Making Friends in Your Thirties

[nik1231]

I’ve lived abroad for the past 10 years and recently moved back to the U.K. and am starting again in a new city. While being abroad, I have lost all of my friends, and coupled with covid, also lost a lot of confidence and developed some anxiety around socialising/meeting new people.

What are your top tips/ways to meet new people at a mid-thirties adult? Not feel awkward/anxious in social situations? Hold a conversation? Build confidence around socialising?

Any tips very welcome! TIA!

 

[Some People!]

These are definitely feelings that a lot of people are facing just now, even if they've never been away - you're definitely not alone.

Are you/ will you be working? That's always an easy place to start.

When I've moved about a bit I've usually started by finding people into similar hobbies as me and meeting people that way - googling, local newspapers, meetup.com, Facebook (probably - haven't used it in 6 years +), word of mouth through work, noticeboards... Going along to events or places where people who are into what you're into is great because the conversation has somewhere to start, and you're all there for the same reason.

It's not easy, but it gets easier. I hate having to get through the smalltalk and people who you know you're not going to click with, but it's worth it to get to the good people, and it's all practise.

Oh, also, dog walkers seem to have it easy!

 

[MrsBsDayOff]

I’ve lived abroad for the past 10 years and recently moved back to the U.K. and am starting again in a new city. While being abroad, I have lost all of my friends, and coupled with covid, also lost a lot of confidence and developed some anxiety around socialising/meeting new people.

What are your top tips/ways to meet new people at a mid-thirties adult? Not feel awkward/anxious in social situations? Hold a conversation? Build confidence around socialising?

Any tips very welcome! TIA!

I would consider myself a very confident person socially and in the workplace (used to be quite low confidence)... i had to work on my self worth, tell myself I was great more, practice positivity (I'm a natural worrier and have to try control it), give myself more credit for my achievements, stop thinking other people are more socially capable or more worthy of people's time than me, and just frankly relax around people in a social situation...

...I would have a mindset that if people don't like me or if I am trying to get a conversation going that fails, that's not my problem. I don't care what other people think of me.... It's worked for me.

In a conversation at work where I don't know someone well, I would try and zone in on something that makes the other person tick...you work it out with practice picking up bits of info about them... For some people it's their kids, others it would be their wedding, or their holiday plans.... I would try the same when meeting someone for first time, trial and error until you find what makes them tick...

Admittedly I have been struggling a bit lately with socialising as some of my friends have moved abroad and had kids...so I've made extra efforts recently to reconnect with a few people I hadnt seen since before Covid and invite them over to my house, and its going well.

 

[call.me.coco]

I would also love some tips, it’s really hard.
I’m 32 and moved to London 3 years ago. I feel like everyone already has established friendship groups and are just not interested in making friends. I’m trying to put myself out there a bit more and have booked onto a tapestry weaving class so lets see!

Sorry I have no advice but please know you are not alone

 

[queenbees]

Bumble have a thing called bumble BFF? I really love it. There’s loads of girls on there in the same boat and it’s so refreshing!
another thing is on Facebook there is a page called the bamby collective - you can find lots of different places in the uk and ireland which have a group for it and loads of girls looking to make friends/walking clubs etc

 

[GossWhore]

There's a Facebook page called "The London Lonely Girls Club"

It's pretty good. If you're an extrovert don't just put photos. Add a video!!! And actually make plans

 

[shadowcat5]

Not in my thirties but mid twenties and have the same problem. I recently moved to a new city alone and have no friends here, I also have autism so that makes things tricky. I don’t really have suggestions on how to meet people besides maybe find a consistent hobby? I only joined the gym a few weeks ago and I’ve already seen the same people there so naturally end up striking a conversation with them just on familiarity.

best advice for awkwardness and holding a conversation: ask them about themselves. My go to’s are holidays and pets until I know more about them. most people are happy to discuss both of those things, especially holidays (i just mention being tired and needing a holiday, they usually reply with “dont we all/me too” And then I ask if they have any planned, usually leads to conversation about destinations and everyone always has a holiday story to tell)
Its definitely not going to lead to a friendship straight away but you’ve got to start somewhere and it helps me if I have a set script cause I am the queen of awkward (gotta love the inability to understand social cues ). I will legitimately just stand there in silence like a weird statue

i think you’ll probably gain confidence when you feel more confident in yourself.

 

[abusyday]

I have friends who have met other people in their thirties through the likes of walking and running clubs if you are interested in that sort of thing. Maybe even take up something like paddleboarding, sea swimming, join a choir etc. I also think keeping an eye out for Facebook/ instagram events that might interest you is a good idea, I've met lots of people through these that I've stayed in touch with, you never know who you might meet at a talk, book club or pottery class

It definitely can be harder though when you are in your thirties because of established friendship groups so sometimes it might be just an idea not to get hopes up too much straight away, keep an open mind and if you aren't sure the other person wants to be friends, build up the connection, join the WhatsApp groups, stay in touch with them via socials and see what happens

 

[nik1231]

These are definitely feelings that a lot of people are facing just now, even if they've never been away - you're definitely not alone.

Are you/ will you be working? That's always an easy place to start.

When I've moved about a bit I've usually started by finding people into similar hobbies as me and meeting people that way - googling, local newspapers, meetup.com, Facebook (probably - haven't used it in 6 years +), word of mouth through work, noticeboards... Going along to events or places where people who are into what you're into is great because the conversation has somewhere to start, and you're all there for the same reason.

It's not easy, but it gets easier. I hate having to get through the smalltalk and people who you know you're not going to click with, but it's worth it to get to the good people, and it's all practise.

Oh, also, dog walkers seem to have it easy!

Thanks for the tips - I have a dog so hopefully that will help me too!!

I would consider myself a very confident person socially and in the workplace (used to be quite low confidence)... i had to work on my self worth, tell myself I was great more, practice positivity (I'm a natural worrier and have to try control it), give myself more credit for my achievements, stop thinking other people are more socially capable or more worthy of people's time than me, and just frankly relax around people in a social situation...

...I would have a mindset that if people don't like me or if I am trying to get a conversation going that fails, that's not my problem. I don't care what other people think of me.... It's worked for me.

In a conversation at work where I don't know someone well, I would try and zone in on something that makes the other person tick...you work it out with practice picking up bits of info about them... For some people it's their kids, others it would be their wedding, or their holiday plans.... I would try the same when meeting someone for first time, trial and error until you find what makes them tick...

Admittedly I have been struggling a bit lately with socialising as some of my friends have moved abroad and had kids...so I've made extra efforts recently to reconnect with a few people I hadnt seen since before Covid and invite them over to my house, and its going well.

I love this. I definitely care WAY too much about what people think about me. I 100% need to think more like you do!

I would also love some tips, it’s really hard.
I’m 32 and moved to London 3 years ago. I feel like everyone already has established friendship groups and are just not interested in making friends. I’m trying to put myself out there a bit more and have booked onto a tapestry weaving class so lets see!

Sorry I have no advice but please know you are not alone

I’m actually in London too - moved about 2 days ago, so if you ever fancy a cocktail or a coffee, give me a shout!