Vlog 'Our First Luxury Holiday After Lockdown' - Monday 17th August 2020
- They've arrived at The Grove. Ali says he loves the bed and the big tub for two. Lydia responds it's a big tub for Lydia. I just rolled my eyes so hard I think I saw my brain.
- She orgasms over her favourite ESPA bits that have been left in the room for her. She emphasises she's paid for the room, but Espa 'knew' she was staying. Pretty sure you were conceived through anal sex, Lydia. There is no way being that much of an asshole is natural.
- Ali says she can wear her scruffs that she's wearing for drinks in the hotel garden. She has a sage dress and golden goose sneakers on. Yassssss Ali, keep sprinkling that bitchy dust.
- She acknowledges she did not want to go abroad as she can't be bothered to quarantine. You. Never. Leave. The. Bungalow. Or. More. Precisely. The. Sofa.
- She's now wearing the Bohoo white towelling dress she fake tans in. So luxe. You should wear a condom on your head instead, Lydia. If you’re going to be a dick, you might as well dress like one.
- She's brought one pair of bikini bottoms for the whole four day stay. Intelligence is like underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off. Lydia, in this instance has neither.
- She can't believe how many people aren't wearing masks. OUTSIDE. Instant idiot. Just add alcohol.
- She picked the positivity massage, but didn't realise it would be with the products from her favourite positivity range. Lydia, your IQ legit involves the square root of -1.
- She's been told she should be having massages much more regularly, as she has a lot of tension and anxiety in her scalp. She highlights she looks like a swan, but under the water she is struggling. Don’t you just have a terribly empty feeling in your skull? Problem solved.
- She's eating chips whilst doing her makeup before going out to dinner. Some girls look beautiful with or without make-up. Neither is working for you Lydia, so you should go and put a bag over your head so no one else has to suffer. She won't share said chips with Ali though. Me Me Me Millen.
- She's wearing her white House of CB dress. Again. She wanted to order it in sage, but it would take 7-10 days to arrive. She says this in EVERY vlog. Still not been gifted then Lydia? Your skills are slipping.
- She didn't sleep well last night as she was hot and had a poorly tummy. Shame!
- She's been deflated the whole trip because of Lynx's anniversary. Apparently she kept to herself for a WHOLE 5 months after his disappearance that whilst searching for him she saw in a local field a burnt patch, which looked like a fire to try to get rid of everything there. She thinks the person accidentally shot Lynx and rather than owning up they destroyed evidence. Thinking really isn’t your strong suit, is it? She had a vision in her head of Lynx being stunned in a field after being shot. So dramatic, Lydiatha Christie. It really is a wonder how you found your way out of the birth canal.
- It's been a year of so much learning. She's worked really hard to keep her personal problems off the internet. She never wants to come with a sob story. Your insta must have been hacked then. Must have. Not one mention here, in real time, of her experience with online trolling, obviously because it hadn't happened yet, as it's all just reactionary bullshit after being called out for her shitty behaviours. Her therapist demanded she comes to the spa and is assigned off work. So you have a house elf in the form of a husband, 2 PAs, a publicist, a solicitor, an interior designer, a gardener, and now a therapist, but you actually do very little work yourself. How's being a CEO boss babe working out for you?
- She's so sad the spa trip has not been relaxing, as she spent so much money on it. What. About. The. Money. You. Owe. Nicky? Robin Millen in her sage hood, stealing from the good to keep for herself. If bullshit could bounce, you'd be in fucking orbit.
- Princess Lumi Bear has vomited and pissed on her bed during the times she's not allowed out. I like Lumi a bit more now. A little bit. I see she's still grounded for terrorising the other village cats though. Really learnt a lot in the last year then, Lydia? I would like to see things from your point of view, but I can't get my head that far up my ass.
- Ali had a dream his citrus tree had died. A half-wit obviously gave Ali a piece of his mind and he held onto it.
- She acknowledges it's so exciting going away for a few days to come back and see how her herbs have changed. 100,000 sperm, you were the fastest?
- Lumi is literally getting her dinner all over the floor, to which she says to her 'good girl'. Your crazy is showing Lydia. You might want to tuck it back in.
. My work colleagues and I, have received death and rape threats, and I've been stalked before, by clients who've we've prosecuted or defended but 'not got off'. These are plausible threats given that they are offenders who have been charged or convicted for similar offences. This is the intermittent reality working in law. None of us are bitching or playing the sympathy card, of course we are advocating and actioning for change and justice, but ultimately these risks come with the territory, and it is our prerogative to work in this field. Just as it is with Lydia on social media. 
I wonder how the people she represents would feel if they saw that.
One of my best friends had a baby during the pandemic then sadly lost her dad who was unable to meet the baby due to restrictions. My bf has also been intentionally spat and coughed on when making arrests. My point is that the majority of the global population has been affected by COVID-19 to some extent or another, and for the first time I thought Lydia may show some humanity, she announces she's had a lay-in for 11 hours. I mean who can even sleep that long without disruption if you're worried about your grandmother???