretend women are just as bad.

I didn’t realise until I became an adult just how much some men hate women and feel entitled to us. I’m incredibly lucky that I have an amazing Dad, had an equally amazing Grandad and Uncles who treated women with respect. Naive fool that I am though all men were like that. Sadly not!

 

[Lola UK]

This case is absolutely awful, I can’t stop thinking about it.

If she did get into his car I know some people will say how silly she was etc and they would never do that.. but how do you know unless you are in that situation?!

Im quite a shy person, a rule follower and I know if a police officer came up to me in the dark and I was alone I would probably do as he said. He may have even said he was a police officer and had seen someone following her and offered her a lift. It’s absolutely awful.

 

[Ohflogoff]

It’s absolutely sickening that a person who is employed in a trusting profession could do such a wicked, wicked thing.

 

[megsmagoo]

Lockdown has seriously gone to people's heads if we even need to entertain the idea of getting to the bottom of whether a Covid rule was broken in the context of a murder case.

it’s actually pissing me off it’s even a topic of conversation