I don’t really know why I’m posting this, I‘m not seeking advice particularly, I just need to get it all out, I think, or I’m going to drive myself crazy thinking about it.
When I was eleven years old I joined a website similar to this one and made a friend online. For the last ten years I have talked to this friend daily, every Christmas, birthday, thanksgiving, we’ve kept in close contact. I don’t actually know very much about this person, they are very secretive and I suspect have been lying to me about their identity at least partially. It’s a long story and I really don’t want to splurge it out here, but the forum they are on is largely anonymised and doesn’t give much away about their identity. There has been tension between us surrounding this especially when I was a minor (the sort of thing where I would say ‘oh, are you eleven years old, like me?’ And rather than giving a straight answer they’d avoid the question entirely or give me the cold shoulder - pretty obvious they had something to hide) - but we still remained in touch. I suppose that would suggest they aren’t the greatest of friends, but
we get on well otherwise and he’s never made me feel concerned for my safety or anything, when I was a child he was largely overprotective of me, if anything, so we have bumbled along.
I was messaging them about four months ago and they just... stopped responding to me mid conversation.
Their page is totally inactive and has been for four months, I sent them three other messages slowly as the months have passed and have realised, having looked in my inbox, they’re all unread. This is unlike them, bearing in mind they have been a very regular user of the website for the last ten years. I received a message from a mutual friend last night, she was very worried, asking where this person was and if I had heard from them, as they had stopped responding to her too, and were similarly secretive with her, so her attempts to reach out to him were also dead ends.
I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m at my wits end. It does give me some anxiety, because I worry that they’re unwell or hurt (or worse) and that I didn’t get to say goodbye, or something. It is times like this I get really frustrated that I don’t know much about them and as a result... there’s nothing. No sense of closure, even. At least if I knew their name I could look on the news to see if something big/bad happened, you know? It’s really frustrating. I somehow feel sad for them and also like I don’t give a tit any more because I can’t live my life anxious and thinking about all of the ‘what if’s for someone who doesn’t have the decency to be straight with me. You know?
I can’t pay too much attention to it all. It drives me crazy. I wish I could just totally detach. I was doing really well until the mutual friend poked her nose in.
(I can’t help but feel this would make a banging catfish episode though, so there’s that. I love Nev, I’d snog Nev.)
When I was eleven years old I joined a website similar to this one and made a friend online. For the last ten years I have talked to this friend daily, every Christmas, birthday, thanksgiving, we’ve kept in close contact. I don’t actually know very much about this person, they are very secretive and I suspect have been lying to me about their identity at least partially. It’s a long story and I really don’t want to splurge it out here, but the forum they are on is largely anonymised and doesn’t give much away about their identity. There has been tension between us surrounding this especially when I was a minor (the sort of thing where I would say ‘oh, are you eleven years old, like me?’ And rather than giving a straight answer they’d avoid the question entirely or give me the cold shoulder - pretty obvious they had something to hide) - but we still remained in touch. I suppose that would suggest they aren’t the greatest of friends, but
we get on well otherwise and he’s never made me feel concerned for my safety or anything, when I was a child he was largely overprotective of me, if anything, so we have bumbled along.I was messaging them about four months ago and they just... stopped responding to me mid conversation.
Their page is totally inactive and has been for four months, I sent them three other messages slowly as the months have passed and have realised, having looked in my inbox, they’re all unread. This is unlike them, bearing in mind they have been a very regular user of the website for the last ten years. I received a message from a mutual friend last night, she was very worried, asking where this person was and if I had heard from them, as they had stopped responding to her too, and were similarly secretive with her, so her attempts to reach out to him were also dead ends.
I wouldn’t necessarily say I’m at my wits end. It does give me some anxiety, because I worry that they’re unwell or hurt (or worse) and that I didn’t get to say goodbye, or something. It is times like this I get really frustrated that I don’t know much about them and as a result... there’s nothing. No sense of closure, even. At least if I knew their name I could look on the news to see if something big/bad happened, you know? It’s really frustrating. I somehow feel sad for them and also like I don’t give a tit any more because I can’t live my life anxious and thinking about all of the ‘what if’s for someone who doesn’t have the decency to be straight with me. You know?
I can’t pay too much attention to it all. It drives me crazy. I wish I could just totally detach. I was doing really well until the mutual friend poked her nose in.
(I can’t help but feel this would make a banging catfish episode though, so there’s that. I love Nev, I’d snog Nev.)
so I sort of, slid the whole identity thing to the back of my mind. For years! The most I ever got out of him was: his first name, he is twenty three, he is American, he lives on a farm, and is at university. Groundbreaking. 
obviously nothing to back that up though so I don’t believe a word of it. 
Genuinely it does help. 
I’m doing better now than I was initially. I do think I need help for my anxiety generally, would feel a fool to say that this is one of the reasons for my anxiety out loud to someone though - it sounds so bloody stupid, I’d be scared of getting laughed out of the clinic or something. I haven’t ever spoken to anyone about it before. 
wish you all the best xxx