Needy Partner

[steste]

I love my partner, but I’m getting to the end of my tether with how needy they are. All during the week, while I’m working, they constantly message me for advice regarding what they should be doing in their job. I have a stressful enough job as it is where I’m constantly giving out advice and absorbing other peoples problems. When I do give him advice, he’s questions it and gets funny with me.

We live separately, but a short walk from one another. I’m feeling unwell yesterday and today. I was round his yesterday evening and I said I had to go early because I felt unwell which he got funny about. Today I tell him by text I still feel unwell but it’s none stop texting me. If I don’t respond quick enough, I get comments like “ok” and then I have to try and win him round and convince him I haven’t lost feelings for him or whatever else.

I love him, we have so much in common, but I feel it’s a constant battle on my mental health and me being naturally introverted. I just don’t know how to address it properly without the usual fall out.

 

[Zanzi202]

Ask him to give you more space or just end it. It’s controlling and as you said, bad for your mental health

 

[shadowcat5]

When did this behaviour start?

 

[abusyday]

Sounds like very stressful for you to deal with. Did something happen in a previous relationship that has left your partner feeling needy or is there something that could have triggered it in your own relationship?
Personally, unless they admitted their behaviour is off and agreed to do something about it, I would walk away

 

[Catnmouse]

That sounds really tiring @steste, I'm sorry. Do you think there's much point in discussing it or would that be too draining? Put yourself first

 

[Snippysnips]

I would at least discuss it then if you walk away your not walking away wondering "what if" if you hadn't talked about it, but I'd look at it this way, could you still deal with this 5 or 10 years down the line? You have to put you an your health first an if its this draining when your not even living together then what's it going to be like when you are

 

[primarkqueen93]

He sounds very insecure and this amount of constant contact would annoy me too! It’s just too much! I hate being attached to my phone like that.

 

[Cupcakeapple]

That sounds so stressful for you. Have you told him you find him too overbearing and needy and how does he respond to this?

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

About 10yrs ago I had an ex partner like this and honestly it just became such a big strain on my mental health. From the minute I would open my eyes to the minute I would go to sleep he would send messages. If I didn't reply he would send loads of question marks or go into a huff. I had to lie all the time that I was going to sleep early or pretend I was having a lie in, in order to get some space. It ended very quickly as I couldn't put up with it. But we weren't together very long like I said, no love involved or anything so it wasn't as difficult to cut ties. Just be very mindful of your own mental health, it can really drain you being in a relationship like that OP x

 

[Tree_]

Dump him. He won't change

 

[Hollie Day]

Selfish and self absorbed. His needs are more important than yours.
I used to have a friend like that. It will always about her and her needs. She put herself first in everything and expected me to put her first too. If I ever tried to address her behaviour she would simply play the victim.
The thing to understand is you will never come first in anything, you will never be the priority. It will always be about them.
We had a row in the end which I'm glad about as it gave me the excuse to finish the friendship.