I have a partner (on and off for 14 years, live together) and we have 2 children together and I am step mum to his older 2 children. He works full time and I am a SAHM. Our son is autistic. Generally we are happy, by no means perfect but generally we have a good relationship. The problem is when I want to talk about feelings, emotions, our relationship or feeling unloved and needing some affection. He’s just not interested, tells me to stop thinking/feeling that way. As if it’s that easy! Tells me if I’m not happy then don’t be with him. It makes me feel very lonely and even more upset than I was originally feeling. Does anyone else have this or experienced it in the past? I’ve suggested couples counselling but he says no. He said if I go to counselling (I wanted to go to counselling for myself originally, he hasn’t told me to go) he will come once or twice but not every week. Any advice welcome
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Book the counselling and go for yourself. It’s good to talk to a trained professional about how your feeling.
Like the other poster I honestly think going to go therapy by yourself will be very beneficial for you and help you unpick everything. Getting a clearer idea will help you make the right choice for yourself and if you do want to stay in this relationship or not.
It's the lack of even willing to talk like a mature adult that would be deal breaker for me.
That’s the bit that really gets me. Makes me upset and makes me feel lonely. I ask why we can’t have a conversation like mature adults and he says we don’t need to talk, we don’t need to discuss anything, just forget it etc x
All of your feelings are valid.
How long have things been like this for? Can you imagine living like this for the next 4 years plus?
This is my situation too. Focus on you and treat yourself often. He will know he’s lucky to have you and doesn’t want to admit he’s not being kind to you. Try to rise above it and think once kids are older you can have more freedom. I have two kids, youngest is 5 xx
He’s always been hard to talk to about feelings and emotions. He’s actually got a bit better in the last few years. It tends to be if I’m feeling down and I want to talk more than one day in a row. He’s like didn’t we just have this conversation yesterday. Why do we need to do this everyday?! In every other aspect he’s a brilliant husband and father. Someone else commented about love languages and his is practical and mines emotional.
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Yes I’m trying not to dwell on it as every other aspect he’s a good husband and father. Trying to have a positive mental attitude as like I say, other than that we have a good relationship.
Really frustrating situation.
He could meet your needs if he wanted to, and he’s choosing not to.
IMO it’s time you did the same in return. Pull back a little bit. Take care of yourself.
Not in a retaliatory manner but in a way that makes the relationship more balanced.
He could meet your needs if he wanted to, and he’s choosing not to.
IMO it’s time you did the same in return. Pull back a little bit. Take care of yourself.
Not in a retaliatory manner but in a way that makes the relationship more balanced.
I’ve tried doing that. He then moans I seem off with him. I explained that I’m treating him the way he treats me but it doesn’t seem to register with him.
Omg what a baby he is.
Do you tell him to stop thinking/feeling that way and then stop engaging?
I do laugh at the irony of it. When I said I’m treating you the Same way as you treat me, if you don’t like it done to you then don’t do it to me, he either gets in a mood and walks off or he says I’m pathetic playing a tit for tat game
Perfect. Then just hold your nerve. Never give in to a toddlers tantrum
Tell him when he’s ready to have a mature conversation about what you each need, you’ll be right there.
If you put up and shut up, the resentment will eat you from the inside. Stand firm. All you are asking him to do is meet you in the middle.
I want to make us work but everytime he’s like this, I feel myself checking out a little bit more each time.Perfect. Then just hold your nerve. Never give in to a toddlers tantrum
Tell him when he’s ready to have a mature conversation about what you each need, you’ll be right there.
If you put up and shut up, the resentment will eat you from the inside. Stand firm. All you are asking him to do is meet you in the middle.
I hear you. It’s tit that he is ok with letting you drift apart. Ultimately he’ll either come to the party or not, you can’t control anyone else. And it’s up to you what you are willing to settle for.
So make sure you are investing that withdrawn energy and love into yourself.
Thank you. You are so right x