Remorse after drinking alcohol

[Lico]

So. I am a major binge drinker, probably stemming from low self esteem. I rarely go out socialising, I don't have anyone to go out with. I usually drink on my own at home.
But on the rare occasions that I go out, I unintentionally get so drunk that I black out. I don't even need much drink to do this. I went out Friday and had 5 pints of lager. Unfortunately it was a work do, and I blacked out for part of the evening. I remember going home, but I'm ashamed to face my colleagues.
I have decided that I'm not going to go out any more as I cannot handle my alcohol anymore.
Is there anyone else like me?

 

[MrsFishandChips]

I used to. I think looking back it was coming from a place of having social anxiety and actually struggling being out in social settings as I’m quite introverted. The shame and fear after a night out would knock me. I actually would still get like that now if I went ‘out out’ so I just chose not to now. I’m a lot less sociable but in reality I’m a lot happier and I don’t have to experience excruciating anxiety at the weekends. The old ‘just have a few and enjoy yourself’ didn’t work for me!

 

[Be More Pacific]

"Hangxiety" Adele calls it.

 

[Lico]

I am off till Wednesday. I rang a colleague to see if she heard of my shenanigans, but she hadnt. But people know she is friendly with me, so probably wouldn't discuss it in front of her. Every time I go out, I go out with the best of intentions. And about 80% of the time, I blackout. I can't go on like this, so I will have to stop going out.

 

[Crackerjack]

I don't mean to be a downer on this all, especially when I have felt this same anxiety! But it sounds like you need to stop drinking, full stop. Even if the alcohol was initially used to mask anxiety etc when it starts causing you to blackout/anxiety around your behaviour when drinking its definitely at a problematic stage.

No one ever regrets going sober! No more fear over what you might have said or done.

On another note, regardless of how you acted it will soon be forgotten about. People think about us a lot less than we imagine. I'm sure your colleagues had a few drinks on them too and hazy recollections.

I hope you feel better about this all soon and I hope this is the start of never having to experience this again

 

[Grizzlybear]

A few of us started dry jan (and beyond) monthly threads during the pandemic, and now have a general thread:

Sober Curious tattlers support thread (Dry January and beyond!)

We have had some great monthly threads but let's start a little community moving forwards. All of us are curious of a sober life and the benefits it brings. This isn't AA and some of us are happy just cutting down booze when others are teetotal or nothing. But here to support each other 😊😊😊 I...

tattle.life

Have a read, there’s plenty of resources throughout the thread but also lots of support!

I suffered massively with anxiety around drinking too, even without blackouts. It’s the worst feeling, and actually for me, ultimately not worth it

 

[Lico]

Thanks for this Grizzly bear. I've joined the thread. I need it.
I am seriously thinking of not going back to work. I think I may have puked in the pub. I am mortified

 

[Grizzlybear]

Thanks for this Grizzly bear. I've joined the thread. I need it.
I am seriously thinking of not going back to work. I think I may have puked in the pub. I am mortified

Honestly, most of that feeling is probably still your body working the alcohol out. For me, I remember those bad feelings and instead of beating myself up, I use them to learn habits that make me feel good. Everyone has nights like that, but you’ve got this corner to turn! Do go into work, and be gentle with yourself

 

[reCAPTCHA]

Home

Fed up of feeling hungover? Tired of booze holding you back? The Sober School will help you stop drinking and create an alcohol-free life you love.

thesoberschool.com

Life Changing. Truly.

 

[button moon]

Look up pathological intoxication syndrome

 

[Serene Serena]

Thanks for this Grizzly bear. I've joined the thread. I need it.
I am seriously thinking of not going back to work. I think I may have puked in the pub. I am mortified

Did you return to work?
I hope you're okay.

 

[Lico]

I called in sick Wednesday. But I got in contact with someone who was there and it was someone else. Thankfully.
I am relieved, but the thing is, it could have been me, and I would not have gone back to work if it was.
So I have decided that I need to abstain from drink, I cannot tolerate it any more.

 

[really_whythough]

I called in sick Wednesday. But I got in contact with someone who was there and it was someone else. Thankfully.
I am relieved, but the thing is, it could have been me, and I would not have gone back to work if it was.
So I have decided that I need to abstain from drink, I cannot tolerate it any more.

Hi Lico. I just happened upon here and I can completely relate to how you’re feeling. It’s awful but you can absolutely change it, starting now!

Where you said you’ll ‘have to stop going out’ as you drink more than you intend to and black out. This was me, 100%. Earlier this year I didn’t go to one of my best friends birthday lunch as I didn’t want to be drinking all day. Instead I just joined them afterwards and got completely smashed in half the time?! Stayed out stupidly late not really having fun and felt SO much fear and shame afterwards at my lack of control.

