Parenting anxious children whilst managing anxiety

[smellsofbiscuits]

Apologies for the very wordy title but hoping it captures what I'm seeking advice with.

Tonight my 6yo broke my heart by asking "Am I the weird one, Mummy?" I do suspect a trigger for this is the busy time of year plus his sleep has been horrific this month. I was a bit shocked by his question so checked no-one at school or home had said this to him (answer was no). It has troubled me for some time that he's quite an anxious child, such as always checking what is happening that day and he clearly bites his nails.

To add to this, I have quite bad anxiety which was partly influenced by my own anxious, people pleasing mother. My low self esteem is something I'm trying very hard to work on at the moment.

Self confidence is such an alien concept to me. But I don't want my son to grow up with this baggage either. At the root of all this is how do I help support my son's potential anxiety whilst also working through my own issues in this area?

 

[I’mThankyou_]

Apologies for the very wordy title but hoping it captures what I'm seeking advice with.

Tonight my 6yo broke my heart by asking "Am I the weird one, Mummy?" I do suspect a trigger for this is the busy time of year plus his sleep has been horrific this month. I was a bit shocked by his question so checked no-one at school or home had said this to him (answer was no). It has troubled me for some time that he's quite an anxious child, such as always checking what is happening that day and he clearly bites his nails.

To add to this, I have quite bad anxiety which was partly influenced by my own anxious, people pleasing mother. My low self esteem is something I'm trying very hard to work on at the moment.

Self confidence is such an alien concept to me. But I don't want my son to grow up with this baggage either. At the root of all this is how do I help support my son's potential anxiety whilst also working through my own issues in this area?

My almost 11yo is a very anxious child. At school you wouldn't even be able to tell as he masks and is so over confident. How ever at home its a different story. And lately he's been opening up to his teachers in PHSE about his feelings.
I took a parenting course that was on offer under my LA and it helped me understand the workings of a child's brain properly and when to expect them to be overly anxious due to developmental changes & this has helped me put things in places to not only tackle his anxiety but build his self confidence.
i also saw my GP who has referred him tk talking therapies, just to see if theres any mechanisms he can take from that, especially as he approaches high school.
We have a long way to go, but his teachers & I are already noticing an improvement in his self esteem.

 

[Megansnarkle]

Apologies for the very wordy title but hoping it captures what I'm seeking advice with.

Tonight my 6yo broke my heart by asking "Am I the weird one, Mummy?" I do suspect a trigger for this is the busy time of year plus his sleep has been horrific this month. I was a bit shocked by his question so checked no-one at school or home had said this to him (answer was no). It has troubled me for some time that he's quite an anxious child, such as always checking what is happening that day and he clearly bites his nails.

To add to this, I have quite bad anxiety which was partly influenced by my own anxious, people pleasing mother. My low self esteem is something I'm trying very hard to work on at the moment.

Self confidence is such an alien concept to me. But I don't want my son to grow up with this baggage either. At the root of all this is how do I help support my son's potential anxiety whilst also working through my own issues in this area?

What prompted the question? Why does he feel like he might be different?

 

[Melb2810]

I am a CBT therapist and would highly recommend this book: Amazon product
Cathy Creswell - Helping your child with fears and worries
Also depending on where you are in the country you might have a Mental Health Support Team that offers workshops or 1-1 interventions to help you with your own anxiety and managing your little ones at the same time. I’d really recommend reaching out to school and having a quiet word with them, they will be best placed to help or point you in the right direction. Good luck xx

 

[Squiggle]

My 6 year old has, what I think, anxiety. I'm finding it hard to put into words how hard he finds things. School, for example, he absolutely loves yet getting him there, he's holding onto door frames to not move, crying until he cant breathe, won't sleep because of worrying about school. There is a change in his class coming up next month and i can only assume this is what's brought it on. He has to be prepared for change but then the fall out can be really tough for him knowing its coming. He lays in bed, with me or my husband for hours, just looking at the ceiling or wall where he gets so upset to be left but also says shutting his eyes is uncomfortable. He won't go upstairs on his own to get changed after school even when we encourage it. Have tried sticker charts etc but he point blank refuses or cries. Weve tried positive reinforcements but nothing seems to work. I have a lot more patience with him than his dad but it breaks my heart how these little things are over taking and makes him feel. How do i help him? I just feel like im failing him all the time. People say I'm soft on him but I think he needs positive reassuring from me or he could get worse? Sorry for the long post. I'm very upset this morning

 

[Insta$hite]

My 6 year old has, what I think, anxiety. I'm finding it hard to put into words how hard he finds things. School, for example, he absolutely loves yet getting him there, he's holding onto door frames to not move, crying until he cant breathe, won't sleep because of worrying about school. There is a change in his class coming up next month and i can only assume this is what's brought it on. He has to be prepared for change but then the fall out can be really tough for him knowing its coming. He lays in bed, with me or my husband for hours, just looking at the ceiling or wall where he gets so upset to be left but also says shutting his eyes is uncomfortable. He won't go upstairs on his own to get changed after school even when we encourage it. Have tried sticker charts etc but he point blank refuses or cries. Weve tried positive reinforcements but nothing seems to work. I have a lot more patience with him than his dad but it breaks my heart how these little things are over taking and makes him feel. How do i help him? I just feel like im failing him all the time. People say I'm soft on him but I think he needs positive reassuring from me or he could get worse? Sorry for the long post. I'm very upset this morning

First of all, you are an amazing mum and please don't think that any of this is your fault.
This is how it started with my child at the same age, all mostly separation anxiety. We went to doctor, referral to camhs and then play therapy.
The play therapy really helped him settle at that age.
I think some of us are just anxious people too and that's ok. But it's when it becomes out of control it is hard to manage. If he can learn the skills now on how to manage his worries without letting them take control of him this will really help him as he gets older.
Just wanted to say I'm sure you are doing an amazing job. Just keep him talking too and most importantly, listen and validate his feelings. They are very real to him.
Sending big hugs xx