Lunatics

[lookwhatthecatdraggedin1]

Before I had my brats I worked at Anfield, I wish I shagged someone from there I’d be on 8k a month

My best mate used to shag her boss at work just randomly through the day, he had a button on his desk that played out to the whole building and she landed on it mid shag and everyone heard her call him big daddy. She left the next day

 

[Jolie1988]

many a man
This is a safe space

Didn't actually shag him, but I met a man with micro penis (I didn't know obv) in a nightclub.

I got such a shock at how small his penini was I said I going out for a fag outside his flat in Glasgow. I legged it and spent the night in my workplace on the canteen couch, was pals with the security guard. Missed the last train home and I was steaming
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I did a college course, not a degree and a visiting professor that was there, I shagged him as well. He had a big dick

I love, love a big dick

 

[4FoxAche]

There was a guy I was seeing once and he was dirty talking about hoping I could take his big dick.

It was tiny. Not even just short. He basically had a Cadbury chocolate finger for a dick.

I was traumatised. Needless to say, his matchstick (at full mast) didn't get any!

 

[Lucyxxxx]

My fellas got an absolute weapon. People think I took him back out of love or even trying to make our family work. Nope it's cause of that massive tool.

 

[Jolie1988]

Biggest disappointment I had, can't remember which dating app but was chatting to a guy who ticked ALL the boxes on paper

Italian
Dark
6ft
Lovely accent on the phone
Head of accounting at his firm
Drove a nice car
Own house in crystal park
Played piano
Was a horse rider

I thought great, name was Lorenzo

Met him at a pub in the South Bank

He looked NOTHING like his picture!!

He was 5ft6 as he was just slightly taller than me, he was really skinny as well and his voice irritated me on the day.

Sat down and he ordered an orange juice and went to the lavatory and came back and told me he had diarrhoea.

He drove me home and dropped me off, he didn't ask to come in as his diarrhoea was so bad.

He then sent me some dick pics later that evening 'to make it up to me'

Hiscock was just averageish bit pale and sad looking but he had navy carpets and there was like white fluff and crap on them.

He asked what I thought of the pics he sent me, all I said was...

You really need to hoover and clean your carpets

Never heard from him again

Turned out his name wasn't even lorenzo...it was Alan...

 

[Lurker111]

I have about 5 quotes to do soz gals
This is so fukin funny
This reminds me when I’ve gone on holiday to the Caribbean and there’s always some old fukin slag kissing her toy boy goodbye
And she’s so so in love and all he sees is £££££
And she’s going back to England to tell the bingo crew she’s engaged
Did you participate you never said

I wasn't there just seen the photos and videos that went round all the WhatsApp groups after.

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I tried to put them behind a spoiler, epic fail apologies to anyone who did not need to see that today lol x

 

[Lucymyers]

Split up with my ex last year. Was together a long time. He is a narc a bully a coercive controller mental torturer. An all round cunt. I was unhappy for years as he made me so miserable and unhappy. Boring as fuck, rude, ignorant and he basically isolated me from everyone. Anyway told him we were over but he refused to move out. Hit me for the first time and i was to scared to report it as he said they wouldnt believe me as hed convince them i was nuts and lying as i was on anti depressants. Hit me a second time few week later and i kicked him out an rung police. He now refuses to see his kids as hes too busy with his new fiancee (been together since oct) and her kids
So girls u literally have no idea how u have helped me thro my saddest days especially my @Lizzy 93 the little shit
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I had a one night stand and his mum left body spray and face wipes at his bedroom door I was mortified

I was sleeping with an older guy when i was 18 (he was 30) and his mum caught us in the act...id left my knee boots on tho. She walked in (she was in her 70s) and all she could see was my boots hanging out the end of the bed

 

[LittleOne27]

When my first BF cheated on me I went psycho did the obvious set him up onto gay sites, spread rumours about him but he drew the line and went skitz when I signed him up to adopt a penguin

 

[Lucyxxxx]

When I found out my fella cheated after I made the labiaplasty gofundme for her a few weeks later I gathered up a bunch of pics of her and then googled a some pics of some battered old bikes. I made a long post on the local FB freebie groups advertising a free old rusty bike which was very used due to many previous users. I asked people to please take a good look through pics before deciding they wanted the bike. The first like 8 pics was pics of these bikes.... followed by loads of pics of her. It went down a treat. Within minutes I see my fellas parents being tagged in it and all sorts. Most people was tagging their mates creasing. One of her relatives piped up saying I was being a bully. Nobody denied she was an old rusty bike tho. Lol.

 

[Lizzy 93]

Omg I didn't say that same motorbike boy had teeth MISSING!! Don't judge me on why that wasn't the biggest ick. I had to entertain this boy for the night. I downed smirnoff ice and it wasn't enough. Rest assured nothing could ever have happened. I said I had to get my son the next morning early!! So bye bye.