I thought limiting the time I had available to drink would work. Nope! All that did was allow alcohol to keep me from my friends.

I started by taking a break from drinking in February. It was dark, cold and I was having a completely tit time personally (and mentally). I didn’t decide then how long it would be, I think I was just about aiming for 3-6 months.

I’m here now nearly 8 months without drinking and I feel like I’ve cracked the code to my own brain. It took time to really feel and see the benefits but now it’s like someone put a new battery inside me, I just run better (I don’t actually *run* but you know what I mean).

Eyes brighter, mind clearer, regaining those days that before you just knew didn’t count as you’d be recovering. And making the decision not to drink was the start of it. Don’t say forever, just do it now.

Do join us on the Dry Jan thread linked above. I felt exactly like you. I’m actually excited for you that you get to start this journey as you are going to really surprise yourself with what’s possible. 🤍

 

[Pariszai]

I can totally relate to you. I have a busy social life though so do end up drinking heavily at least once a week and end up spending the Sunday in bed, with all plans of being useful out of the window crying and wondering whether life is even worth it. I'm struggling a lot with depression and anxiety and I know the alcohol makes it worse but it's almost a vicious cycle where I feel like I need it to get through the social event.

Not sure where to start with this but know that you're not alone, I've felt the same with work as well and you kinda have to try to make a joke at your own expense then move on.

 

[really_whythough]

I can totally relate to you. I have a busy social life though so do end up drinking heavily at least once a week and end up spending the Sunday in bed, with all plans of being useful out of the window crying and wondering whether life is even worth it. I'm struggling a lot with depression and anxiety and I know the alcohol makes it worse but it's almost a vicious cycle where I feel like I need it to get through the social event.

Not sure where to start with this but know that you're not alone, I've felt the same with work as well and you kinda have to try to make a joke at your own expense then move on.

Really sorry to hear you have felt like that and I can definitely relate. Anxiety, depression, stress cycle, social isolation. All of this is made worse and compounded by the depressant that is alcohol.

I so strongly recommend you take a break. Or if you don’t feel you can right now, commit to reading and/or listening to This Naked Mind.

Sundays don’t have to be like that. I promise you. 🤍

 

[Peakyblinders]

I can relate to this. I went through the best part of a year doing this nearly every weekend. I would be excited for the night out and say to myself and everyone else I want to have a good night and not get too drunk! And no matter what I would always somehow get blackout drunk. I’ve done some extremely questionable and embarrassing things while in these states, this is tattle so I don’t mind saying but things like falling over, being kicked out of places, one night stands 🫣, getting in random taxis and not even knowing if they are taxis, losing my phone and keys, wet the bed! Awful things and these are just the ones I remember! I still drink but I never ever get in these states anymore I just had to do something about it cos it was ruining my life! I couldn’t deal with it the next day and it was ruining everything! For me I stopped doing shots, drank slower, and made sure I ate before I went out. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Have you found out what you did that night yet?

 

[Lico]

Há há. I don't think I did anything too bad. But I catastrophisise. I used to not mind blacking out, cause my friends would fill me in on what I did. But I was out with wotk colleagues, none of them nice people, so I couldn't tell them I blacked out.
But I absolutely need to stop drinking when I go out, cause I can't take the anxiety anymore.

 

[eppingforestbambi]

I’m almost 10 months sober and my life is so good now. I can still go out and meet people, and dance and have a good time… but I leave when I get tired. I don’t feel I’m missing out on anything (anymore). The feeling when you wake up the next day is too good.

It’s taken me a while to get to this point, but truly I can’t go back to that place. I am free.

Alcohol just delays anxiety… then multiplies it. I’m no longer in that cycle.

 

[really_whythough]

I had an incredible birthday party, entirely sober. Next day I opened all my generous presents and cards and got back to work for one of my top luxury brand clients, paying off about 10% of the party spend 🫣

Today I’m getting started on the thank you notes (proper handwritten ones) and feeling ALL the love and gratitude.

I just KNOW that if I’d been drinking like I was last year, all of that would have felt like pressure and anxiety with self-chastising and feeling unworthy. Plus I’d have drunk an extra 10% of the budget myself, easily!

 

[Serene Serena]

@Lico you need to buy yourself an old-fashioned planner and write down your strategies for coping with the next night out.

You have already said you can't manage alcohol without going into blackout, so for your own safety, you need a list of non-alcoholic drinks that look boozy enough to stop people asking why you're not drinking. My go to is ginger ale with ice and a slice of lime.

Sip, don't swig. Write yourself a list of what you hope to achieve the next time you go out - going to bed sober? Remembering every conversation? Not waking up sweating and anxious about what you might have done?