New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
That's a long time... What reasons does your partner give for you not meeting them? Do the children know about you? What's your partner's relationship with their ex like?
My ex's son was 3 years old when we got together. I met him for the first time when we'd been dating for 6 months, which I felt was an appropriate amount of time - especially with young children, I get that there might be some hesitation there for any disruption for the child.
But after two and a half years, you'd think that wouldn't be an issue...
My ex's son was 3 years old when we got together. I met him for the first time when we'd been dating for 6 months, which I felt was an appropriate amount of time - especially with young children, I get that there might be some hesitation there for any disruption for the child.
But after two and a half years, you'd think that wouldn't be an issue...
It’s a really difficult one, I would say anything from 6+ months is reasonable.
But it could all depend on the circumstances on why they previously split with partner of the children.
But it could all depend on the circumstances on why they previously split with partner of the children.
There has been many reasons, my favourite one being that “they love their mum”. Well of course they do! I don’t want to be their new mum!!! The kids don’t know about me and he won’t tell his ex that we are still together (we had a brief break at the beginning).
Definitely huge red flags. Obviously it's up to you what you do, but I don't see how the relationship can properly progress if you aren't allowed in to such a huge part of his life. The fact that the children don't know about you and his ex doesn't know you're together is another sign that things aren't right - if he was properly committed to you, why does he feel the need to hide your existence?There has been many reasons, my favourite one being that “they love their mum”. Well of course they do! I don’t want to be their new mum!!! The kids don’t know about me and he won’t tell his ex that we are still together (we had a brief break at the beginning).
I'd have a long think about what you want out of this relationship and if you can see a future here.
Thank you! I do want marriage and kids eventually and obviously I can see that things are going no where here but I’ve got a serious case of the old rose tinted glasses going on and it’s hard giving up on an otherwise great relationship.
Do you two live together? Has he introduced you to friends and family?
I’d really struggle if this happened to me, I understand people wanting to make sure the relationship is solid before introducing to children but 2.5 years I’d be feeling the same.
I’d really struggle if this happened to me, I understand people wanting to make sure the relationship is solid before introducing to children but 2.5 years I’d be feeling the same.
We spend most nights together but I still have my own apartment so when he has the kids overnight, I bail.
I have met his friends, I met his mother once at the beginning and his sister a handful of times so I’m not a complete secret, he just won’t let me meet the most important people.
I'd say 6months or so is a good amount of time. 2.5years seems crazy! Maybe it's one of those that now it's been so long hes got used to this set up! And doesn't really think about it. Have you brought it up with him recently?
Someone I used to work with was always getting new fellas and introducing them to here 2 children immediately. They'd have a few 'family' days out then the fellas would leave and a new one would be on the scene. Really felt for the kids!
Someone I used to work with was always getting new fellas and introducing them to here 2 children immediately. They'd have a few 'family' days out then the fellas would leave and a new one would be on the scene. Really felt for the kids!
2.5 years is ridiculous, and you've only met his mum once in all that time? As someone has said above, definite Red Flag time.
I'm not sure whether to advise you to bring it up with him or simply dump his ass. Sorry to be blunt but if this was me, I'd be out of there.
I'm not sure whether to advise you to bring it up with him or simply dump his ass. Sorry to be blunt but if this was me, I'd be out of there.
Big red flag that he’s kept you a secret from your kids and his ex. I understand being cautious about partners meeting children from previous relationships but I think 2 1/2 years is a fair amount of time in a relationship to deem it serious enough.
I don’t really understand his reasoning about them loving their mum, they will always love their mum regardless of dads new partners.
I know it’s hard but I think you need to have a big chat with him about the kids and your future. If you want children and marriage yourself with him you don’t want a separate life where his kids have no idea.
I don’t want to sound too harsh, but do you think he could have refrain from telling the ex in the hope that perhaps there is a chance for them in the future. Do you know if she’s moved on?
I don’t really understand his reasoning about them loving their mum, they will always love their mum regardless of dads new partners.
I know it’s hard but I think you need to have a big chat with him about the kids and your future. If you want children and marriage yourself with him you don’t want a separate life where his kids have no idea.
I don’t want to sound too harsh, but do you think he could have refrain from telling the ex in the hope that perhaps there is a chance for them in the future. Do you know if she’s moved on?
Depends what kind of ex she is. If she's normal, it might be because he doesn't want to 100% close the door on that relationship. If she's still a bit bitter, it could be because he's afraid she'll take it out on him/the kids and minimise access (but surely he could have told you that was his worry?). Either way, you'd be doing your future kids a massive disservice by allowing this situation to continue. They may want a relationship with their half-siblings and vice versa!
How old are the kids? Like could they make the choice whether to meet you and decided not to?
Are they local? What would happen if you were together and saw them in public?
I knew a man who's ex wouldn't let them introduce their kids to new girlfriends (I think she was aware of his track record)
I also had an ex and I never met his daughter, but he rarely saw her either.
Some might not see it as an issue, but it obviously bothers you. There probably isn't anything suspicious going on .
I do feel like both you and his kids are missing out .
Are they local? What would happen if you were together and saw them in public?
I knew a man who's ex wouldn't let them introduce their kids to new girlfriends (I think she was aware of his track record)
I also had an ex and I never met his daughter, but he rarely saw her either.
Some might not see it as an issue, but it obviously bothers you. There probably isn't anything suspicious going on .
I do feel like both you and his kids are missing out .
Im glad to see 6 months+ is normal. My friend waited 2 months before introducing hers to her new partner and I felt it was far too soon!
My now partner met my son after we had been together for a year. I had to be certain, I didn’t want numerous men dipping in and out of his life.
2.5 years is concerning even by my standards, think you need a big talk with him.I think I would be quite hurt if I were in your situation, he’s closing you out of a big part of his life.
2.5 years is concerning even by my standards, think you need a big talk with him.I think I would be quite hurt if I were in your situation, he’s closing you out of a big part of his life.
Yes I do think this is partly the reason, I feel he won’t tell her so that she’s still there waiting after me. He told me at the start that she was hopeful that they would get back together, apparently she doesn’t want that now. He worries that she’s depressed and says he doesn’t want to make her mood worse which would effect the kids. It’s ridiculous.
The oldest is 10 and youngest almost 6.
Yes they’re really local! I’m guessing he’d pretend he doesn’t know me? Lol.
To me his priorities are his kids, you and then her. I get that her being depressed may have an effect on the kids but that needs to to addressed between them and should not come in the way of his future.
It sounds like she is his back up plan, if I was you I would talk to him and if he’s not prepared to invest in your future as a couple with his kids etc I would walk. You do not want to be with someone who is always thinking of someone else if things don’t work out. If he doesn’t want to get back with him, he needs to address his issues of putting you before her.