Loneliness

[lipsticktaser]

Just want to echo the reaching out to old friends. I did and it's paid dividends. I don't have a group of friends and only really see people 1-2-1. I feel like I'm really missing out on that comradery. I've decided to join a local smaller gym instead of the large chain one I was in. It's a bit more money but I figure it will give me that sense of community and help me lose the poundage. Obviously post pandemic.

It's not just you, I know so many people in the same boat. And remember people are only putting the best foot forward on SM.
I've stayed in friendships that made me feel shit because I thought it was better than being lonely. I'm 32 and I've never been on a girly holiday, a hen night away or anything like that. Even just big birthday drinks out. I had a 30th people dropped like flies to the point it was just family. It was humiliating.

Life is so busy it's easy to let relationships fall by the wayside to career etc. But now you've noticed it think of the positive. You're 23. You get to move on with your life post covid freely. Go join and do what you want. Friendship groups can also be suffocating with the politics and the incubation of bad behaviour. Think of it as time to get to know what you like and who you want in your life. Some friends are there for a year, some forever. And remember your best mates may change with every decade of your life as you grow.

I'm a SAHM so that comes with its own set of complications to meeting people. But I also know I really lack confidence so don't put myself out there because I hate rejection. Maybe be a bit reflective and see if there is anything stopping you.

 

[BettyCrocker]

Its just horrible isnt it makes me fee like shit. My boyfriend sees his friends ALL the time like everyday & i do nothing but sit indoors

stop sitting indoors!!!!!!
Go out - find a hobby or join a club, take up a sport. It’s hard but to make connections with people you have to put yourself out there and push yourself to get to know new people.
does your boyfriends mates have girlfriends? If so could you meet up as a big group and perhaps get to know some of them?

 

[mine to cherryreg]

I live with my boyfriend in a town not too far from my parents house and ‘friends’ i moved here a few years ago and as soon as i did seeing friends stopped, partly because i was with my new boyfriend at the time but also because i lived in a new town and they gave up asking me to meet. I haven't seen my friends since February, when a few of us met up for a meal out. Thats nothing new as i probably see friends 5 times a year now i would say. There is one friend who messages me every day but she never asks me to meet or says she will come over to see me. She drives, i dont. I have offered to pay for petrol before if she wants to drive to me. I am so so lonely it bothers me. I dont know what to do anymore, hence posting on here, i feel isolated. I used to go out all the time, clubbing all the time, festivals, etc and now nothing. My boyfriend always encourages me to see my friends but the problem is i have none lol, any advice or thoughts welcome

 

[Blahblahahaaa77]

If it makes you feel any better, I have no friends either and lockdown has made me sad about that. I’ve moved back home with my parents but need to go back to my flat in London at some point and I feel really sad about it ... I’m going back to nothing

 

[orangelolly]

My husband and I moved 250 miles. We knew no one but each other. I started volunteering and have made so many friends I'll now walk to the local shop and pretty much be guaranteed to see one person I know. It is a case of putting yourself out there a bit I'm afraid. Before I always felt I was fairly anti social but that's because I was in my own comfort zone in my original hometown. Since moving I've actually discovered I really like getting to know new people.

 

[Boredinstagrammer29]

It’s good to vent but there’s no point in doing nothing about it.
I moved out of London as I was ready to buy and couldn’t afford It.
I moved to a new area, fell out with my best friend (due to DV issues in her home) and my other friend close by moved her boyfriend in and disappeared. My life changed.

I downloaded meetup. I couldn’t find a group that interested me so I started my own!
Three ladies agreed to come for drinks, I went not knowing if they’d turn up and I’d have to leave quietly after a while of drinking on my own. two turned up and we had a good night. Work friends took the piss and asked me how my lady date went, but I did it!
I’m not confident at all but I couldn’t sit around moaning, while not trying to change my situation.

I hosted and attended a few more events and the women weren’t for me. I even did speed dating, again not for me but I did it.

I attended workshops alone. Calligraphy, flower arranging etc, just to get out there and meet new people.
I tried bumble friends and after speaking to 3 like minded Local girls I said would they Like to join a whatsapp to organise a get together. They agreed! We still keep in touch now.

please get out there, there are local women who feel the same!

 

[4tuhju]

Yeah it’s shite! I’m just not sure how you make and maintain friendships these days ... I had a great group of friends at work but I’ve switched jobs and we kinda lost touch! I’m sure things will get better though!

My advice would be reach out to those friends that you miss, and dont be too hard on yourself for not maintaining a lot of friendships. Sometimes friends are only supposed to be there temporarily, but sometimes you meet an absolute gem of a person where you have a great friendship but life just gets in the way and you drift apart. It's just a weird life thing, I'm sure the people who you actually miss would love to hear from you. Send them a meme that reminds you of them or a joke you had or just send a msg saying hey (right now with everything going on it's a good excuse to reach out to people and check in, it doesnt have to be awkward or weird I've reached out to a few people I've lost touch with just to say hi hope you're ok and weve picked up the thread like we just spoke yesterday.
Or if you want to make some new friends, think of something you're passionate about if it's to do with your career or even a hobby and find an online community and make friends on there to build up your confidence

 

[Rebekahrose11]

I feel the same, moved 40 minutes to a town to be with my partner, none of my friends drive and I do however I was always working split shifts and was hard to arrange times to meet due to different work patterns, lost all my friends as a result. I was OK when j was working, getting out and seeing people but lockdown has made me realise how lonely I actually am here! Hope you are OK! X

 

[Blahblahahaaa77]

Yeah it’s shite! I’m just not sure how you make and maintain friendships these days ... I had a great group of friends at work but I’ve switched jobs and we kinda lost touch! I’m sure things will get better though!

