New thread title thanks to
@delightfullyfuked. 
You've won several gallons of grease for your hair, some backstreet lip fillers, and a sandwich box to piss in!
Last thread recap:
- Lip Filler Lucy is, as always, a gigantic cunt.
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- Infested Isla has a dodgy lip (even more dodgy than usual), and cystitis, so she peed into a lunchbox and sent Joyce down to the doctor's with it (surely you'd ring first, they might even tell you to come in and give you a sample pot so you can do it in the loo there!).
- Lucy the childminder stayed over to look after Wilbert while they were away at Herpes Lodge, despite having 4 kids of her own at home. Tallulah was told to come home by 7.30 but didn't, Betsy was running an unofficial taxi service for her mates and told Lula she'd pick her up at 10.30. So Lucy went to bed, unconcerned that the 13 year old was out 3 hours past her curfew. Lula came home with a load of mates, cooked them spag bol, then started a fire in the log burner with no logs (the same log burner that Wilbur apparently smashed the glass of not long ago), instead using whatever shit she found lying around the garden (no doubt KFC rubbish was involved). The smell of the smoke woke up Lucy. Rambo was furious, saying that it's Lula's fault that the trolls will be reporting them to children's services, even though SHE left the kids to piss off to a rundown shack for the weekend, without proper supervision
meanwhile Wibble took his nappy off and smeared his shit all over the sofa, so Lucy took the cover off and washed it. Except it's dry clean only (because anyone with millions of kids and pets would choose a dry clean only sofa, wouldn't they?).
- Flat Hair Freda is organising a course with her lush and amazing hypnotherapist (apparently starting hypnotherapy changed her life, even though she's even more fucked up these days than she used to be, so it's clearly not working). Anyway, you can book on the course because the people who have done it from the PatreCON think it's great. She's marking it as an ad "to give the trolls a night off" EVEN THOUGH IT IS A FUCKING AD BECAUSE YOU SAID GEORGIA THE HYPNOTHERAPIST IS DONATING SOME OF THE MONEY BACK TO THE CENTRE OF WHICH YOU ARE A DIRECTOR YOU BELLEND.
- Naked Knob Norman cooked yet another fucking roast dinner, while on hold to the bank. While his dimwit wife filmed him.
- Cystitis Celia did an awkward, stilted promo for a Refuge campaign, all about women being abused and harassed online. Never mind the fact that she herself abuses and harasses women online via doxing to her thousands of followers, but apparently that's ok
- on Patreon, she shared messages from school regarding Isaac being disrespectful and disruptive during class. Rambo thinks this is funny, bearing in mind he's the 4th child from the family to have gone to that school, and the 4th with issues. Maybe it's not "the trolls" making reports to social services? There was also a live during which she said that school phoned to say Isaac was "having a meltdown" because a bird pooed and some of it went on his sock, and the spare socks they had tried to give him weren't Nike so he didn't want to wear them. Later on another teacher phoned to say he was refusing to participate in the lesson for the same reason. Sloshy said that when he got home he was laughing about it, which indicates he wasn't actually upset about the socks, he was just making a scene for fun and attention.
- on PatreCON, Rambo was up in the hobbit loft with Seb (imagine having to scoot yourself across the carpet where your dad's dragged his arse and ballbag, and your stepmum has dragged her thrushy flaps
), and she was starting to tell him about how terrible her teenage years were. He was going "yeah yeah yeah, I know, bedsit, three jobs, no parents", like he's as sick of hearing her Wang on about it as we are. Later, she talked about how he had met up with his auntie (his mum's sister) and she gave him a fiver, which he was rude about. She was very careful to make sure she said that his auntie doesn't see his mum any more and hasn't for about five years. What a cunt, IT'S NOT YOUR PLACE TO TALK ABOUT SOMEONE ELSE'S FAMILY DYNAMICS.
- asking for "cheap clothes hangers" fucking get to Home Bargains or Wilko like every fucker else instead of begging in the hope some sad sack will give you some freebies.
- Wilbur threw a tantrum because he wasn't allowed a multi pack of chocolate bars (even though she'd already given him one, probably for his breakfast). Instead of nicely taking them away and distracting him, she just filmed him crying while she said "I've already given you one".
- OF COURSE Video Vera recorded herself, Sloshy, Doormat Jo, and Linda the Lackey going to view a house. Because everyone takes their PA and cleaner don't they? They all love it, but it's a bedroom short (because it's not like estate agents specifically put the number of bedrooms on a listing is it? Plus their current house has 3 bedrooms that aren't actually bedrooms
). Norman Noballs suggested putting a deposit down on a flat so they didn't need as many bedrooms, Raq replied "you can't just kick kids out". Even though Bratsy has been kicked out more times than she's had a shit roast dinner.
