My dog

[Bread]

I have tried posting this a few times on Reddit but they keep deleting it because they think I'm asking for medical advice, and I'm not. I don't know how to say this nicely so I will just come right out and say I am worried that when my dog dies I won't want to be alive anymore. I have had a horrible 2 years jobhunting with lots of other frankly ridiculous drama in between and I am really struggling to figure out why to stay alive. I mean my family and friends would be gutted so there's that, and I don't want to die - I have a nice life when it isn't an absolute binfire. But I just feel so hopeless and don't feel I will ever get a job. My dog is my life, I love him so very much but he's getting older and people like to remind me that dogs don't last forever (why don't they say this about boyfriends?!). He will be 12 in August and has arthritis which we are managing to alleviate with medication and hydrotherapy. But I have started waking up in the night and turning the light on to check he's still alive. I am frightened he's going to die and I know he will at some point, and I just don't think I can cope with that.

I can't put these feelings into words so I am hoping posting here will make sense to someone and don't worry I am not going to do myself in - I know the pain it unleashes. Thank you for reading.

 

[Crapouillou]

I understand how you feel, everytime I look at my sweet fur baby cat Nova I think "how will I survive a life without her the day she's gone", I know it is easier to say than to do but try to enjoy everyday with your dog and cherish every memory you have together, it's yours forever

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Oh darling! My mum has felt very similar to you after the death of two very dear dogs. The first was a dog we had during my childhood. If I'm honest she always cared for the dog far more than me (I've come to terms with that, she just isn't a people sort of person). When she (the dog) died, my mum was distraught and didn't think she could go on [written down it doesn't seem serious but but we had genuine concerns about suicide].

After being adamant she'd never have another dog, she eventually found solace many years later walking a dog I had. I could see that this was really good for her so the dog went to live with her.

When that dog died, it was so hard. She was so wonderful. So gentle and my mum, again, thought there would never be another.

They have a two year old dog now (mad people, they are in their 70's, goodness knows why they didn't go for a rescue).

I think, what I'm trying to say is, keep your heart open. There are many dogs that need a friend and one day, when the time is right, that might be an option for you.

In the mean time, love your dog and make the most of every day you have him. Try not to think too much about the time when he won't be there.

It will be hard but you will get through it. Especially if you have people to talk things through with, be that in real life or on here.

I hope I've worded this ok. It's so difficult sometimes without the tone you get with a face to face.

You're not on your own.

 

[Jelly Bean]

I have tried posting this a few times on Reddit but they keep deleting it because they think I'm asking for medical advice, and I'm not. I don't know how to say this nicely so I will just come right out and say I am worried that when my dog dies I won't want to be alive anymore. I have had a horrible 2 years jobhunting with lots of other frankly ridiculous drama in between and I am really struggling to figure out why to stay alive. I mean my family and friends would be gutted so there's that, and I don't want to die - I have a nice life when it isn't an absolute binfire. But I just feel so hopeless and don't feel I will ever get a job. My dog is my life, I love him so very much but he's getting older and people like to remind me that dogs don't last forever (why don't they say this about boyfriends?!). He will be 12 in August and has arthritis which we are managing to alleviate with medication and hydrotherapy. But I have started waking up in the night and turning the light on to check he's still alive. I am frightened he's going to die and I know he will at some point, and I just don't think I can cope with that.

I can't put these feelings into words so I am hoping posting here will make sense to someone and don't worry I am not going to do myself in - I know the pain it unleashes. Thank you for reading.

Oh no - you sound so sad and that's awful.
I do understand. I don't know how helpful it is to repeat my experience but it is just to show empathy. Our 14 year old dog died almost exactly a year ago and the bottom dropped out of our world. Especially for my OH (I've had dogs before so am *slightly* more toughened to it). He still can't talk about him without tearing up. Your pet just gets under your skin and deep in your heart.

I hope your dog has quite a few years left. What breed is he?
Is there anybody you can talk to to get strategies in place for when it does happen? Sort of coping mechanisms? Hopefully a long way off. Have you told your family and friends how much you're dreading it so they understand and watch out for you?
Are you at all a spiritual/religious person? (I hope this isn't patronising but the belief you'll meet your dog again can provide solace).
Tbh it sounds to me that you're in despair about a few things stm. I'm so sorry.
I'm fairly sure I have seen a bereavement service for pet owners - I'll try to find the details. It may be worth talking to them sooner rather than later. They will 100% understand.
I'm sorry this reply is a bit all over the place.
So many people do understand I promise. You are your dog's world and the bond is so strong. He obviously knows you love him which is something to always hold onto and carry forward.
Take care.

Pet Loss Support

If you are grieving for a pet, or facing loss, our free and confidential Pet Loss Support service is here for you by phone, email or webchat.

www.bluecross.org.uk

 

[Bread]

Thank you so much for all your kind replies. It has helped a lot. There's a bit of me which knows I'm goingto be OK - that I will love a dog again, and never forget my little one (heaven knows what he is - he's Romanian - a ginger lab cross!) - but I'm still dreading it happening. I should be enjoying the time I have left with him, however long it is, not watching him waiting for him to die. My family and friends know how I feel a bit, but to be honest I've been so depressed I don't want to keep telling people about it. I have considered getting in touch with my therapist, but it's £100 a session and I don't feel I can give that money away at the moment.

It helped just to get it out as it is something I kind of keep under the surface.

I am a Christian so I pray a lot. R comes with me to church and gets a blessing when I go up for communion; he is very well known and well loved.

I hope above all that R knows how adored he is, as you say @Jelly Bean - that he feels secure, and loved, and never has to feel fear or hunger or loneliness again. If he is happy, that makes life easier to bear.