 

[cleaningupthecrap]

Get out there and so something you enjoy, just for the fun of it. I like what @Boredinstagrammer29 advises.

When lockdown is over, if you like reading, join a book club? You could volunteer? You might make friends, you might not, but you will at least be putting yourself out there.

Meanwhile, have you looked at on line groups. For example if you like anything crafty there are loads of internet/Facebook groups you could join, and then maybe down the line arrange to meet up with other local people?

It's tough, but I think that there are more people out there that feel the same way as you than you perhaps realise.

 

[liarliarliar]

I’m a bit like this. When I was single I was out all the time with different friends but now married with kids and I can count my own friends on one hand! I think sometimes it’s about putting yourself out there as scary as it is. I was chatting to someone in the park one day about the weather or something random and as I left I asked for her Facebook so we could keep in touch... we’re great friends now. I’ve recently been chatting to old school friends via Instagram. Most of the time you will find they’re in the same boat as you

 

[Raininvain]

I think you will just have to join things that's all you can do really and be open and friendly. I think many people don't ask someone with a boyfriend/husband to do things is because they presume they will be doing everything with them.I think that's one of the reasons your old friends don't ask, they wont want to be bothering you.
Also your boyfriend should be providing you with company and going places and doing things etc as well. I know at the moment its difficult though. Running groups get a lot of women as do knitting/sewing craft groups/classes at the gym do as well.If you did 3 different things per week you would soon be making new friends.I once was talking to a woman on a train and she was telling me that all her friends were boring and wouldn't do anything so she joined the local running club and was now never in and went on weekends away with them etc.

 

[mine to cherryreg]

I’m a bit like this. When I was single I was out all the time with different friends but now married with kids and I can count my own friends on one hand! I think sometimes it’s about putting yourself out there as scary as it is. I was chatting to someone in the park one day about the weather or something random and as I left I asked for her Facebook so we could keep in touch... we’re great friends now. I’ve recently been chatting to old school friends via Instagram. Most of the time you will find they’re in the same boat as you

Thats the thing, im under 25, & all i see on social media is people i know out having fun all the time, wish it was me but i have no mates to do these things with anymore. Would love to meet new friends but i have no idea how

 

[mine to cherryreg]

I think you will just have to join things that's all you can do really and be open and friendly. I think many people don't ask someone with a boyfriend/husband to do things is because they presume they will be doing everything with them.I think that's one of the reasons your old friends don't ask, they wont want to be bothering you.
Also your boyfriend should be providing you with company and going places and doing things etc as well. I know at the moment its difficult though. Running groups get a lot of women as do knitting/sewing craft groups/classes at the gym do as well.If you did 3 different things per week you would soon be making new friends.I once was talking to a woman on a train and she was telling me that all her friends were boring and wouldn't do anything so she joined the local running club and was now never in and went on weekends away with them etc.

Thats probably true, but i always ask them to meet and they are never ‘free’ yet they never ask me to meet, so i gave up. Dont want to feel its all one way effort, and im young still so knitting probably isnt for me im under 23, so thats why its even harder as theres not much someone of my age can do to meet new people at the moment

 

[mine to cherryreg]

If it makes you feel any better, I have no friends either and lockdown has made me sad about that. I’ve moved back home with my parents but need to go back to my flat in London at some point and I feel really sad about it ... I’m going back to nothing

Its just horrible isnt it makes me fee like shit. My boyfriend sees his friends ALL the time like everyday & i do nothing but sit indoors

 

[mine to cherryreg]

I feel the same, moved 40 minutes to a town to be with my partner, none of my friends drive and I do however I was always working split shifts and was hard to arrange times to meet due to different work patterns, lost all my friends as a result. I was OK when j was working, getting out and seeing people but lockdown has made me realise how lonely I actually am here! Hope you are OK! X

Thats just the same as me it really makes you realise how lonely you are, at least at work i got to chat to colleagues but now its just awful i dread tomorrow as i know itll just be the same old shit x

 

[Rebekahrose11]

Thats just the same as me it really makes you realise how lonely you are, at least at work i got to chat to colleagues but now its just awful i dread tomorrow as i know itll just be the same old shit x

Yeah I 100% feel the same. It really is hard!! X

 

[Youtubegossip]

There’s a site called meetup or something too.
They have events like meals, drinks, specific interests where you can find things/people in your area and try and make friends through that maybe?

 

[theghosttown]

If it makes you feel any better, I have no friends either and lockdown has made me sad about that. I’ve moved back home with my parents but need to go back to my flat in London at some point and I feel really sad about it ... I’m going back to nothing

I loved living in London and despite it being so busy and metropolitan, I honest to god never felt so lonely.
I would love to make new friends. My inbox is always open if people want to chat and exchange messages

 

[CLittleworld]

Hi I am a single mum been single a long time I have a big family and friendship group but everyone is married etc so I often spend weeks on end only seeing my daughter and when she’s with her dad just me and that cat ! I started an insta page about a few things I love and made lots of friends I now talk too daily