So sorry for your loss the kindest thing pet owners can do is let them go when they are suffering .Grief is love with nowhere to go. I'm sure your precious boy is now running free over rainbow bridge. You will see him again ,take care sending you a big cuddleJust to pop in and let you all know that over the weekend we lost our sweet boy. Absolutely heartbroken but we know it was the right thing in the end.
It sounds like you did your best at the time, dont be beating yourself up, its pointless.Struggling so much with a pet bereavement today, I wish I could explain more but I could be identifying myself, I tried to help someone’s pet and it died and I feel like there was more I could have done. I’m absolutely devastated and have been balling my eyes out all day, I feel like an animal died because I didn’t make a phone call that I could have. I hate myself beyond words. I don’t know why I’m posting I am just in bits. I tried to do a good thing and it ended so badly, if I had just done a little bit more they might still be here. I know to some this might sound so silly but I adore animals and my heart is shattered
Thank you, I wish I could stop but I can’t. I’m so angry with myself, I wish I had done more to help. It’s a big blow on my mental health right now, feel like I will never forgive myselfIt sounds like you did your best at the time, dont be beating yourself up, its pointless.
Sorry to hear this, please do not be too hard on yourself.Struggling so much with a pet bereavement today, I wish I could explain more but I could be identifying myself, I tried to help someone’s pet and it died and I feel like there make was more I could have done. I’m absolutely devastated and have been balling my eyes out all day, I feel like an animal died because I didn’t make a phone call that I could have. I hate myself beyond words. I don’t know why I’m posting I am just in bits. I tried to do a good thing and it ended so badly, if I had just done a little bit more they might still be here. I know to some this might sound so silly but I adore animals and my heart is shattered
Thank you, I really appreciate that. It will take me some time I think xSorry to hear this, please do not be too hard on yourself.
We all make mistakes, big and small, you did what you thought was the right thing at the time. There was no intention for the animal to come to any harm but sadly it did. Like l said, a mistake.
The fact that you are devastated shows what a kind, animal loving person you are. Remember that, that's the real you, not the mistake you made.
Internet hug x
Try not to be so hard on yourself. Even if you had made the phone call the outcome would probably have been the same. It's not your fault.Thank you, I wish I could stop but I can’t. I’m so angry with myself, I wish I had done more to help. It’s a big blow on my mental health right now, feel like I will never forgive myself
I can whole heartily sympathise with this.Struggling so much with a pet bereavement today, I wish I could explain more but I could be identifying myself, I tried to help someone’s pet and it died and I feel like there was more I could have done. I’m absolutely devastated and have been balling my eyes out all day, I feel like an animal died because I didn’t make a phone call that I could have. I hate myself beyond words. I don’t know why I’m posting I am just in bits. I tried to do a good thing and it ended so badly, if I had just done a little bit more they might still be here. I know to some this might sound so silly but I adore animals and my heart is shattered
Thank you, they said it still could have gone either way but the what if is just killing me, it’s a very painful feeling, I am struggling so muchTry not to be so hard on yourself. Even if you had made the phone call the outcome would probably have been the same. It's not your fault.
Thank you, I do appreciate that. I think it’s going to take me some time to work through and will need to talk it through to get it clear in my head. Feel heartbroken.I can whole heartily sympathise with this.
I hold a lot of guilt for not doing more for my cat. Please do not beat yourself up, I know how hard it is not the think of the what ifs but it doesn’t help anyone. Please be kind to yourself.
Thank you for thisGrief and guilt interconnected. With every death, human or animal, we have guilt, the could of, would of, should of. We add to this that sometimes we were annoyed by them, sometimes we maybe said horrible things, which we beat ourselves with. The thing with grief is that we have to rationalise it. Why did they die? How could this happen? The problem with this is that when we try to make sense of it, we often make it seem somehow controllable.
They died because A happened, which led to B happening. If we could have stopped A or B or both from happening, they wouldn't have died and everything would be ok. In our heads preventing A and B from happening suddenly becomes really easy and obvious. We should have known. Not only did we let A and B happen, but we let it happen despite it being really obvious 'at the time' that we should have stopped it.
So not only did we not stop them from dying, but we knowingly didn't act, even though it was blindingly obvious we needed to do something and every other person in the whole world would have. Sometimes this changes into a belief that we more or less killed them by our stupidity, laziness, etc.
All of this is natural. Our brains are trying to understand something that is shocking and unusual to us. But it's doing this at the same time we are in shock, distressed and still having to function more or less. As humans we all know that people and animals die every day in their thousands. Car crashes, cancer, heart attacks, being hit by a car etc aren't unusual events, at least not when they happen to other people. It's really sad, but relatively common. But when it happens to someone we love, it isn't a common occurrence. It's the equivalent of a nuclear bomb going off. It is too distressing to be easily explained. Yes, people or animals die from cancer, but not MY dad, not MY cat.
There's no easy way to stop your brains from turning a tragedy into something we actively could and should have prevented, because it's natural. But it can get out of control very easily. If this happens, I literally tell myself to stop. "I am not doing this." I then try to think of something else. This sometimes is so hard, I have to just think of the chair I'm sitting on, a clock on the wall, even a bus going past. I will sometimes just say 'chair' repeatedly in my head. Anything to break the cycle. I may do this a thousand times a day, but it does help, it stops me be consumed with grief for a few seconds, which grows over time to me instinctively knowing that when the rush of grief and guilt comes, I need to focus on something else.
I also remind myself how sad it is to always feel bad and destructive thoughts when I see a photo or someone mentions someone who's died. They would not want you to feel like this. Someone I loved died far too young. He'd fought so hard and it was so cruel. But I realised that it was really sad for my life to be destroyed too. He had fought for the life, I still had. I try to remember this. I'm not living my life for him, but for me. I'm lucky to have it. We all are.
You're being far too hard on yourself, gembo. What you're feeling is not uncommon. You seem like a lovely kind person. Its human condition for those who have an affinity with animals to blend grief and guilt. Think about all you do for animals, not what you think you didn't do.Struggling so much with a pet bereavement today, I wish I could explain more but I could be identifying myself, I tried to help someone’s pet and it died and I feel like there was more I could have done.
Thank you, I really appreciate it. I’m doing much better now and I have been able to realise that it wasn’t my fault and there was nothing more I could have done based on the knowledge that I had at the time. It was really distressing for me as I felt responsible for an animal dying but I’ve talked it through a lot and I did as much as I could have done. It still makes me feel very sad though but I’m glad that the animal isn’t suffering and it would have suffered a lot longer had I not taken the action I did. I do love animals, theres just an innocence about them and I would save them all if I couldYou're being far too hard on yourself, gembo. What you're feeling is not uncommon. You seem like a lovely kind person. Its human condition for those who have an affinity with animals to blend grief and guilt. Think about all you do for animals, not what you think you didn't do.
I really feel for youI had to pts my little boy last month, I really miss him , he was such a character! My insomnia has come back as he used to sleep next to me, miss him soo much.
So sorry for you too, it's really hard when you have to let them go, I've been through this before, but this one, blimey has affected me so much xI really feel for youIt took me months to get used to not sleeping with my dog, I still kept leaving space for her. My cat sleeps with me now and I find I don’t sleep so well when there no animal on my bed. Sending hugs as I know how much it sucks
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