Last thread recap:
- Fungus Flaps is still, and always will be, a cunt.
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- Racket is prepping for Betsy's birthday party, which is taking place on Wilbert's birthday. How nice for him to learn so early on that he's not his mum's favourite. Maybe when he's in his 30s he'll make a living telling everyone his life went off the rails because his mum abandoned him on his 3rd birthday to go out clubbing with his big sister.
- Scouse Jen (remember her? They stayed in a caravan in her back garden for Wilby's birthday last year and then she was never heard from again) has come to stay, and spent the evening building Wilbert's birthday present Playmobil (suitable for ages 4 and up, but let's not worry about child safety, shall we?).
- Make Shit Up On The Spot Mary reckons she's going to have to take "paperwork" on holiday so that Seb will be able to apply for college when he gets his exam results. Except those Tattlers who have kids who have been through or are going through the same process inform us that for a start it's all done online (so there is no paperwork), and that Seb should already started the process. She's honestly just pulling random stuff out of her arse at this point, setting up some FML content (lost the paperwork on a day trip, internet in the hotel isn't good enough, Seb's forgotten his password, take your bloody pick).
- not content with begging for Edie's party invites, Ripple has now decided she doesn't have the mental energy to make party bags. Literally sticking some sweets, little toys and stickers into bags, and she can't manage that. No job to go to, doesn't look after her own kids, but can't find the energy to make party bags
- also, despite having money coming in from ads, two different Patreons, PayPal, a shop, lottery grants, and whatever other scams she's running, she reckons she can't afford to pay the wages of the shop girls. Maybe you shouldn't have tried to set up multiple centres, a physical and online shop, and packing centre all one after the other, babe. Amazing how she can still afford for her and her family to be dripping in Gucci, Yeezys, Stone Island, North Face etc etc, while having expensive meals out, foreign holidays etc.
- Wilby's birthday dawned, with a visit to Gangsta Granny, and for some reason someone had put his hair into a ridiculous ponytail
- Raffle has had a cake made and delivered for Wilbert, but isn't letting him have it until Tuesday. There's also a cake for Betsy, which looked tacky as fuck covered in alcohol bottles.
- Norman Noballs and Ratface Raq dressed as Pamela Anderson and David Hasslehoff for BeKind's party, both looking ridiculous. The party looked shit, mostly made up of Ratchet's paid mates, estate agent Jeremy bizarrely turned up
there was no sign of Emily though, even though her and Betsy used to be close. Special mention to
@ShaWei for coining the names "Scamela Anderson and David Sackedrightoff"
Lula looked like she was dressed as a Playboy Bunny, but she was actually supposed to be one of the three blind mine. 8 year old Edie was being taught how to do a slut drop.
- never mind the post party comedown/hangxiety, Raq was straight back on the beg for school uniforms
- meanwhile, some hun thought they were being clever by trolling the trolls, telling us we're too harsh on Wilbert, and we clearly don't understand the difficulties in parenting an SEN child etc They completely missed the point about the fact that he's not parented property and is being massively failed by his useless bastard parents, who dump him off with any Tom, Dick or Harry to get pissed and coked up while loving each other the hardest at any opportunity
plenty of Tattlers have SEN children and contribute constructively to conversations around this. REMINDER - nobody is judging Wilby, we are judging the constant failure of Gucci Glenda and Five Grand Watch Fred to be present and parent him properly.
- despite apparently not being able to afford to pay the staff or renovate and decorate the various premises, Rambo has now given Village Idiot Jordan a job. In the women's centre, which if you've been paying attention, you will remember IS FOR WOMEN ONLY, NO MEN ALLOWED, EVEN THE POSTMAN CAN'T COME BECAUSE HE IS A MAN AND MEN ARE DEFINITELY NOT ALLOWED. Apart from Sloshy and Jordan
- Edie's birthday dawned, and she had to open her gifts while being filmed and broadcast live on the Patreon account. Out of the whole happy patchwork family, only Ratchet and Sloshy were there, with Betsy breezing in wearing only a towel for a bit. BV Barbara sounded rough as fuck, and made a comment about her fanny when Edie opened a bath bomb. Rabid kept snatching gifts off Edie before she could open them, because she wanted them opening in a certain order, and slagged off Lula for how she had wrapped them (so she hasn't even bothered to do that herself). Gifts included a lamp, satin pillowcases, art supplies, and an iPad. Betsy got her a pile of make up, plus a headband so she doesn't get a "slag line". Reminder - Edie is 9.
- at her party, Wilbur finally got his days old cake. Despite his level 3 autism, he didn't seem to mind the loud music, lots of people etc. Gangsta Granny was there, picking bits off his uncut cake with her fingers and shoving them into his mouth. Meanwhile Edie could be seen in the background constantly pulling and adjusting the boob tube she was wearing.
- finally, there was a load of old videos of Edie, which mainly highlighted how much has changed since the Snatchwork money started rolling in.
- there was some discussion around Troll Obsessed Tracey saying on the PatreCON that a troll tracking account had identified one of her trolls on Facebook, and has contacted a solicitor (turns out it's an employment specialist
). This troll's profile was open, so Racquetball can see their friends and work info, so will be emailing their employer to let them know they have a troll in the dungeon
- Wibble was #gifted a pair of leggings for his birthday, they had animals on and he was saying what sounded like "E-I-E-I" as if trying to sing "Old McDonald". The Dimbo Bimbo thought he was saying "yellow" and said "yes, yellow" even though they weren't yellow
I've included some of the photos and videos of their fancy dress shenanigans, for posterity!
Running total of child free overnight breaks away since Joyce started his career break on 15 June:
Herpes Lodge (midweek)
Night in Exeter (Saturday)
Night in London (midweek)
Joyce's birthday - night near Plymouth (midweek), then two nights (Friday and Saturday) in a lodge in Cornwall with Arsetrid and Simon.
If you are new, please read the wiki (pink button at the top) and if you are in need of support or advice in relation to domestic abuse, there are some links and helplines listed at the bottom of the wiki page
just waiting to hear back from food bank and long weekend will be altogether less stressful 
With his own little challenges going on, he’s handling this totally new experience amazingly, even his early wake up call for the airport! Lovely to see 
