Money Co parenting Advice

[MaryX82]

So my friend has divorced his wife last year long story no real cheating but lots of trust issues destroyed the relationship.They have a teen together.They split cost to the child 50/50 on everything uniforms school trips the lot.

Last week he was told to give her £2000 for a Holliday happening in the summer for the child.The child will be going with her family members wives family.The ex wife will not be on the holiday.The ex then told the child you can go if your dad pays the £2000.He has refused & told the child no.He has the money but doesn’t feel the need to pay as it’s a holiday he won’t be on and is not to do with his family.

I agree with him and told him not to worry.But is he really be unreasonable? Just want your thoughts on it especially those who co parent

 

[Snippysnips]

£2000 seems to be a hell of a lot of money tbh, what kind of holiday is it? I mean if they are 50/50 on the kid which I agree they should be, then that's £4000, am not even £2000pp for a Walt Disney/universal holiday

I feel like maybe they are taking the piss a bit, I think for kids you should be 50/50 on what would be the essentials, clothes, school things, shoes etc but when it comes to bdays, Xmas an holidays then it's up to the parent themselves to provide everything, like a present from each for bday an Xmas (unless the kid has asked for something an it's incredibly expensive) an if the parent decides to go on holiday then it's up to them to pay for the kid themselves

 

[MaryX82]

£2000 seems to be a hell of a lot of money tbh, what kind of holiday is it? I mean if they are 50/50 on the kid which I agree they should be, then that's £4000, am not even £2000pp for a Walt Disney/universal holiday

I feel like maybe they are taking the piss a bit, I think for kids you should be 50/50 on what would be the essentials, clothes, school things, shoes etc but when it comes to bdays, Xmas an holidays then it's up to the parent themselves to provide everything, like a present from each for bday an Xmas (unless the kid has asked for something an it's incredibly expensive) an if the parent decides to go on holiday then it's up to them to pay for the kid themselves

Thanks the holiday is PP now the Dad has said no to the full amount they are now saying £1000 from him and £1000 from the mum.He is saying no and has told the child he will take him away and pay the full amount.I think the family shouldn’t have included him as the Dad was not told about this expense until last week.

 

[Jellybean093]

So my friend has divorced his wife last year long story no real cheating but lots of trust issues destroyed the relationship.They have a teen together.They split cost to the child 50/50 on everything uniforms school trips the lot.

Last week he was told to give her £2000 for a Holliday happening in the summer for the child.The child will be going with her family members wives family.The ex wife will not be on the holiday.The ex then told the child you can go if your dad pays the £2000.He has refused & told the child no.He has the money but doesn’t feel the need to pay as it’s a holiday he won’t be on and is not to do with his family.

I agree with him and told him not to worry.But is he really be unreasonable? Just want your thoughts on it especially those who co parent

Not at all! I’m not with my eldest dad, and I pay for her holidays etc. I get £160 a month child maintenance and he may sometimes by her school shoes, but she goes through 4 pairs a year, so
Anyway, everything she has, I buy. If he wants to take her away, he pays. If I want to take her away, I pay. If my husband paid for his son to go away with his ex, I’d be pissed. Actually, I’d be furious. But she spends the money on getting stuff injected to her face (Anyway, that’s another story)
So, no. It’s not unreasonable.

 

[Snippysnips]

Thanks the holiday is PP now the Dad has said no to the full amount they are now saying £1000 from him and £1000 from the mum.He is saying no and has told the child he will take him away and pay the full amount.I think the family shouldn’t have included him as the Dad was not told about this expense until last week.

I don't think they shouldn't have included the kid, but they should have paid themselves for the kid, they wanted to take them so therefore should have paid it, tbh it's not very fair on the kid to be telling them they can have a holiday so long as their dad pays, it sounds like they are trying to cause a fight between the child an the father, as obviously the kid will probably want the holiday and maybe start arguing for the father to pay the amount, am not sure what the other side is like but it sounds like a dick move to use the kid like that, I certainly hope they don't gloat about the holiday in front of the kid if they don't get to go

 

[allthingschocolate]

I co parent with my ex husband and I am in agreement with your friend! Why should he have to pay for ex family to take his child away? I don’t blame him for refusing and he’s not being unreasonable at all IMO that sounds a lot of money?! I am given child maintenance from my ex and I pay for everything my teen daughter needs out of it (such as clothes etc) if it’s say a school trip or school uniform then we split it 50/50! And he’s very rarely brought her the odd pair of pe trainers but thats it I don’t ask for extra money, But that’s generally the only exception! If I take her away on holiday I pay for her and if he does he pays! It’s always been this way and we split almost 6 years ago hope that helps

 

[MaryX82]

I co parent with my ex husband and I am in agreement with your friend! Why should he have to pay for ex family to take his child away? I don’t blame him for refusing and he’s not being unreasonable at all IMO that sounds a lot of money?! I am given child maintenance from my ex and I pay for everything my teen daughter needs out of it (such as clothes etc) if it’s say a school trip or school uniform then we split it 50/50! And he’s very rarely brought her the odd pair of pe trainers but thats it I don’t ask for extra money, But that’s generally the only exception! If I take her away on holiday I pay for her and if he does he pays! It’s always been this way and we split almost 6 years ago hope that helps

Yes thanks you have helped a lot.I just wondered as I’m not a parent so don’t really know what’s what.He does pay a monthly maintenance and spends money on the weekend as well as paying the monthly phone bill for the child and pocket money a month.Really feel her family and her are looking for trouble tbh

 

[shadowcat5]

To be honest, I've never heard of a parent paying for a holiday that someone else is taking their kid on unless it's a school trip. When I took friends on holiday as a kid, my parents paid for them, when I was taken on holiday with friends, their parents paid for me. Parents just gave spending money

 

[MaryX82]

To be honest, I've never heard of a parent paying for a holiday that someone else is taking their kid on unless it's a school trip. When I took friends on holiday as a kid, my parents paid for them, when I was taken on holiday with friends, their parents paid for me. Parents just gave spending money

Yeah thanks for this.I thought spending money would’ve been fine.The family keep saying he should pay as the mum is not going and the child deserves a treat.So neither parent will be on holiday.I still don’t think he should pay all or half

 

[Swisspea]

Whilst I totally agree with the general consensus on the thread in that if 1 parent takes the child then they pay etc I suppose I would say that I would start from the child’s perspective. Teens have a lot of shite going on at the moment and I’m not saying that your friend should have to pay but I think I would suggest that he talks to his child and decides with her/him what the best way forward is. It’s difficult to be specific without knowing all the background but his priority as a parent should be what he feels is best for his daughter and that may be that she could really do with the trip and he can’t take her etc etc etc (of course it may be just a jolly and he can replicate whatever respite it would bring himself). The last thing, I am sure, that he would want was his child feeling guilty/messed up/worried over a family drama.