- despite having a large house, two launderette centres, a shop, and a packing desk, the Snatchwork Scammers (Ringpiece, Circumcised Cedric, Doormat Jo and Village Idiot Jordan) had a very important meeting over lunch in a coffee shop somewhere. Slosh was rambling on about administration and sending everyone nearby to sleep. Sounds like they're going to be exploiting the vulnerable women who use the launderette to get free labour for the Patchwork Money Laundering Front, because that sounds SO ethical 🫣
- she's still milking the "sending Slosh to the GP surgery with a sandwich bag full of piss" story (I mean, I don't know how much more there is, she pissed into a lunchbox, it leaked into the bag, and Jobless Josh handed it in to the no doubt bemused receptionist).
- Safeguarding Susan shared yet another round of notes from the "trauma course", how is nobody close to her telling her how inappropriate this is?
- Ulcerated Ursula filmed Slosh (who made vaginas all over clamp shut by wearing a bizarre combo of hot pants and a body warmer) laughing at a message that Village Idiot Jordan sent him. That was it. Probably just a "fuck you" to Emily that she's been replaced as top tagging buddy.
- she was interrupted during one of her lives on Patreon because Mannah was calling, she said that she only calls in the morning if it's an emergency with "the boys" (meaning Isaac and his cousin/ Hannah's son). She said that NotaPC Pete had a call from "an ex colleague" about the company Isaac is keeping. The real police officer thought they were both Sloshy's kids as they have the same surname (excellent, just let slip your nephew's full name there), so it was a relief to know only one of them was his. This is the second time the police have been in touch over one of the kids recently (the other being over Seb's "stolen" scooter), and she thinks this is normal and funny
- another day, another live shitshow on PatreCON. This time it was a snot fest because Lula is being bullied by some boys, saying horrendous things about her intimate body parts (which Queen Lateetha then repeated
). She feels that she can't parent or protect her kids because of the internet (that she chooses to "work" on and endlessly expose her kids to). Skinless Sausage Simon has gone down to the school, despite not being T's parent or having parental responsibility for her (but the most beautiful woman in his world was too busy talking to her imaginary friends in her phone to go herself). Lula was on the phone the night before and kept mentioning a girl's name, so Rasputin contacted the girl (reminder - this is an adult contacting a child) to find out more. Lula's gone to school without her phone, but has also managed to message Ratshit with the contact number of someone from the pastoral team. She's being kept out of lessons for the day. Detective Doris is sure that the mums of some of the boys are "trolls" because they told Lula "my mum says your mum's a slag". Just for clarity - Ratchet heard Lula crying on the phone to her mate. So instead of going to ask her (crippled by anxiety, suffering trauma from her early childhood, possibly neurodiverse) child what was happening, she messaged the friend. Who told her that one of the boys said if he didn't tell him something about one of the girls, he would tell the boys something about her. So she chose Lula because she thought the other girls would be more upset than her. Rawhide's response (as the adult in this situation) was "wow".
- after crying online for her paying followers, Rabies managed to bravely pull herself together and *checks notes* head off down to the packing centre to paint some pumpkins for the window display. Yes, really. She then took Lula for a restorative trip to Primark (if in doubt, throw money at the problem) and then dropped her off round at her very sick mum's house.
- Vanessa (the mother of Betsy and Tallulah's older half sisters) messaged a Tattler, saying that she has contacted PA Jo, asking her to get Rancid to leave her and her daughters alone, as her constant harassment is affecting her (V's) mental health. Screenshots can be found here
https://tattle.life/threads/ptwm-15...is-dignity-the-end-of-his.34208/post-12192602
Just a reminder that a D&C police officer was dismissed for misconduct, with the date of this article being the same date as a certain person started their career break...
'Through their actions the officer undermined the public’s trust and confidence in the police force'
www.devonlive.com
Running total of overnight breaks away since Joyce started his career break on 15 June:
Night at Herpes Lodge (midweek)
Night in Exeter (Saturday)
Night in London (midweek)
Joyce's birthday - one night at Boringdon Hall (midweek), then two nights (Friday and Saturday) in a lodge in Cornwall with Arsetrid and Simon.
October - Herpes Lodge (weekend)
If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
aswell , whoever shared that post is right, my comment is tame compared to some because the reel of inch hoovering made my fanny dry up, it was that cringey.
jugs" on a statue of a woman(what a role model), all I like aswell cos he's a strange bloke.
. Sorry as you were 
Spelling on point 🤌