I met a guy on holiday beautiful eyes couple teeth missing
We called him teeth
He’s in jail for murder now he still messages me every single day
Believe me I’ve blocked him he gets his mum to message
So better off keeping him unblocked
Haven’t seen him in 7 years I’m sure
I didn’t even kiss him just a cuddle in the sea lol
I was already shagging someone else that holiday
They both had the same name
Different spelling
Ahhhhh teeth
He keeps telling me he’s coming out
I said yeh you’ve told me that for 7 years
I don’t know what he wants not like we shagged
I do not send any money either

 

[Lurklurklurk333]

Most embarrassing time being caught. I was sat on my exs face, his mum just walks in asking what he wants for tea.. I don't think he's gonna be hungry Anne.

 

[Ittybittytittyclub]

Somebody better answer with more than one dad! Out here feeling like I’m on benefits Britain with all me kids and baby daddies

 

[Lurker111]

Speaking of big dicks......

Anyone here from Belfast? We had quite the controversy when the xxl pleasure boys came to do a valentines show in a bar called 'the devenish' by the end of it it was like a full blown orgy of stimulated sex acts on the stage and one girl had a suspicious liquid in her hair which she tried to pass off a moisturise.
At the end there was an opportunity to have a photo shoot and i kid you not there was a woman who was old enough to have her bus pass, (with what looked to be her daughter on the other side of her)holding a big black cock like it was a show and tell

 

[justheretoread99]

Coke head once stopped mid shag and went to me “Can I ask you a question?” I was like “erm,,,,yeah?” He goes “Do you think I look like Jonny Depp?”

He did not look like Jonny Depp.

 

[4FoxAche]

EDIT: LOOK AWAY @johndoe111

So, you've all heard about Foxling 2s Dad but Foxling 1 and 2s was also a treat.

He was really controlling and hated that I went to Uni hundreds of miles from him. He hacked into my Facebook messages and would track who I was out with. He would constantly accuse me of cheating on him and just thought it was an orgy.

One of the times I tried breaking up with him, he finished work got in his car as his RAF base near Oxford and drove the hundreds of miles to my Uni. Arrived around 10pm. I was out. My housemate refused to let him in and told him he was telling me he'd arrived.

A load of people lived my way and walked me home, no sign of him. He was blowing up my phone, but I ignored it. Turns out he had moved his car and was hiding under a bridge near my house so had seen me get home. He waited several hours and then broke into a neighbour's shed, stole a ladder, put it against the side of the house where the bathroom window was slightly open, and broke in via the bathroom.

To avoid any suspicion, he snuck downstairs - we had one of those twist fob things to unlock the front door - threw the ladder into a different neighbour's garden and walked back in. He then slept on the landing outside my room. I saw him and snuck past the following morning and got out without waking him.

He thought I was the one in the wrong in that situation.

I have no idea how I ended up having Foxling 2 with him. I was already pregnant with Foxling 1.

 

[LittleOne27]

I went out clubbing one night and met a bloke, he was really handsome and he sang a song on karaoke and dedicated it to me even though we had only just met. We ended up in the same nightclub and at the end of the night asked if I wanted to go back to his and I ummed and ahhhed and he was like my mum would love to meet you, she ll make us bacon rolls in the morning.

I bolted fast how mortifying would that be. I was wearing a hot pink and black dress up my backside and I didn't fancy doing the walk of shame in it the next morning, cos it was a really slaggy dress and it would have been so obvious what I'd been up to also not the type of dress to meet mum in

I had a one night stand and his mum left body spray and face wipes at his bedroom door I was mortified

 

[Lucyxxxx]

I couldn't cope in a womens jail, I love cock too much to commit crimes

I sware when Lucy Letby got her whole life terms one of my first thoughts was wow imagine knowing you'll never get rifled ever again.

 

[justheretoread99]

The last guy I was seeing could never finish because he was a massive coke head. Would stop mid shag for a line and then would jump back to it. My bar is obviously low.

 

[Lurklurklurk333]

God I've done some questionable things in my time 🫣 I get shudders sometimes thinking about my choices! Makes for a good laugh Me and a mate were out drinking and didn't get anyone to take home that night- we often did- slaaaaags. So we went to get our cheesy chips from the takeaway and then saw some lads we knew they said stay out, so we put our cheesy chips under a car wheel, got absolutely smashed, bent over in the trees and yep, you guessed it, got our cheesy chips and went home happy. we both had Tonsillitis after that

 

[Jolie1988]

I can't believe you've never had a colleague! I seem to have made it an Olympic sport. X

I cant recall a colleague, I met alot of men when I was working in accountancy, but they weren't colleagues if you get ma drift
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Whilst we are at it, I got mugged when I lived in South London, the police officer that came to interview me was hot as fuck and I bumped into him after it and got chatting to him and shagged him for a few weeks. This was pre Mr J such a tart