Open Marriage. Does it work?

I know plenty of people in happy long term relationships and marriages that are open, it definitely can work. However opening up a marriage that was previously monogamous for so long can be a bit more challenging.

There are a lot of books and blogs out there that really go into depths about polyamory that can help you to figure out exactly what it is you're looking for & how you should approach things. I'd definitely recommend you and your partner do a lot of research & reading around the subject to make sure it's the right thing for you and you're on the same page before jumping into anything!

A couple I know had been together but not married for 14 years, have one daughter who is 6 and both lost an insane amount of weight recently. Their personalities changed dramatically overnight, both going from being quite a happy normal family to suddenly no mention of the girl, both ultra alternative in a way they never were before, then lo and behold they and another girl I know (who has form for breaking up marriages and relationships) all changed their FB to in an open relationship. Since then you only ever seem to see the guy and this new girl together, and the woman originally in the relationship keeps posting really morbid stories on her Instagram. She spent years telling us that she wasn’t that happy and that he was lazy, spent all day on video games smoking weed and she had to do everything, so it’s hard to believe the thruple was built on solid foundations.
Honestly I don’t believe there is a one size fits all for relationships, but if you’re into that kind of alternative lifestyle I’d think you’d have been long seeking it, and it should happen from the start of a relationship. Bringing a third person into it will end in tears, I’m certain.

I worked with someone in the past who was in an open relationship and it ended up being very sneaky and behind back, involving having sex with a lot more people than initially agreed and no communication.

I personally don't think anything good could come from an open relationship. But then again I'm a jealous bitch and the thought of anyone touching my man fills me with rage He's mine

I don't have personal experience of this so can only speak from my point of view. And assuming that open here means just in a sexual sense?

If you're happy and confident it will work, then why not? But I would just like to say that remember there will always be an element of risk involved.

Sex is such a personal, emotional moment between two people. My biggest worry, if it was me trying an open relationship, would be my hubby finding someone he connects with just that little bit more than he does with me. We have fantastic sex, but what if he slept with someone else and had even better sex? What if that lead to feelings? What if you connect with someone amazingly well and wonder "what if"? Don't forget this will be new for both of you, unchartered waters, so it will feel even more exciting and 'naughty'. Will you be happy going back to bed with your 'normal' husband afterwards?

Maybe dip your toes in the unknown a little bit and try something different like a threesome first? They can be really fun, you're both there and involved so the risk of developing feelings for other people will be less.

Whatever happens, you do you! And bloody well enjoy it, you only get one life

Penelope Strawberry said:

Hmm, I'm not in an open relationship myself, but I don't see sex and love as one and the same. Being married to someone forever is a looong time - I can see how you could very much be in love and committed but still want to explore your sexuality.

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Don't get married then.

Stay single and sleep with as many people as you want without any strings.

There are friends for companionship, I just think it's too messy especially when kids are involved.

JD-Morgan said:

Don't get married then.

Stay single and sleep with as many people as you want without any strings.

There are friends for companionship, I just think it's too messy especially when kids are involved.

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I've never been in a non-monogamous relationship myself, but I don't think that a monogamy is a prerequisite for being in a marriage. Does that mean that cultures practising polygamy/polyandry should just do away with marriage completely?

I don't think there is a set blueprint which every couple needs to comply with - we're all different and have different needs. As long as you're both happy in your relationship, how you live out your sex lives shouldn't matter.

No actual advice as I have no experience of it and don’t know anyone that does, but Tova Leigh has talked about it on her instagram and apparently discusses it in more detail in her book. I think her situation may be similar in that she instigated it?
Her book is called F*cked at 40. I haven’t read it but it may be useful?

Penelope Strawberry said:

I've never been in a non-monogamous relationship myself, but I don't think that a monogamy is a prerequisite for being in a marriage. Does that mean that cultures practising polygamy/polyandry should just do away with marriage completely?

I don't think there is a set blueprint which every couple needs to comply with - we're all different and have different needs. As long as you're both happy in your relationship, how you live out your sex lives shouldn't matter.

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I just don’t agree with it/would never do it, my man’s mine, others can do as they please.

Open relationships are not the same as polyamorous relationships or polyandry. That’s a whole different conversation.

JD-Morgan said:

I just don’t agree with it/would never do it, my man’s mine, others can do as they please.

Open relationships are not the same as polyamorous relationships or polyandry. That’s a whole different conversation.

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A couple I know (they've been married for 5 years now, together for 10) are in a polyamorous relationship. The wife has another boyfriend and the husband has a girlfriend, it really works for them but I am way too jealous for that!

JD-Morgan said:

Don't get married then.

Stay single and sleep with as many people as you want without any strings.

There are friends for companionship, I just think it's too messy especially when kids are involved.

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My thoughts too. If you want this type of life fine, but don’t get married and have children. To me children need to be raised in a safe and loving environment which means total commitment from both sides. As soon as you break that commitment you open a huge can of worms. Is the risk really worth it if you are both happy?

One of my friends had (kind of) an open marriage... they were swingers.

They would meet other couples online (apparently there’s loads of websites for swingers, similar to Facebook where you post a pic of yourselves and write a bit about yourselves and state your “rules”)
Their rules were:
They had to be in the same room as each other at all times.
She was open to sex with men and women, whereas he only wanted to have sex with other women.
Im sure there were other more detailed rules than that, but they’re some of the ones she told me about!

Anyway, it all seemed to go quite well for a few years... and then she fell in love with a woman and left him!

I may be old fashioned but I believe that marriage is a committed relationship otherwise why bother? I got married to spend the rest of my life with my husband and to be faithful to each other?
It’s ur marriage and ur choice but please think of ur children... personally I don’t think it’s a good idea to be opening up a marriage when innocent kids can get hurt.

Only know one couple who tried it and they divorced within 18 months as he fell in love with someone he was seeing and left wifey for the new bird.

jewelkitty said:

I have no experience with it but they do say once you open up a marriage there's never any going back on it. It's done.
I personally would say why risk ruining a great thing?

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